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Old 15-08-2008   #1 (permalink)
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Default A sample to a story I'm working on.

Okay, so I don't have a name for it yet, but I will post a sample of it here. If enough people like it, I will continue it.

Chapter One

A massive heat wave had hovered over Texas the last three weeks, and the country community of Iowa Colony was being affected as badly as anywhere. The days were swelteringly hot; you may as well have been on the surface of the sun. The night brought no relief. Although cooler than the day, the humidity was as high as ever, and those muggy conditions were a recipe for mosquitoes and other blood sucking bugs of the night. The largest house around belonged to the Miller family; it consisted of two and a half stories of red brick, and sat on a stubby hill over looking ten acres. Normally during these early morning hours, it would not be uncommon to see the two Miller children playing in the front yard, or several lights shining through the windows of the house. This morning, however, the yard was deserted a part from a stray tabby cat scrounging the yard for food, and only one light shined through an upstairs window.

The normally neat and organized office of Mr. Miller was now the exact opposite: paperwork and other things that once sat on shelves or on his desk was shattered across the floor like trash; the tall floor lamp that stood beside the desk was tipped over, shards of the broken light bulb joining the paperwork on the floor, and the shade laying in shambles. John Miller sat behind his desk, his head in his hands, looking very distressed and unkempt. His usual neatly combed brown hair stuck up in all directions, and the start of a beard suggested that he hadn't bothered to shave for a few days. The silence was broken by the sudden ringing on the phone on the desk. As if expecting it, Mr. Miller hastily picked it up, nearly dropping it, and pressed it to his ear. "H-hello?" he said in a cracked voice.
"Mr.Miller," the caller's voice was distorted and mechanized; he couldn't tell whether it belonged to a male or a female.
"Yes.. who is this?"
"Just call me 'Tank' for conversation purposes."
"Do you have my kids?"
"Yes, and if you ever want to see them alive again, I suggest you give me your full co-operation."
A hot, bubbling anger rose up inside John, but he kept his cool; now was not the time to lose his temper.
"You have it."
"Splendid, then listen up,"

+

Karen Miller awoke with a start; she had had a very funny dream: She was walking home from the bus stop; the school bus had just dropped her off, and someone grabbed her from behind as she neared her road. She racked her brains, but the rest was so fuzzy... she knew that at one point she had been blindfolded and bound, and thrown into the back of a truck... but anything after that was a blank. So engrossed in the dream, it a moment to realize that she was not in her own bed; this one felt harder, and the blanket was thicker and smelled differently. She sat up in alarm and looked around: this was even not her room... This room was small, had no window, and had boxes and other things on the floor; her room was bigger, had a large window, and was organized. Her room also had one bed, whereas this one had two...

Two beds...
As she looked at the other bed, she realized it was not empty; there was a lump under the covers that was rising and falling slowly, as if breathing. Someone was in that bed, she was sure of it. Karen leapt off the bed, landing hard on the wood panel floor, and ran around to the other bed. She saw the brown haired head of a boy resting on the pillow, eyes closed, still asleep. She recognized that head anywhere... it belonged to her younger brother.
"Bobby, wake up!" she said, nudging him.
"Hmm?" the boy said, jerking awake.
"Bobby... do you know where we are?"
"What?" Bobby sat up, rubbed his eyes, and then looked around. His eyes grew bigger as they took in more of his surroundings; he too realized that they were not at their house. "No," he said in a small voice, looking scared. "I thought that was a dream..." he broke off, and started to cry.
"Bobby, its okay..." Karen said.
"No, its not! Their going to k-kill us!"
"No, they won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because most kidnappers are only in it for the money," she said. "They don't really want anyone to get hurt."
Bobby calmed down slightly, but still looked upset. Karen knew that her words could very well be hollow; that the kidnappers might very well kill them, but she couldn't think that way. She had to be strong for her younger brother.
"Now, let's try to get out of h-"
She stopped talking when a loud creak filled the room. She turned her head in surprise; the door on the far side of the room was opening. Bobby whimpered slightly as it swung the rest of the way open. A petite woman, wearing dark sunglasses, a black beret, and an orange tank top stepped into the room. Karen didn't think she looked very scary, but stayed alert anyway. She was in on this, after all. The woman stopped on the spot, and looked directly at her two captives, then smiled.
"I wasn't expecting you to be awake so soon." she said in a sweet voice. "Sorry about all this, I guess your scared, huh?" Neither Karen nor Bobby responded; the woman seemed to take the silence as a yes. "There's no need to be scared; we won't hurt you, I guarantee it," the woman walked around to the bedside and smiled at Bobby, who had his arms wrapped tightly around Karen, still sobbing. "Do you two need anything? Like food or something to drink?"
Karen stared at her.
"I know... you don't trust me right?" she said, her face falling comically. "Well, my name is Mary, and if you need anything, let me know. I'm just a holler away, all right?" When she didn't get a response, she smiled, and then walked back out of the room. She pulled the door behind her, and Karen thought she heard the slightest of clicks right after the door closed.

--------------

So what do you think? That's not the end of the chapter, that's about half of it maybe.. and of course, that isn't the final draft of that section, but its what I have so far. This story will be somewhat TB related, just so you know... you'll see... the only reason I'm doing this is to make the plot more interesting.

Edit: Mods please make it to where we can indent one line of a paragraph... my story looks all messy now...

Last edited by Chromos; 15-08-2008 at 06:31 PM.
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Old 15-08-2008   #2 (permalink)
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I write all my stuff in Microsoft Word ('Cuz I paid for it!) and it comes out like that...with no line spacing.

Aside from that, it's a good story so far. Definitely keep working on it.
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Old 15-08-2008   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks, glad you like it!
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Old 15-08-2008   #4 (permalink)
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Not half bad at all! Keep it up! ^_^
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Old 15-08-2008   #5 (permalink)
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Awesome! Keep going.
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Old 16-08-2008   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyGrizzy View Post
I write all my stuff in Microsoft Word ('Cuz I paid for it!) and it comes out like that...with no line spacing.

Aside from that, it's a good story so far. Definitely keep working on it.
You paid for MS word? Get Star office 9 from Google. It's free. Its awesome!
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Old 16-08-2008   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chromos View Post
You paid for MS word? Get Star office 9 from Google. It's free. Its awesome!
Why not just get Open Office? I've used it before, but I like the interface in Microsoft 2007 Edition.
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Old 16-08-2008   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyGrizzy View Post
Why not just get Open Office? I've used it before, but I like the interface in Microsoft 2007 Edition.
I could.. but its not free... Its like $200. I have used it before though, and I love it. Does everything and then some.
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Old 16-08-2008   #9 (permalink)
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Keep gowing. it looks good.
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Old 16-08-2008   #10 (permalink)
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I hate to say it, but this is starting out a lot like Kidnapped. I hope it's not just one of those almost-ripoffs, because I know you can do better.

Looking forward to more though.
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