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26-07-2008
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#1 (permalink) |
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Lurker
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Mezzera
This is an old project I've gotten the motivation and inspiration to get back to reworking and continuing. A fantasy genre furry tale pretty much with a lot of interesting twist and turns further in.
So here we go... --------------------------------------------- Mana, Abundant, Essential, Giver of life, Advancer of Civilizations. Returns to its source, At the end of one's days, To continue its cycle once more And benefit others to come. Should it be praised for its value? Or tossed aside like yesterday's fad? Within the newer times, Its use has dwindled with Science's rise, Backs have been turned to it, Users forsaken from their own kind. Maybe someday it may prove itself, As an equal that can provide just as well, and move things further than one alone. Mezzera By Zanzawolf PART 1 ENTER TEAM TERRA Chapter 1: Only blue water and blue sky as far as the eye can see. Let’s not get me started on this blahzay movie they have running. It was just another one of those attempts at making a video game into a movie that had very poor results. Where has the creativity in the entertainment industry gone? Thank goodness for the inclusion of my MP3 and graphic novels to make this day long trip at least somewhat less painful to endure. My name’s Kevin Arteron Zeldra. It’s an unwritten rule amongst me and my friends that my middle name shall not be muttered or asked about. It been known that bad…things will to happen. Hahah, I kid but still I hate that name but I guess you can’t choose. Mom thought it was fitting to our family’s heritage. Call me Kevin, Kev, or K.Z. I’m a Red Vulpes Anthropix (c.f. to what furries are in this world folks, anthropixs that is). Just turned seventeen about five months ago. It’s kind of changed things up in my life up somewhat for the better and also for the worse. Back in the Sarpharus Empire, my homeland, children of a knight in the King and Queen’s services had to continue their legacy when they come of age, which was on their tenth birthday. I always wanted to become a knight thanks to my blood father. He made the status look so cool. He was noble, just, and was always looking out for our family and the people of our great nation. Sadly he died just before my tenth birthday. Seems he had been hiding a rare illness he had been suffering for quite some time, sadly it had no cure at the time. His last wish was to keep the knight legacy alive in his family line. No need to ask because I already had plans to. So six years, six years, I was squire to one of the empire’s best knights and teacher of the new generation, Trevor Stratofang. He was fellow Vulpes of about thirty-five years of age. All I have to say was he was a very strict teacher. He didn’t take any lip or excuses. He just wanted results. As hard as it was I did learn quite a bit from him from gaining the use of my mana to becoming quite adept with a variety of blades and the bow. Even finding the guy was quite the impressive painter on the side which helped with my own path in the art form. So this continued up until my seventeenth birthday. This is was usually where one just becomes a knight and takes the quest to make it official. That was the only option back in the earlier days of my homeland. They gave me the new option, to join up with Mazer and further my training. My teacher saw that I had some mana-using potential that neither he nor anyone in the nation had the knowledge to help bring out to its fullest. So here’s where Solaris Academy of the nation of Trimera comes into play. Their staff was known for its great knowledge of all things mana and also was on somewhat good terms with our nation’s knighthood. Mom wasn’t too happy about seeing her “little kit” head off to a nation over on the other half of the planet but she knew it was for the best. At least she wasn’t going to be along. About two years before my seventeenth, she got back into dating and ran into a pretty nice guy on her second outing. Things seemed to go well, they’re still together now and I have a little brother and sister. Those two are such scamps and just idolize me. “Oh I want to grow up to be like you big bwother.” Going to miss those them but at least this will be a grand adventure. Now back to my current predicament, aboard this flying prison of boredom. Second class was relatively empty. It was just home to me and three other passengers since that last stop on the Island Nation of Terris. There was an elderly male blue dragoon who was out like a light currently, covered up in a large blanket. Sleep really isn’t an option for me; I just got too much energy at the moment and just pretty restless. There was also this hawk gal probably about a few years older than myself playing some handheld video game. From the sound effects, I guess it must have been a puzzle game. Then there was the stewardess. A middle aged Papillion anthropix with those signature bushy ears that you just can’t take your eyes off the moment you look at them. She was sitting towards the front of this section completely into the movie. I guess there will be some people who will like garbage. “Guess I’ll see what happens in that next chapter of the Assassins’ Guild.” Reached for my carry-on bag to get that novel and my MP3 player but as soon as I got towards the bottom of the pack I felt something I didn’t expect. It was soft and fuzzy not like the bag’s interior. I soon grabbed a hold of whatever it was and pulled it out. Two plushies, two palm sized plushies that looked quite identical to my earlier mentioned little brother and sister. Both of them sporting their most commonly attires, a long sleeved blue and violet t-shirt on one and a short sleeved sky blue and yellow t-shirt and of course their diapers. Like I said, those kits were a pair of scamps. Sarah and Travis are their names. At first look, you’d see two cute little vulpes kits, a pink and maroon kit with long hair that went down past her shoulders and burnt orange and blue kit with relatively short hair. Your opinion would change soon enough. They were always causing trouble for me and my parents due to their curiosity of the world around them. To make matters that much worse, they were born with preexisting access to their mana. Things really didn’t become bad till their second birthday. I guess this brings a new spin to the age parents commonly refer to the “terrible twos”. I studied the plushies for a moment just wondering how they ended up in my pack. “Maybe this was a joke mom thought would be funny…” I said before tossing the plushies into the seat closest to the aisle way haphazardly. "Owwie!" When I heard that, I nearly leaped out of my skin. I looked over at the plushies, leaning close by to get a good look. “I must be hearing things,” I thought looking at these obviously inanimate plushies. I soon found I would be taking back these words in just a moment… |
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01-08-2008
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#3 (permalink) |
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Lurker
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Next chapter, just mainly character introduction and boring progression
Chapter 2: Those plushies gave off an intense, blinding glow and then out of nowhere exploded in a cloud of pink and blue smoke. It was definitely something that practically anyone conscious in this portion of the plane was going to notice. The smoke left me and the other conscious passengers coughing quite a bit from its noxious aroma. It was like someone left off one of those little smoke bombs. It just burned the eyes quite a bit. I could hear the hawk gal calling out asking “What just happened!? Are we going to die?” and the stewardess responding with a “Don’t panic!” As the smoke began to clear, I could start to make out two forms standing in the seat where I had tossed the plushies. Both were much larger than the previous toy residents of the seat by an extra two feet and retained the same form. Soon as the smoke had completely cleared away, I saw before me two all too familiar faces staring back at me, both with a huge grin on their faces. “Sarah! Travis! How? I mean why? Eh, ok how’d you two get here?” Sarah hopped over from the aisle seat and into my lap. There she looked me in the face, still with that big grin on her face. “I learned how to do transformation magic, isn’t that cool, big brother?” all with that cute cubbish lisp to it. The hawk gal was now looking over this way, still trying to shake of the shock from what had just gone down. The stewardess was now up, quickly making her way back to my seating row. “Yes, it’s nice but how did you two get here without mom or dad knowing? I bet the two of them are freaking out this very moment.” (Just as much as I was this very moment) Travis hopped over into the seat beside me. His grin changed over to coyish look, quite common with the kit whenever he spoke up. “Sarah made copies of us.” I was quite impressed by what these two kits had just accomplished. They had access to their mana long before they should have it. Mana access doesn’t really come until at least any Feltorian’s tenth birthday. I don’t get the whole process but it’s pretty much like this switch click on at that age and the mana network become active. “Lucky lil’ prodigies…” A smirk came across my face at that thought but soon I knew I had to get serious for a moment. “Ok Sarah, Travis…I got to say nice work with the magic but when mom and dad aren’t going to like it when they find that those are only clones with them and you two really aren’t home. You’ll get in big trouble.” Both kits gasped and quickly their expressions of glee were instantly changed over to worry. Sarah looked down for a second then back up at me with teary eyes and the amply named “puppy dog” pout. (Whatever cub made that tactic was a really sinister youngster.) “Please can we stay? Pretty please with sugar and candy and sprinkles on top?” I couldn’t fight it. Her cuteness was too much and I hate see the kit looking disappointed. “We’ll just have to see what mom and dad have to say about this when I get a chance to call them.” Sarah wiped her eyes and nodded “Okay…” sniffling a little afterwards. I smiled and hugged the little kit before picking her up and placing her by her brother. By this time the stewardess had finally gotten to our seats. “Is…everything ok over here?” She asked. Her voice was somewhat shaky. I’m not surprised that she’s still nervous even though there wasn’t any damage done. It’s just something like an explosion is never a good thing especially in such a small space. “Yes, sorry about that…these two are the culprits. They just learned how to use their mana…” I said, addressing her to my younger siblings, somewhat nervous myself about her reaction. The stewardess stifled a laugh when she saw the two kits. A look pretty much saying “you’re not serious?” was plastered over her face. “Hello, we’re sorry for scaring you…” the kits said in unison giving their most sincere looks. The stewardess looked at both the kits for a second then kneeled down to their eye level. “That’s ok…just make sure it doesn’t happen again, got it?” focusing on the kits then onto me with a stern look before getting up. “Oh I’ll be sure they don’t,” I responded. The stewardess then stood back up, turned around, then walked passed her seat and into the galley. Was hard to tell if she believed me or not. Was glad she was just going to put this aside and not make a big deal of it. I heaved a big sigh then looked over to my baby brother and sister. Their curious eyes were now focused on me again from the seat next me. I picked up my bag off the floor which got knocked down there thanks to my siblings’ scampering across the seats. Soon began my rummaging through it looking around for any luggage the duo might have brought with them in some shape or form. Really I doubt my parents will be coming to get them within a day. “So you kits pack anything? Toys? Snacks? Extra clothes?” “Uh…” Sarah and Travis both turned to each other. Not expecting that the other sibling didn’t have an answer. “I thought you did it?” the kits said in unison before turning to me. “Uh oh…” Well just from that I knew they had forgotten. Guess you can’t blame them, they are just kits after all but still it would have helped me out quite a bit. “Well I’ll just have to pick you two up some stuff when the plane lands.” I said tossing the pack over the kits into the seat closest to the aisle way. “Sorry,” Sarah muttered, not looking up at me. “Hey it’s not your fault. You’ve never traveled before. No need to be sad over that,” I said picking up the kit and plopped her down into my lap. A quick scratching of the kit’s ears slowly brought out a smile from her frowning face. “Okay big brother…Thanks,” said Sarah, nuzzling close to me. With Sarah gone, Travis stretched out across the seat enjoying the newly acquired space. As my siblings were getting comfortable, the stewardess was making her way down our aisle. This time she was pushing a silver serving cart, most likely filled with assorted serving items for the passengers. She soon made it to our row, parked the cart and turned to us. Still she had that stern look on her face as if we were going to cause her anymore trouble anytime soon. “So will you kids be needing anything?” she said with hint of attitude on each syllable. “Just lemon-lime soda for me,” I responded, trying to keep this going as smoothly as possible. “Sarah? Travis?” “Milk, please,” Sarah said. “Chocolate milk, please,” Travis chimed in. The stewardess opened the top of the cart and began rummaging through the ice filled container within. She soon pulled out a can of lemon lime soda, a bottle of regular milk and chocolate milk then giving all the beverages to their requesters. “Will you be needing anything else?” said while giving a look that if looks could injury or maim, well I’d be in trouble right about now. “Just some straws miss…please?” I responded. The stewardess opened a drawer on the left side of the cart and plucked out three straws and handed them over to me. “Thank you,” I said. “Yeah, yeah, I’m just doing my job.” The stewardess responded rather coldly while closing the compartment on the cart. She then turned back to her cart and continued her way to take care of the rest of the passengers. I handed over the straws to my baby brother and sister after opening their drinks then went to mine. Thanks to those straws those two were able to enjoy with their drinks without getting messy since I was lacking bottles for the kits. I took my time with the soda I had and just occasional glanced around the cabin and watched bits of that “movie”. It didn’t take long for the effects of those filling drinks to work on the kits. They yawned and nodded in and out of sleep several times before finally submitting to it and drifting into dreamland. I placed Sarah back over in the seat beside me with her brother careful not to wake her up. After that I carefully reached over and grabbed my bag and began rummaging through. Soon I came across a small cotton blanket. Hadn’t used it yet due to not feeling that sleepy this whole flight or it being chilly enough in the cabin so figured they could make better use of it. Gently I placed the blanket over the kits then I went back to my reading of the Assassins’ Guild novel. “Guess this just leaves me and you again, my good friend.” |
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02-08-2008
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#5 (permalink) |
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Regular
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I read most of it- but not all of it. But hey, what's up. I'm blarg- since you're new you don't know me but w/e. Either way. I read your story (for the most part) and i gotta say that you do not write bad but you have a lot of room for improvement (as do many people). First, add more details. I noticed that you like to state the details of one person and then completely ignore subltle gestures from that point on only describing things when it's extremely important. Second, pay attention to the ambient details, you kind of skimmed through the passengers only stating a few things and remember- the background is still part of the story. Have your protagonists interact with them! Third, don't make me so confused, your first chapter's begging is completely confusing you go from mp3's to squires and knights. You don't want your audience not knowing what's going on!
~blarg |
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02-08-2008
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#6 (permalink) | |
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Lurker
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Quote:
Thanks for the info haven't written much fiction in awhile so any advice is much appreciated in improving this piece. |
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Linear Mode
