I, Infantilist

[Dr_J]

This is my very first story of this type. I'm a published author, but still...please let me know if you think I should continue. I have five chapters done, but I will only post one of them for now to see if this intrigues you! So here goes:

I, Infantilist

CHAPTER ONE

Some people turn to cigarettes to relieve stress. Some open a bottle of alcohol and chug away. Some scream, or punch walls, or take drugs (both legal and illegal). But not me. I don’t do any of those things. I’ve found my ultimate stress reliever. No, it’s not boxing or working out (though I need to work out for my job as a bouncer). You see, to relive stress, I turn to diapers. Yeah, I said it, and yes, you’re reading that correctly. Diapers.

Run off, turn your head in disgust, tell yourself I’m a sick bastard who has problems…I’ve heard it all before. I’ve been in groups where people randomly got onto the topic of infantilism/diaper wearing and nearly began a hate group because they were so appalled by the lifestyle, while I had to keep my mouth shut to avoid any problems. So go on and get out of here if you wish. It’ll show your arrogance and failure to understand. Still, if I’ve intrigued you thus far, then perhaps you’d be interested in my story! You see, by acts of God, or fate, or what have you, I found the girl who loves me for me, including my odd wish to be babied sometimes. I could go into how much I love this woman, and how fortunate I am to have her, but I wish to tell you of the turn of events that led up to me finding her, because that’ll make this all the more interesting. I promise I won’t bore you, so if you’re ready, let’s take a trip into yesteryear! Ah, but allow me to introduce myself first! My name is Jonathon Morrow, but you can just call me John. I’m currently 22 years of age and work as a bouncer in a night club. I have my B.S. degree in Electrical Engineering, but I’m kind of in between jobs right now. Hey, the economy’s rough these days! And as mentioned before, I am an infantilist. If you don’t know what that is, just look at the first six letters in the word and you should get the picture.

You might be wondering when I discovered my little quark (you can say infantilism is normal if you’d like, but I still feel that since it isn’t widely accepted by society that it isn’t exactly something you see everyday). Well anyway, I remember having the fascination with being diapered back when I was five years old! Long time ago, huh? I watched some cartoon where this girl would baby absolutely every cartoon character she’d come into contact with. From burping to putting the characters on a changing table and changing their diapers, this girl was really into her babying, and I became jealous rather quickly, though I couldn’t explain why. I’d been potty trained for two years at that time, so why on Earth would I want to do something so unheard of? Why would I wish to be treated as helpless as an infant again, especially when I was so independent at my young age? The questions still linger today. No, I didn’t ever try wearing diapers or asking my parents if I could be a baby again, because I knew they’d be upset, and it’s just plain weird.

I remember this desire stuck with me for a few years. Any cartoon that had some form of a character being put into or putting someone else in a diaper and being treated like an infant captivated me. I suppose I could blame television for my quark, and I for a while I did, but I know there was more to it than that. I remember I kept on telling myself that wanting to be treated that way was wrong and that my parents would probably never speak to me again if they found out, so I suppressed the feeling for seven long years. Yeah, long time, huh? I know now that it was a stupid and unhealthy thing to do, but hey, it worked for quite a while! All of those feelings were lost. I no longer wanted to even associate myself with anything babyish, even when my mom started doing daycare! I was living what I thought was the normal life; hanging out with friends, keeping my grades up in school, riding my awesome BMX bike, and of course getting into some trouble in town. One time we set up traffic cones on the bridge at night and made drivers think that there was a detour…boy did they get pissed! I didn’t think the cops would come so quickly that night. Jeez, you’d think they were responding to a robbery or something! But anyway, life was great! Then, things changed. Drastically.

Like a person having a sudden recovery from amnesia, my desires and thoughts came back in full swing! I remember what triggered it, though. I was in ninth grade, and we had this stupid Home-Ec class we were forced to take. I’d say the only thing I enjoyed in the class was baking, mostly because I got to eat the food I made. Well, sometime during the winter months, we had to do a babysitting course in our class. Now I for one dislike children. Kind of ironic, eh? I like to act like an infant sometimes, yet I don’t like actual children in any way, aside from my nieces and nephews, of course!

We had to watch this God-awful video with some thirty year old dude telling us how to babysit and take care of kids. I don’t remember much of the video, mostly because I was busy doodling in my notebook, but I overheard some of my classmates talking about how ridiculous the video was. Of course, some of the females were more focused on the damned presentation than life itself. I suppose they needed to be, though, since most of them were going to be competing to get the best babysitting jobs around.

After the seemingly eternal video ended, my instructor had us get into groups of four so we could “practice” some of what we learned from the video on “life-like infants”, life-like being a flimsy doll that made Cabbage Patch dolls look like artistic sculptures. I didn’t have too many friends in that particular class, but I was fairly close with the females during high school, so I teamed up with three girls, Bridget, Jess, and Marie. All three girls shared lockers near mine, so we talked on a daily basis…well, more like they talked and I listened, but I guess that’s what made them like me so much.

Our instructor walked over with a basket full of things, including the doll.

“Now class, I want you all to participate since that is a part of your grade! Remember what you’ve learned from the video, and make sure you cover all of the things listed on the piece of paper in your basket! And most importantly, have fun!”

The doll’s head stuck out of the basket, looking at the four of us as our instructor walked off. We rummaged through the items in the basket and pulled them out carefully. Within moments we had diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, a changing mat, a baby blanket, and an empty baby bottle strewn across the table. Since I was a neat freak I organized all of the items, causing the girls to joke around with me.

“Practicing for the Marines, John?” Marie snickered.

“Sir, yes sir!”

This got a laugh out of everyone in our group. Finally, Bridget picked up the doll, who was wearing a blue onesie and a small cap.

“Aw, it’s a baby boy!” she laughed. “What a cute widdle baby!”

We all looked at Bridget with raised eyebrows.

“What? She said to have fun with it, and I need a good grade!”

“Hmm, she might be right. Maybe we should all pretend as if it were a real baby!” Jess chimed in.

“You can count me out! I’ll help and stuff, but no thanks on the babytalk!” I said with a laugh.

“Oh, come on, John!” Marie giggled. “Not much into the babysitting I take it?”

“Not one bit!”

“That’s okay! You can miss out on the fun!” Bridget said.

“Don’t mind if I do!”

With that, we were on our way to babysitting a non-living baby. I didn’t mind how quiet the doll was, mostly because whenever I think of kids I think of the screaming, bratty ones. A shame not all kids were that quiet! The checklist went as follows:

--Holding the baby

--Feeding and burping

--Checking and changing the baby’s diaper

--Placing the baby in the crib

“Okay, who wants to hold the baby first?” Bridget asked.

“Well, you’re technically holding him first, but I’ll give it a go.” I volunteered.

Bridget nodded and gently handed the doll over to me. Like I’d learned from the video, I gently held the doll in a cradling position and soon felt extremely stupid.

“You’re a natural, John! That’s perfect! Here, now I’ll try!” Jess said excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah. Here you go.”

I carefully handed the doll over to Jess, who took it with a wide smile.

“Aw, hey there widdle baby! Gootchie goo! Jess is here! It’s okay!” Jess cooed.

Soon after, all three girls joined in on the “fun”, each one hovering over the doll as if it were a real infant, tickling it under its chin and nuzzling its stomach with their noses. My heart rate quickened in an instant. The old cartoons and diaper commercials I’d watched played through my head all at once. The sight of these girls giving this doll all of their affection and love almost brought me to my knees. I so wanted to look away and cover my ears, but…I couldn’t. I gulped for air and acted like I was unphased by their actions.
After the doll was passed around, Jess took the baby bottle off of the table and handed it to Bridget.

“Time for your baba, baby waby!”

Bridget pretended to insert the bottle into the doll’s mouth, cooing and gently cradling the doll. My face burned with embarrassment as I felt like I shouldn’t have been attracted to that sort of thing. Once Bridget finished “feeding” our doll, she gently placed its head over her shoulder and patted its back and diapered butt.

“Burpy time!”

“Aww, how cute!” Jess cooed as she eagerly waited for her turn.

“John, are you okay? Your face is red!” Marie asked.

“Ohh, maybe John has gas! Need to be burped, John?” Bridget jokingly said.

The room fell deathly silent, and time itself had come to a crawl.

No! She did not just say that! No way! What do I do?! Think, John! Think!

I pretended to cough violently, lowering my head so nobody could see my eyes. Marie patted my back in an effort to help me, but I soon acted like I recovered and grabbed a drink from the sink.

“Sorry for the scare, girls! Air must have gone down the wrong pipe! Oh, and no, I don’t need to be burped, Bridget.” I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed.

Our group chuckled a bit as we took turns feeding and burping our doll, and we were soon onto the next phase. The phase that I desired the most. The phase that I soon hated, mostly because there were three females in my group who made sure our doll felt like a real infant: the checking and changing of the diaper.

Eight diapers lay neatly stacked on the table next to the powder, wipes, and changing mat. I was sure that I’d die at any moment, but God apparently wanted me to endure this.

“Oh, the best part! Haha!” Jess exclaimed. “I tink I smell a dirty dydee!”

Oh my God…

“Aw, hims dydee needs changing, doesn’t it? Oh yes it does!” Marie cooed as she lifted the doll underneath its armpits and pretended to sniff its diaper.

Oh…my…God…just like from the cartoon! Gah!

“Well then let’s lay dis widdly baby on his changing mat and check to make sure!” Bridget spoke softly.

The girls encircled the table as Marie laid the doll down onto the changing mat. Jess and Bridget both unsnapped the onesie and carefully lifted it, exposing the doll’s puffy white diaper. Jess then continued to check the baby’s diaper by gently placing her fingers under the left leg.

“Aw, baby’s wet!” she cooed. “Who wants to change him first?”

“I-I’ll do it!” I quickly answered.

“Wow, John! For someone who doesn’t like babysitting, I’m surprised you volunteered to go first!” Bridget laughed.

“I just want to get it over with!”

Okay, John. Deep breaths. Don’t make it obvious that you’re eyeing the diapers and baby stuff! Just do this and you’re home free!

I carefully un-taped the doll’s diaper on both sides, then lifted the doll’s legs into the air and continued the process that the video had taught us to do. From wiping and powdering to placing the new diaper under the doll, I managed to finish in under a minute. My three partners all were shocked to see just how quickly but expertly I was able to diaper the doll.

“Too bad real babies aren’t this quiet and still!” I joked.

“Aw, most little infants are! It’s when they get older when changing their diapers is a pain! Toddlers always have that tendency to run around naked…ugh, just the thought of having to change my two year old cousin makes me cringe.” Jess said. “But not this widdle baby! Noooo, dis widdle man is so good for his babysitters! Now it’s my turn to change hims dydee!”

I moved over and tried my hardest to look away as the three girls continued
to giggle and enjoy their make-believe session, but something inside just wouldn’t let me for more than a few seconds. I felt as though I had to look!

Jess removed the doll’s diaper just as I did, but she did so in a much gentler way, carefully grabbing the front of the diaper while lifting the doll’s legs and sliding the white hourglass-shaped piece of plastic out from under.

“Who’s a good widdle baby! You are! Yes you are!” Jess was relentless!

“Jess, you do realize it’s not real, right?” I asked.

“Aw, I know! It’s fun to pretend, though! Isn’t it, girls?”

Bridget and Marie nodded their heads as they both joined in on the ultimate cooing and babying experience. As for me, I wanted to die inside. Not because I didn’t like what I was seeing, but because I thought that my heart would burst from what I was witnessing.

Jess grabbed a few baby wipes from the tub and slowly started wiping the doll all around its diaper area, even making sure to get just below its belly button and just above its knees.

“You girls mind holding this widdle baby’s legs up for me while I wipe his bottom?” she asked.

“Ohh, it’ll be my pleasure!” Bridget gently raised the doll’s legs up while Jess went to work.

Next came the powder, its babyish scent forcing its way into my nostrils, making me blush. Jess continued to coo the doll as if it were her own baby, mentioning something about not wanting the doll to get “dydee rash”. Finally, she grabbed a fresh diaper from the stack and opened it slowly.

“Oh yes! It’s diaper time! Nice fwesh dydee for this widdle baby!”

Shoot me now! Please! How do they not suspect anything about me? It’s like they know I’m into this! But why am I? Just think about something else…that’s it! Yeah! How about that assignment that’s due tomorrow?

Jess had Bridget lift the doll’s legs up once more so she could place the new diaper where it belonged. Before Bridget lowered the doll’s legs, Jess took the baby powder and sprinkled more into the seat of the diaper, making the aroma overpower every other smell in the room.

“Hehe, I learned that trick when my cousin came over!” she laughed as she taped up both sides of the diaper nice and snug. “There you go, baby!”

I looked at the clock in my worried state of mind; class wasn’t over for another ten minutes, meaning I had to sit through two more diaper change sessions, complete with ultimate cooing and babying. There was no way I could handle both, so I told the girls that I had to use the bathroom and I would return shortly.

“Well, these diapers are like portable bathrooms, John! Use one of these!” Marie laughed as she held one of the baby diapers up.

Just turn around and head out the door, John! Don’t look back so she doesn’t see your face!

“Oh yes. Very funny!” I chuckled.

“Come on, we’ll even change you!” Bridget joined in.

Were these girls reading my thoughts? I about collapsed from the intensity! For a second I was afraid that they’d follow me out the door with the diapers and actually put them on me, and I panicked. If they did such a thing, I’d be the laughingstock of the school! I’d be totally humiliated and embarrassed, and then my secret would be out! My breaths grew short once again.

“I’m sure you’d like that!” I looked over my shoulder briefly as I walked out the door.

The girls all laughed and talked about how funny I was as I headed down the hall towards the bathroom. I knew I wasn’t smiling, because I could feel my lips shaking. Once I entered the bathroom, I walked into one of the stalls, locked the door, and closed my eyes to try to block out what I’d just seen. It was the most wonderful thing, yet I was so afraid of it. It made me wonder if that’s how people reacted when they died and saw God. Maybe seeing heaven was so great that people became worried because they were uncertain of their feelings. Sure, these were two completely separate things, but at the time I sure as hell felt that the comparison was dead-on!

This is just great! Out of the blue! I haven’t thought about this for almost ten years! Why now, God?! Why? Don’t make me like this now! Nobody would understand! No…they will never understand! They can’t! They’ll call me a freak and single me out! I’m a teen! I can’t like this kind of thing! If anyone finds out, I’ll lose it!

I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. At that very moment, I knew I was different, but I vowed to never tell another soul. I would take my desire to the grave with me no matter what. Nobody would know except for me and God. I chose to bear the burden that day, keeping the weight in my chest for another extended period of time. However, I would eventually find out that trying to suppress such an important part of my life would be the stupidest and most unhealthy thing to do.


Your thoughts and comments before I post the new chapter?

[Kenshin Himura]

Not bad, I could see all of this happening as I read it. I say put up chapter 2.

[Maverick]

Very nice! Please write more!!!

[Atsu]

You should continue on with the rest of the chapters. It is very well written!

[Fire2box]

I loved it I hope to see more soon.

[Dr_J]

Wow!! Okay then Chapter 2 it is:

For a while I had kept my wish to be babied on the back shelf of my brain, but I couldn’t keep the feeling at bay for too long. I remember during the last year of high school I was heavily addicted to online multiplayer games. No, not the flashy three-dimensional ones where you save the world and play as other creatures. I was into the simple text games like “Fridge Magnets” and “Alphabeats”. It was here that I’d made a small handful of online friends, and thanks to technology today, it wasn’t long before I was messaging and emailing them. We’d share pictures, talk about how much we hated school, and even joke around. Call me a nerd, but some of my better friends throughout high school were made over these simple game sites. So how does this relate to my story? Well, I guess you could say that I have a way with words when it comes to getting what I want, and my fear of saying them greatly decreases when I’m behind a computer screen. A coward’s way out to some, but to me, it was just another way of expressing myself freely without fear of judgment! Besides, these friends of mine would probably never wind up seeing me in person, mostly because they lived halfway across the country!

Anyway, I remember for a month or so, my “Fridge Magnet” friend Jill and I would stay up rather late so we could talk about whatever we wanted. Jill was in a time zone that was two hours behind mine, so my midnight was her ten o’ clock. Well, whenever I’d tell Jill that I was tired, she’d simply tell me that I was a baby, or a “sleepy baby” as she liked to call me. I didn’t really do much at first, but then I came up with an idea: I would agree with her and see what would develop! There was a risk that she’d get weirded out, but what’s life without taking some risks? So, here’s what some of our conversation looked like, and I keep this because it’s important to me:

Me: *yawns* I have to go to bed soon.

Jill: Aw, you baby! You’re always tired at this time!

Me: I know. What can I say?

Jill: You can just say you’re a baby and get it over with! Haha!

Now, I know that this was simply words, but you have to understand that Jill and I had become quite good online friends, and we’d even called each other occasionally, so as soon as I read what she wrote, I couldn’t resist! A smirk went across my face almost instantly.

Me: Fine…I’m a baby :-p

Jill: Ha! I knew it! Lol

Me: Oh yes! I drink from bottles and wear diapers! *rolls eyes*

Jill: Aw do you? That’d be cute!

Me: Haha I bet it would! Next thing I know you’re gonna ask to feed me and take care of me!

Jill: I’d do it! Just because you’re a sleepy baby!

It’s make it or break it, John!

Me: Well, be my guest!

Then, it began.

Jill: Okay then! *picks you up and carries you to the changing table and lays you down on it slowly* diaper time for you! *changes you into a fresh diapie and then picks you up and carries you into the kitchen*

My jaw just about dropped, but I wasn’t about to let that ruin the moment. For once I felt warm inside about this feeling, and nothing could stop me from smiling! This was a mere taste of what I’d wished for!

Me: Thanks for the diaper! Haha.

Jill: Hehe you’re welcome, baby! Now it’s time for your baba! ^_^ *gets your bottle and then carries you into the living room and feeds you your baba* drink up!

Me: *smiles and drinks the bottle* mmm tasty! Haha *drinks it until it’s all gone*

Jill: Good baby! Haha. *picks you up and burps you*

My dream coming true. My dream, just a computer screen away from being the real thing. Simple words on a screen, making me nothing but happy.

Me: *lets out a few burps for you and sighs*

Jill: Awww! How cute! *sticks a pacifier in your mouth and then cradles you until you start to fall asleep* Time for beddy

Me: Haha thanks! *sucks on the pacifier and slowly falls asleep while being cradled*

Jill: Aw. *kisses your forehead and puts you in your crib* Goodnight baby! Haha.

Me: Haha goodnight! I’ll talk to you later, Jill!

That night I was overcome with an extreme feeling of bliss. Here was my friend, completely joking around with me about this whole baby thing, and she seemed to be enjoying it herself! I knew that sooner or later I’d have to tell her that I liked this kind of thing, because a part of me felt that if I started to like it too much, then I’d have felt like she was being used, and that’s never a way to treat somebody. However, this little “baby time” as I liked to call it went on every other week or so, and Jill didn’t mind one bit! Sometimes she’d even start the whole thing—this girl was exactly the kind of person I was looking for! But…what if she found out I liked this kind of thing? Then what? Maybe she’d call me a freak and never speak to me again? Perhaps she’d make fun of me and end our friendship. And if my parents ever found out…then what? What if they saw my conversations? Sure, the computer was in my room, but there was still that risk.

As if these thoughts weren’t enough, I then thought about why I liked this kind of thing, and whether or not there were more people who were into it as well. I also started thinking about how much of a freak I must have been, and how nobody would ever accept what I was into if they found out.

Weeks passed by as swiftly as the wind, and Jill and I continued to build on our friendship. Some chatting, some more sharing of our ambitions and plans, and of course, some babying. Things went smoothly for the longest time until that night my parents and I were watching “Ultimate Sleuths”. I remember the episode oh so vividly, even though I haven’t watched it since that fateful night. Like a surprise kick to the stomach, the episode involved the murder of a man who just happened to be into the same exact thing that I was: being babied and wearing diapers! For some reason my parents never changed the channel, and I didn’t want to arouse any suspicions by leaving the room, so I swallowed hard and remained on the couch.

The episode played on, showing some flashbacks of the man being treated just like an infant by an extremely beautiful woman who was half his age. Near the end of the show, the woman confessed to killing the man, then spoke about how he was an infantilist.

Infantilist? What?

The word sounded like a foreign language to my ears, though the first two syllables rang a bell almost immediately. I lodged the word into my brain and became excited. Was this the word that was used to describe people like me? And if this show was depicting a man who was into this kind of thing, did that mean that this “infantilism” was more widely accepted by society than I’d hoped? I just had to find out!

Once the show ended, the bombshell was finally dropped.

“That’s sick! I can’t believe there are people who are into that!” my mother said in disgust.

“You’re telling me! The world could definitely do without those kinds of people!” my dad laughed. “Bunch of sick minded bastards. They should lock those people up and throw away the key!”

I couldn’t shake off what I’d just heard. My parents who loved me so dearly, who taught me all about accepting others for who they were, who told me they’d love me no matter what, hated people like me…hated me. I couldn’t help it if I was an “infantilist” as the show called it! Part of me wished to stand up for myself, but my fear of being disowned and shunned got the best of me. I pretended to ignore their comment and told them that I was tired and was going to bed. In under a minute I was in my room with the door shut and locked, and lowered my head in shame.

They can never know now. Nobody can know. They’ll hate me. I must keep this a secret. This…is mine. My dark secret. May I take it to the grave with me…

I remember I couldn’t sleep that night, so I logged back onto my computer with a frown on my face and went to a search engine site. The first word I typed in? “Infantilist”. My God there were a lot of results! Easily over 70,000! Most of them appeared to be pornographic sites which I wasn’t into, but there were a few I found that seemed legit. The sites had forums, explanations of infantilism, and stories, all of which piqued my interest. I was glued to my screen for another two hours, soaking in all of the information I could find.

It appeared to me that there were a variety of reasons as to why people were into diaper wearing and being babied. Apparently some people had been abused as children, and acting in a babyish way was a way for them to get better. Others wore diapers because they became aroused. Some just wore them and acted like babies for fun. And finally, the one that had I decided to put myself under: a way to relieve stress. Some people explained that their lives were full of demanding jobs and mean people, and being a baby and/or wearing diapers made them forget about the harsh reality called life. I was intrigued! That sense of being cared for and loved by somebody (for me, it was obviously a female) had the ability to absolve all stress and actually bring forth positive feelings! And even better was the fact that there were thousands of people who were into the same thing!

As I moved through the forums, I noticed something a lot of them had done that I hadn’t dared to try yet: wearing a diaper. I was sure that I was in fact into the whole infantilism scene, but the only way for me to be sure would have been to try wearing an actual diaper. Not exactly something I could just get up and do.

Ah well. Sooner or later I’ll try it! Something will come up I’m sure.

I then browsed through the various story sites that had been posted. Some of these stories I absolutely fell in love with! I was able to connect and relate to these fictional characters and was awestruck by just how well-written the stories were. Then, there were some of those other stories…eh, I don’t like talking about them. The stories where the main characters are forced to wear diapers and act like babies, and where the people treating them this way would…*shudders* never mind. I think those of you who can relate understand which stories I’m talking about. The ones written by horny teenagers who are too scared to save their work in Word documents so they choose to write it in Notepad, thus rendering their stories unreadable and absolutely God-awful. I’d never want anyone to do that to me forcefully! That’s horrible! This was something in which my significant other (when I got one, anyway) would have to be willing to participate in while also making sure not to make fun of me in any way, as this was a very sensitive thing to me, and still is today.

Anyway, by the end of the night (or early morning, depending on how you look at it), I felt that I’d found enough sufficient information to answer some of the questions I had. Still remembering what my parents had said, I vowed to never let them or anyone else find out about my quark, but that meant that I had to cover all of my tracks. My first step was to fix the settings on my internet browser so that anytime I closed the program, everything would be erased. Any files that I saved onto my computer would be placed in folders that were within folders, that were within more folders, all with silly names to detract attention; a maze in which nobody would wish to finish. I felt confident that my plan would work, and to tell you the truth, it did!

As for the trying out a diaper…no luck. I didn’t have the guts at the time. I’d have to either wait until summer when both of my parents were at work all day, or worse, wait until college…a whole two and a half months! Then I thought about the risks involved with trying them in the summer. My friends might see me purchasing them. If I ordered some online, then the package might not have come in until a Saturday when both of my parents were home. Someone would walk in on me. As fake as the stories I’d read were, they still helped to increase my fear of being caught and humiliated. I decided at that time to wait until college. You might be thinking that it wouldn’t have worked since I had to share a dorm, but you’ll just have to wait and see! My luck is just outstanding!

[Kenshin Himura]

Very impressive, keep it coming.

[skinnypuppy]

You're striking a chord in me !! Although in my case I didn't have the home-ec class to act as a trigger. My younger brother got all the attention because he wet until he was about 10

More please ?

[Dr_J]

Chapter Three it is!!! (I'm up to Chapter 5....so as soon as that chapter comes...then you will have to be patient with me ^_^)

Chapter 3

They say that college is when you finally find out things about yourself that you never thought would be possible…I couldn’t agree more. No family, no limits to what you feel like doing, many open-minded people. It’s the perfect place to unleash your full potential, as well as discover other parts of your life that had been lying dormant for years, which is exactly what happened in my case!

I’d been accepted for enrollment at the Hansen Institute of Technology on the day I turned eighteen; one hell of a birthday present if you ask me! The school was about 130 miles west of where I lived, and I must say that I was impressed by pretty much everything I saw when I visited the campus. The whole university was surrounded by trees and sat atop a hill. All of the main buildings were at the center of the campus, and the dorms…easily the greatest thing! The dorms were single rooms! There were three rooms to a suite, and six suites per building. After months of dreading the thought of having to share a room with a complete stranger, I came to find that I’d have my own room! I wouldn’t have to worry about my privacy being invaded! Freedom was still mine! The summer would move along rather quickly, what with me working like crazy and going to tons of graduation parties.

The end of August came, and my stuff was packed: my computer, my television and gaming system, my clothes, some posters, a shelf, an abundance of food and a fridge that my parents had bought for me. My whole life packed into my car. The two hour drive into a town I’d never even heard of would soon be my new home.

I couldn’t wait to study Electrical Engineering and meet new people and faces. I’d heard so many things about college that far surpassed any type of high school setting. There weren’t as many fights, people partied and socialized with others regardless of social status, and most importantly, I’d be able to get a decent job once I was finished. What does high school get you? A lifetime guarantee that you’ll be flipping burgers or cleaning hotel rooms. And finally, the one thing that truly excited me the most: I’d finally, after so many years, be able to try wearing a diaper in the comfort of my own dorm! All of these things made the drive seem much longer than it actually was, but I’m a patient guy, so I knew it’d be well worth the wait.

Once I arrived at HIT (yeah, sounds silly, doesn’t it?), my heart was overcome with excitement. My parents soon arrived and parked their car next to mine, and after I signed in to the residence halls and said hello to a few strangers, I began unpacking. My parents helped me (well, more like my dad helped. My mom was never one to do any strenuous lifting, strenuous lifting being anything over ten pounds…) In merely an hour I was settled into my room. My rock band posters lined the walls, my computer was all hooked up and ready to go, and my closet shelves were stacked high with a ridiculous amount of food.

“John, is this everything?” my dad asked.

“Yep! I think I’m all set!”

“Oh, hang on! I almost forgot!” he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a green envelope and handed it to me.

“What’s this?”

“Just open it, son!” my mom said excitedly.

I carefully opened the envelope since I hated ripping cards. Inside was of course a card, but it wasn’t an ordinary card…well, I guess it was ordinary. The card was plain on the outside, with the exception of the words “We Love You, Son” on the front. Inside the card read:

John,
We’re so proud of you for making it this far! We love you so much and we’ll support you in whatever you do!
Love,
Mom and Dad

Next to this letter was a rectangular piece of paper that was supposed to resemble a dollar bill. I flipped the paper over and where the President’s head was supposed to be was my father’s head. Beneath his picture read “Five Hundred Dollars”.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I laughed while smiling at my parents.

“We put some extra money in your account, honey. You worked so hard this summer, and we felt you could use a little spending money while you’re up here!”

Now I’m no sap, but nobody had ever done anything like that for me before, and for a second I thought that my heart would burst from being so happy. I thanked and hugged both of my parents. We then said our goodbyes and I walked my parents out to their car. One minute later, they were gone; I was free.

I held onto the card as I headed back into my dorm. Over and over again I read it. They really were proud! But, would they be so proud if they knew that they were parents to an infantilist? I imagined what would’ve happened had they known. They probably wouldn’t have bought me my fridge…hell, they probably wouldn’t have even come up to say goodbye to me. I shook the thought and logged onto my computer as I waited for the arrival of my suitemates.

Jill was online as soon as I opened my messenger, so we of course chatted some more, and I bragged about how I was moved into my dorm. She simply replied by calling me a dork and talked about how she was going to be moving into her dorm in about a week. We exchanged schedules and talked about random nonsense for a while until she asked me a silly question:


Jill: So, where’s your school again, mister?

Was she serious? I laughed and told her again, then called her a loser for forgetting. We laughed some more and then came a stillness on my messaging program.

Me: Having an epiphany, Jill? Haha

Jill: Something like that, jerk! It looks like we’re going to be closer once I start going to school!

Me: What?! You’re shitting me!

Jill: No! Look, dork! You’re in Hansen! I’m going to Limescale! They’re only…150 miles away from each other!

How the hell had we not known that?! My heart raced with excitement as I immediately thought about how we’d finally be able to meet each other in person! The phone calls and messaging sessions were good, but we’d been talking about going to see each other for the longest time, yet neither of us had the money to make the trip (we were about 500 miles away from each other), nor did we think our parents would approve at the time. But you don’t need your parents’ approval when you’re in college! 

Just the thought of us hanging out made me happy, and no, not just because she “babied” me. Her sense of humor was a bit out there, but it was enough to make me laugh almost all of the time, not to mention she was quite pretty (at least from what her pictures showed!)

We immediately made plans for her to come up. In about one month, she’d come up for a weekend and we’d have a hell of a time. I told her how we’d find a bunch of stuff to do while she was visiting, and this just made us even more excited. I then bit the bullet and made what I thought would be a stupid move as our conversation continued.

Me: Hell, I’ll even let you baby me when you’re up here! Haha just kidding!

Jill: Lol, I’ll do it!

No way…no way!

Me: Ohhhh, sure you will! I bet you’ll get some big diapers and all that other baby stuff, too! Lol.

Jill: Oh you know it! You’ll just have to wait and see! Hehehehehe.

I laughed some more and was in a daze to say the least. She must have been joking! No way had I just pulled something like that off so easily! There must’ve been a catch! Still, I chose not to push my luck and just laughed some more, then told her that I had to settle some things into my dorm and signed off.

God, you must be kidding! This must be a sick joke! I could never! How would I be able to let her do that if she didn’t know that I liked being babied? No…she has to know. I…I have to tell her.

I sighed as I browsed the internet aimlessly. Jill must’ve been joking. But, what if she wasn’t? I’d be able to decline her offer when she came up to visit, but wouldn’t that ultimately lead to her finding out about me? No. I didn’t want to wait until the last minute to tell her! I felt that we knew each other enough for me to be able to trust her with something so…dark (I call it dark because my secret had never seen the light of day nor the tip of my tongue). My body and mind soon became torn between letting her know and keeping it to myself and continuing to fear judgment. Another week would pass before I made my decision, along with some other contributing factors.

My suitemates were some of the coolest people I’d met, and I had made a few acquaintances within the first few days of classes, but for some reason I still felt so alone. I’d heard that every college kid goes through that phase, but I for one didn’t like it at all. I needed to cheer myself up, and quick! That was when I came up with an idea that would be sure to make me happy and shake off my negative feelings: I’d finally try out a diaper. Nothing too fancy. I’d just wear one and see how it and I felt. So, that Wednesday night before I went to bed, I carefully looked around the internet to see what I could find. I wanted to make sure that I was getting my money’s worth, but I also needed to ensure that my purchase would be discrete.

I went to a few of the online infantilist communities and snooped around the forums in search of recommendations of a good brand to try out. Some users wrote that the typical adult diapers were fine, but there was one brand that kept popping up, and every single user swore that it was the best: CoucheCoos (pronounced cootchie coos…so original, I know). Every single post regarding this diaper was positive. I couldn’t find one single bad thing about it. Super thick, babyish smell, discrete shipping, decent price…they were soon going to be mine! Before the clock struck midnight, I had purchased an eight pack of these seemingly legendary diapers for about twelve bucks, including shipping. They would arrive in my dorm mailbox within the next week. Sure they’d have to be hidden whenever I’d have people in my room, but I wasn’t really concerned at the moment. No, I was much too happy with my purchase! All’s I had to was wait and make sure that nobody on campus saw what was inside of the package once it arrived!

The following week I checked my mailbox every single day. I’d gotten a bunch of junk mail from credit card companies, and soon became discouraged when my package didn’t arrive. I had a couple of more days before the week ended, but it still brought my spirits down. Then, it happened. As soon as I shut my mailbox, one of the RA’s called my name from behind the desk.

“Are you John Morrows?” she asked.

“Y-yes. Hi!” I said with a smile.

“Hello! You’ve got a package back here! Someone must’ve forgotten to put it in your mailbox today!”

My head felt like a balloon, just floating and expanding, waiting to explode from the excitement. I tried my hardest not to blush, and I think I did pretty well, because the RA didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, well thanks! I can take it right now if that’s okay.” I said kindly.

“Sure thing! Just sign here!” she handed me a pen and pointed on the piece of paper.

My heartbeat quickened as my hand swiftly guided the pen across the paper. It was mine! I had done it! The RA gently moved the box around in her hand, but no sounds came from it.

What the hell are you doing?! If that box breaks…

“Pretty big box!” she observed.

“Yeah. They always do that when you order something! Place the items in a huge box with all of those damned packing peanuts!” I joked.

The RA laughed as she handed me my treasure. I thanked her and excitedly hurried off to my car. As soon as I saw that nobody was around, I opened the trunk of my car and carefully placed the box inside. Then, like an excited kid on Christmas, I opened the box as quickly as possible as I held my breath. Beneath the cardboard encasement was yet another package, only this one looked similar to that of a pack of baby wipes. I searched my surroundings once more. The coast was clear. I was going for it! I ripped open the white pack, and soon gasped in awe. There they were; the diapers. The biggest diapers that I’d ever seen in my entire life! They were stacked so perfectly, and the babyish smell that came from them was intoxicating, almost mesmerizing. I took four out of the box and quickly placed them in my book bag, then covered the box with an old blanket and closed my trunk.

I-I can’t believe it! I did it! Wake me up if I’m dreaming! Ha! Hahaha! Come tonight, I will finally have done it!

I practically ran back to my dorm, smiling and saying hello to everyone along the way. My suitemates asked me what I was all happy about when I entered the dorm, but I simply told them that it’d just kicked in that I was away from my parents for an extended period of time. I walked into my room and closed the door lightly so to not make anyone suspicious. My bag was placed on my bed and unzipped in one quick movement. I gently pulled out the four plastic pieces of gold and held them up as if I’d just discovered some ancient secret.

I ran my hands over them slowly and breathed in their infantile scent. The plastic/cloth combination on the outside was just as I’d imagined; so soft and without any wrinkles, with the baby blocks on the front as a decoration. I then made my way to the inside of the diaper and felt my endorphins make their way into my bloodstream. So cottony soft, so comfortable, and the scent only increased when it was opened. The tabs were symmetrical from each other as I carefully examined them. Whoever made these knew their target market quite well! I quickly placed all four of them in my closet and placed them inside of a shoebox, then covered the shoebox with a bunch of bathroom towels. Just a few more hours remained, then I would finally be able to try out what I’d been longing for!

That night, after I’d eaten a little snack and gotten ready for bed, I felt ready. That is, until I thought of something: my suitemates. Would they hear me or the diaper? That’s when I came up with yet another ingenious idea.

“Hey Dan! You notice how thick these freaking doors are?” I asked my suitemate.

“Oh shit!” he said as he examined the door. “You’re right! Ha!”

“I wonder how good they are at blocking sound?”

“Only one way to find out!”

Dan closed his door and within moments blared his oldies music. While I could hear muffled vocals and instruments, I was confident that I’d be okay. I then told my suitemates that I was tired and I had class early tomorrow (hey, 10:00 is early!) and was soon in my room. The shades were closed, the doors were locked, and the only source of light came from my desk lamp. The stage was set, the locks were secured…I was ready.

I quietly removed my pajamas and boxers and listened for any footsteps that could’ve been heading towards my door. Once I was certain that nobody was coming, I took the shoebox out of its hiding place and pulled one of the diapers out. My hand trembled with excitement as I unfolded and opened up the diaper. This thing was huge! It extended from my toes to my thighs! I became even more excited as I laid myself and the diaper down on the floor. The softness that I felt made me freeze for a brief moment so I could soak in the feeling, but I knew it’d just get better once I was done. I folded the diaper over my front, then quietly taped the diaper up on the left side, then the right side. I was enveloped in babyish softness! The padding I felt between my legs and on my bottom gave me a natural high! I touched the diaper with my hands and almost laughed out loud. This was amazing! I then stood up to look at myself in the mirror. That’s when I noticed that the diaper wasn’t exactly taped up too tightly. It sagged a little, but I pulled it up and tried to refasten the tapes. That only helped a little, but I knew it was impossible to get them on just right without help from somebody else. I opened the closet door where my mirror was and looked at myself. My diaper was gigantic and my tee-shirt just barely covered it! I looked almost like an infant and I couldn’t help but to laugh at myself for looking rather silly. I tried to close my legs together, and when I realized I could barely do that, I laughed a little more.

The clock told me that it was getting late, so I put the rest of the diapers away and landed gently on my bed with just my diaper and shirt on. My high was euphoric, and nothing would bring it down. Why hadn’t I tried this sooner? Why had I locked away my desire for so long? I was a fool to say the least!

I then wondered about Jill as I stared at my ceiling. Would she handle this well, and if so, would she be able to keep the secret between us? I could only hope. That night, I made a promise to myself that before Jill came up to visit, she’d know about me…she’d know…that I was an infantilist. I fell asleep wrapped up in my diaper and beneath my covers, and slept the best that I’d ever slept before.

[Fire2box]

Dude just post the next two chapters, quit making us wait!