Operation Dagmar VI

[Colonel Brome Teks]

As you might remember, I posted a teaser for this story on the old forums. here is my progress so far (It's going to be multiple posts quick, I have been working on it from a word document).

First, here is the Timeline, a brief overview of United Virgo Federation history. The ones witha blue title next to it indicate a story in progress for the event. the ones with a red * indicate a possible story, but nothing so far. Most of the stories have furry elements in them, but this is the only babyfur one I have so far.

2010- subspace drive invented at Corona Science Corporatiion secret outpost Luna by research team led by Henry Unker, planetary state established, and advent of space travel. Dawn of an Age

2014- Original Produs launched from lunar shipyards in Solar system to investigate signals detected by SETI.

2016- First extraterrestrial intelligence found by the Produs fleet, led by Norman Heller, dubbed Vykians, contact established. In the Begining

2018- formation of the Allied Galactic state.

2022- discovery of a second extra terrestrial intelligence, the Quarntians.

2023- Quarntians taken into the Allied Galactic state.

2046- First Hostile Intelligent Life form found (in the Scutum-Crux arm), war declared, Launch of the Upgraded Produs. *

2048- Discovery of third extraterrestrial intelligence, the Telinians, by Captain John Richards. War won, Hilfs exterminated. Far Out Help

2050- Telinians accepted into new United Virgo Federation.

2055-2080 exploration of galaxy cluster, 2 new intelligences found and accepted into the UVF.

2090- first mission to explore other galaxy clusters within Virgo super cluster. 3rd galaxy explored (in the sculptor cluster) is found to have a 3 race galactic state, contact established. *

2092- new races accepted into the UVF.

2100-2235- Government perfected and 3 new intelligences accepted into UVF. *

2246-2320 18 new intelligent races discovered as 40% of the Virgo Super-cluster is explored, all accepted into the UVF.

2322- Humanity starts genetically enhancing its population, military enhancements also start.

2325- Psychic program founded, emergence of another hostile race, the Gyruons.

2328- Commander Pandora Logan leads a squad of UVF psychics to eliminate the Gyruons. Strength of the Mind

2330-2350- another 20% of the Virgo super-cluster is explored, 8 new intelligences accepted into UVF

2358- Invention of new warp drive that allows increased distance in traveling.*

2360-2379- 20% more of Super-cluster explored, 10 more intelligences discovered.

2382- Third hostile intelligence discovered, dubbed Borrusites.

2384- Colonel Brome Teks leads squad of 25 enhanced soldiers to victory against Borrusites. Bio-ops

2391- All species hostile towards United Virgo Federation resurface after period of dormancy. Operation Dagmar VI

Story in next post.

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Operation Dagmar VI

A science fiction short

Setting: United Virgo Federation, 2390 A.D.

Back-story: After the unusual case behind the annexation of Dagmar, all species of Dagmarites were accepted into the UVF. There are the normal ones, and there are the ones that suffer from Rufybab syndrome. The ones suffering the syndrome experience extreme physical development deficiencies, essentially leaving them stuck as toddlers. However, they usually are expert engineers, pilots and scientists. Due to their lack of physical ability, they usually don’t join the standard army; instead they join a special division where their engineering ability is put to use. This story follows Captain David Burke, a Dagmarite who has Rufybab syndrome.

Chapter one: Begining Training

I am not a particular fan of humans. They’re tall, hairless and scaleless walking brains. Sure, they’re the most creative and innovative species, but they still have a myriad number of physical deficiencies. For example, how in the world do they walk without tails for balance? It doesn’t seem to make sense to me. I’m a fine specimen of the sub-species squirrel in the Dagmarite race. I have always had the use of a tail for walking.

Still, for all of their shortcomings, the humans are closer to us than almost any other race. I still don’t know the full story behind that, something about a psychic bond between our home worlds. Our species were so close, that one of our species without Rufybab syndrome’s development almost exactly mirrors that of the humans. Not me, I’m forever stuck at the human (and normal Dagmarite) phase of toddler.

My name is David Burke. I am a Dagmarite subspecies squirrel who was born with Rufybab syndrome. I wear diapers, drink from a bottle and generally eat soft foods. However, the occasional cookie is still tasty.

On this fine day, I was deciding to sign up for the United Virgo Federation military. I have always been interested in serving my flag, but before they arrived, the Dagmar army had no use for those with Rufybab syndrome. I had heard there were places for us in the mechanized units division of the UVF military, and I was, by all standards, an exceptional pilot. I walked into the recruiting office that had been set up in my town.

I walked in the door and saw a horse sitting at the front desk, chatting with a human that was also there. They halted their conversation and welcomed me in. “You’ll be here to sign up then, Hm?” said the human.

“That’s correct.” I replied, walking up to the desk and climbing into the chair in front of it.

“Alright, you’ll need to fill these out and put your thumb here, we need to make sure that you’re of the age requirements,” said the horse, pushing a pile of paper towards me and indicating a small groove attached to a machine. I put my thumb in and felt a small prick as it took a blood sample. A light next to it flashed green. “Alright then, fill out the forms and we’ll see if you qualify,” said the horse. I spent a few moments filling them out; afterwards the human took them and looked at them.

“Okay, you seem to have the proper qualifications. If you want, you can go to the back waiting room. There is a shuttle leaving for the training moon in…” he looked at the timekeeping device on his wrist, “45 minutes. Do you have any cargo packed?”

“Yeah there are a handful of items being kept in a storage box, No. 1658-39, at the local depository. I’d like to bring them with me if I may. They do weigh in at less than 25 kilograms.”

“Okay. Dispatching a robot to pick them up now. Please proceed to the rear waiting room. There is a changing room adjacent to it if you wish to use it.” Doing as I was told I went to the room in the back, along the way I quickly slipped my hand into my overalls to check if I needed a change. Nope, still good.

As I walked into the room, I saw that there were a few other folks, and all of them had the syndrome. Apparently, the idea of joining the federal military had caught on better with those who hadn’t been able to join the planetary one for years. When I sat next to a little raccoon, he struck up a conversation with me. “Hey. My name’s George Tanaka. What’s yours?”

“David Burke.” We then taped our tails on either both sides, a custom that was apparently the human’s equivalent of “shaking hands”, whatever that meant.

“So, Why’d you join the military?” inquired the raccoon.

“Well,” I responded, “I wanted to serve my government. I couldn’t do that under the old one, so after we joined the federation, I signed up to do what I hadn’t been able to do for years.”

“Ah,” said the raccoon, “I joined so I could see the universe. I believe there is a human phrase about being able to join the military for that reason. I think it goes ‘the military: see new places, meet new people, blow them up’ or something like that. By the way, how old are you?”

“I am 22 years old,” I replied. From what I knew, the human’s home world was used as the standard for years, hours and gravitational strength. I also knew that Dagmar was, aside from geography, identical to their world “Earth” in almost every way. So being 22 by Dagmar standards is the same as being 22 by UVF standards.

“I’m 21.”

Just then the human walked in. “Alright, the shuttle just landed out back. All of your personal effects are already loaded. Please proceed in an orderly manner.” Then he said to himself, as he was walking out, “My God, it’s like being at a preschool, except all of the kids are fully intelligent.”

We walked outside to the shuttle. It was apparently very simple in make, but still something seemed alien about it. We loaded in, and I quickly got a window seat. Once everyone had loaded, the pilot said over the intercom, “Passengers, we’ll be taking off shortly. Please fasten your seat belts and lock your seat straps.” The cabin filled with the sounds of clicking momentarily. “Preparing for takeoff. Hang on to your hats.” Humans and their ridiculous phrases, they made no logical sense.

I saw the ground fall away outside the window. I hadn’t felt a thing; this shuttle was smooth. Before long, the sky darkened and the stars began to show once they turned out the cabin lights. Once we were clear of lunar orbit, the pilot said, “Preparing for subspace jump.” I pressed my face to the window, eager to see the process. Chancing a quick glance around, I saw most of the others doing the same. Returning to the window, I saw a bright light appear ahead. It formed into a sphere and as the ship speeded towards it, I noticed that I messed my diaper. I heard a couple of gasps from behind me, and let one out myself simultaneously.

We passed through the light. Then it was dark around, and the stars became visible. “That’s it? That is so anticlimactic,” I heard someone say. I looked through the window, and saw that we were in a different system. I could see a gas giant nearby (in space terms, that’s a few hundred thousand miles). I noticed the ship accelerating towards one of its moons, one that appeared to have an atmosphere and oceans.

Before long we were in orbit of the moon. It was about the same size as Dagmar, maybe a tiny bit bigger. “Folks we’re now on the final approach to moon 10873-3f, Greta, in orbit around gas giant Golden Fire. The gravity is 102% that of your world Dagmar. The landing zone’s temperature is a pleasant 29o Celsius, with nice sun and a great view of Golden Fire. Thank you for flying with United Virgo Federation Military standard transport services, we hope you enjoyed your flight. Any comments or suggestions can be filed at the UVF military sight under the suggestions link. Please hold on as we land,” I heard over the intercom as we entered the atmosphere and approached a landing strip. We landed softly and came to a stop outside a terminal.

The forward door opened and a Dagmarite ferret stepped into the craft. Holding a tablet PC, he said, “14 new recruits, all Dagmarites with Rufybab syndrome headed into the mechanized force.” Looking up he said, “Welcome to training moon Greta. You all are headed in the same general direction, so you are to proceed to lobby 15 in the terminal. There you will await transportation to your separate training camps. There is a changing room adjacent to the lobby; it is recommended you make use of it, as the trips may take a bit.” With that, we walked out of the craft and to the lobby in the nearby terminal. I went into the changing room and proceeded to remove my messy diaper. I wiped down and put on a new one quickly, as I had learned to change myself over the years. Pulling my overalls back up, I walked back out into the lobby. People were waiting quietly, anticipating what was to come. Just as I made my way over to a couch, a uniformed human walked in, also holding a tablet PC.

“Attention. The following people are to come with me for transportation to your camp. George Tanaka, Natalie Roberson, James Pierson, David Burke, Sean Gilmore, and Jennifer Logan.” After he said that, a shorthaired kitten, a Scottish terrier puppy, a raccoon, two dragon hatchlings, and I came up. “We’re going on a short trip to camp 3287-9I. It’s a ten-minute flight through sub-orbit. We leave immediately.” We walked out and stepped onto a transport cart. Soon we rolled to a launch pad with a smaller shuttle on it. Stepping in, I saw only six seats and one at the front facing backwards. We all took a spot, and the human sat at the front one. He punched in a command to the ship (It was run by a pilot AI) and the ship began to rumble to life.

Once we were off the ground, the human started speaking. “Congratulations, you qualify to be mech pilots. You are the ones who fly into battle to give our troops an edge. You will begin the training process once you arrive. It takes 8 weeks followed by officers training which takes another 3 weeks. About halfway through you will receive neural implants. You will all be training as part of the same platoon, with a total of 40 people.” He then detailed the training process, saying that the first couple of days would be spent teaching us proper military behavior, afterwards we would spend some time learning unarmed combat, followed by combat with the only weapons we would have should our mech be disabled, a small laser pistol and a knife. Then we would learn tactics, deployment strategies, and we would learn about ship systems that we would have to be familiar with. Then at 4 weeks we would receive neural implants and begin our training with mechs. After we were officially members of the army, we would have to undergo officers training to advance to the ranks of pilots.

By the time he finished explaining this, we had already reentered the atmosphere and the training camp was in sight. As we pulled over it, I looked out my window with awe. I could see mechs in action on training courses, I could see people training on obstacle courses, and I could see one or two platoons out marching. We pulled in for a landing and came down with a soft bump. We stepped off the ship and went to the front office. We were directed to a set of barracks were our things were waiting and there were already a couple of others from our platoon there.

I looked around and saw that our bunks were actually cribs. They had a release that could be reached from the inside, a set of drawers underneath, and a mobile over them. I took my stuff and found the crib that I was assigned to. Opening some of the drawers underneath, I found one to have a couple packages of disposable diapers, and another to have several plain white onsies, footed sleepers, overalls, and a couple of complementary pacifiers. The rest were empty. I unloaded my possessions into them. I had a couple toys, a book or two, a different mobile, three stuffed animals, a blankie, a couple more pacifiers, and a pamphlet on understanding different species body language. I started sucking one of my pacifiers as I put my stuffed animals and blankie into my crib and switched out the mobiles.

I looked around and saw that there were males as well as females in this barrack. Apparently humans didn’t traditionally put opposite sexes together, but for Dagmarites it was no problem. People were gradually filing into the barrack; all of them were also customizing their cribs. I saw that there were foxes, wolves, a couple other squirrels, some cats, dogs, otters, a polar bear, a horse, a handful of dragons, some leopards, lions and tigers, a mongoose, a hare, two mice, and a badger. It was quite the diverse group.

As I finished making a catalogue of the species involved, a Dagmarite weasel without Rufybab syndrome walked in. “Attention. I am Lieutenant Hubert Jenkins, and I am the one who is in charge for the duration of your training. I don’t want any complaining, because from what I gather the training regime for you guys is almost literally sunshine and lollipops compared to what most of the other species do. In fact…” the lieutenant then described the training program for humans. I wondered how and why they put up with so much physical and verbal abuse. From the way he told it, I was somewhat doubtful that he was being truthful. Then, since we did have a lot of time, he showed us an ancient human war movie to show us he was telling the truth. The movie was called Full Metal Jacket, and detailed a story about a war humans had fought back on their home world over 400 years ago. After seeing that what humans go through, I was glad that we were going through a completely different program. Lieutenant Jenkins then described what our program was to be like. We would get up at 7 AM, get changed, showered and dressed, go to the morning raising of the flag, then go to the mess hall for breakfast. Afterwards, we would go to an educational facility for learning whatever subject we were on. Then we would eat lunch, take an afternoon replenishment nap, and go to training. Afterwards we attended the lowering of the flag, followed by dinner. Then we had some free time before we had to go to bed at 10 PM. Compared to most other races, we had it pretty light.

“Alright,” said Jenkins, “now that we have detailed the schedule, your training starts tomorrow. For now, you are to go to bed. Lights out in 5 minutes.” When he finished saying this, everyone stood up simultaneously, causing the room to fill with the sound of crinkling. Everyone, me included, went to our cribs and pulled up the sides. I got snuggled under my blankie and hugged a plushie right before the lights went out. I was asleep within minutes.

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Chapter 2: Training

A few days later…

Morning again. I sat up and felt my diaper squish under me as the lights came on. As I lowered the side of my crib, I remembered that all of the military educate teaching was over and today we would begin unarmed combat training. Supposedly, today was the day things started getting fun. I went to change out of my diaper and take a quick shower. I really preferred baths, but this way was definitely faster. I stepped out, dried myself off, and proceeded to put on a new diaper and get dressed. For daytime, we were supposed to wear an onsie and overalls. I put them on and waited for everyone else to get ready.

I was readily making friends in the platoon. I was good friends with George Tanaka, the raccoon, and Sean Gilmore, one of the dragons. They had both come from a similar background as me, but they had different reasons for joining the army. Sean had joined because, according to him, the military is “the place to be”.

We went to the marching grounds and participated in the raising of the flag, which apparently wasn’t only a human tradition, but the tradition of almost every other species in the military. We then went to the mess hall for breakfast. As I strapped myself into my highchair, I looked around seeing that our platoon was still the only one of Dagmarites with Rufybab syndrome. Our type of platoon was still pretty rare; we were only the sixth platoon of our type in the entire UVF, and the only one at this base. There was supposedly another platoon like us to arrive in a while, but the actual date was still unknown.

I finished breakfast and got out of my high chair. Everyone then cleared out of the mess hall to go to his or her assigned locations. My platoon and I went to a lecture hall, where to greet us was a grizzly looking Gioreion.

Ah, yes, Gioreions. They were a race of renowned warriors, ones whose talent and strength was known across galaxies. However, they were not overly intuitive or intelligent. They developed technology at a very slow rate, with it seemingly topping off at technology comparable to that of the Middle Ages. In fact, that’s the state they were in when the humans found them, stuck in a perpetual loop of technological development followed by religious superstition knocking it down. They had even thought that the humans were demons when they originally landed. However, their chivalry and sense of honor remained with them as they experienced modernization. So in a sense they were the UVF military’s knights and samurais.

“Take a seat,” he said. “Today, we exit your little sheltered world of nonviolence and start learning how to do what the military is meant for. Whether you like it or not, if you signed up for the corps you will be attacked at some point; maybe not as part of an all out war, but most likely on a peace keeping assignment. So if you don’t want to be shot, get up and leave. If you want to learn how to help yourself and the civilians you represent, get your game face on.” Everyone sat quietly in the room, not even a crinkle to be heard. “Alright, Then let’s begin. We will start with the basics…”

4 weeks of training later…

Morning yet again. I got up, feeling my diaper squish under me, as usual. It occurred to me that today was the day that we wouldn’t be doing anything but lining up for a surgery to give us our neural implant which would help us interface with the complex systems we would soon have to use on a regular basis. As I was about to lower the side of my crib, I saw a notice on the bars. I took it off and looked around, seeing that most of the others had them too. Reading it, it went…

Attention to David Burke:

Today is the day you receive a neural implant. You are number 4 in line to receive the operation. You will report to the operation center at 0758 hours. There you will be knocked out and given the implant. You awake tomorrow in your usual crib. The implant you will receive contains a receiver and transmitter for military use, a micro hard drive, and a FOXTROT class AI.

-Control

I finished reading it and got ready for breakfast. Everything after went completely as normal, like the last few weeks. After breakfast it was 7:45. I didn’t have too much time, so I went straight to the operation building. When I walked in, it was 7:54. A couple of minutes passed in the waiting room. When I heard my name called, I felt my diaper grow heavy. Ignoring it, I went to the room I was directed to. There, a human was waiting. I hopped up onto the operation table and the human fitted a gas mask over my mouth and nose. I was out like a light.

I woke up, in my crib as usual. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was morning, and looking at the digital calendar on the wall, I saw it was the next day. Moving around, I felt my diaper was dry. They must have changed me while I was asleep. I looked around and saw that everyone else was in, and most of them were still asleep. I started to lower the side of my crib when I heard Hello.

It took all of my self-control not to yell out in surprise. I am FOXTROT AI 728320-32. You may call me Steve. Do not be worried for your privacy, for I cannot “hear” every one of your thoughts. In order for me to “hear” them, you must think them directly towards me. Try it now.

Hello, can you hear me? I thought towards the sentience inside my head.

Attempt successful, yes I could hear you. The current time is 0702 hours, according to your schedule you should be getting up and getting ready. I am going to sleep mode, think my name towards me if you need me.

After getting up, doing the usual morning routine followed by breakfast, we were to report to a new class were we would begin learning how to use battle mechs. On the way to class, I thought Steve?

Exiting sleep mode. Yes?

We are going to the first battle mech class; I was wondering what it entailed.

The first class will involve a series of lessons about the control and care of your battle mech beamed straight into your mind by the neural interface. Thanks to the new high-speed technology, those will only take about an hour. Afterwards, you take part in a long series of virtual simulations with your mech. Although these will only take 2 hours in real life, the simulated time will move faster, giving you the equivalent of ten hours of simulator time. Then in the afternoon, you will begin to try giving your real battle mech a spin.

By the time Steve had finished explaining this, I had already made it to the building. Stepping in, I saw that our new instructor was a human. When we all arrived, he simply directed us to the station we would sit at as we had information beamed into our skulls. I climbed in and activated the sequence.

I woke up with a jolt. I was still in the station, and as I looked at the clock I realized that an hour had passed. I got out of the station with my head buzzing. As I started to sort it out, I found that I had a wealth of information that I didn’t have before. I suddenly just knew how to operate and care for a battle mech. As I walked around a bit, I noticed that my diaper was wet and messy. Heading over to the changing room, I proceeded to clean myself up and get a clean diaper on.

When I went back out, most of the others were getting up, rubbing their heads. I sat down for a minute while everyone else went and got changed. A moment later we were directed to get back in the stations and begin the virtual reality training. I sat down and as soon as I activated the station, everything around me went white.

I was floating, amidst an infinite sea of light. But it didn’t last. Soon I saw the others around me. I was about to say something when suddenly we were on ground. A second later, 40 battle mechs appeared behind us. A voice boomed out of nowhere, “Please step into your battle mechs. The simulation will begin once everyone is suited up. As I climbed into the one behind me, I saw that the flight suit my virtual body was wearing was little more than a onsie and diaper.

I got strapped into the seat of my mech and hit a button causing it to close around me. I put on my headset and said, “Testing, this is David Burke. Can you hear me?” The sound of 39 others doing the same thing crackled over the radio.

Then I heard over my radio, “The first simulation is a test to see how well you handle the mech. You all will be separated into different virtual worlds.” Over my screen, I saw everyone else disappear, then a new world was rendered before me.

“Switch to full view mode,” I said to my mech. A holographic dome appeared around me, and I could see everything that was around me. Nothing was nearby, just the same blank white area.

Suddenly, a black sphere appeared in front of me. A voice said into my ear, “Approach the object.” So, remembering the operation instructions that were freshly in my head, I lifted one leg up followed by the other…

I had played some of the old video games developed by humans, back from the first decade or two after the beginning of the 21st century. The simulations we had just gone through were uncannily familiar to the tutorial stage at the commencement of almost all of the games I had played. We had undergone a long series of tutorials and now could operate our mechs with ease, and it was still only the first day.

As I sat in my mech, floating in the whiteness, I heard a voice over my radio say, “The next section is to work on your team work formation and battling techniques. To begin, you must select a call sign that is easy and quick to say and memorize. Your call sign can be changed at any time outside of battle. Please take a moment to choose a call sign. Thinking quickly through any number of words, I said into my radio, “This is David Burke, call sign Angel.” An Angel was one of the human’s mythical critters. Supposedly it was a person with wings and light powers.

“Angel, you are in a wing of five. Your other member’s call signs are Rex, Meteor, Kobold, and Tornado. Based on the results from the previous tests, Kobold is the leader, you are second wingman, and Meteor, Rex, and Tornado are wingmen 3-5, respectively. Your first task is to practice flying in formation. Then you will perform a series of short combat battles including a defense of a cruiser, an attack on a cruiser, a rescue, and a reentry attack. As part of the mechanized units, these are the types of operations you are likely to be carrying out. Simulation starts.”

The area surrounding me turned black, and stars began to dot the background, all as part of a generic space scene. I saw the other 4 wingmen render around me. A series of rings appeared on my Heads Up Display (HUD), visualizing our flight path. The whole exercise went well, but was kind of dull. After we finished the last maneuvers, the scene went blank for a moment, and then rendered again, this time we were out of our mechs. Looking around, it seemed that we were in a standard frigate class star cruiser’s recreation room. I was about to say something to the others when suddenly the ships alarms went off.

With klaxons ringing everywhere, I heard a voice over the intercom say, “We are under attack from an enemy cruiser. All hands to battle stations. Scramble the fighters. Launch all mechanized units. Port side laser batteries and torpedo tubes, lock and fire.”

That was our cue. We had memorized the layout of a standard cruiser during our earlier training, so we knew exactly where to go. Inside my head, I heard Battle situation detected, switching to combat mode. This mode will advise you in the battle ahead. You currently should be heading towards your battle mech. from there, you are to launch and defend this cruiser.

Understood, I thought at Steve. I made it with the others to the starboard launch bay. Sitting there were our mechs, all ready for battle. As we dashed to our mechs, a fighter rolled past us towards the launch tube. I clambered into my mech and strapped my self in. As I put my radio on, I heard, both through my radio and through the intercom, “Brace for impact!” An external blast shook the ship. Over my radio I heard lots of clamor. As my mech was closing around me, I set my radio to filter it to the background. As we approached the airlock, another explosion rocked the ship. We stepped in, and heard a hiss as the air was pulled out. The exterior door opened, and we flew out at high alacrity.

We formed up and flew around the cruiser. As got over it, we saw the ship we were up against. It was a Borrusite Royal Armada destroyer. The Borrusite royalty had been defeated several years earlier, but it was known that a handful of loyal ships, distinctively the 7th Royal Fleet, had fled the system using a stolen subspace drive. They were technologically inferior, but they had decent weapons, so a Royal Armada destroyer gave a Federal Navy frigate a run for its money.

As we flew towards the enemy, they openly fired upon us. We dodged the first barrage. I heard over the radio, “this is Kobold; we’re going to fly in and take out their- Gyaugh!” I saw a flash of light where Kobold was and heard in my head, Kobold has been eliminated by a direct hit from an enemy torpedo.

“Nice one, idiot…” I said to my self.

You now hold wing leader position. The others are at your command.

“Here’s the plan,” I barked over my radio, while dodging barrages of incoming fire, “Break formation and attack at will. First priority is to destroy their weapons, second is to disable their engines, and third is to actually capture or destroy them.” With that, we spread out and started attacking the ship.

I strafed the enemy primary lasers and destroyed most of them. As I flew out and began to turn around, I saw a particularly slower moving torpedo be fired from the enemy cruiser. It was known that these were usually nukes, so I quickly switched my secondary weapon to the zero-point energy manipulator, otherwise known as the gravity gun. I flew towards the torpedo, grabbed it, spun around, and released it towards the enemy destroyer, while shouting over my radio, “Nuke going towards the enemy!” All UVF naval ships, fighters and Mechs were shielded against heat, electromagnetic pulses, and radiation well enough that nothing short of a direct hit with a nuke would do much damage. That, and we had energy shields and they didn’t.

All of our fighters got clear of the enemy destroyer as the nuke flew into the ships mid-section. A bright light filled my vision, and when it cleared, I saw that the destroyer had very nearly been broken in two. As I moved back in, I saw lights in many, but not all of the view ports go out.

Glimpsing a way into the destroyer, I said over the radio to my wing, “Everybody, come give me support, we’re going into the cruiser.” My wingmen formed up and we approached the enemy destroyer.

“Angel, this is Tornado. Are you sure it’s a good idea to go in there?” said a female voice over my radio.

“Absolutely not. Let’s go.” I retorted.

We climbed through the twisted metal remains until we came to an intact door. I switched to my plasma cutter and started working through the door. It came loose and air quickly exploded out of it. The corridors on destroyers were spacious enough for our mechs to move through effortlessly. Making our way towards engineering, we only encountered one patrol of guards. We dispatched them with no trouble, they didn’t even see us coming. We came to the door that was adjacent to engineering. Knowing that a plasma cutter was too slow to take them by surprise, I planted a couple of grenades on the door.

I detonated them, and air rushed past us back to the opening that we had come in through. We stepped in and saw that the handful of Borrusites that had been suited were bouncing around, trying to regain control. We shot all of them easily. Drifting to the main engine, I heard in my head, Schematics indicate that the place where an explosive could destroy the engine would be in the primary fuel hold. A nav point appeared on my HUD and I made my way over to it. It was a simple tank with an amount of solidified hydrogen in it. I placed some remote grenades in it, and resealed it.

As we made our way to the exit, a squad of guards appeared. We took cover behind the machinery. The guards were taking potshots at us, so I bounced a grenade in their direction. It went off and they died.

We left the ship and I detonated the grenades. The remaining rear half of the ship exploded as the fusion engines overloaded and destabilized. The front half was still kicking; it had its own generator. However, it couldn’t pull of even the most basic maneuvers, so the fighters and cruiser simply tore it to shreds.

My wing formed up and returned to the airlock. On the way, we were heartily chatting about how awesome what we had just done was. As we entered the air lock and stepped out of our battle mechs, everything went white.

We were floating again. A screen appeared out of nowhere and displayed our status from the simulation. I had received no hits, and had done the most for the battle. I looked down at Kobolds stats. He had done no damage, but had only received one hit. Pity that it was a torpedo hit.

Our virtual bodies appeared and lined up. A voice, which I recognized as our instructor, said, “Kobold, that was pathetic. You’re lucky this wasn’t a real battle. You are hereby stripped of the status of wing leader. Angel, you’re the new leader. Congratulations.”

We proceeded though the next few simulations, each one more difficult than the last. At the end, I learned that we were the first group done. I stepped out of the station and found that my diaper was heavily used. I went and changed into a new one and went to wait for all of the others. It was a quarter of an hour before everyone was finished.

After the last person finished changing their diaper, we all took our seats in the lecture hall. The instructor said, “To most of you, nice flying. Keep it up and you’ll be at the real deal in no time at all. To the rest of you, keep trying, we still have 3 and half weeks of that coming. Report to the mess hall for lunch and then proceed to your actual training with the mechs.”

At lunch, my highchair was adjacent to Sean and George. I struck up a conversation with them. I said, “So, how did you guys defend your cruisers in the first simulation?”

Sean was the first one to reply. He declared, “We managed to drive the enemy off by destroying all of its weapon systems. Our frigate had taken too much damage, so we didn’t give it chase.”

George said, “We barely survived, our wing leader was brainless. Our frigate took more damage than the enemy, but the only reason we won was because we got a direct hit into the enemy’s command deck.”

I said, “Heh. We managed to destroy the enemy cruiser. When it fired off a nuke, I managed to grab it and throw it right back at them. That blasted a hole big enough for my wing to go in and sabotage their engines.”

“Nice,” stated Sean.

We finished lunch and proceeded to the hangar where our real life mechs were waiting. There waiting was a human with a tablet PC. Once we all arrived, He began his obviously prepared monologue to introduce us to our mechs. “Today,” he began, “you shall be given more than a giant suit of robot armor. Today, you are being given the tools of your careers. These mechs will be your best friends. You will cherish and care for them as you would your spouse. You will be familiar with every aspect of it. There are many others like it, but these ones are yours. If you wish to customize them, you may do so. If you want to give them a new color scheme, you may do so. If you want to give them bigger guns, you may do so. Today, however, you are just going to paint a picture of your logo and then we will get going with the action. You may begin,” he finished, pulling out a full paint set.

I got to work. I went over to my mech and started painting my logo on the allocated spot on the arm. When I was finished, I had a nice picture of an angelic squirrel. A few others were still working, so I took a glance at the inside of my battle mech. It appeared mostly the same as it did in the simulator, but I noticed that there were a couple extra arms at one spot. Remembering the data downloaded into my brain, I recognized it as the systems automatic diaper changer. As I was examining the suit, the human said, “Now that you are all finished, go ahead and climb into your mech. Close it around you and walk outside.”

Complying, I climbed in and strapped myself to the seat. When I was done, I flipped a switch and the mech closed around me. The interior screens lit up and I walked outside. When everyone did, we began training maneuvers…

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Chapter 3: Into the real world and storyline

Many weeks of combat and officer training and a graduation later…

It was done. I now held the rank of second lieutenant in the United Virgo Federation Marine Corps. For the time being, I was stationed on a destroyer, the Shark Fang. She was the main ship in a 5-vessel patrol squad. All we really do is run patrols through some of the colonies in the Merlin Galaxy. All is usually quiet, there’s the occasional war on a colony that needs resolving, nothing really serious.

Today, we were investigating a colony that reported unusual raids on some cities. This was particularly odd because the colony belongs to Corona Science Corporation, and they had very tight security. How some entity was raiding towns was a complete mystery.

The fleet jumped into orbit around the planet. As soon as they did, they were hailed by the main planetary center. I knew this because I was in the command center when we jumped.

The radios crackled, “Shark Fang, thank goodness we finally have you here.”

“Roger that. We were called here to investigate some raids on towns. Is that correct?” said the radio operator.

“That is affirmative; some of our outer facilities have been assaulted by an unknown force. The accounts from witnesses are pretty vague, and – Oh God, It’s them! They’re attacking the main labs! You’ve got to stop them, it’s the--” suddenly the radio filled with static. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard the roar of some giant beast over the static.

“Corona Science facility, respond!” said the operator. Nothing came out of the other side of the radio.

“Second lieutenant Burke, take your wing and go help them. I’ll send atmospheric fighters shortly. The coordinates will be uploaded to you as you leave the ship.”

With my orders, I rushed to the crew lounge. As I got through the door, I shouted, “Meteor, Pharaoh, Hunter, and Sprite, lets go, we have to get down to the planet. You will be briefed on reentry.” With that, my four wingmen jumped out of their seats and followed me to the main bay. Our battle mechs were all ready, so we jumped in and proceeded to the airlock. As we left the ship I heard in my head, Coordinates received, uploading to autopilot.

As we entered the atmosphere, my wingmen and I heard over the radio, “Attention Violet wing, you are about to be briefed. Your mission is to find whatever is attacking the science center right now and eliminate it. We don’t know what it is, so be cautious. Try to save as many civilians as possible. Shark Fang, out.”

As we began to fly towards the site, we started picking up unknown signatures on radar. “This is Angel,” I said into my headset, “unknown signatures detected on radar. Break formation and engage at will.”

My comrade then radioed back, “Meteor, engaging.”

“Pharaoh, engaging.”

“Hunter, engaging.”

“Sprite, engaging.”

By the time they had finished, we were in visual range of the enemy. What I saw shocked me. The enemy appeared to be dragons, just like the ones from Dagmar. But there were a number of differences that I noticed after the initial shock. They had the same overall shape, but the finer details like arm and leg structure, skull structure, their golden orange scale color, and wing size all pointed to them not being Dagmarite dragons.

Trying to push it out of my head for now, I pulled out my main guns and flew straight into the fray. I mowed down a couple of them, and then when one flew too close I grabbed on to its neck, shoved my gun down its throat, and pulled the trigger. It died. However, I had not been paying attention to behind me. As I let go of the one dragon, another one snuck up behind me and latched on to my mech. It started blowing fire at me as I struggled to get it off.

While I attempted to remove it, a streak of brilliant blue flew by me and ripped the dragon off of me. As I turned, I saw that a differently shaped blue dragon was in the process of biting the enemy ones windpipe out. Once it finished, it gave me a small salute then pulled a gun-a gun- out of a holster on its leg. It proceeded to attack another dragon, so I figured it was on our side. I radioed, “Don’t attack the blue one, it’s on our side.”

With that, I proceeded to grab another one that flew to close to me and shoved a grenade down its throat. It tried to spit it out but I held its mouth shut. After a couple of seconds, the grenade went off and the dragon’s head exploded.

The battle proceeded in this manner for several more minutes, with my total kills numbering 47. When we had killed the last of them, my wing and I proceeded to land at the main science facility. When the blue dragon landed, I asked over my exterior speakers, “What in the world are you?”

It just grinned and replied, “Henry Unker, Corona Science Corporation head of biological research, UVF Marine rank Major, born Earth, 1984 A.D. as a human.”

“Wait, you’re a human?” asked Meteor.

“Was. In 2010, a rather unusual accident occurred at the secret Luna facility. The result radically altered my DNA and left me as you see me now.”

“So what are you now?” I inquired.

“That is unimportant. What you should be asking is what the things that just attacked us were. They seem familiar, like I’ve seen them before somewhere, but it escapes me right now. Although I did have some staff take a corpse and try to identify it. The results should be coming in any time now…”

Just then, a voice said over the intercom, “Dr. Unker?”

“Ah, speak of the devil,” he said to me, then to the intercom, “Yes? Did you get the results?”

“We did,” said the voice, “They match a species from the Andromeda galaxy that was believed to have gone extinct over 300 years ago.”

“Ah yes, I thought they were familiar. But wait,” said the dragon to himself, suddenly lost in thought, “the Allied Galactic State exterminated them all. The only way they could’ve escaped was when they came, which means…” then a look of fear spread across his face. “Oh crap.”

“What’s ‘Oh crap’?” I asked

Before he could answer, an emergency call came in on my radio, “Mayday, Mayday, this is the Shark Fang. We are under attack by an unknown enemy fleet. Violet wing, come back and give us support.”

“I’ll explain later, you are needed now,” said Dr. Unker.

Accepting it for now, I launched myself from the ground with my wingmen close behind. We promptly proceeded to orbit were a massive space battle was taking place. Once in range, my HUD showed some 500 unknown enemy cruisers. Scans showed that they were marginally inferior technology wise, but it was still a 500-ship armada against a single destroyer and four frigates.

I began to engage the enemy, but it was quickly obvious we were totally out numbered. I guess this occurred to the commander of the Shark Fang as well, since he began to call for back up.

However, before he could, Dr. Unkers voice sounded over the radio. “Shark Fang, do you have a Mimi class AI on board?”

“Yes, we do. Why?” asked the Commander.

“Attention Mimi class AI,” said Dr. Unker, “this is Major Henry Unker. Initiate the Cernan Protocol. Code is 5498459-Romeo-Juliet-Tango. Repeat, Initiate the Cernan Protocol!”

“What? What’s the Cernan protocol?” demanded the commander.

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Will the fleet survive the attack? Will the colony be saved? What is the Cernan Protocol? Will Brome's writing skills ever get better? Find out on the next update!

[blarg]

sorry don't have any time to read it... me and link r having a lan party, woot, i'll read it perhaps tomorrow. Since i'm the critique of the forum for the time being -_-
~blarg

[lostwinds]

Can't wait for more to come out. I liking this story alot.

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Well then, I shall work all the harder. Most of the next section is already done, but is still undergoing editing. It shouldn't be too long before it's up.

[blarg]

Uh-oh, the BLARG is here and ready to tear your story apart (jk) lol i hope this critique helps.

I walked into the recruiting office that had been set up in my town.

I walked in the door and saw a horse sitting at the front desk, chatting with

This doesn't work... you should take out the top part. And as for the sentence... you should be present tense, supposubly that's the "better" way to write. I'm not a big fan of grammatics but i'll show you what i can to the best of my ability. "Walking into the door I saw a horse sitting at the front desk, conversing with..."

“You’ll be here to sign up then, Hm?” said the human.

"Ah, a recruit- or is it something else? Please excuse my blabbering, sit down; what can i help you with?." Greeted the human with a smile on his stuffed face.
Just an example, people don't state the obvious in real life.


sigh... sorry i can't finish this right now, i'll try again later, i think i'm catching the flu or something. Oh well. Here's a few tips for your future writing.
A) You have a commmon problem amongst novice writers. You don't elaborate, now you ask what do i mean by this, well i mean that you don't spend enough time at scenes. Read a book or just scan it, you will notice how writers like to spend some time with their characters in rooms/settings/situations and what-not.
B) Describe, describe, oh and did i say describe? You need to add more description to your characters. And i'd like to point something out that i manage to do myself a lot, which is bad in descriptions. When you're describing height/width/length try not to use standard-units of measurement. Rather be like, "The demon towered over me, perhaps three times larger than an adult male..." something better than that though because you need to think about something pertaining to your situation.
C) "She said/He said/etc." You don't want to have too much of that, as a matter of fact that's a big enemy of writers, you want to use those intervals between dialougue to describe emotions/situations. So instead of say "Said" you can say something like, "grunted" "yelled" etc. I saw a "barked" later in your story when i was scrolling down to this box but ya, you still used "said" something that's bad. (Obviously sometimes you need to use it but try to restrain)
D) Tendencies, always develop things that your characters tend to do. Like slide their hand through their hair, or scratch their fore-arm, or snicker, etc.

Those are just average tips that i'm telling you without reading more than i did.

(don't take anything to heart, but i am not a tb/dl/ab/bf i just chill here cause of a friend and the stories, so i can't say i like your story for its bf components, but than again it's obvious that you put quite a bit of effort into your story, for that i apllaud you.)

~blarg

[Colonel Brome Teks]

Well, I appreciate the critique, it's actually the best way to improve writing skills. As you pointed out, I used something other than "Said" later in the story, something I attribute to improved skills thanks to english class progress. My story telling improves as I go (you should(n't) see my first story, even I think it is inadequete). As I think I may have mentioned somewhere, this is a story in progress, so the final copy I place in the finished stories forum will likely be way different from this. Odds are I will take the constructive criticism and use it to improve my story. Right now, the storyline as a whole is still underworks, so for now I'm just seeing what everyone thinks so I can improve. That, and I think I rushed the first couple chapters so I could get to the action.