Here it goes...

Dave · 15-05-2008

Well I was trying to get people to start posting on gooddiaper so I figured I would free-ball a short story and see how it goes.

Here it goes...

I had to ask her out. Me and her go way back, been nest friends for years. She has told me things she has never told anyone, and I her. It was her hand that reached out when I wanted to commit suicide. When she told me that she wouldn't know what to do if I was gone, I knew I couldn't do it. But that's a different tale...

get ready for the fall...

Mel was just one of those girls, her smile could light up the darkest room. We had a lot in common me and her, I was depressed due to an ADD medicine, and on this day we met up to ride ATVs. I was always the more daring one, taking turns at full speed and hitting jumps I couldn't make. On this particular day I was powersliding on two wheels and being a huge showoff. I decided to hit a jump over the trail. I hit the turn-off to the jump perfectly, gaining speed until I hit the peak. I was flying through the air if was perfect...then the front end started to drift down. I was about to land upside down with a few hundred pounds of four-wheeler on my head, when the front end pulled up slightly and I landed vertically. I slammed forward on the handle bars and bent them with my chest, my boot was stuck between the wheel and the foot rest and I fell off into a pricker bush....

can you get back on your feet?

After a few minutes of my fighting my way out of the bush and telling Mel I didn't need the hospital, we decided to sit down by the river. I was pretty sore and scratched up but not the worst crash I've had. So after a few minutes of looking at the river and the flowering spring trees, we started talking. We are in our senior year at high school and we were talking about our regrets throughout high school. I was getting ready to say something smooth, like I biggest regret is not asking you out when we met. But she got to it first.

do you need a little help?

"Dave... I regret turning you down after Steve broke up with me." she said looking me right in the eyes.
All chances to be smooth were almost gone, but I had one last option
I looked her right back in the eyes and said," I regret not doing this earlier." and I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back.

why stand when you can fly?

After a few more minute of the aforementioned activity we decided to drive the 4-wheelers back to her house because her parents were out of town. So we turn on a movie and cuddle on the couch. Then the little warning noise came from the tv and a severe weather warning was issued. We opened the door and looked outside and as we did a tree fell in her back yard and start falling toward... the fence but it just missed it.

...don't trip in the dark...

She looked at me and told me I should call my parents and say I was staying here. She walked around and lit a few candles. After I called my mom I went and sat down on the couch. Mel really didn't like thunder storms so she was holding me tightly. I decided to start talking to her to calm her down and asked her if she wanted me to watch another movie. She looked at me and said that we needed to talk about something. Of course I responded,"Whatever you wanna talk about I will."

the light is blinding

She said she wanted to get into her pjs before the power went out and asked me if I had something I could wear, I told her if she was fine with me wearing gym shorts I was. She was gone a good five minutes before the power went out and came back downstairs three minutes after that. At which point I had lit the rest of the candles and stripped of my riding pants and jacket. As she walked down the steps I took in the beauty in the candle light. She was wearing a t-shirt that went down past her thighs and not much else. She sat down on the couch next to me and started telling me why her and Steve broke up. She said that he wanted to "take the relationship to the next level" but she didn't want to sleep with him so he broke up with her. My first thought was to ask why she was telling me. To which she replied she didn't want the same thing to happen to us, so she said she had a secret she didn't want Steve to know about and she thought that if she told me we wouldn't have that problem.

but your eyes adjust..

I told her that she knew I wouldn't ever tell, at which point she, at the verge of tears, pulled up her shirt revealing a goodnite with flower prints and told me she wet the bed. After she told me she started crying thinking that I would laugh at her. I didn't laugh though, I walked over to her hugged her, kissed her right on the lips, and I looked her right in the eyes and said ,"So does this mean I can sleep in your bed tonight?"

and you can see clearly.

That night she fell asleep hugging me close and I sat for a while watching her sleep, then I felt a slight warmth where her goodnite pressed against my leg, I smiled and fell asleep keeping her close.

My first attempt at a story, I wrote it in one sitting, and without planning it out or really stopping to think about it, so judge me harshly but keep that in mind. Anything constructive rocks.

dprdinky · 15-05-2008

Wow, for the first time writing a story like this, it seems to be good. I would be wondering, tho where you'd want this to lead, if you continued the story.

I liked how you were sensitive to not being graffic in your details of the subject, but not sure how others will view this.

falan54 · 15-05-2008

good story and well told. Keep up the good work

Atsu · 16-05-2008

It was very good! Though, if you did want to make it better you could redo it, extending the chapters and adding more details. But over all very good.

Akira · 16-05-2008

I have never heard someone use the word "free-ball" as a verb. =O

Dave · 16-05-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akira

I have never heard someone use the word "free-ball" as a verb. =O

I do, it works for me. Maybe I could make it a trendy word to use,

Night · 16-05-2008

For a first time story it was nice and well told. Good job

.

LinusBlueSnow · 24-05-2008

ok two words: awesome story.

keep writing, if this is just in one sitting I can't wait to see what you can do with a long story.

15-05-2008	#1 (permalink)
Dave Regular Join Date: May 2008 Location: I am whereever my Imagination takes me Age: 18 Posts: 230 Threads: 13 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 3	Here it goes... Well I was trying to get people to start posting on gooddiaper so I figured I would free-ball a short story and see how it goes. Here it goes... I had to ask her out. Me and her go way back, been nest friends for years. She has told me things she has never told anyone, and I her. It was her hand that reached out when I wanted to commit suicide. When she told me that she wouldn't know what to do if I was gone, I knew I couldn't do it. But that's a different tale... get ready for the fall... Mel was just one of those girls, her smile could light up the darkest room. We had a lot in common me and her, I was depressed due to an ADD medicine, and on this day we met up to ride ATVs. I was always the more daring one, taking turns at full speed and hitting jumps I couldn't make. On this particular day I was powersliding on two wheels and being a huge showoff. I decided to hit a jump over the trail. I hit the turn-off to the jump perfectly, gaining speed until I hit the peak. I was flying through the air if was perfect...then the front end started to drift down. I was about to land upside down with a few hundred pounds of four-wheeler on my head, when the front end pulled up slightly and I landed vertically. I slammed forward on the handle bars and bent them with my chest, my boot was stuck between the wheel and the foot rest and I fell off into a pricker bush.... can you get back on your feet? After a few minutes of my fighting my way out of the bush and telling Mel I didn't need the hospital, we decided to sit down by the river. I was pretty sore and scratched up but not the worst crash I've had. So after a few minutes of looking at the river and the flowering spring trees, we started talking. We are in our senior year at high school and we were talking about our regrets throughout high school. I was getting ready to say something smooth, like I biggest regret is not asking you out when we met. But she got to it first. do you need a little help? "Dave... I regret turning you down after Steve broke up with me." she said looking me right in the eyes. All chances to be smooth were almost gone, but I had one last option I looked her right back in the eyes and said," I regret not doing this earlier." and I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back. why stand when you can fly? After a few more minute of the aforementioned activity we decided to drive the 4-wheelers back to her house because her parents were out of town. So we turn on a movie and cuddle on the couch. Then the little warning noise came from the tv and a severe weather warning was issued. We opened the door and looked outside and as we did a tree fell in her back yard and start falling toward... the fence but it just missed it. ...don't trip in the dark... She looked at me and told me I should call my parents and say I was staying here. She walked around and lit a few candles. After I called my mom I went and sat down on the couch. Mel really didn't like thunder storms so she was holding me tightly. I decided to start talking to her to calm her down and asked her if she wanted me to watch another movie. She looked at me and said that we needed to talk about something. Of course I responded,"Whatever you wanna talk about I will." the light is blinding She said she wanted to get into her pjs before the power went out and asked me if I had something I could wear, I told her if she was fine with me wearing gym shorts I was. She was gone a good five minutes before the power went out and came back downstairs three minutes after that. At which point I had lit the rest of the candles and stripped of my riding pants and jacket. As she walked down the steps I took in the beauty in the candle light. She was wearing a t-shirt that went down past her thighs and not much else. She sat down on the couch next to me and started telling me why her and Steve broke up. She said that he wanted to "take the relationship to the next level" but she didn't want to sleep with him so he broke up with her. My first thought was to ask why she was telling me. To which she replied she didn't want the same thing to happen to us, so she said she had a secret she didn't want Steve to know about and she thought that if she told me we wouldn't have that problem. but your eyes adjust.. I told her that she knew I wouldn't ever tell, at which point she, at the verge of tears, pulled up her shirt revealing a goodnite with flower prints and told me she wet the bed. After she told me she started crying thinking that I would laugh at her. I didn't laugh though, I walked over to her hugged her, kissed her right on the lips, and I looked her right in the eyes and said ,"So does this mean I can sleep in your bed tonight?" and you can see clearly. That night she fell asleep hugging me close and I sat for a while watching her sleep, then I felt a slight warmth where her goodnite pressed against my leg, I smiled and fell asleep keeping her close. My first attempt at a story, I wrote it in one sitting, and without planning it out or really stopping to think about it, so judge me harshly but keep that in mind. Anything constructive rocks.

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15-05-2008	#2 (permalink)
dprdinky Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oregon, USA Age: 55 Posts: 76 Threads: 2 Reputation: 3	Wow, for the first time writing a story like this, it seems to be good. I would be wondering, tho where you'd want this to lead, if you continued the story. I liked how you were sensitive to not being graffic in your details of the subject, but not sure how others will view this.

15-05-2008	#3 (permalink)
falan54 Lurker Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: uk Posts: 23 Threads: 1 Reputation: 0	good story and well told. Keep up the good work

16-05-2008	#4 (permalink)
Atsu Have Hope Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oxnard, California Age: 16 Posts: 901 Threads: 33 Gallery Uploads: 10 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 1	It was very good! Though, if you did want to make it better you could redo it, extending the chapters and adding more details. But over all very good.

16-05-2008	#5 (permalink)
Akira Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: California Age: 17 Posts: 475 Threads: 16 Gallery Uploads: 4 Blog Entries: 1 Reputation: 7	I have never heard someone use the word "free-ball" as a verb. =O

16-05-2008	#7 (permalink)
Night The Reaper Of Dreams Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: The Darkside Of The Moon, USA Age: 19 Posts: 1,336 Threads: 32 Gallery Uploads: 37 Blog Entries: 3	For a first time story it was nice and well told. Good job .

24-05-2008	#8 (permalink)
LinusBlueSnow Regular Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New Jersey Age: 20 Posts: 82 Threads: 3 Reputation: 1	ok two words: awesome story. keep writing, if this is just in one sitting I can't wait to see what you can do with a long story.