Wet Night (A Story)

wetwranglers · 06-05-2008

Here's what I have so far:

It was about two o’clock in the morning. It had certainly been a rough day,
considering the fact that it had rained during the day. I jump as lighting hisses through the sky like a bullet train. It’s not so much the visuals that startle me, but the noise almost made me, you know, wet. Carrack!!! Boom!!! Another huge disturbance in the sky outside. This time I did wet myself.

Coments? Suggestions? and no, it's not done yet! (I think)

Manveru · 06-05-2008

Short

No details

Not even a name.....

Pretty bad.

blarg · 06-05-2008

.... (This is all that da blarg has to say)

genbaby · 07-05-2008

Ok If that is suppose to be a prologue, why are there no names or real descriptions of anything?

Chromos · 07-05-2008

I cant really comment on that- it's just too short.. lengthen it and then we can help you out and give opinions.

Mysika · 07-05-2008

Wow... it's that bad is it blarg...?

Seriously... Learn to write a plot and come up with some original ideas... It isn't even valid to come up with a cheap paragraph and just post it. To be honest to just write something like that, you attract no interest because it's the same boring story plenty of people had already written, only with no tact to it.

wetwranglers · 07-05-2008

I told you already that it's NOT done yet. After all, isn't this the place to WORK on your stories? Everyone's a critic.

genbaby · 07-05-2008

But that is not even enough to be considered a prologue. You don't have to post it all at once.

mzkkbprmt · 07-05-2008

It is also a place to comment on them. You have only posted one paragraph, and that itself is pretty poor in terms of quality of language. If you look at the other posts for this part of the forum, you will notice that most of them are pretty long, posted a chapter at a time. An opening paragraph isn't really worth that much out of context, especially one that could be improved upon.

Mysika · 08-05-2008

I guess you can be commended for the fact that its got some punctuation and isn't all in lower-case, and that you attempted to spell the words properly.

06-05-2008	#1 (permalink)
wetwranglers Lurker Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sheffield, Massachusetts Posts: 22 Threads: 5 Blog Entries: 1 Reputation: -2	Wet Night (A Story) Here's what I have so far: It was about two o’clock in the morning. It had certainly been a rough day, considering the fact that it had rained during the day. I jump as lighting hisses through the sky like a bullet train. It’s not so much the visuals that startle me, but the noise almost made me, you know, wet. Carrack!!! Boom!!! Another huge disturbance in the sky outside. This time I did wet myself. Coments? Suggestions? and no, it's not done yet! (I think)

07-05-2008	#7 (permalink)
wetwranglers Lurker Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sheffield, Massachusetts Posts: 22 Threads: 5 Blog Entries: 1 Reputation: -2	Read! I told you already that it's NOT done yet. After all, isn't this the place to WORK on your stories? Everyone's a critic.

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06-05-2008	#2 (permalink)
Manveru Cthulhu F'thagn! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Age: 21 Posts: 355 Threads: 38 Gallery Uploads: 22 Wiki Edits: 13 Blog Entries: 2	Short No details Not even a name..... Pretty bad.

06-05-2008	#3 (permalink)
blarg Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Some where next to link... Posts: 127 Threads: 12 Blog Entries: 4 Reputation: 6	.... (This is all that da blarg has to say)

07-05-2008	#4 (permalink)
genbaby Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland USA Age: 14 Posts: 1,304 Threads: 26 Wiki Edits: 5 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 6	Ok If that is suppose to be a prologue, why are there no names or real descriptions of anything?

07-05-2008	#5 (permalink)
Chromos Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Davy Jones' locker Age: 19 Posts: 956 Threads: 42 Wiki Edits: 4 Blog Entries: 5	I cant really comment on that- it's just too short.. lengthen it and then we can help you out and give opinions.

07-05-2008	#6 (permalink)
Mysika Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Perth, Western Australia Age: 20 Posts: 219 Threads: 3 Gallery Uploads: 3 Reputation: 6	Wow... it's that bad is it blarg...? Seriously... Learn to write a plot and come up with some original ideas... It isn't even valid to come up with a cheap paragraph and just post it. To be honest to just write something like that, you attract no interest because it's the same boring story plenty of people had already written, only with no tact to it.

07-05-2008	#8 (permalink)
genbaby Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland USA Age: 14 Posts: 1,304 Threads: 26 Wiki Edits: 5 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 6	But that is not even enough to be considered a prologue. You don't have to post it all at once.

07-05-2008	#9 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 901 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	It is also a place to comment on them. You have only posted one paragraph, and that itself is pretty poor in terms of quality of language. If you look at the other posts for this part of the forum, you will notice that most of them are pretty long, posted a chapter at a time. An opening paragraph isn't really worth that much out of context, especially one that could be improved upon.

08-05-2008	#10 (permalink)
Mysika Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Perth, Western Australia Age: 20 Posts: 219 Threads: 3 Gallery Uploads: 3 Reputation: 6	I guess you can be commended for the fact that its got some punctuation and isn't all in lower-case, and that you attempted to spell the words properly.