Bambi's Struggles

Eclipse · 09-04-2008

Bambi’s Struggle

04/08/08

Author: Eclipse

WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS STORY WILL HAVE SOME R RATED ABUSE IN IT IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY THIS PLEASE DO NOT READ!

Everything has been soley written by me.

Main Characters:Maria 18 years old-Bitter, Bambi 14 years old-little girl, Alexis 10 years old-defending men, Serenity 5 years old-Peacefulness

Beside the names and ages of the girls above are the meanings of each name, so remember thos definitions because they mean a lot to how they play their character in the story.

Chapter 1

The sound of cars, honking horns, and people occasionally screaming sounds off outside, as the sun slowly starts to shine through Bambi’s pink window shades onto her face. Her eyes start to flutter and finally open as she lets out a long tiresome yawn stretching her arms and legs all at the same time. After she finishes stretching, she turns over on her side curled up hugging her pillow, which was her favorite position to sleep in. She laid there already starting to daydream what her day was going to be like when suddenly she heard a loud “BANG!” She sits up immediately to see her door has been swung open violently with her little sister running in prancing around singing a little tune with a Dora the Explorer backpack on her back.

“Serenity! What are you doing!?” Bambi announces in annoyance from being disturbed from her day dreaming.

“Mommy got me a new back pack for school! See!” She squeals turning around to give Bambi a look at it.

“That’s nice hun, now go get Daddy so he can get you ready for school. You do not want to be late for your first day of school do you?” Bambi responds in a tired tone.

Bambi, still sitting in her bed, notices a feeling of wetness between her legs and bottom and legs on her blue pajama pants with yellow stars and moons. She lifts the covers and looks down seeing that she wet the bed again last night. She sighs in frustration with it being the third time this week and it is just now Friday. She usually only wets the bed once a week, sometimes twice, but never three times, at least not since she was twelve years old.

Bambi gets out of bed and begins to take the sheets off but saves the comforter since it is still dry, and throws them into the laundry shoot in the hallway and goes back to her room to get ready for the day. Before she does, she gets caught up looking out the window watching all the people walking and driving on the streets of New York City. She starts daydreaming again, about what it would be like to be one of those people and live own her own and have good job. She always hated being cramped up in a four bedroom brick row home with all her sisters and parents, it just was not enough room. Suddenly she snaps out of it hearing her mother in the distance calling her name.

"BAMBI! Come get your breakfast!" She yells up the steps.

"Okay I will be down in a little while!" She responds

She started by getting out of her sopping wet pajamas and panties, after taking them off she stood in front of her closet picking out her outfit for the day. This was always a hard task for her because she was very fashion conscious. After about ten minutes she decided on picking out some tight bell bottom jeans, a pink Abercrombie polo, some matching pink socks and pink cotton bikini panties. She walked down the hall with her towel wrapped around her, on her way dropping her wet pajamas and panties in the laundry shoot and closing the bathroom door behind her.

About forty minutes later she comes out of the bathroom showered, clothes on, hair up, and a little bit of make up on. She makes sure to grab her finished homework off her desk, puts it in her backpack, and carries it downstairs to the kitchen with her purse. Entering the kitchen, she sits her backpack and purse at the front door then sits down at the kitchen table to join her Dad, her five-year-old sister Serenity, her 10-year-old sister Alexis, and her eight-teen-year-old sister Maria.

“Mornin’ everyone,” Bambi chirps cheerfully.

“Mornin’ Bambi!” Everyone responds close to the same time, except Alexis not responding from being too busy eating her scrambled eggs and hash browns. Their Mom turns around from doing dishes at the kitchen sink.

“Well good morning sweet heart! Your awful quiet coming in this morning, is everything okay?” Her Mom says with a concerned voice, while looking Bambi into the eyes across the kitchen.

“Yeah, I guess…” She mumbles, as she starts to eat her breakfast that was waiting for her on the table. She knew there was something bothering her but she did not want to talk about it in front of all her sisters. She continued eating her breakfast, but about half way through her clearing her plate her mother whistles silencing Maria’s phone call with her boyfriend Mike, and hushing Alexis and Serenity arguing.

“Girls, I and your father have something very important to tell you, we figured this would be the best time to tell you all since this is the only time we are all together as a family anymore.” She says softly with a pause and her eyes getting watery, “You know how I and your Daddy have been making trips to the doctor a lot?”

“Yeah, Mom.” Maria and Bambi are the only ones that reply with the other girls staring with their mouths open and their Father watching the girls with a frown.

“Well we have been going because a couple months ago we found out that I had breast cancer, but we did not what to tell you girls because we know you all are under a lot of stress from school and your sports.” She makes a small pause but before she can continue Alexis stands up with tears welding up in her eyes.

“Now girls, yesterday I just found out that the cancer is in its last stage and has spread to my bloodstream, they say I might have four more weeks to live, if we can not get it to recede with the Chemotherapy I have just started.” Their Mom says softly in her always-kind caring voice, as a tear streams down her cheek.

“Mommy your going to die?” Serenity says confused not understand the situation because she does not even fully understand death yet.

Tears start streaming down every ones cheeks by now, they all stand up and get up and hug their Mother with Serenity joining the hugs too. They end up crying into each other for about ten minutes but seem like 10 hours to all of them. They all leaned back and wiped their tears.

“I love you girls very much, and remember no matter what happens I will always have love in my heart for you and be watching over you.” She says wiping the tears of each of the girls and giving them all a kiss on the cheek.

“We love you too Mommy.” All the girls respond together.

“Now go get your stuff for school girls or you will be late!” So the girls run off and get their things but before any of them leave they all end up in the kitchen crying and hugging their Mother again, this time without their Father.

“Well so much for getting you girls to school on time today. Hehe.” Their Mother says trying to make light of the situation.

All the girls got their stuff and left to start walking for school except for Bambi and Serenity. Serenity sat quietly at the kitchen table waiting for her Father to finish getting his things ready to take her to her first day of school, but Bambi stayed behind because she had something she wanted to tell her Mom.

“Mom, I need to talk to you about a problem I am having.” Bambi says with her head down as she walks back into the kitchen with her head looking at the floor.

“Sure, what is wrong sweetie?” She says with a look of concern on her face.

“Well you know how I wet the bed once every week or two?” She says still with her head down.

“Yeah…” Strains her faced looking a little more relieved as it is not as serious as she feared it to be like most caring mothers do.

“It has been happening a lot more recently, like three times a week now. I do not know what to do; I try to pee before bed every night and not drink before bed.” She says in a frustrated voice with a tear running down her right cheek. Her Mother then grabs her and hugs her.

“Its okay Bambi, I know you can not help it, do not worry about it right not, just go to school, your already going to be late. Your father will give you a ride to school and we will talk about this when you get home.” She says looking Bambi into her eyes and giving her a kiss on her forehead.

“Okay Mommy” She whispers as she wipes her tears and grabs her stuff. Her Father puts his arm around her and walks her and Serenity out the door while her mother watches.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 will come in the next day or two, just be patient, this is going to bea very long story with at least 20 some chapters which will all be about this length. Thanks fo reading!

Abigail · 09-04-2008

It's good, and I love the concept, sounds very promising.

Your chapter moved pretty quick... a little too quick for me to take in everything. I think the beginning was good.... but when you get to where she shared the news.. that needs to be a little more in-depth. No, I don't expect the girls to start running and screaming like the world is going to end, but I do want to see more emotion. Even if you said something like "Alexis looked like a zombie," or something along those lines, just describe what they are doing, where they are sitting, what there facial features are, etc...

I look forward to reading more.

babymikey · 12-04-2008

woohoo i love this

Eclipse · 28-05-2008

Thanks for the feedback guys, but I need more peoples feedback, thanks.

I do apologize about being slow on writing this but I got really busy with finishing up the semester, but chapter 2 is over half way done. So I am hoping to have it up in the next 24 hours.

Also mandi I still do not understand what you mean by adding facial expressions, I can see several places in the chapter where I described facial expressions. I think your just being nit picky!

Eclipse · 28-05-2008

Chapter 2

Bambi arrives at school late and goes to her first class for the day. She sits quietly not talking much to anyone else. She is too busy worrying about her mom and her bed-wetting to think about school right now. By time lunch rolls around, she starts to wake up and become in a bit of a better mood. After buying her lunch, she sits down with her two friends Lizzie and Ashley. They are the only two girls she actually hangs out with outside of school.

“Hey Bambi, you look down today, is something wrong?” Lizzie asks in a concerned tone, as Bambi sits down.

“Yeah I can read it on your face like a book.” Ashley says jokingly as she always does.

“Well…this morning my Mom told us that she has last stage breast cancer.” She says softly as tears start to well up in her eyes.”

“Awww…I am so sorry Bambi, if there is anything we can do for you please let us know.” Lizzie says softly, while looking Bambi in the eyes with Ashley nods in agreement.

“Thanks guys but I’ll be okay.” Before says right before she takes a bite of the cardboard school pizza.

Suddenly she feels a slap on her right butt cheek and she turns to her right side to see her boyfriend, David sitting down beside her.

“Hey Babe, what’s up?” David says with a big grin.

“Nothing, I am not in a good mood.” Bambi speaks softly with her head down and hair blocking her face from David.

“Well that’s nothing new your always down about something Bambi.” David blurts out, not having any remorse for her bad day.

“You’re such a Jerk David! Leave her alone, she is having some family problems.” Ashley says with a stern voice in Bambi’s defense.

“Oh yeah?! Like what?!” David says with a scrunched face, as he try’s to figure out what’s wrong.

“It is none of your concern since you obviously do not care about me.” Bambi says as tears start to well up in her eyes again, this time with a tear escaping and running down her right cheek.

“Of course I care about you Bambi!” David says, while putting his hand on the inside of her leg as he starts rubbing her leg, coming very close to Bambi’s vagina.

Bambi sits there for a couple of seconds as he does this, without the strength from her already battered heart to tell him to stop, she gets up, throws her trash away and leaves the cafeteria. She continues walking until she goes out a hallway door that leads outside, so she can get some fresh air and be alone. She stands there wondering what life would be like if she looses her Mom, as she fears. She starts to sob lightly with tears running down her cheek as she notices she need to pee, but ignores it since it is not too bad. She starts to wipe her tears away and calm down just as Lizzie and Ashley find her. Lizzie walks up and puts her arm around Bambi’s shoulders, which startles Bambi making her jump and turn around to see Lizzie and Ashley.

“You guys! You scared me!” Bambi pronounces, as she notices a warm sensation between her legs, in her panties. Then after a second of feeling it, she realizes she is peeing and takes off running back into school and down the hall to the girl’s bathroom and into a stall slamming the door shut, shoving her jeans and cotton panties down at once and sits on the toilet to finish peeing. After she finishes peeing, she looks at how much damage she did to her panties and jeans, to see that her panties were soaked between the legs and a spot about the size of a softball between her legs. She tries drying them by wiping them with some toilet paper with little success she wipes herself pulls her panties and pants back up. As she washes her hands, she figures she will just grab the hoodie in her locker to tie around her waist for the rest of the day.

Bambi arrives in class just barely making it there before the late bell rings, and sits in her seat to see Lizzie and Ashley sitting already. She tries not to acknowledge them, but they start asking her questions immediately before the teacher starts class.

“Why did you run off Bambi? We were only trying to help.” Lizzie says trying to look Bambi into the eyes.

“Yeah Bambi, we are worried about you!” Ashley says seriously for once.

“If I tell you, you must not tell anyone okay?” Bambi says turning her head to the left then to the right to look at Lizzie then Ashley.

“Okay yeah, of course!” Lizzie and Ashley respond at the same time.

Bambi does not say a word but lifts up the hoodie off her lap to expose her wet spot on her jeans, and then quickly puts the hoodie back over it. “It happened when you two scared me outside, I had to pee, and I guess the combination of that, scaring me, and being upset made me pee, so I took off running to the bathroom.” Bambi says quickly, to explain before class starts.

“It’s okay Bambi, your secret is safe with us.” Ashley responds as Lizzie smiles and nods her head just before the teacher cuts them off.

“Excuse you girls!” The teacher says glaring at the three of them.

“Sorry Mister Hazzle.” Bambi says with her head down to her desk.

Class starts and Bambi finishes out her day without anymore tears or accidents and gets on the bus for her ride home. On the ride she wonders why she has started bed-wetting and now an accident at school. She has always wet the bed since she was potty trained but it has become more frequent and this was the first accident she has had during the day since she was twelve, excluding a few spurts from laughing, barely enough to dampen her panties. Before she knew it her stop was up and she got off the bus and walked home, while trying to look on the bright side about how she is happy that she was able to avoid David the rest of the day. Except the happy thought does not last long when she remembers just as she opens her front door, that her Mom wanted to talk to her about her accidents when she got home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please give feedback, Chapter 3 will come with in a few days.

genbaby · 28-05-2008

Can you not put a few months between chapters this time.

diaperedbabygirl · 28-05-2008

I love the story so far

Abigail · 29-05-2008

Yey another chapter!

Now I get to critique!

1) Something that has been bothering me is the fact that she has breast cancer, and a week to live. They'd cut it off... or the cancer would be gone. Only way she'd be dying is if it spread through the rest of her body.

2) A lot of your dialog seems forced, it just doesn't seem natural.

3) " had to pee, and I guess the combination of that and peeing upset made me pee" < think you made a boo-boo there.

4) One last thing... I think you should slow it down. We just learned that she was wetting at night, and now she wets at school for the first time. It kinda seems unrealistic, and I know this is promising, so i want it to be the best it can be!

Eclipse · 30-05-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mandi

Yey another chapter!

Now I get to critique!

1) Something that has been bothering me is the fact that she has breast cancer, and a week to live. They'd cut it off... or the cancer would be gone. Only way she'd be dying is if it spread through the rest of her body.

2) A lot of your dialog seems forced, it just doesn't seem natural.

3) " had to pee, and I guess the combination of that and peeing upset made me pee" < think you made a boo-boo there.

4) One last thing... I think you should slow it down. We just learned that she was wetting at night, and now she wets at school for the first time. It kinda seems unrealistic, and I know this is promising, so i want it to be the best it can be!

1.) Obviously you did not read my entire story and it says a month not a week, and it also says last stage breast cancer which means it has spread to the rest of the body, and i said she was going on chemo. I find this disrecpectful that you just critque like 3 things here that were not true at all. I am starting to think (close to know, cause I seen you mention you can be competive before) you are trying to critque as much as possible because your jealous of the good competition! Your taking a bit too far, specially this early in the story.

2.)Forced? I don't understand what you mean, first complaint about that.

3.)Yeah big boo boo. I will fix it thanks for pointing that out, I have no clue how I missed that.

4.) Maybe it is a tab too quick for the wetting, but it is not like she has had a full day accident yet. It was a small, well moderate spot. On top of that, your not connecting the wetting with other events. I started the story in the middle of huge family crisis purposely, because the mother is only going to be in like 4 chapters, maybe 5. Sorry I half way blew a major event, but I had no choice since your like judging every freakin angle. You should not knock the plot until you see the whole thing! Cause that is basically judging a story by it is cover, since I have no cover to judge from your judging from first two chapters

Also I am using short chapters purposely and leaving people off at good parts, to keep them hooked. So I know what I am doing when it comes to writing (besides the gramar mistakes and typ-o's haha a minor flaw, but that means nothing if you go big, cause thats what editors are for), I did not get an A in college english for nothing

Edit: I will be making the chapters about 25-50% longer around chapter 6. Also fixed that mistake, it was suppose to be, being, not peeing, and i also added another factor that made her pee that I forgot to add.

Abigail · 30-05-2008

Whoaaa. Slow down. Me, jealous? Far from it! If I was jealous I'd let you continue on and not point out any errors I saw. I'm critiquing your story. Showing you what -I- think can be changed and nothing more. You can choose to take it, you can choose not to. However I'm not doing it because I'm "jealous", I'm doing it because your my friend and I want to see your story do the best it can! As for "competition"... please. I could really care less whether I had competition or not, if I did my stories would have been stopped a long time ago, there are MANY out there better than mine. I write because it's fun, and not once did I mention that I'm competitive.

With that said, Eclipse, Good luck with your story. I'm not going to spend my time trying to help when you clearly don't want it, or you feel you don't need it.

09-04-2008	#1 (permalink)
Eclipse Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland, USA Age: 21 Posts: 1,832 Threads: 27 Blog Entries: 2	Bambi's Struggles Bambi’s Struggle 04/08/08 Author: Eclipse WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS STORY WILL HAVE SOME R RATED ABUSE IN IT IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY THIS PLEASE DO NOT READ! Everything has been soley written by me. Main Characters:Maria 18 years old-Bitter, Bambi 14 years old-little girl, Alexis 10 years old-defending men, Serenity 5 years old-Peacefulness Beside the names and ages of the girls above are the meanings of each name, so remember thos definitions because they mean a lot to how they play their character in the story. Chapter 1 The sound of cars, honking horns, and people occasionally screaming sounds off outside, as the sun slowly starts to shine through Bambi’s pink window shades onto her face. Her eyes start to flutter and finally open as she lets out a long tiresome yawn stretching her arms and legs all at the same time. After she finishes stretching, she turns over on her side curled up hugging her pillow, which was her favorite position to sleep in. She laid there already starting to daydream what her day was going to be like when suddenly she heard a loud “BANG!” She sits up immediately to see her door has been swung open violently with her little sister running in prancing around singing a little tune with a Dora the Explorer backpack on her back. “Serenity! What are you doing!?” Bambi announces in annoyance from being disturbed from her day dreaming. “Mommy got me a new back pack for school! See!” She squeals turning around to give Bambi a look at it. “That’s nice hun, now go get Daddy so he can get you ready for school. You do not want to be late for your first day of school do you?” Bambi responds in a tired tone. Bambi, still sitting in her bed, notices a feeling of wetness between her legs and bottom and legs on her blue pajama pants with yellow stars and moons. She lifts the covers and looks down seeing that she wet the bed again last night. She sighs in frustration with it being the third time this week and it is just now Friday. She usually only wets the bed once a week, sometimes twice, but never three times, at least not since she was twelve years old. Bambi gets out of bed and begins to take the sheets off but saves the comforter since it is still dry, and throws them into the laundry shoot in the hallway and goes back to her room to get ready for the day. Before she does, she gets caught up looking out the window watching all the people walking and driving on the streets of New York City. She starts daydreaming again, about what it would be like to be one of those people and live own her own and have good job. She always hated being cramped up in a four bedroom brick row home with all her sisters and parents, it just was not enough room. Suddenly she snaps out of it hearing her mother in the distance calling her name. "BAMBI! Come get your breakfast!" She yells up the steps. "Okay I will be down in a little while!" She responds She started by getting out of her sopping wet pajamas and panties, after taking them off she stood in front of her closet picking out her outfit for the day. This was always a hard task for her because she was very fashion conscious. After about ten minutes she decided on picking out some tight bell bottom jeans, a pink Abercrombie polo, some matching pink socks and pink cotton bikini panties. She walked down the hall with her towel wrapped around her, on her way dropping her wet pajamas and panties in the laundry shoot and closing the bathroom door behind her. About forty minutes later she comes out of the bathroom showered, clothes on, hair up, and a little bit of make up on. She makes sure to grab her finished homework off her desk, puts it in her backpack, and carries it downstairs to the kitchen with her purse. Entering the kitchen, she sits her backpack and purse at the front door then sits down at the kitchen table to join her Dad, her five-year-old sister Serenity, her 10-year-old sister Alexis, and her eight-teen-year-old sister Maria. “Mornin’ everyone,” Bambi chirps cheerfully. “Mornin’ Bambi!” Everyone responds close to the same time, except Alexis not responding from being too busy eating her scrambled eggs and hash browns. Their Mom turns around from doing dishes at the kitchen sink. “Well good morning sweet heart! Your awful quiet coming in this morning, is everything okay?” Her Mom says with a concerned voice, while looking Bambi into the eyes across the kitchen. “Yeah, I guess…” She mumbles, as she starts to eat her breakfast that was waiting for her on the table. She knew there was something bothering her but she did not want to talk about it in front of all her sisters. She continued eating her breakfast, but about half way through her clearing her plate her mother whistles silencing Maria’s phone call with her boyfriend Mike, and hushing Alexis and Serenity arguing. “Girls, I and your father have something very important to tell you, we figured this would be the best time to tell you all since this is the only time we are all together as a family anymore.” She says softly with a pause and her eyes getting watery, “You know how I and your Daddy have been making trips to the doctor a lot?” “Yeah, Mom.” Maria and Bambi are the only ones that reply with the other girls staring with their mouths open and their Father watching the girls with a frown. “Well we have been going because a couple months ago we found out that I had breast cancer, but we did not what to tell you girls because we know you all are under a lot of stress from school and your sports.” She makes a small pause but before she can continue Alexis stands up with tears welding up in her eyes. “Now girls, yesterday I just found out that the cancer is in its last stage and has spread to my bloodstream, they say I might have four more weeks to live, if we can not get it to recede with the Chemotherapy I have just started.” Their Mom says softly in her always-kind caring voice, as a tear streams down her cheek. “Mommy your going to die?” Serenity says confused not understand the situation because she does not even fully understand death yet. Tears start streaming down every ones cheeks by now, they all stand up and get up and hug their Mother with Serenity joining the hugs too. They end up crying into each other for about ten minutes but seem like 10 hours to all of them. They all leaned back and wiped their tears. “I love you girls very much, and remember no matter what happens I will always have love in my heart for you and be watching over you.” She says wiping the tears of each of the girls and giving them all a kiss on the cheek. “We love you too Mommy.” All the girls respond together. “Now go get your stuff for school girls or you will be late!” So the girls run off and get their things but before any of them leave they all end up in the kitchen crying and hugging their Mother again, this time without their Father. “Well so much for getting you girls to school on time today. Hehe.” Their Mother says trying to make light of the situation. All the girls got their stuff and left to start walking for school except for Bambi and Serenity. Serenity sat quietly at the kitchen table waiting for her Father to finish getting his things ready to take her to her first day of school, but Bambi stayed behind because she had something she wanted to tell her Mom. “Mom, I need to talk to you about a problem I am having.” Bambi says with her head down as she walks back into the kitchen with her head looking at the floor. “Sure, what is wrong sweetie?” She says with a look of concern on her face. “Well you know how I wet the bed once every week or two?” She says still with her head down. “Yeah…” Strains her faced looking a little more relieved as it is not as serious as she feared it to be like most caring mothers do. “It has been happening a lot more recently, like three times a week now. I do not know what to do; I try to pee before bed every night and not drink before bed.” She says in a frustrated voice with a tear running down her right cheek. Her Mother then grabs her and hugs her. “Its okay Bambi, I know you can not help it, do not worry about it right not, just go to school, your already going to be late. Your father will give you a ride to school and we will talk about this when you get home.” She says looking Bambi into her eyes and giving her a kiss on her forehead. “Okay Mommy” She whispers as she wipes her tears and grabs her stuff. Her Father puts his arm around her and walks her and Serenity out the door while her mother watches. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2 will come in the next day or two, just be patient, this is going to bea very long story with at least 20 some chapters which will all be about this length. Thanks fo reading! Last edited by Charlie F; 29-05-2008 at 12:40 PM. Reason: Update Chapter

28-05-2008	#5 (permalink)
Eclipse Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland, USA Age: 21 Posts: 1,832 Threads: 27 Blog Entries: 2	Chapter 2 Bambi arrives at school late and goes to her first class for the day. She sits quietly not talking much to anyone else. She is too busy worrying about her mom and her bed-wetting to think about school right now. By time lunch rolls around, she starts to wake up and become in a bit of a better mood. After buying her lunch, she sits down with her two friends Lizzie and Ashley. They are the only two girls she actually hangs out with outside of school. “Hey Bambi, you look down today, is something wrong?” Lizzie asks in a concerned tone, as Bambi sits down. “Yeah I can read it on your face like a book.” Ashley says jokingly as she always does. “Well…this morning my Mom told us that she has last stage breast cancer.” She says softly as tears start to well up in her eyes.” “Awww…I am so sorry Bambi, if there is anything we can do for you please let us know.” Lizzie says softly, while looking Bambi in the eyes with Ashley nods in agreement. “Thanks guys but I’ll be okay.” Before says right before she takes a bite of the cardboard school pizza. Suddenly she feels a slap on her right butt cheek and she turns to her right side to see her boyfriend, David sitting down beside her. “Hey Babe, what’s up?” David says with a big grin. “Nothing, I am not in a good mood.” Bambi speaks softly with her head down and hair blocking her face from David. “Well that’s nothing new your always down about something Bambi.” David blurts out, not having any remorse for her bad day. “You’re such a Jerk David! Leave her alone, she is having some family problems.” Ashley says with a stern voice in Bambi’s defense. “Oh yeah?! Like what?!” David says with a scrunched face, as he try’s to figure out what’s wrong. “It is none of your concern since you obviously do not care about me.” Bambi says as tears start to well up in her eyes again, this time with a tear escaping and running down her right cheek. “Of course I care about you Bambi!” David says, while putting his hand on the inside of her leg as he starts rubbing her leg, coming very close to Bambi’s vagina. Bambi sits there for a couple of seconds as he does this, without the strength from her already battered heart to tell him to stop, she gets up, throws her trash away and leaves the cafeteria. She continues walking until she goes out a hallway door that leads outside, so she can get some fresh air and be alone. She stands there wondering what life would be like if she looses her Mom, as she fears. She starts to sob lightly with tears running down her cheek as she notices she need to pee, but ignores it since it is not too bad. She starts to wipe her tears away and calm down just as Lizzie and Ashley find her. Lizzie walks up and puts her arm around Bambi’s shoulders, which startles Bambi making her jump and turn around to see Lizzie and Ashley. “You guys! You scared me!” Bambi pronounces, as she notices a warm sensation between her legs, in her panties. Then after a second of feeling it, she realizes she is peeing and takes off running back into school and down the hall to the girl’s bathroom and into a stall slamming the door shut, shoving her jeans and cotton panties down at once and sits on the toilet to finish peeing. After she finishes peeing, she looks at how much damage she did to her panties and jeans, to see that her panties were soaked between the legs and a spot about the size of a softball between her legs. She tries drying them by wiping them with some toilet paper with little success she wipes herself pulls her panties and pants back up. As she washes her hands, she figures she will just grab the hoodie in her locker to tie around her waist for the rest of the day. Bambi arrives in class just barely making it there before the late bell rings, and sits in her seat to see Lizzie and Ashley sitting already. She tries not to acknowledge them, but they start asking her questions immediately before the teacher starts class. “Why did you run off Bambi? We were only trying to help.” Lizzie says trying to look Bambi into the eyes. “Yeah Bambi, we are worried about you!” Ashley says seriously for once. “If I tell you, you must not tell anyone okay?” Bambi says turning her head to the left then to the right to look at Lizzie then Ashley. “Okay yeah, of course!” Lizzie and Ashley respond at the same time. Bambi does not say a word but lifts up the hoodie off her lap to expose her wet spot on her jeans, and then quickly puts the hoodie back over it. “It happened when you two scared me outside, I had to pee, and I guess the combination of that, scaring me, and being upset made me pee, so I took off running to the bathroom.” Bambi says quickly, to explain before class starts. “It’s okay Bambi, your secret is safe with us.” Ashley responds as Lizzie smiles and nods her head just before the teacher cuts them off. “Excuse you girls!” The teacher says glaring at the three of them. “Sorry Mister Hazzle.” Bambi says with her head down to her desk. Class starts and Bambi finishes out her day without anymore tears or accidents and gets on the bus for her ride home. On the ride she wonders why she has started bed-wetting and now an accident at school. She has always wet the bed since she was potty trained but it has become more frequent and this was the first accident she has had during the day since she was twelve, excluding a few spurts from laughing, barely enough to dampen her panties. Before she knew it her stop was up and she got off the bus and walked home, while trying to look on the bright side about how she is happy that she was able to avoid David the rest of the day. Except the happy thought does not last long when she remembers just as she opens her front door, that her Mom wanted to talk to her about her accidents when she got home. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please give feedback, Chapter 3 will come with in a few days. Last edited by Eclipse; 30-05-2008 at 04:33 AM. Reason: grammar edit

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-04-2008	#2 (permalink)
Abigail Bride of Hypnotoad Historical Donor Staff Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Windsor, ON, CA Age: 18 Posts: 2,156 Threads: 90 Gallery Uploads: 37 Blog Entries: 11	It's good, and I love the concept, sounds very promising. Your chapter moved pretty quick... a little too quick for me to take in everything. I think the beginning was good.... but when you get to where she shared the news.. that needs to be a little more in-depth. No, I don't expect the girls to start running and screaming like the world is going to end, but I do want to see more emotion. Even if you said something like "Alexis looked like a zombie," or something along those lines, just describe what they are doing, where they are sitting, what there facial features are, etc... I look forward to reading more.

12-04-2008	#3 (permalink)
babymikey Away Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: usa Posts: 107 Threads: 7 Gallery Uploads: 2 Reputation: 1	woohoo i love this

28-05-2008	#4 (permalink)
Eclipse Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland, USA Age: 21 Posts: 1,832 Threads: 27 Blog Entries: 2	Thanks for the feedback guys, but I need more peoples feedback, thanks. I do apologize about being slow on writing this but I got really busy with finishing up the semester, but chapter 2 is over half way done. So I am hoping to have it up in the next 24 hours. Also mandi I still do not understand what you mean by adding facial expressions, I can see several places in the chapter where I described facial expressions. I think your just being nit picky!

28-05-2008	#6 (permalink)
genbaby Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland USA Age: 14 Posts: 1,304 Threads: 26 Wiki Edits: 5 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 6	Can you not put a few months between chapters this time.

28-05-2008	#7 (permalink)
diaperedbabygirl Regular Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Mass, USA Age: 17 Posts: 320 Threads: 12 Gallery Uploads: 12 Reputation: 3	I love the story so far

29-05-2008	#8 (permalink)
Abigail Bride of Hypnotoad Historical Donor Staff Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Windsor, ON, CA Age: 18 Posts: 2,156 Threads: 90 Gallery Uploads: 37 Blog Entries: 11	Yey another chapter! Now I get to critique! 1) Something that has been bothering me is the fact that she has breast cancer, and a week to live. They'd cut it off... or the cancer would be gone. Only way she'd be dying is if it spread through the rest of her body. 2) A lot of your dialog seems forced, it just doesn't seem natural. 3) " had to pee, and I guess the combination of that and peeing upset made me pee" < think you made a boo-boo there. 4) One last thing... I think you should slow it down. We just learned that she was wetting at night, and now she wets at school for the first time. It kinda seems unrealistic, and I know this is promising, so i want it to be the best it can be!

30-05-2008	#10 (permalink)
Abigail Bride of Hypnotoad Historical Donor Staff Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Windsor, ON, CA Age: 18 Posts: 2,156 Threads: 90 Gallery Uploads: 37 Blog Entries: 11	Whoaaa. Slow down. Me, jealous? Far from it! If I was jealous I'd let you continue on and not point out any errors I saw. I'm critiquing your story. Showing you what -I- think can be changed and nothing more. You can choose to take it, you can choose not to. However I'm not doing it because I'm "jealous", I'm doing it because your my friend and I want to see your story do the best it can! As for "competition"... please. I could really care less whether I had competition or not, if I did my stories would have been stopped a long time ago, there are MANY out there better than mine. I write because it's fun, and not once did I mention that I'm competitive. With that said, Eclipse, Good luck with your story. I'm not going to spend my time trying to help when you clearly don't want it, or you feel you don't need it.