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15-03-2008
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#1 (permalink) |
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Regular
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Perspective of Jimmy
Perspective of Jimmy By BabyGrizzy Jimmy has had so many bad things happen to him over the years, the only one who he can trust is the only parent he has left. Jimmy’s dad died when he was eight, and for months, the shock and depression had caused him to wet the bed almost every night, which is where his second life began. CHAPTER 1 “Jimmy! Hurry or you will be late for school!” Tom said, that one fateful morning. Dad did this every morning before school, at exactly 7:05 AM. He would tickle Jimmy, until he was forced to get out of bed. No matter how much he denied it, Jimmy loved the attention, just like any normal child. This morning was no different from any other, but somehow, Jimmy felt…wrong; he couldn’t quite put his finger on the cause, though. He shrugged off the feeling. “Okay, okay, I’m going!” He got up sleepily, got dressed, and went to the kitchen table, where a bowl of cereal awaited him. He dug in. Tom just smiled at him. “Alright, come on, get your teeth brushed, and let’s get this show on the road, little man!” Jimmy did as he was told, and hopped into his dad’s car. Jimmy dozed off for a minute, when he was shaken awake, “Wha—,” he began, but then he saw it, the short stretch a road way leading to school. Another boring day, but at least he would have time to talk to Ted about the N64 he had purchased the day before. Even for an old video game system, it was great fun. CHAPTER 2 “Um, Jimmy…the principal wants to see you in her office…it’s an emergency…” The teacher had the tone of voice that his Mom used to explain that Uncle Fred couldn’t live forever, and that an angel had taken him to heaven. This was serious. He got up, and walked to the door, and grabbed his backpack outside. “Why was Mom with the principal and why was she crying?” Jimmy thought, with a cringe, “Did I do something wrong? Am I in that much trouble?” His mind went into a frenzy, what could he have done that was making Mom cry? Little did Jimmy know, nothing would ever be the same again. Jimmy walked through the door, the first thing he said was, “Why isn’t Dad here?” His mother turned around and began crying harder. The principal continued, “Jimmy, we need you to be strong, something very bad has happened…Your dad was hit by a car after he dropped you off here at school. “ Mom interrupted, “Daddy didn’t make it,” she couldn’t talk any more; she slumped down in a chair, her eyes red and wet. “You mean he’s in the hospital, right? He’ll get better, right! He always does! He can make it!” Jimmy began crying, he dropped to his knees, begging that his daddy was alright, “Please, please, please…” The principal shook her head slowly, tears beginning to form in her eyes, as well.” “HE HAS TO GET BETTER! I NEED HIM, HE CAN’T DIE! NO! NO! NO! I WON’T LET HIM! GOD CAN MAKE HIM BETTER, GOD MAKES EVERYONE BETTER!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, sentence broken off by a wail of despair. “I’m sorry…” was all that the principal could say. She led Jimmy and his mother into the nurse’s office, to calm down some, so they would be able to drive home. They hugged for what seemed like an eternity. Their despair seemed to be infinite, never ending. The man who kept Mom running and strong was no longer. No one in that situation could handle it any better, especially not at the age of eight. CHAPTER 3 “Mommy, it’s not true…it’s not true…it’s not true…” was all that could escape the eight year olds mouth that night. “I promise, it will be better in the morning…You don’t have to go to school for the rest of the week at least!” said Mom with a fake smile and a makeshift happy voice. A parent who can look strong will often make it better for everyone else. When she left the room, Jimmy was a little bit calmer. The true effects of his father’s death would not set in totally for a long while. That night, Jimmy’s mind went over every little detail of his father’s relationship, every important event, every birthday, everything. It was all so much for a child to handle. “Happy birthday Jimmy, guess what’s in the big box!” His dad’s voice rang out. The boy’s eyes snapped open, only to find a very cold spot on the bed. He was petrified! If Mom found out, he was in big trouble for sure! Jimmy took off his SpongeBob pajama pants, stuck them at the bottom of his hamper, and put his second pair on, hoping no one would see the wet spot. Those ten seconds were a defining moment for the eight year old boy. CHAPTER 4 “Wake up little man!” Dad’s voice rang out. “DADDY! I KNEW YOU WEREN’T…” His voice was cut off. It was his mother, but…how? He had heard his dad’s voice, but, Mom didn’t sound like Dad… He looked; it was exactly 7:05 AM. “Mommy…where is Daddy?” Her smile broke. Her lip quivered, but she tried to speak normally, “Breakfast is on the table, my brave boy!” she ran out of his room. Her footsteps faded off. Jimmy heard faint crying, but that was beside the point. “Where was Daddy? Why was mommy acting so weird?” he thought, “Breakfast time now, I’ll figure out this mystery later!” Mom walked back in. She decided to change Jimmy’s sheets, so he wouldn’t see she was crying. The sheets were ripped off the bed, and right in front of her eyes, only one large yellow stain, she bent down to sniff it, just in case it was apple juice. It wasn’t. She shrugged it off as an accident, because Jimmy has never had any bedwetting problems before. For the rest of the day, Jimmy watched television, and Mom cried. He never did actually hear his mother’s cries, because she stayed away from him. She only came near him to get cleaning supplies from the kitchen twice, both times she only smiled. She knew if she responded to Jimmy’s questions about her awkward behavior, she would burst into tears. I want to know what you all think of it so far! |
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16-03-2008
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#7 (permalink) |
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Regular
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Well this is a very, very, short read. You don't even delve into his relationship with his dad. You also shouldn't tell us what's going to happen in an introduction... You needed to take your details, and multiply them by 100 and then maybe the length will be sufficient. Chapters are not paragraphs this is very important to know!
And before i go off i'd like to remind you about proper grammar. Whenever you have a character speaking and you switch characters to allow someone else to speak you HAVE to make a new paragraph, you cannot have two different speakers in the same paragraph. This is a major rule in the English language and it also helps out a lot to see who is speaking. Over all i'm not much of a person for drama so i'm not gonna bother saying how i enjoyed this, i'll leave that to those who like drama. ~blarg |
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17-03-2008
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#9 (permalink) | |
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Quote:
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