Summer Camp

[Thunder]

Okay, so this is the prologue to a story idea that I had. Please, give me all the feedback you can, as well as some good constructive criticism. Depending on the replies I'll decide whether or not to continue. I'd like to know what you all think.

___



“Just a few more minutes…” I thought to myself. Yeah, 10 minutes, that’s all. I’ve been waiting for it all year. In just 9 minutes and 47 seconds now, school’s out for an entire 2 months! How much better can it get? I took out my cell phone and texted Alex, one of my best friends. “Man, 9 ms and 11 secs, and we’re out of this crap-shack.” He immediately sent me a reply. Thank god for cell phones… “YEAH! Tom, wtf shd we do latr?”

“Excuse me, I hope you’re all paying attention,” our teacher butted in, quickly but silently shoving my phone into my pocket, we all said, “Yes, we are.” 7 minutes and 11 seconds left. Damn, is it ever going to ring? I was starting to thing we would be here all summer.

“Okay, kids. Since summer starts today, I have a handbook of different overnight camps that you can go to over the summer. The cool thing about these is that you can pick a camp where you might learn a skill or do something special, and your parent’s won’t know what you’re doing. This way you can surprise them when you get home! Basically, how it works is this. You pick a camp you would like, and find it’s number. Your parents don’t know what the camp is unless you tell them when you get back. It goes from piano playing to rock climbing. From video gaming to other enjoyable activities. Whatever you would like to do is in this summer camp book. So I’m going to pass one to everybody here.” Urghhh! Could our teacher be ANY more boring? 6 minutes and 56 seconds!? Time is going slower now, if that’s even possible. I’m going to lose it here any moment now. I threw the thing in my backpack. It’s probably just a bunch of crappy school things. Last thing I want this summer is more school.

After what felt like months, we were finally ten seconds away. “Nine… Eight… Seven…” Everyone started to join in. “Six, five, four, three, two… ONE!” After the next two minutes, my ears would ring for days. But that was no matter. We’re free, no more of this crap till’ next year. Augh, life is great. My locker was covered in rust, and when I opened it, I thought a cat was dying somewhere. Whatever, next year I’ll get a new one. Let’s blow this joint.

And then, we all ran outside and sang a song, every one of us in key. That’s how school is these days, you know? Yes, I’m messin’ with ya. What a stupid movie. Whatever. Doesn’t matter anyway. As soon as I got home I got on the computer, and logged on to facebook. Then, I cruised over to one of my TB forums and chatted for a while. One of my favorite stories had a brand new chapter, it was really good, but I hate the author for the cliffhangers he writes. And he only updates like twice a year, for god’s sake.

I should probably clean out my backpack, I said to myself. Hmm… I guess my mom isn’t going to be home for another few hours, what’s the harm it could do? I went over to one of my drawers and pulled it completely out. There was a small space under the dresser fit for storage, so I kept all of my TB items there. I’m not that old, so I don’t have much, but it keeps me alive. I had a few diapers left from a pack of Depends I bought a couple weeks ago, and 3 pacis, 2 bottles, a small container of baby powder and wipes. I took out a diaper, and grabbed my favorite paci and popped it in my mouth. Oh, how good that felt after a long school year. I slid the diaper under me, and dashed the slightest amount of baby powder on my front. Not enough to smell up the room, but just enough so I could enjoy the pleasant smell. I slapped on the tapes, and stood up, wearing only the diaper and a T-Shirt.

“Okay,” I thought to myself, “let’s clean out this backpack.” Notebooks after notebooks flew onto my bed, and then immediately into the trash. A few bad marks went with the notebooks, and the papers with the good grades went in a pile for my mom to see. “What is thi… Oh, yeah that thing our teacher gave us. I opened to a random page:

Robotics Camp!

Learn how to build and program a robot with all of your friends! We’ll have a competition at the end of our weeklong camp, so get ready to have some fun!

$450 For the weeklong session.
Limit: 16 Kids, 12-18

#AD449

“What is this crap? I read through several more crappy ones, until…”

TB CAMP

If you are interested, you know what this means. One month, everything included.

$1975 For the 4 week session.
Limit: 12 TB‘s, 13-16

#B7XX7

My heart was pounding at this point. Wow… 4 weeks. That’s one hell of a long time to be away from home, but if it is what I think it is… and almost two thousand dollars, too. That would be hard, but at this point, the only thing I could think of was how much I wanted to go to that camp. I hastily scribbled the camp number on my hand thinking of how I was going to convince my mom to let me go.

A little bit later, I finished writing down a note card that I would use to convince her to let me get away for a month. I was lucky enough that my mom wouldn’t know what I was doing. This whole camp thing sounded like a good idea in the end. I threw my jeans on over my diaper, and started working my magic. A few hours afterwards, I was signed up for the camp. Life is sweet.

___



Each chapter might be an entire day, or maybe half of a day. They will most likely be longer than this.

Please tell me what you think.

[satyrical]

Hmmm. It's not like the summer camp idea is entirely original, but I think you could do a really good job with this story. You've set it up really well.

[Thunder]

Originally Posted by satyrical

Hmmm. It's not like the summer camp idea is entirely original, but I think you could do a really good job with this story. You've set it up really well.

Thanks. The set up tends to be the hardest part IMO, but I have quite a bit of the plot already figured out.

[Takashi]

Needs quotations when people are speeking and if the person is thinking it should be in italics also draw out what your doing put alittle more detail into it. Other then that the idea looks promising.

[Matrix Blade]

Good start. I like where it could go.

[Thunder]

Okay, I'll try this out and see where it goes. I'll write up a few chapters, see where everyone is at and go from there.

Thanks for the comments, I need to know what you all think.

[tdlrfootedpjs]

I think you have some mad skillz and talent when it comes to your writing. I think you could pull off the premise of this story very well. I will be watching the thread for more.

[diaperedteenager]

Hmm...interesting. Not what I was expecting, I like it so far.

[Thunder]

Okay, sorry. I've thrown together another chapter, and remember, without your comments, I don't know what to improve.

Without further stalling and annoying preaching...

Chapter 1

“Listen, man, I’m sorry. I’ll see you in a month…” I said over the phone.

“No, damn it! You said you were home all summer. I’m freaking pissed!” he said back.

“I’m sorry, I really want to do this.” I said.

“Do what? What the heck could be more important than being home spending time with your friends. What, are you going to, anyway, Latin camp? I don’t freakin’ get it bro. Half your summer… I can’t get over it.” Alex said.

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it. Four weeks is only so long, I’ll be back and we’ll hang for the rest of the summer!” I could understand why he was upset, but he didn’t have to be so rude about it.

“I don’t care. Bye.” He hung up.

Damn, now I felt terrible. I threw my phone in the charger and reached under my pillow and pulled out my pacifier, and threw it in my mouth. I laid down on my bed and looked at the clock. 8:49. “It’s getting late quickly.” I thought. I went online and talked to a few of my friends, but Alex didn’t respond to anything I sent him. I went to my e-mail, who uses email anymore, right? But it was just because the TB camp asked for a kid’s personal email address. There was a letter from them in my inbox.

Dear Tom,

You have enrolled for 4 weeks of TB Camp with us. I’m sure you’re pretty excited, just like everyone else who is coming. You were the second to last to get in, you came pretty close, but you’re in, so that’s good, right?

Let me go through a bit about what camp is going to be like:

You may have already expected this, but everyone is going to be wearing diapers the entire time, including both of us counselors, and we’re TB’s ourselves. We have high quality diapers, so you don’t have to worry much. There are absolutely no bathrooms on the entire campground, so it won’t matter much. There are NO exceptions on diaper use, for both functions at all times. If you are caught peeing outside, there might be consequences. We’re not trying to be rude, that’s just what we’ve decided on. We KNOW that you’ll all love the cabins, and everything else we have ready for you.

It’s not going to be a “hardcore” twenty four hour baby time thing, it’s just going to be almost like a regular summer camp with a twist. Although, there will be a few days of nearly around the clock baby time. Don’t worry, we will not cut you off from the rest of your life, there are computers with internet access in the community room. I also brought my Xbox so we can play video games, too. There are also board games, and some other things for entertainment. We hope you all arrive on Saturday afternoon around 4 PM.

Please arrive with at least one pair of underwear, as well as a pair to bring home, even if you are in possession of diapers. We plan to have a burning of them, around a bonfire Saturday night. We’ll roast marshmallows and make smores, and talk about what we’ve planed for the first few days.

We can’t wait to see you all.

- Counselors Eric and Layla.

I read the letter in extreme anticipation. Today was Thursday, just tomorrow, and Saturday night I’ll be at camp with some new friends hopefully wearing some diaper I’ve only dreamed about. I felt a little pressure, so I let my bladder go for a moment, and my diaper held up fine. I finished wetting and than laid down on my bed, enjoying the comforting feelings of my sheets, diaper and pacifier. It must have only been twenty seconds before-

*Knock, Knock*
“Hey, Tom?” My mom said through the door.

“Yeah Mom?” I said, quickly throwing my jeans on, and throwing the pacifier back under my pillow. I unlocked the door.

“It’s almost Ten. You should probably get some sleep, you need to pack and get ready for Saturday.” She said.

“Okay, sure. I’m going to put some PJ’s on and get to sleep.”

“Fine. Good night, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She left the room, and I took off my clothes, and threw my used diaper in a plastic trash bag and threw it in my hiding spot, grabbing a new one for tonight. I cleaned myself up, applied some powder and taped the diaper on from under me. The feeling was great. I put on some bed clothes, and went to brush my teeth. I came back, and took off my pants, and went hopped into bed. I turned my DS on and started playing GTA until I finally fell asleep.

The next day I didn’t really do much, I was a little tired, but I decided to go outside. I was upset that I didn’t get another E-Mail from them, but I guess it was okay. I went outside and played street hockey with a few friends, but heard nothing from Alex. I saw him later that day though, and ran up to him, and tried to talk some sense into him.

“Hey, Alex, come on! You would think you would be less of a jerk about this!” I said.

“You know what, Tom? I just don’t think you give a damn. Go f*** yourself.” He walked away, and I stared open-mouthed at his back, slowly getting farther and farther away.

“What the hell! You freakin’ jerk!” I yelled to him. He just kept walking, and I turned away. “I don’t need this shit.” Is what I said on the surface, but inside, I was regretting this decision already. Was this really what I wanted? To go wear diapers in the woods for a month? I reached my house, and went up into my room.

“Yes.” I thought. “This IS what I want. All of my life I’ve been dreaming for something like this, he is not going to ruin it for me. I’ll make new friends at camp, I don’t need to be friends with someone who flips out becau…

And I started to break down in tears. This might have been a bad decision. I decided to not think about it anymore. I was going to camp, one way or another, and I would forget about him. I played Halo until supper, after supper I put on a diaper, went to bed, and after I went to bed I woke up. Yep, boring as heck.

*Yawwwwwn!* I exclaimed, getting up. I changed out of my wet diaper into a pair of underwear and finished packing. I packed my favorite stuffed animal, my two favorite pacifiers, and A LOT of clothes. I knew we would be doing laundry, and I had an idea that we wouldn’t be needing too many jeans and t-shirts.

The day went by, and my mom called me. “Tommy! It’s time to go!” She said,

“Okay, coming!” My heart was racing at this point.

I fell asleep in the car ride for a while. My mom woke me up, and there it was. Before my own eyes- the place where I would be staying for the next month.

There were 3 REALLY BIG cabins that looked like they were split into two, around a circle with a flagpole in the middle. There was another cabin which I imagined was the counselor’s , a shower room and a cafeteria. In the background, there was a really pretty lake, it was clear blue, and the sun reflected off of it, it was a very picturesque scene. There were seven kids already there, and my counselors were standing there. My mom got out of the car and talked to the counselors for a while, and after a while, hugged and kissed me, and left. I went over to the kids, they were all smiling and waving at me.


I’m here,
this is it.
For four weeks,
this is home.

This is- TB Camp.

[secretdl26]

Really good start, had an idea for a story like this earlier, but didn't have time to write it. Just one suggestion (please don't take offense!): try to clean up the parts of the story so it flows.

One example of a passage:

I played Halo until supper, after supper I put on a diaper, went to bed, and after I went to bed I woke up. Yep, boring as heck.

It's a little halting, so you may want to cut out some details so the story flows a little better.

Again, really good start.