Him

[Samaki]

Hey guys, I haven't been posting much, so I decided, why not post what I've been working on.

I quickly wrote this, yeah I realize it's short, it's really short. I just need some critique. I know there's something wrong with this story, I just don't know what, I've been really tired lately and I haven't been able to think well.

I don't get to work on this story often, my parents like to look over my shoulder while I'm on my computer, and they don't leave a lot =/.

There's nothing tb/dl or anything in this story, it's just a little 'romance' novel I wanted to write.


Prelude:

I looked at him and sighed.

“Oh fuck get back in here”, I heard her scream.

Good old Chris being an idiot like always; he had leaned out of the side of the cart and had almost fallen, if Sarah hadn’t been there, he probably would be just a splat on the pavement.

I looked across the fair; it seemed peaceful, even though there was so much commotion, the Ferris wheel was always my favorite part of these types of things.

I looked back at him, oh, his beautiful eyes, his wonderful smile; it was amazing I could hold myself back from climbing across the cart and kissing him. I don’t know if I can keep this secret back anymore, it haunts me everyday, with every part of my body, but, but… I love him.



Ch. 1:


“BEEP, BEEP”, went my alarm. “Hellooooo Minneapolis, it’s nine in the morning, we have some of the best music heading your way. Stick around, have some fun, all rock, all day.”

Summer, one of my most favorite times of the year, no worries, no work, just relaxing, and having fun. I quickly jumped out of bed and got ready for, what I didn’t know of at the moment, was going to be one of the most important days of my life.

After taking a shower and getting ready I quickly marched down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Hello hun” I heard. I looked to where the sound came from.

“Hey mom, what’s for breakfast?”. She just stared back at me, “Well we have the gourmet bacon, with the most amazing Eggo Waffles. There’s only one rule, you have to make it yourself”, being sarcastic like always, buy I loved her.

I quickly made a bowl of cereal, said goodbye to her and bolted out the front door.

I ran to the house across the street from mine and knocked on the door. A few moments later it opened and I saw my best friend in the world, one of the few people who knew my secrets, my deepest secrets. “Hey Sarah.” I said.

“Oh hey Erin,” she said back “I was just getting ready to leave actually, a new family moved down the street and I wanted to welcome them to the neighborhood. You can come with me if you’d like.”

I nodded and we quickly walked out the door, of course Sarah had one of her ‘famous’ pies in hand to give to the new neighbors, just being near it made my mouth water.

We quickly walked down the street; the house wasn’t that far down, maybe 10 houses.

We walked up to the front door and knocked.

The door quickly opened, and I almost fainted. I had never seen anyone so… soo… Beautiful? No that’s not the write word. I couldn’t explain it, but those eyes, they were, they were… “Oh my god”, I quickly said.

Then I did faint.





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Yeah for some reason only some of the indents didn't get copied but whatever.

[Secret]

it was a good start. keep going and change this.

being sarcastic like always, buy I loved her.

[huggies_cutie]

Yah I agree with secret, its a good start. But for your next chapter please remember to edit your work as I found many MANY grammar mistakes, which disrupts the flow of your writing.