I Need Prom Dress Help! :)

[Kiani]

So, as many of you may or may not know, I was born male, but am starting the transition process to become female! I am very exited about this and am becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin. While I am not "out" officially yet as transgender in school I do wear somewhat "girly" clothing and try to present my own sense of style when choosing what way I dress for the day. Just earlier today I wore my girl American Eagle jeans into school for the first time, and only a few people noticed. The people that did say things to me gave me complements on my butt, which was nice.

But now that I am becoming more comfortable and want to show who I really am, I really want to go to prom as a girl! I feel like this would make me feel beautiful and really present who I am to the outside world. I have talked about it with some of my friends that know and they are supporting of me going in a dress and high heels, but, just like me, aren't sure where I should look for prom dresses that would fit me, as well as look good on me! I am 5'9" and weigh 170 pounds. Thankfully I have an athletic build and somewhat have hips, but not as much as a girl, obviously.

Any help you could give me in the way of prom dresses or general transgender prom stuff would be great! Another thing I was pondering was if I would need administration approval for going to prom like this. My admin already know that I am a transgirl because of a bathroom incident (Not my fault, they seemed to think they legally didn't have to provide me a gender-neutral bathroom!), so should I ask them if I can go to prom this way? I'm not entirely sure how to go about this, I want to make sure I can go to prom and just have a good time, not cause a scene if they wouldn't allow me entrance.

Hugs, Kisses, and Crinkles!

Kiani

[LittleMiss]

First off you do NOT need admin approval to go to prom as a girl (to deny you going to prom as a girl would be an illegal infringement of your freedom of expression and if the school throws a fit get the ACLU on your side, they're really big on things like this right now) (check to see if your jurisdiction has anti discrimination laws here TLPI: U.S. Jurisdictions that include transgender people in human rights laws) though you may want to warn them in advance so that they know what's going on and can deal with any problems that may arise (people heckling you and whatnot)

second off about your dress, yay!! dress shopping is super awesome!! I don't know of any place that caters exclusively to trans folk for formal dresses so online might be your best option to avoid potential humiliation/heckling.

now to find a dress that fits your shape, here Prom Dress Step 1 is a guide that will help you pick the style of dress that would flatter your figure,armed with that knowledge we move on to color! Now what color dress will look good on you is entirely dependent on you, things like your skin tone, hair color (or wig color if you're going to be wearing a wig) and eye color all can determine what colors will look good on you. here What Colors Look Good on Me? is a guide to help you figure out what colors will look good on you!

Now that you have a dress type and color it's time to think about size, your women's jeans size can be used as an indicator for your approximate dress size (your dress size may be a couple sizes larger than your jeans depending on how big your shoulders are and such). Knowing your approximate size go to websites and look for dresses using that size as a filter, when you find a few dresses that you like it's time to measure yourself! Now first things first, are you going to be wearing falsies? if so you're going to want to be wearing them when you do your measuring. (you might have to buy a special bra to go under the dress so you can't see the bra or its straps under the dress) Then you're going to measure your bust (over the widest part of your chest/boobs) your waist (the thinnest natural part of your abdomen usually an inch or two above your belly button) and your hips (the widest part of your hips over your butt)
you use these measurements to find a dress that's approximately the right size (the dress you find will most likely be too big in the bust and you will need a seamstress to alter it to fit it t your measurements)

now shoes and jewelry. these need a female confidant to help match them to your dress but for the heels, pick a low heel or no heel, believe me, unless you've been wearing sky high heels for a while you will turn an ankle on prom night, which would be no fun...




any who good luck and have fun!! you can pm me for any more questions and advice!!!

[monkeegurl_90]

I don't think you should have too many issues finding a dress at a store. You just have to go out and find the one that fits like every other girl!! If worst comes to worst you could always find someone to help you make one! good luck!

[Kiani]

Thanks your help everyone! I am VERY exited for prom now looking into this more! Hah. You all have absolutly NO idea how exited I am for all of this!

My mom knows that I'm a transgirl, and she says that she respects that, but it doesn't feel that way to me. Yesterday she was trying to tell me that I wanted to be a girl because I was afraid to live with guys in college, which isn't true at all. I don't care if I live with guys or girls in colege, honestly. I just want to live with someone that understands me, or if nothing else, live with someone that respects me and doesn't look down on me. She says she's always open to talking, and very open to being different, but her actions don't back that up. Yesterday I told her I wanted to go to prom as a girl, and she told me "You have no idea the consequences of your actions." I'm not really sure what that means, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to go to prom as a girl. Oh wellllll, I guess. Hah. If you all could give me advice for this that would be great! I do have therapy later today so we might talk during that, but I'll let you all know how that goes.

I think I'm going to let my admin know that I plan on going to prom as a girl today and hopefully get a good reaction from them, but either way I'm still going to try and go ahead with my plan.

I thought about how I could do the dress shopping without having an incident with someone being rude or immature!! I was thinking I could call ahead to a store that only sells one specific dress per school (that way nobody would have the dress that I have!) then tell them the situation, make sure they understand, and see if they can provide me help with finding a dress! That way I know I will be respected and thought of as an individual at the store, and have a good time dress shopping. I think that a smaller sized store would be more understanding and helpful for finding a dress.

I think that's about it for now! If any of you see a cute dress online feel free to drop the link in here! I would love to see fun and cute dresses

[whitefox]

Oh my goodness, that's exciting! I'm trans as well, and went to the prom last year with no issues. ^ ^
First off, I really would recommend letting the administration know what's going on. Mine were really supportive, and said they'd handle any issues that arose, but thankfully everyone at my (very little) school is cool with me. Secondly, you said you're not out to the entire school yet? Just be careful and make sure you hang around some friends while you're there. Coming out is kind of a big thing, and not everyone takes it well. You're extremely brave! It took me two years until I started 'cross-dressing' in public, let alone at my school around people I know.

As far as a dress, the biggest advice I could give is to wear something that will draw attention away from your shoulders (if they're big). And try to stay away from strapless dresses that require big boobs to wear. I'm skinny with big shoulders and no boobs, so I went with something that had a big ribbon around the waist. It poofed out at the bottom to make my waist look bigger, and hid my feet (which are enormous x.x; ). It was this one, actually! MORGAN & COMPANY LONG WHITE AND BLACK LONG GOWN | eBay (That's not me, though!) I probably should've went with something with bigger shoulders, but it worked. It was already padded, and I wore a strapless bra that added a cup size, so it wasn't completely flat.

I got it from Belk's. I don't know if you have those in Maryland, but it's just a department store, like Macy's or JC Penny's, or Dillard's (maybe you've heard of those?). If you're nervous, go with a friend! That can make things a lot easier. As long as you can pass reasonably well, you shouldn't have any problems. I mean, if anyone says anything, they just lost their business from you, so you have some power there. I don't know if it would be better to go to a locally-owned store, but if you have any connexions, that could definitely help.

Good luck! And like I said, you're really brave, and awesome. <3

[PrincessLily]

That's awesome! I wish I went to my graduation ceremony/party (aka prom... well we don't often use "prom" up here in Canada) as a girl and wear a dress! Of course, back then I never had any courage to do so! At least I went on wedding dress shopping with my mom and sister last month (in Las Vegas) and it was fun! So that made up for it. lol

Anyway, dress shopping are fun! Macys are great place for dresses... thats where I got my wedding dress from. =) They have plenty of good ones!

[Starbright]

Make sure you follow the school dress code for girls entirely. That's something that could be easily forgotten and while they may let it slide with some girls, it's likely an area where they'd pick at you for.

That said, my experience with prom is that if you're doing something the administration wouldn't necessarily approve of, you can get into a bit of obnoxious behavior from the school. My ex girlfriend wore a tux when she went with me. We purposefully showed up 30 minutes late to avoid causing a scene during the opening ceremony. We still got attention from the administration when going in and it was unfortunate.

I'd suggest looking for dresses suited to banana or apple shaped girls depending on your weight. There are girls without curves out there and flattering dresses to work for them. A-line dresses look good on just about everyone.

I suggest shorter dresses that would draw attention to your legs since they'd likely look fabulous in heels- or something with a slit. Schools will likely have very strict length requirements though. Girls really do come in all shapes and sizes, so don't let your lack of significant curves get in the way- trust me, there are plenty of girls that are envious of the semi straight up and down model look. If you find something with bulk at the hips that will help, and having a belt or something at the waist- preferably darker than the dress fabric, will make your waist appear more defined.

I have a pear shape so I've never had to worry about making my hips defined, but have tons of friends that agonized over having a straight up and down figure.

And I wouldn't worry about the "consequences" of going dressed fully as a girl too much- you'll be out of highschool soon enough and will hopefully be able to move on and be who you are.

There's been studies and people perceive women as more attractive when they're exposing 40% of their bodies. (Not getting into the sexism and modesty issues here- but we're just going to accept that as a society's ideal for now) so I imagine if you balance it out and show more of your arms and legs, then you can do so- especially since the shorter styles are in. That'll give you more coverage up top if you choose so, which would likely help with the breast issue.
I haven't shopped here so can't vouch for them, but something like this would give you an appearance of a more hourglass figure and is a trick used by my thinner friends: Sensation A-line Halter Style Knee-length Azure Matti Satin Bridemaid Dresses - Garcialili.com
Or this, which will give you the illusion of more hips: Elegant A-line Above The Knee Length Sweetheart Light Purple Bridemaid Dresses - Garcialili.com
A sheath dress looks good on banana shaped women as well, and would give a little more coverage up top: Black Charming Sheath/Column One-shoulder Short/Mini Chiffon Prom Dress - Garcialili.com
Something like this would look great too: Red Graceful Sheath/Column Halter Sleeveless Floor-length Chiffon Prom Dress - Garcialili.com

I'm partial to reds in terms of color but it depends on your skin tone too.
I can't help much in terms of where to buy, but thought I'd recommend flattering cuts/styles for enhancing curves. I'm petite and got my dresses as hand-me-downs so have no clue where people buy.

Again, just make sure to stay 100% in line with the school's dress code for prom, because I do know girls that were sent home for that, and it's really unfortunate, not fair, and awful, but it happens.

It would be so hard not getting the dressing room experience though- I know a lot of my friends loved trying on dresses. I'd probably just order online if I were in your shoes to avoid the problems, but I think it'd be hard to miss out on that. I always hated trying on clothes. O.o

[JessicaNekoGirl]

I'm TG but will never be able to transition. So right now, I hate you.
Okay hate is done.

Anyways I'm zoo excited for you. (squeal) I hope you have a fantastic time. Girls take me dress shopping all the time. Mainly cause I got named most likely to become a fashion designer. I have an eye for what looks good. Lol. But yeah it is so much fun. Just to run around looking at things and getting excited.

I would suggest finding a female confident and going with them. Someone who will back you up.

You should post pics of atleast the dress you'll be wearing. I hope you have a great time.

And school admins can be accepting, or bitchy. Depends on where you are at. I live in Western Kentucky, I would be hung if I did that. Or worse, EXPELLED!

(lol harry potter joke.)

[PrincessLily]

I live in Western Kentucky, I would be hung if I did that. Or worse, EXPELLED!

(lol harry potter joke.)

As a big time Harry Potter fan, I knew what quote you talk about exactly. Hehe, good one. =D