Wearing and Social Life

As a diaper fetishist, how do you justify wearing around other people?
Is it exhibitionism?
Is it ethical?
I understand that people who struggle with incontinence have no choice, but isn't it different for someone who does not?

How do you maintain a social life? Do your friends not relate your choice/desire to wear diapers to a fetish? I know no one is interested in my choice of undergarments, but do you really think that they're discreet? I think it's difficult to hide wearing a diaper, and once someone knows that you are, it is probably difficult for them to ignore, even if they don't bring it up.

Sorry to rapid fire questions. I'm not trying to be toxic, I'm just lost. I'd love to hear your thoughts on maybe just one or two of my concerns.

Lastly: I feel as though the opinions of most of the people that I am friends with would be "Who cares? Wear whatever you want," however, if that's the case, why don't I see people in vinyl suits and cat tails everywhere?

A lot of my friends these days are other ABDLs, so they know and might even encourage it. As to my non-ABDL friends, it's none of their business unless I make it theirs. I'm discreet about my wearing, so I fail to see how it is an issue of exhibitionism or ethics.

Personally, I've never had an issue with my friends. The pretty much all know I wear 24/7 and none of them seem to care. Some of them even make little jokes about me, ergo my signature. They also know I'm gay. True friends like you for you, not what fetishes you have or what you do with your genitals. If you think your friends will be accepting of you, like friends should be, it will make it less of an issue in the future IMHO.

On another point, people don't walk around with bondage equipment on because it's BLATANTLY OBVIOUS what it is. Lol. I personally have worn my fox ears and tail in public. A diaper is much different though. As long as you keep it covered up, like normal people do with their undergarments, it's no one's business what you're wearing under your pants. Just don't sag em like an a-hole and you're fine.

Hope that helps.

These are tough questions, for sure. I can't speak to wearing around "friends", mainly because I have none (other than online ones). And no, that's not a stab at wanting sympathy, I am a recluse by choice!

Moving on, earlier today I put on my very first adult disposable diaper. I still have it on, and am getting used to the feeling. Now, how do I feel about walking around outside of my room, where the people I live with may notice me? Honestly, I'm terrified.

I live with my parents and younger brother, and am definitely the loner of the family. I spend the most time isolated, in my room, not really interacting much with everyone else. I have come to accept that I am not that much of a social person.

However, there are obviously times when it is not possible to completely avoid being around those with whom I live, no matter how hard I try (not because I don't love them, of course). This is where my own problem begins.

I have a number of reasons for wanting to wear diapers regularly, many of them having to do with self confidence and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I am not ashamed of what I want to myself, but in the eyes of others I am still very much on the fence about how I feel in those regards. My biggest fear is not being accepted the way I choose to be. I am sure you can relate, given what you have said here.

I know eventually I will have to explain myself and my lifestyle choice to those immediately around me sooner or later, no matter how scared I am of what the reactions may be. Chances are I am getting myself worked up over little to nothing. Of course, I won't know that for sure until I go through with it, which is the hard part...

Sorry if I seem like I am rambling on about myself, I just want to establish a baseline relation to your situation, if you get what I mean. I feel for you, and attribute many aspects of your situation to my own.

Anyways, as for your specific concerns;

If diapers for you are a straight-up fetish, and particularly if it is at all sexual in nature, I would say wearing them all the time around other people is NOT necessarily the best idea. Sexually stimulating things should be kept private, in my opinion.

On the flip side, if your fetish for diapers is something that is not always sexual, and/or easily contained within yourself when in public, I see no reason not to indulge whenever you please.

The big question I would ask yourself first and foremost is, "Is it hurting anyone else?". The answer will obviously be, "No". As long as you can say that, it doesn't seem to me unreasonable to wear diapers around other people.

Now, whether or not those people will or won't notice, and what they may or may not think, is a whole different story. That is when you may find out who your TRUE friends are, because a real good friend won't judge you for lifestyle choices you make, at least not ones like whether or not to wear diapers all the time. If you choose to be open and honest about it (as opposed to trying as hard as you can to hide it, which I personally think makes things even more obvious) those who stick with you and support your choices are the ones you want to call your friends.

Again, I can't stress enough that I myself am very reclusive, and very rarely get out of the house to be around people, and furthermore am still new to wearing diapers period, let alone around others. These are just my thoughts and opinions on your circumstances, and how I feel I should probably be viewing my own issues. It's tough, though, when you deal with something yourself. I always find it easier to try and help other people figure out how to deal with things, rather than dealing with my own problems.

I guess that's just the way the world works sometimes.

Uhmmm... plastic pants help alot especially pul. Onesies keep them less noticable too. Loose pants... get creative broseph.

Unfusedd said:

As a diaper fetishist, how do you justify wearing around other people?
Is it exhibitionism?
Is it ethical?
I understand that people who struggle with incontinence have no choice, but isn't it different for someone who does not?

How do you maintain a social life? Do your friends not relate your choice/desire to wear diapers to a fetish? I know no one is interested in my choice of undergarments, but do you really think that they're discreet? I think it's difficult to hide wearing a diaper, and once someone knows that you are, it is probably difficult for them to ignore, even if they don't bring it up.

Sorry to rapid fire questions. I'm not trying to be toxic, I'm just lost. I'd love to hear your thoughts on maybe just one or two of my concerns.

Lastly: I feel as though the opinions of most of the people that I am friends with would be "Who cares? Wear whatever you want," however, if that's the case, why don't I see people in vinyl suits and cat tails everywhere?

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The biggest thing is that you shouldn't tell everyone if possible. Only tell your best friend or a few really good friends who are okay with kinks/ quirks. I've made the mistake of telling people who have no business knowing about it. The people who don't need to know you'll probably know before telling them. Some people are not open minded enough to know about that side of you.

Wearing a plain white onesie is a really good way to hide the top of your diaper. Wearing the right size jeans too is a good idea. Don't wear jeans that are too tight, try to wear jeans that are relaxed fit but not too baggy either if you want to keep down the noise.

Telling the wrong people can be a big mistake. I've been ostrisized by the people I told who were not the people who should not know about that side of you.

I suspect that most on this site make sure their diapers are difficult to detect if worn in public. I seldom wear in public with the exception of wearing a cloth diaper when I'm on my bike riding on the bike trail. I wear black, baggy bicycling shorts so they can't be seen. There is a thrill, at least for me when I'm wearing in public. There's a sense of being "little", like a toddler on his bicycle even though I'm the only one who knows. I suppose the thrill of being found out, or just being "little" among all the adults can be fun.

I wear diapers every day and no one has ever noticed as far as I can tell.
I wear a diaper and then my pants. No problems with daytime leaks using a Tranquility ATN for daytime.
I am discreet, but have changed in public restrooms on occassion (at the gym, a restaurant, and a hotel common area restroom)
My kids, my girlfriend, and my parents know I wear and it has not affected my personal activities or social life.
I don't go around asking my friends what underwear they use.
If I was asked, I would say "...uh depends...briefs usually." (they don't need to know that they are absorbent, but it also may make a good joke)

I don't go around wearing a Dry 24/7 or Abena M4 during the day (uh, well, except last weekend...M4 while out shopping at outlet mall as that would be too bulky for regular daily use, but I do it once in a while. Either of those above for every night time use.

None of my friends know, course they still know i'm a furry, but as they put it, they don't give a...well...you know. I just am unsure if they will accept this side of me.

Wow. Thanks everyone.
I really appreciate the support. I didn't mean to like- come at you- you know? I had a really negative outlook, sorry.
I recently started thinking that I'd do what I want with my life, but even more recently realized that it may not be that simple.
Though I don't see it as a solely sexual thing, I am biased.

Relationships are more important to me than wearing, but yeah, I'd like to believe that the two aren't mutually exclusive.

LittlePony, I've been there and it is NOT tight. I'm pretty careful when trusting people now. It was telling the wrong people that set me back from just saying "Who cares?" and doing what I want.

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LittleICme said:

If I was asked, I would say "...uh depends...briefs usually."

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This, my dear friend, is perfection.

I don't generally wear in public. Never to work, and only infrequently when I go out with friends. I'll wear to movie theaters and once in a while if I'm just going out walking for exercise, but in that case it will be on under my jeans, sweater and coat and none are the wiser.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing in public. There's a problem with being offensive in public, which means that if you have the choice between pooping or not, you shouldn't do it, and if you've been wet for a long time, you ought to change. But if you're adequately discreet, then it's nobody else's business. And discretion is a major advantage of diapers, especially good ones.

Unfusedd said:

I feel as though this would be easier if I lived somewhere with seasons. It's either hot here, or hellishly hot.

Archie, I agree. I'm a free spirit but I tend to adhere to a pretty strict etiquette in public.

I'm just trying to figure out whether wearing breaks that code...

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Are you walking around in public with no pants or with your diaper otherwise visibly exposed? Are you masturbating in public in your diaper?

If not, then it's all good.

A diaper is not some evil object and the taboo surrounding adults wearing them is dumb. You say it's different for incontinent people who have no choice, but does a diaper suddenly become unethical when a non-incontinent person puts it on? It's just an article of clothing.

Diapers, for me, are very sexual--bedroom stuff. And, perhaps because of that, the urge to mix them with non-sexual aspects of my life, such as hanging out with friends, etc., has never been particularly strong. I've worn diapers in public a number of times, as well as to class in college, and ultimately concluded that it was more distracting and frustrating than enjoyable.

So how do I justify wearing around other people? I don't have to. And I don't think that having a diaper fetish implies an inclination to indulge it at all times.

Diapers or underwear? does it matter.

What would be the difference between a man wearing boxers or briefs, OR a woman wearing high cut, bikini or thong?

What is under your cloths is your choice. Unless you are going around flashing your skivvies why would anyone care. If they do they are the pervert.

So that's my stand on that one.

I've never worn around my friends, but I do wear in public very occasionally. I'd hate to be "found out", so I'm very discreet about it.

For me, the reason why I wear in public has nothing really to do with being in public. If I could snap my fingers and make everyone else disappear so I'd be certain no one would see me, I'd much prefer it!

The only time I wear in public is when my "stress" levels are so high that I want to wear a lot to calm me down and take my mind off things. And it's relaxing to feel the diaper when going on a walk... and you can't really do that indoors.

Whilst I feel sympathetic towards people who are more exhibitionist, I can't really see how you could ever condone someone who involves unconsenting parties to get their kicks. I can't see that as being ethical.

I have never worn around non-ABDL friends and none of them know about this part of me, so I don't have to try and explain or justify it to them.

As for wearing in public around other random people, I rarely do it, but when I have done it, there has never been a problem with it. As long as you're discreet, don't drag other people into it, and don't treat it like a big deal, then it's not a big deal.

For me it is not exhibitionism. Honestly I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing. It can make ABDL's look bad.

I enjoy wearing in public as long as I have a onesie on to hide it, I'm 6'5" so it's not hard for my diaper to show if I don't use a onesie. It's a liberating feeling to wear when I'm in public, it also gives me a sense of comfort and is much more comfortable than wearing underwear.

Unfusedd said:

As a diaper fetishist, how do you justify wearing around other people?
Is it exhibitionism?
Is it ethical?
I understand that people who struggle with incontinence have no choice, but isn't it different for someone who does not?

How do you maintain a social life? Do your friends not relate your choice/desire to wear diapers to a fetish? I know no one is interested in my choice of undergarments, but do you really think that they're discreet? I think it's difficult to hide wearing a diaper, and once someone knows that you are, it is probably difficult for them to ignore, even if they don't bring it up.

Sorry to rapid fire questions. I'm not trying to be toxic, I'm just lost. I'd love to hear your thoughts on maybe just one or two of my concerns.

Lastly: I feel as though the opinions of most of the people that I am friends with would be "Who cares? Wear whatever you want," however, if that's the case, why don't I see people in vinyl suits and cat tails everywhere?

Click to expand...

On social occasions? Just for a fetish? I would advise against it. Not only would it be exhibitionism if you have to swap out a garment in a public restroom due to some malfunction (tapes coming undone, padding shift, etc.), it would be unethical. You would be spending unnecessary time dealing with a garment that you really don't need, rather than spending it on more productive tasks, like making new friends at a party.

The reality is this: If you want a girlfriend, you have to be mentally sound. You have to be physically fit, strong, healthy, muscular, and handsome. You have to fit the GQ, and dress to impress. The bulge of a diaper is not going to get a date if you are in your mid 20's. A 32 year old woman is going to see a 35 year old man wearing a diaper as a bit creepy. And any female over the age of 55, is going to look at a potential mate, who has to wear the Depend Real Fits, as damaged goods who probably had his first stroke.

This is sad news, I know. But if this is only a fetish, then it would be better to sacrifice a little bit of pleasure for a far larger gain: More friends, better relationships, and a higher income. Most of the public feels that diapers are for babies, old folks, and developmentally disabled people. Do you really want that as part of your image?

Honeywell6180 said:

On social occasions? Just for a fetish? I would advise against it. Not only would it be exhibitionism if you have to swap out a garment in a public restroom due to some malfunction (tapes coming undone, padding shift, etc.), it would be unethical. You would be spending unnecessary time dealing with a garment that you really don't need, rather than spending it on more productive tasks, like making new friends at a party.

The reality is this: If you want a girlfriend, you have to be mentally sound. You have to be physically fit, strong, healthy, muscular, and handsome. You have to fit the GQ, and dress to impress. The bulge of a diaper is not going to get a date if you are in your mid 20's. A 32 year old woman is going to see a 35 year old man wearing a diaper as a bit creepy. And any female over the age of 55, is going to look at a potential mate, who has to wear the Depend Real Fits, as damaged goods who probably had his first stroke.

This is sad news, I know. But if this is only a fetish, then it would be better to sacrifice a little bit of pleasure for a far larger gain: More friends, better relationships, and a higher income. Most of the public feels that diapers are for babies, old folks, and developmentally disabled people. Do you really want that as part of your image?

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Your comments are at considerable odds with my experience and that of the many ABDLs I know.