AB/DL and psychologists

So I'm new to the ab/dl scene, having just embraced my little side. I'm currently working with a psychologist. Started out as a way to figure out how to love myself more (I've always been overweight and self-conscious), then as demons appeared I became quite depressed, and now it's working on that. Good thing is now I'm pretty sure why I'm an ab/dl.

But I digress. I don't want to tell her about my ab side, although she's cool, she's also human. But my question is, do you think not telling her about it is harmful to my recovery from depression? Like, hiding something that at the moment is pretty big in my life. But I haven't come out to anyone, and I'm TERRIFIED that even though she has to remain professional, she'll judge me and stuff. But yet, being depressed is horrible, and I want to try and overcome it.

I guess I want to know your experiences with your ab/dl side and mental health professionals.

-Mooey

BabyGirlMoo said:

So I'm new to the ab/dl scene, having just embraced my little side. I'm currently working with a psychologist. Started out as a way to figure out how to love myself more (I've always been overweight and self-conscious), then as demons appeared I became quite depressed, and now it's working on that. Good thing is now I'm pretty sure why I'm an ab/dl.

But I digress. I don't want to tell her about my ab side, although she's cool, she's also human. But my question is, do you think not telling her about it is harmful to my recovery from depression? Like, hiding something that at the moment is pretty big in my life. But I haven't come out to anyone, and I'm TERRIFIED that even though she has to remain professional, she'll judge me and stuff. But yet, being depressed is horrible, and I want to try and overcome it.

I guess I want to know your experiences with your ab/dl side and mental health professionals.

-Mooey

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Hi Mooey,

I can relate to what you're experiencing. It took me years to admit it to a therapist and when I did, it felt excruciatingly awkward; nothing to do with the therapist but because my desire to dress as a sissy AB was bound up in so much shame and embarrassment for me. My therapist at the time supported it and said it was a very inventive way to give myself comfort. I know just how difficult it can be to admit to another person your AB side but any good psychotherapist or psychologist will not judge you. If they do, my advice is to walk away and find someone with whom you can work on discussing your AB desires, if you think it's appropriate.

I can't tell you whether or not to bring it up; that's a choice you need to make using your own judgement but in my case, there is a crystal clear link between me dressing as a sissy and comfort / stress relief, which all goes back to a traumatic childhood.

Thankfully, I only came across one therapist (a dramatherapist, not exactly revered in the world of psychotherapy) who didn't support me expressing my little side. I have yet to tell my current therapist but I know I will be safe to do so, given how I have been in recent sessions with her.

Wish you all the best in your recovery and that you make the decisions right for you.

BL

xxx

BlankieLover said:

It took me years to admit it to a therapist and when I did, it felt excruciatingly awkward; nothing to do with the therapist but because my desire to dress as a sissy AB was bound up in so much shame and embarrassment for me.

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Same here, minus having told anyone IRL. I feel like it'd be easier if it was purely sexual, for me, but it runs a lot deeper than that, and it's the stuff I have to accept alongside it that eats me up. I haven't had any negative reactions from people who do know and I don't expect any in the future; the shame is all my own. The call is coming from inside the house.

Anyways, I find that when I have something to say, but am unwilling to say it, it's because I haven't really acknowledged whatever it is; like, that I've only thought about it in a shallow, detached way, and if I tried to talk about it "prematurely", I'd freeze up because I wouldn't have my thoughts sorted out yet. That's in combination with perfectionism (bad), though. I don't know if you feel the need to "script" things ahead of time the way I do.

I told my therapist and it was very helpful. For me though it was important because my parents knew about it and it was the cause of a ton of stress for me because they were not very accepting. The first two therapists I had were because of them, and the third was by my own decision so I could recover from my experience I had been through (the first two were very religious in their psycho therapy ideals).

In my opinion, sure it can be awkward, but not as much if you feel like you have a good reason to tell. If you feel like the fear of being found out as a little, or even the confusion about what being little is going to do to your life is something that causes you stress, then I think telling your therapist about your little side will be very important. Also, it can be useful for them to understand that you use this as a type of coping mechanism. I think telling a therapist as a first person to tell is a very useful thing to do because the first time you tell somebody is always going to be awkward, but therapists are lawfully not allowed to tell anybody about it or they loose their license to practice, so essentially, you know for sure that they aren't going to spread rumor. If your therapist acts all weird about it afterwards, you just go find a new one.

There are probably situations where a therapist doesn't need to know about your little side, but I personally feel like a little side is too much a part of a AB's life to leave out of a therapists realm of understanding when trying to help.

My thought is to ask first how much you trust the therapist. As Tyger mentions, some people have had bad experiences with therapists and I don't think I would share if I didn't feel comfortable with the person.

On the other hand, if I liked the therapist and already knew him or her well, I'd definitely share it. I think ABDL is pretty core to most of our identities and it is info that will help the therapist do a better job helping you.

It's interesting to me that this question has surfaced today as I dreamed last night that I was in a mental facility going to group therapy. I remember being confused as to why I was there. I said to the Dr., my mom took my drivers license away from me two weeks ago, but she gave it back to me because I was getting better, so why am I here?

I had this reoccurring dream because when I was in college, she did send me to a large residential mental facility outside of Princeton. I had come home for dinner, and at the table, I started crying and couldn't stop. I went back to my school, but she searched my bedroom and found my diapers and gay porn. She made the appointment and I had to see a psychiatrist.

I can remember waiting in the waiting room by myself, wondering what would happen. My mom had set up the appointment and told him why I was coming, so when I went into his office, I had to tell him that I wore and used diapers and that I was gay, had a male lover, etc. He really didn't understand what having a diaper fetish meant, as he said I would outgrow it. He was more concerned about the homosexuality and liking boys, as this was 1970. Homosexuality was illegal and it could get you committed against your will. I eventually talked my mom out of going to any more sessions.

Things are different now, thank goodness. I think telling him about liking diapers depends on how you feel about participating in that sort of activity. If you are experiencing stress, or guilt because of it, then it's something you should talk about. If you're okay with it and it doesn't seem to be impacting your quality of life, it may not be important. It's something you can discuss later when you fell more comfortable as it is an important part of who you are.

dogboy said:

He was more concerned about the homosexuality and liking boys, as this was 1970. Homosexuality was illegal and it could get you committed against your will. I eventually talked my mom out of going to any more sessions.

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Wow, off topic of the thread, but I just looked up the history of laws against gay relations, and holy crap, I didn't know that it was still illegal in some states up till 2003! That is crazy!

Tyger said:

Wow, off topic of the thread, but I just looked up the history of laws against gay relations, and holy crap, I didn't know that it was still illegal in some states up till 2003! That is crazy!

Click to expand...

The great poet, Alan Ginsburg was committed into a mental institution against his will because he was openly gay. He wrote the collection, "Howl" as a rant against that incarceration. It was a tough time to live as gay. My SO and I went to a diner late at night, and a bunch of guys about our age, started a fight with us, just because one of our party was looking at him. I of course was benching 200 lbs so I wasn't touched. I guess they saw my arms. But it was tense until we left. I might add that the restaurant staff did nothing as this fight was starting to take off right there in their restaurant. No one cared about our kind as we were entirely on our own.

BlankieLover said:

Hi Mooey,

I can relate to what you're experiencing. It took me years to admit it to a therapist and when I did, it felt excruciatingly awkward; nothing to do with the therapist but because my desire to dress as a sissy AB was bound up in so much shame and embarrassment for me. My therapist at the time supported it and said it was a very inventive way to give myself comfort. I know just how difficult it can be to admit to another person your AB side but any good psychotherapist or psychologist will not judge you. If they do, my advice is to walk away and find someone with whom you can work on discussing your AB desires, if you think it's appropriate.

I can't tell you whether or not to bring it up; that's a choice you need to make using your own judgement but in my case, there is a crystal clear link between me dressing as a sissy and comfort / stress relief, which all goes back to a traumatic childhood.


xxx

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That's the thing, is that here, I don't have shame of my little side, but the thought of it off the internet, in real life, I do harbour a lot of shame and embarrassment and guilt, too. But as like you, I now, from having worked with my psychologist, am quite sure that my littleness is from having had a hard childhood. Well, in a nutshell at least. I guess I still haven't 100% come to terms with it all, since I just recently started embracing my little side instead of pushing it away.

Thanks everyone, you've been super helpful. I think that I will probably tell her, although possibly in a few weeks when other things are more sorted. You know, one issue at a time!
I'll keep you posted, hopefully when it happens it goes well.

BabyGirlMoo said:

That's the thing, is that here, I don't have shame of my little side, but the thought of it off the internet, in real life, I do harbour a lot of shame and embarrassment and guilt, too.

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I think it's normal to feel differently about things in different contexts. Like, you wouldn't want to discuss your bathroom habits in public with a stranger, or drop your pants and do your thing on the sidewalk, but I doubt anyone's ashamed just of the fact that they urinate and defecate occasionally.

Hi Mooey.
If you can't tell her, because she'll judge you, then she's not a good psychologist. If she is a real psychologist, my guess is you just haven't given her a chance. Think about how ridiculous it is to not be able to talk to the one person who is trained and gets paid to listen to .your most painful, embarrassing stuff. Go tell her everything before it eats you up.
Jamison

Hello Mooie

I went through the same thing. I have chronic depression and have worked with therapist for 15 years. I almost told my first one, but then It never happened. In December of 2012, 8 years after I stopped wearing Diapers the binge cycle hit and hit with a vengeance. I started to look into the AB/DL situation and found this group. The day after I joined I had an appointment with my therapist. I talked to her about the feelings that I had had for the last month and then told her that I am AB/DL. We talked about it for several more appointments. In the long run, we decided that in my case it came about as part of a PTSD and we used it to my advantage and turned it into a coping mechanism.

To quite beating around the bush, the decision to tell your therapist is up to you. I would say it depends on how comfortable you are with your therapist. This is all a part of dealing with the binge and purge cycle and gaining self acceptance. From there the shame and depression will lessen and balance and control is gained.

Good luck and follow your instincts.

Egor

BabyGirlMoo said:

So I'm new to the ab/dl scene, having just embraced my little side. I'm currently working with a psychologist. Started out as a way to figure out how to love myself more (I've always been overweight and self-conscious), then as demons appeared I became quite depressed, and now it's working on that. Good thing is now I'm pretty sure why I'm an ab/dl.

But I digress. I don't want to tell her about my ab side, although she's cool, she's also human. But my question is, do you think not telling her about it is harmful to my recovery from depression? Like, hiding something that at the moment is pretty big in my life. But I haven't come out to anyone, and I'm TERRIFIED that even though she has to remain professional, she'll judge me and stuff. But yet, being depressed is horrible, and I want to try and overcome it.

I guess I want to know your experiences with your ab/dl side and mental health professionals.

-Mooey

Click to expand...

I can sympathies with what you're going through. I was seeing a therapist for a time last summer, and wrestled with the decision to say anything about my DL side or not. In the end I didn't feel comfortable enough with her to bring it up, and stopped going in shortly after that. I know how uncomfortable the thought of telling someone about this can be though, I understand.
In my case, I don't think not mentioning it was detrimental to my well being in any way.

If you feel comfortable with your therapist, and you trust her, then I would say it probably wouldn't hurt anything to bring it up if you choose to do so, but that's something you're going to really have to decide for yourself, as only you know what the right decision is.
I wish you all the best with whatever choice you make.

Hello All,

Sorry to hear about your dream Dogboy about being in the hospital. I have those dreams EVERY single time I go to sleep. Growing up the children's psych ward (mental hospital) was my mom's punishment of choice. To get them to take me she would lie saying I was suicidal and had just tried to kill myself. They would come take me no questions asked and it was left to me to prove to them I wasn't suicidal like my mom claimed.

My longest stay was two weeks exactly. Nearly ended with me being placed in a state hospital because of one of her reports to get me hospitalized. Not because I was suicidal, but because I got suspended from school for fighting which was really me trying to defend myself from a bully.

Anyway, long story short I was abused in the hospitals ending in PTSD. Thus the hospital nightmares reliving the stays. So I wanted to say I could relate to your dream. I would end up in them and wonder how I got there, the nightmares feeling SO real.

Anyway, to the OP, I have seen therapists since I was 10 years old (24 years now). I didn't actually share being AB until I was 22 to any of the therapists. In all of maybe 8 or 9 therapists since then, only one gave me a problem over it. The one was fresh out of collage and was still being supervised she was so new. For someone like me with my many issues, it wasn't a good fit.

First problem is she would panic anytime I said I was depressed. I had made the mistake of sharing I was only have passing thoughts of suicide, but nothing extreme. A few minutes later she said she needed a cup of water and excused herself. 5 minutes later three security guards came into the room and told me I needed to come with them, that I was being admitted and could come willingly or they would carry me.

As one could imagine I was quite angry. I was released from the hospital 2 days later when they realized it was just passing thoughts and not a true "crisis" and that the therapist had panicked. And if that wasn't enough, because the therapy center and hospital were on the same grounds my file I thought was private ended up being pulled by the psych ward doctor.

He sits down with me and is like "So, you really sleep in a adult size crib at home huh?". I learned later if I was going to share about my AB stuff, I needed to do it with a therapist that wasn't connected to a psych center (a therapist's office that's ran or on the same property as a psychiatric hospital). And the therapist herself actually wanted to try to "cure" me of being AB like it was some mental disorder. It was a disaster.

Anyway, as I said, that was the only therapist who reacted badly. The rest have been very understanding and cool about it. I choose to share it because my role playing is a direct result of my childhood. I use my role playing to cope with my past. It's where I feel safe, comforted, loved, accepted and all those nice feelings we want and need as kids. Only 3 of the 8 therapists had heard of AB's.

The rest I had to explain the basics and they did research on the subject themselves. Including Sheela Stocks, the therapist who was interviewed in the Taboo episode I did. I saw her for over 2 years. She had no clue what AB's were. But she understood what I got from it. She, as well as others came to tell me it was a great way to get the good feelings I wanted. That it wasn't a negative way to cope such as drinking and doing drugs. And is healthy as long as I didn't go overboard with it to the point that it was keeping me from going outside, keeping me from making friends and having a adult life too.

Though a few did wonder if I was into it more than most, and I am one to admit I do get pretty into it with all the props. I like it to feel as real as possible so I go to great lengths with the props to get that feel. But at the same time, I know I am not "REALLY" a baby and can be a adult any moment I need to be.

So to close, you will find many don't even know what a AB is and you may need to explain what it's about and what it's about for you such as what you like to do when role playing. But as others have said, a good therapist won't bite your head off and will be accepting and supportive. And any good therapist after finding out about the subject of AB's who didn't already know would go home later and do research on the subject.

When I told my therapist, I actually had printed out some material I found online myself along with a list of sites she/he could check out later to help her find the real info and not the sex sites. Also make it clear when you share if you want help stopping or not. I was clear when sharing that although I am AB, I have no desire to change/stop being AB. But that I only wish to share because it IS a big part of who I am. I hope any of this was helpful. Take care. **hugs and cuddles**

-Baby Stanley

May I'm repeating, but I recomend "shrinks out of the ABDL." Lot of them never seen any ABDL in whole life and there's not any shrink in a whole world who can change you. And is very normal when shrink doesn't know anything about ABDL world. Can react negative.

Honestly, teenagers (yes, I was too very terrible teenager...) and aceptance of AB or DL kink is something very copmlicated, but if selfhate and self punishing for that harm only that person. At exterior seems "Is depresed and nobody doesn't know why" or (worse) turn to asocial drives (drugs, isolation, more and more depresion etc.)

Enjpoy kink is sane. Be slave of the fetish (24/7/365) is unsane.

I was with school shrink when I was about 12 - 14, but it didn't work in any way. My exGF is shrink (and posibly bipolar) and (mostly for her bipolarity) it didn't work too. I haven't any confidence to shrinks.

May I'm Asperger (not sure,) but very posibly I'm with ADHD. It'll never disapear. I've to deal with it rest of my life. Trying to answer why I'm DL I can't find, but my origen my AB side I found for casuality and by myself only.

I'm my shrink, my boss, my doctor and a lot of etc. Resumed: I'm my god.

Good luck !!!

So I kinda told her last week, when talking about my relationship with my new Daddy. Although we just talked about the vanilla parts of our relationship, I did say some things, like we met on Fetlife (she had no clue what that was) and he made me feel Little. Talked a bit more about it this week, and like a lot of you said, she had no clue at all about the AB/DL world, but I'm pretty sure she's going to do some googling. IDK, it's still really hard to be totally honest with her, because I'm still figuring out what it means to me, and it would be so much easier if she knew about it, because I feel like I don't explain it well, or it just sounds waaaaay to weird when I spell it all out. But I think I am glad it's starting to come out, I mean, it is a (probably pretty big) part of me, and especially now that I have an amazing Daddy in my life. I guess we'll continue on and see how it all goes. Thanks for the support, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one on sooooo many of these things!!

Tyger said:

Wow, off topic of the thread, but I just looked up the history of laws against gay relations, and holy crap, I didn't know that it was still illegal in some states up till 2003! That is crazy!

Click to expand...

If you can find a copy, you've got to watch the documentary "Stonewall Uprising". It blew my mind.

I linked to a copy in my "Online Documentaries" group, but it looks like it's been removed:
https://www.adisc.org/forum/group.php?discussionid=2918&do=discuss

tiny said:

If you can find a copy, you've got to watch the documentary "Stonewall Uprising". It blew my mind.

I linked to a copy in my "Online Documentaries" group, but it looks like it's been removed:
https://www.adisc.org/forum/group.php?discussionid=2918&do=discuss

Click to expand...

When I was in college, my boyfriend and I went there for lunch. It was very different during the day than at night. It also was several years later, but still. We were persecuted many times, and it was never easy.

On topic, I'm glad things are working out for you BabyGirlMoo. These things take time anyway, so maybe going slowly is a very good way to approach it.

BabyGirlMoo said:

So I kinda told her last week, when talking about my relationship with my new Daddy. Although we just talked about the vanilla parts of our relationship, I did say some things, like we met on Fetlife (she had no clue what that was) and he made me feel Little. Talked a bit more about it this week, and like a lot of you said, she had no clue at all about the AB/DL world, but I'm pretty sure she's going to do some googling. IDK, it's still really hard to be totally honest with her, because I'm still figuring out what it means to me, and it would be so much easier if she knew about it, because I feel like I don't explain it well, or it just sounds waaaaay to weird when I spell it all out. But I think I am glad it's starting to come out, I mean, it is a (probably pretty big) part of me, and especially now that I have an amazing Daddy in my life. I guess we'll continue on and see how it all goes. Thanks for the support, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one on sooooo many of these things!!

Click to expand...

Good to hear that things look better. Being in a retionship is probably going to change the dynamic of things a lot . You may find that your need for therapy isn't as great. Usually therapists will try to help you make real life coconnections of people to talk to about your problems. Since you are developing a relationship with somebody that understands your little side. you may not need a therapist for that as much.

However if you still want to talk to your therapist about it,
it, I wouldn't blame you. Therapists can bbe good at helping figure out what things mean to you, You just have to be careful that they aren't the type that thinks they imediately Understand exactly why you feel this way and how it is some Connection to your parents and blabla bla. Make sure your therapist listens to you, and they will likely try to help you Narrow down what it means to you by things you imediately know. Maybe You can start by saying something YOU know for certain, like if you like to wear diapers. That is a good solid place to start. The other thing you can do is say, ''I Sort of consider myself an adult baby, this is what it means in general, but not entirely what it means to me." and then show her this. http://www.toddlertime.com/dx/regression/infantilism.htm

Either way, you areal pretty safe telling just because she can't do anything to you publicly over it, but you do have to be careful that you are making choices about your life based on conclusions you have reached with her assistance rather than ideas that she tries to plant in your head. Or you can start to rely more on your new daddy.

Does she not know much about fetishes in general? I would be surprised if she didn't know about things like bondage or whatnot, but I wouldn't be surprised about her not knowing of a dating website. And especially not surprised about he not knowing about AB/DL's

I told my therapist all about it, all about it and he goes "Yeah I know what Infantalism is.." He went on to explain about stress relief takes different forms. Though to me its much more than stress relief. But then he asks.."Well do you view it as a problem?" To which I just shook my head 'no'. And then he changed the subject after that.. :S