Funny/Strange things you believed as a kid?

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Sanch

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I used to think that the phrase 'a round of applause' was 'a round of our claws', because we were slapping our claws together!

I used to believe that the way the earth rotated meant that when I fell asleep at night, my bedroom would gradually go upside down, until my bed was on the ceiling, before returning to its normal position by the time I woke up.

After watching a program about Minotaurs and Greek mythology at school, I was convinced for several months that there was a Minotaur in the bathroom, hiding behind the toilet. I clearly gave no thought to such logical issues as 'How would it fit?' and 'Why would it be there?'.

As a 9 year old, I told my older brother that I thought sex was when "the woman puts her leg in the man's willy*." Ouch! (*British slang for penis).

As a teenager, I was shocked to see a Ted Nugent album released, because of all the people he'd killed. It was explained to me that that was actually Ted Bundy.

How about fellow ADISCers? Surely I wasn't the only one with a slightly eccentric imagination and an impractical concept of sex! :D
 
Sanch said:
I used to think that the phrase 'a round of applause' was 'a round of our claws', because we were slapping our claws together!

I used to believe that the way the earth rotated meant that when I fell asleep at night, my bedroom would gradually go upside down, until my bed was on the ceiling, before returning to its normal position by the time I woke up.

Ha ha ha! Those are amazing!

I used to think that people died of old-age at exactly 100 years old.

And I remember being amazed when The Queen released a pop single! (Hey, the DJ said, "Here's a song from Queen"... What else is a five year old supposed to think?!)
 
Here's a few (Maybe...)

1. I thought woman gave birth by defecating the baby out, and I thought sex was when people rubbed Land O' Lakes butter on each other (I really don't know what I was thinking or why it had to be that brand).

2. I thought Floppy Disks were called Floppy Dicks, I even blurted out in radio shack that we needed more floppy dicks to the sales clerk, he had to leave the showroom floor because he couldn't keep his composure.

3. I thought that bags were called Fa..., you get the picture. And I ended up yelling that out in the middle of Target in front of a gay couple.
 
tiny said:
And I remember being amazed when The Queen released a pop single! (Hey, the DJ said, "Here's a song from Queen"... What else is a five year old supposed to think?!)

That's superb! I'd love to see her release a few singles, especially if they were based on Queen songs. 'I want to ride my gold state coach...'.
 
I used to think that when people died in films, they actually died and were put in a special box and brought back to life :wallbash:
 
Oh! I remember being taken to school once (age 5 again) when it was icy out. My dad slipped on the ice and landed on his back. I just stared at him with my jaw on the floor in disbelief... "I... I... I didn't know grown-ups could fall over!", I exclaimed.

Oh -- and I remember a flight to the US I was wearing a bodywarmer with "US Navy" written on it. As I got off the plane, an air hostess said, "Welcome back!" to me (presumably thinking I must be American). "Wow! Thank you!", I said in my English accent. I then turned to my dad, "Dad! They remember me from last year!".

And on another flight, when my younger sister was about 5 or 6, they came round with a giant basket of boiled sweets before take-off. As my sister was in the aisle, right at the front of the cabin, the hostess walked up to her and offered her a sweet. My sister's face lit up and she almost screamed, "Ohhhh!!! Thank you!!!" with sheer excitement... and reached out and took the whole basket! She was NOT impressed when my mum explained that she was only allowed to take one sweet! The look on her face! Ha ha ha! The other passengers found it hilarious!

Okay -- I'm sure this has happened to every kid, but once, in a restaurant, my dad pretended he didn't have any money to pay! Somehow the waiter got in on it... and the manager came out to join in the game... and before long everyone in the restaurant was chuckling and joining in. Eventually, my dad said we could do the washing up to pay. There was a pause of silence as I looked from table to table, my face falling more and more solemn as I surveyed the huge number of plates and dishes. I looked back at my father's face in disbelief... at which point the whole restaurant erupted into laughter and applause. I was soooooo confused! (But very relieved when I realised it was just a joke.)
 
I thought that in video games when you died or failed a mission all the characters would have to actually walk back to where they started instead of it just resetting.
 
Couple more I remembered:

I used to think that the person who does announcements in elevators 'Doors Closing etc.' was actually saying it every time, and remember asking my brother how the announcer didn't get tired and need a sleep, as we were using the lift at like midnight!

I also figured that you only pooped if you'd eaten something brown. I remember being freaked out that I'd been for a poo, and hadn't eaten any chocolate that day!
 
Sanch said:
I used to think that the phrase 'a round of applause' was 'a round of our claws', because we were slapping our claws together!

I keep reading that and chuckling to myself... and it made me think of one of my sister's lyrical mishearings...

My family aren't religious, but for some reason we once ended up in a church for the Christmas ceremony. There were a few hymns sung, which were the same songs both me and my sister had to sing at school assembly every day. One of them, "Give me Oil in my Lamp" has the lyrics, "Sing hosanna! Sing hosanna! Sing, hosanna, to the king of kings!".

My sister bellowed out (above all other voices), "Sing hosanna! Sing hosanna! Sing hosanna to the ping-pong ball!"

I couldn't stop laughing! She had been singing those words in assembly for weeks! And no one had corrected her!

- - - Updated - - -

Sanch said:
I also figured that you only pooped if you'd eaten something brown.

Ha ha ha! That's soooo funny! I bet you gave your parents a few smiles when you were a kid!
 
When I was little, I saw commercials for Tucks Medicated Pads (for hemmorhoids). All they showed was someone striking a match and then putting it out with the pad. I was always puzzled as to why someone would use a special pad to put matches out. I thought that maybe they didn't like blowing them out because of all the smoke.
 
Sanch said:
I used to believe that the way the earth rotated meant that when I fell asleep at night, my bedroom would gradually go upside down, until my bed was on the ceiling, before returning to its normal position by the time I woke up:D

You must not have gained access to the "good" drugs in college. Because I'm pretty sure one could make their dorm room do this with the right stuff. Heck, I can almost do it with simple melatonin supplements. :)
 
Firstly, I have to link this. One of my favourite sites when procrastinating in university.

http://www.iusedtobelieve.com/

I used to believe that you had to lean back in your chair in order to reverse the car. Our car's mirrors sucked so Dad always looked over his shoulder when reversing which made it look like he was leaning backwards. So I used to help by leaning back.

I used to be afraid that I was having a baby if I was constipated because it hurt so much. I would check the toilet to make sure I hadn't had one. (It's amazing what silly comments like "Pushing out a brown baby boy" can do to a child's belief system)

Guerrilla warfare was when we got gorillas to fight for us instead.

If a countdown watch reached zero it would explode. I still stop the microwave at 1 instead of letting it go to zero.

That cats were evil and were out to get me and my dog. At least that one turned out to be true.

If my parents yelled at me that they must be impostors. I would cry at night because I thought someone had killed and replaced my parents. (Shows how little my parents ever yelled doesn't it?)

There's more but I can't think of them right now.
 
I can remember one my earliest misconceptions being that teachers lived at school. I always thought that they just stayed there forever and didn't have a house to go home to. Depending on how many overworked teachers you talk to though, they may tell you that my misconception is true to an extent. LOL

Another one that I had was believing that nothing in the world had color until the 1960's or so. I remember talking to my grandma about it and she had no idea what to say. It wasn't until I got older that I learned color has always been around and my misconception started from television was wrong.
 
I thought I would go down the drain with the bath water when my mother pulled the plug.

Some years later I thought my parents and older sister were evil aliens experimenting on me to see how much suffering a human boy could withstand.
 
I remember walking out to our garage with my mom, back when I was very young. She said, "Oh look. There's a chipmunk." and I went crazy looking for a monkey. I thought a chipmunk was the same as a monkey. She explained that they weren't and I was very disappointed. I sure wanted to see a monkey running wild in our yard.
 
Oh god, I could go on and on about all the "bad words" we discussed at our elementary school bus stop, many of which we didn't understand at all, or couldn't pronounce quite right. I can remember getting in trouble for trying out the word "azzle" (asshole) on my sister. I had no idea. One of our friends at the bus stop was of Greek descent, and I can remember him asserting that "britz" (supposed spelling) was the Greek word for fart. We were all like, "Wow, cool!" And, of course, we went on to use it for weeks. He told us stuff like that all the time, though. It wasn't until much later that I fact-checked him and found out that he was full of shit!

EDIT: And I think I've shared this one before, but... I was over at a friend's house when I was six or seven years old, and he and I were throwing paper airplanes off the back deck of his house. One of them sailed over the fence and into a neighbor's yard. That neighbor, it turned out, was a police officer. My friend's older brother had told us that we'd be arrested if we ever threw anything into this guy's yard, so as soon as the plane went over, we ran and hid. We were terrified. My friend's mom saw us bolt from the deck and eventually caught up with us. And she assured us that we weren't going to be arrested for an errant paper airplane.
 
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Myself and my brother convinced ourselves that there was a giant bird in our back tree called the "Mulberry Bird." It was a Mulberry Tree. If it ever caught us it'd kill us.

Dinosaurs were around when my parents were kids. Damn that would've been a scary time to live!

"Dad, what was it like back in the olden days? Did you have a sword?"

I think this came from the idea that I couldn't imagine my parents ever getting old so assumed they had lived forever. A cool misconception.
 
tiny said:
My sister bellowed out (above all other voices), "Sing hosanna! Sing hosanna! Sing hosanna to the ping-pong ball!"

This had me in stitches! We used to have Sing Hosanna at school assemblies quite often, though sadly with the boring old words. On that note, I play table tennis quite a lot - I think I'm going to sing your sister's verse next time I win a lucky point. ;)

tiny said:
Ha ha ha! That's soooo funny! I bet you gave your parents a few smiles when you were a kid!

Thanks. Both me and my brothers had what you might call 'active imaginations'. One of them used to regularly phone the Speaking Clock when he was about 4/5 years old, as he was convinced they were 'Best Friends'. Adorable, but slightly odd!
 
I used to think that Johnny Rivers was singing about a "Secret Asian Man" (Secret Agent Man). As if the guy was trying to keep his racial heritage on the down low. :)
 
Sanch said:
Both me and my brothers had what you might call 'active imaginations'. One of them used to regularly phone the Speaking Clock when he was about 4/5 years old, as he was convinced they were 'Best Friends'. Adorable, but slightly odd!

Ha ha -- I remember my sister having long conversations with the dialing tone, and insisting that she was speaking to "the cows and horses"!

I also remember trying to imitate the ring of our house phone. My mum (presumably realising I was playing a game) would answer the phone and act surprised when there was no one on the other end. I was convinced that I could imitate any sound with my voice!

At one point (age ~8) my sister decided she didn't like her name... and would only answer to to the name "Strawberry". She refused to explain why, but kept it up for two weeks... after which, she apparently forgot about it. To this day, she denies all knowledge that it ever happened!
 
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