brabbit1987 said:
Being open is a lot more likely to cause stress. In many cases it isn't even something you have to be open about it. I don't think the LGBT and AB/DL community share the same kind of suicide issues. If I was to ever commit suicide due to my AB/DL side, it would have likely been because my family didn't understand it, and at the time I also didn't understand it. I felt like it was ruining my life and just tearing me down. This is something that can be avoided though if you have good parents.
I know. I simply said they share
similiar issues. They never where exactly the same. It was a combination of my own family not understanding who and what I really was on top of stress from having to deal with chronic homelessness. Top that off with a mentality where I seriously never thought about my own well being due to me thinking about everyone else was more important resulting in me literally ignoring my own needs it becomes obvious what went wrong.
As for being open in public about it? Why? I really don't see what the reason anyone would want to do this for. If you don't want to be noticed .. then it's counter productive to want to do it in public.
Because I want to enjoy reading a book in the sun
and be left alone in peace. I want to be able to simply buy a ice cream without being harassed. Because I want to live and be myself
without being physically attacked because doing that would be considered a vulnerability in the eyes of a predator. That's why.
Those who say they are going to commit suicide are the ones who usually never end up actually doing it. The only reason you would tell someone about it is to see their reaction and to get attention. Being transgender myself, I can't think of a time when I told anyone I would commit suicide. I mean doesn't that defeat the purpose? If you want to end it, why would you want someone to stop you?
I did that to see if anyone cared. I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing from my deranged point of view (of course I was wrong but I was never allowed to see that fact until afterwards). I never make decisions like that lightly because I recognize even at my worst state of mind that I could be wrong and I needed to make sure it was right to do so. I never said I was going to kill myself directly I just asked people who knew me what would happen if I was gone. 5 people who knew me just said life would go on in so many words. That's why it never defeated the purpose for me. It unfortunately justified it in my eyes at the time.
Now if someone was to suddenly go silent about it and no longer do that type of thing. Then I suppose they should be watched at that point. However, it could also be that they learned it's not going to get them anywhere in life, to keep threatening people that they will commit suicide.
I don't recall that happening with me. I never did it for attention. I simply asked to make sure it was the right thing to do and I simply got bad information unknowingly. You can never tell if someone is serious or not which is why it's encouraged to call someone at the slightest hint of them being suicidal. When people go silent it means they made the decision to go through with it and have simply moved their thought processing to how they plan to kill themselves more or less in line with end of life choices. I made my living will that day and was thinking about waiting for a train or try the drug overdose. I thought about the possibility of that train being derailed and my mentality resulted in thinking about the train operator so I decided to use the pills instead never knowing they would not do the job "right".
The thing is you can do this. Yes, you will likely end up with people giving you negative looks. This is the type of thing transgender people have to deal with on a daily bases if they go out dressed as who they are. However, there is a very huge difference between being an AB/DL and transgender. Being an AB/DL doesn't absolutely require you to do those things in public. These are not things that are required 24/7 and can be accomplished in the comfort of your own home. You wish not to be noticed, and that is exactly how you can do it. Transgender people don't get that luxury because we do want to be noticed and be seen as our preferred gender.
I am free to make my own choices but I am not free from the consequences. The consequences in my case if I was to go out in a park wearing a dress to simply enjoy the sun and read a good book while sucking on a pacifier would include me getting mugged for allegedly being a "pedophile" at some point. Most of the time I would simply be harassed wherever I go for simply trying to enjoy the sun in a relaxing manner. Why does this have to be this way? Because of people acting like it's their business to tell me how to behave simply because they can't tolerate the reality I am hurting no one and that there is nothing wrong with doing this. So they
make a problem of their own free will by choosing to be offended instead of ignoring me the way I want to be ignored. I cannot achieve that level of comfort in my own home simply because there are no people around willing to socialize in a mature decent manner and simply be allowed to live. I'm not shoving this into someone's face the way people want to think I'm trying to do. I should be allowed relax out in the sun with the expectation of being ignored at the very least. But I can't be ignored can I? There's the problem. Who is anyone to tell me how I should behave when I am doing nothing wrong in the first place? Doing this does not matter until society
makes it matter. Why does it have to matter in to anyone what I do when I am not hurting anyone? It's the fear and/or people finding this offensive that motivates that. As for doing this 24/7 I agree you don't have to do that 24/7. It's just the reality that AB's can't be themselves
at all in the public without there being severe consequences that happens to be the problem. Please keep in mind that problem is blown way out of proportion by both sides of that debate usually which is why it's a problem.
Just so you know I did want to mention that there are only
similarities between being trans and being AB. Being trans is only barely a average analog or analogy for comparison purposes in regards to being AB from what I can tell. Being AB is even rarer then being trans most likely.
The reason people react bad in these situations is because they don't know anything about it. You just sort of have to deal with it if you really want to go to the park and do that. If you can't deal with it, then don't do it. Not much else you can do. If you want other to just ignore you and not take notice, then why even bother going to the park? Just make a nice backyard instead that is fenced in. Or .. is it requirement for others to have to see you?
It is not just that they don't know anything about it. There are people on this site who clearly understand what it means to be AB. But they have not learned how to control their fear enough to be able tolerate the reality that there is nothing wrong with going to a park while wearing a dress to simply read a book just to relax. There are people here on this site who are willfully choosing to be ignorant simply because of their own fear. I live in a apartment and cannot get that fenced in section you mentioned. Also why should I pay money to set things up like that just so people don't have to
choose to be offended by that if I had a house? As for it being a requirement for other's to see me it would be nice to simply wave hello to someone without expecting being tormented by them in some way shape or form while reading that book
and otherwise be left in peace. It's not a requirement for people to have to see me. It's a requirement to simply be left in peace
or be able to have a mature civilized conversation with someone about anything while doing that. But I am not getting that "luxury" and be allowed to live now am I? That's the intention. I want to be able to wear a dress in the middle of the park while reading a book sucking on my pacifier and for people to not even care about who and what I am at the very least. It's not supposed to matter to anyone but people choose to actually care in a negative way now don't they? Don't worry I am not planning on actually doing that any time soon and we are speaking theoretically here after all because I care about the collateral damage to this community.
Also I did want to compliment you on being very mature in this debate and want to show my appreciation about that. I know we don't see eye to eye but that does not have to mean we have to hate each other now do we? I am finding this debate rather refreshing actually so thank you for sharing your views with us here on ADISC. :smile: