Battling Internalized Diaper Stigma

Hi guys,

I started wearing Abena M4s to manage my nighttime pee urgency which was waking me up multiple times a night. It has really helped me get a better night sleep. I still battle the stigma of wearing diapers. Part of me feels guilty about it. I don't consider myself a ABDL, though I do find wearing a diaper very comforting (is this common?)

I am getting used to waking up in the morning and changing out of my wet diaper (I still can't believe I wake up wet) and cleaning up to start my day. I am wondering if there are some other uses for diapers besides sleeping in them. Like sometimes I struggle to make it to the restroom when out in public. I get this sudden and strong urge to pee and I run to the bathroom. I often worry about not making it in time.

Against my doctor's recommendation, I decided not to use medications to manage my urgency. I am on too many of them as it is for Asthma and other medical conditions that have me on a Diuretic. Would it be practical to use a diaper when going out?

Although as an ABDL, they're no fun at all to me, you might consider trying some of the Depends underwear-like pull-ups. They're not going to hold a lot but if your concern is leaking on the way to the toilet, they might do the trick. Some of us recreational wearers do stints of wearing all the time (the shorthand is wearing 24/7), so it's certainly practical if that's what you're after. There are also members here who are incontinent and wear constantly for need. If that's what you require, go for it.

As a final note, if you like diapers enough that you'd still be thinking about them or wanting to wear them if you didn't need it, I'd say you're at least DL. Your intensity may be very low compared to mine but I think the important deviation is having that unusual desire for them. The averge Joe/Jane doesn't harbor any warm feelings toward diapers at all.

Trevor said:

Although as an ABDL, they're no fun at all to me, you might consider trying some of the Depends underwear-like pull-ups. They're not going to hold a lot but if your concern is leaking on the way to the toilet, they might do the trick. Some of us recreational wearers do stints of wearing all the time (the shorthand is wearing 24/7), so it's certainly practical if that's what you're after. There are also members here who are incontinent and wear constantly for need. If that's what you require, go for it.

As a final note, if you like diapers enough that you'd still be thinking about them or wanting to wear them if you didn't need it, I'd say you're at least DL. Your intensity may be very low compared to mine but I think the important deviation is having that unusual desire for them. The average Joe/Jane doesn't harbor any warm feelings toward diapers at all.

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I guess I would be a mild DL, I just want to use them for their intended purpose. I have real reasons to use them. Waking up multiple times a night is not fun and ruins my day by making me sleepy.

Are Pull-ups effective for overnight protection? I have tried some and they tend to leak for me.

iam32bit said:

I guess I would be a mild DL, I just want to use them for their intended purpose. I have real reasons to use them. Waking up multiple times a night is not fun and ruins my day by making me sleepy.

Are Pull-ups effective for overnight protection? I have tried some and they tend to leak for me.

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If you just like them because they keep you dry, I'd say your "normal" cred is still pretty safe. It's when you'd wear them if you didn't have to that you take the (fun) trip to the dark side. I'm no fan of pull-ups in any situation since they're not fun for me. I consider them only technically diapers. I don't think they're great for anyone with a real bedwetting problem. However, if you're just concerned about leaks during the day, they'd probably do the job.

For me, it needs to be something plastic backed, although I'm fine with thinner and fairly discreet. Depends Protection with Tabs were my workday goto diaper for a long time when I did 24/7 stints. Now that they've gone to clothlike backing, I'm still looking for the best replacement. It will probably wind up being either Northshore Care Supreme Lites or Tranquility ATNs unless someone else comes out with something I can use (looking at you, Tykeables for a replacement of the original Waddlers).

Trevor said:

If you just like them because they keep you dry, I'd say your "normal" cred is still pretty safe. It's when you'd wear them if you didn't have to that you take the (fun) trip to the dark side. I'm no fan of pull-ups in any situation since they're not fun for me. I consider them only technically diapers. I don't think they're great for anyone with a real bedwetting problem. However, if you're just concerned about leaks during the day, they'd probably do the job.

For me, it needs to be something plastic backed, although I'm fine with thinner and fairly discreet. Depends Protection with Tabs were my workday goto diaper for a long time when I did 24/7 stints. Now that they've gone to clothlike backing, I'm still looking for the best replacement. It will probably wind up being either Northshore Care Supreme Lites or Tranquility ATNs unless someone else comes out with something I can use (looking at you, Tykeables for a replacement of the original Waddlers).

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I am not a fan of cloth backed diapers. I tried a few and they leaked. Even the M4 Air-Plus from Abena leaked. I am trying to find that perfect balance between price and performance for my needs. Wearing 365 Diapers per year can add up to a lot of money.

The tykables are not plain white, I don't want prints or anything. I just want a plane Jane diaper that doesn't break the bank and can hold multiple wettings when I sleep without leaking.

I tried wearing during the day to reduce the number of trips to the bathroom. There are some days when I go 10+ times. It is irritating when I am far from a bathroom and the urge strikes. It is sometimes painful to hold it in. I don't think I really want to wear 24/7. It is too much work and costs so much. So far I have been able to manage without diapers during the daytime.

Seriously, I don't mind using them at night. It really is better than having to wake up and run to the bathroom in the dark. The alternative is taking more medications but that honestly cost more and introduces more side effects.

I am a girl by the way, not sure if there are any female specific diapers out there.

iam32bit said:

I am not a fan of cloth backed diapers. I tried a few and they leaked. Even the M4 Air-Plus from Abena leaked. I am trying to find that perfect balance between price and performance for my needs. Wearing 365 Diapers per year can add up to a lot of money.

The tykables are not plain white, I don't want prints or anything. I just want a plane Jane diaper that doesn't break the bank and can hold multiple wettings when I sleep without leaking.

I tried wearing during the day to reduce the number of trips to the bathroom. There are some days when I go 10+ times. It is irritating when I am far from a bathroom and the urge strikes. It is sometimes painful to hold it in. I don't think I really want to wear 24/7. It is too much work and costs so much. So far I have been able to manage without diapers during the daytime.

Seriously, I don't mind using them at night. It really is better than having to wake up and run to the bathroom in the dark. The alternative is taking more medications but that honestly cost more and introduces more side effects.

I am a girl by the way, not sure if there are any female specific diapers out there.

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There are diapers made to appeal to women (and to sissies for that matter) but it's all appearances; there's no difference in the construction of the diapers themselves. (examples like https://diaperconn.com/product.php?id_product=61 or https://www.abuniverse.com/Lavender_p_154.html Although ABU Simple is slightly less expensive for having no prints, that's not the norm among ABDL companies. At this point with the market, you might wind up cheating yourself of the best diaper if you insist on plain white.

For nighttime wear, I'd suggest trying a sample of http://www.northshorecare.com/diapers/overnites1/northshore-supreme-briefs.html and seeing what you think. They're cheaper than Abena and although I haven't tried the ones I've received in a sample pack, they've gotten a pretty positive reaction from members here. The Supreme Lites are surprisingly high capacity for a "lite" diaper and the regular supremes hold more.

Trevor said:

There are diapers made to appeal to women (and to sissies for that matter) but it's all appearances; there's no difference in the construction of the diapers themselves. (examples like https://diaperconn.com/product.php?id_product=61 or https://www.abuniverse.com/Lavender_p_154.html Although ABU Simple is slightly less expensive for having no prints, that's not the norm among ABDL companies. At this point with the market, you might wind up cheating yourself of the best diaper if you insist on plain white.

For nighttime wear, I'd suggest trying a sample of http://www.northshorecare.com/diapers/overnites1/northshore-supreme-briefs.html and seeing what you think. They're cheaper than Abena and although I haven't tried the ones I've received in a sample pack, they've gotten a pretty positive reaction from members here. The Supreme Lites are surprisingly high capacity for a "lite" diaper and the regular supremes hold more.

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So the ABDL Diapers are better than Abena? Even though I am single, I do worry about someone seeing those babyish prints and taking things out of context. What about the Bambino diapers? Are they any good? I know they make plain white ones.

Diapers during your everyday routine can be challenging even for those of us that do/have needed 24 hour protection and are 100% ABDL.

For daytime wear diapers are still best but pull-ons can be more discreet if you don't mind changing fairly often.

Trevor said:

It's when you'd wear them if you didn't have to that you take the (fun) trip to the dark side.

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(fun) trip to the dark side... I like that one...

As to the OP: think of your diapers as a medical device that helps improve your quality of life. Consider them the same thing as say, a wheelchair for a person who can't walk. The wheelchair helps that person in the same way as the diapers help you. That person probably isn't embarrassed about managing their condition with a wheelchair, so why should you be embarrassed about managing incontinence with diapers?

As the other posters mentioned, I'd at least try pull-ups for daytime wear. Having some back-up sounds a lot more appealing than having to be in pain.

iam32bit said:

Hi guys,

I started wearing Abena M4s to manage my nighttime pee urgency which was waking me up multiple times a night. It has really helped me get a better night sleep. I still battle the stigma of wearing diapers. Part of me feels guilty about it. I don't consider myself a ABDL, though I do

Against my doctor's recommendation, I decided not to use medications to manage my urgency. I am on too many of them as it is for Asthma and other medical conditions that have me on a Diuretic. Would it be practical to use a diaper when going out?

Click to expand...

As a true ABDL or more of a DL...gave up bottles at age 17. aci: I too have felt internalized shame. People learning about my fetish have shamed me angrily. If I had IC I would not be ashamed because diapers are a neccessity. That said, I put on a Teddy Bambino Diaper and wet it. Folded it up and took it out with the trash. Growing accustomed to wearing diapers must be hard but being a D-user I can see would be challenging. But for me I never wanted out of diapers. I was potty trained by age 2 (4 for bedwettings). I was always in search of a fresh diaper. From age 3 on. If you keep the temp in your place cool, wearing a diaper can be very relaxing, stroking the leg gathers, reminding yourself about what a naughty little kitten you are being in a babyish diaper...OOPS! My fantasy, not yours. Cheer up ole' matey. You are not alone.

It's a struggle that I think most/many of us face, or have faced. Why, as adults, do we need/enjoy diapers? For some, such as yourself, it may be plain physical, convenience or comfort-protectionwise. Does that MAKE you a DL? Not sure, since its such a personal thing, but, eventually, if they save you from sleeping poorly, or "near misses", then you'll probably join the ranks of the DL crowd, since you'll probably begin to realize that you love the options that wearing offers. From your description, my guess is that you don't currently, nor may you ever, fall into the AB side of things. Many of us don't, even though we cross over, occasionally (I like occasional thumbsucking, and rare pacifier use, and maybe fantasize about forced regression, or shrinking, of all things).

Human nature is infinitely variable, though, and while other adults would struggle to understand why another "normal" adult would choose to wear diapers (most Vanilla's associate them with #2, and have all of those mental images forming...), it's really a personal PRIVATE choice, with some very definite benefit, both physical and mental and emotional. Nobody can/should take that away from anyone else, not even a spouse/partner. If this is what makes us 'whole", why would anyone deny us?

Anyway, hope that helps settle some of it, for you. You're in the right place, at ADISC, and you definitely won't be judged poorly for making this cjoice, for yourself!

Good luck & welcome!

KimbaStarshine said:

(fun) trip to the dark side... I like that one...

As to the OP: think of your diapers as a medical device that helps improve your quality of life. Consider them the same thing as say, a wheelchair for a person who can't walk. The wheelchair helps that person in the same way as the diapers help you. That person probably isn't embarrassed about managing their condition with a wheelchair, so why should you be embarrassed about managing incontinence with diapers?

As the other posters mentioned, I'd at least try pull-ups for daytime wear. Having some back-up sounds a lot more appealing than having to be in pain.

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I hated being in a wheelchair, I was in one for 2 weeks earlier this year. I felt embarrassed and couldn't wait to walk again. I then had to use Crutches and that was also embarrassing.

When I wear diapers, I feel extremely guilty. I know that they make my life more manageable, but I just can't help feeling like I am doing something wrong. Ugh...

If I were in your position, I'd at least test some lighter daytime products. Besides pull-ups, there are also belted undergarments and pads. The latter two would let you relieve yourself enough when not near a restroom to at least eliminate any pain, and would allow for much quicker changes. I guess it's a balancing act between physical need and peace of mind, but agree that it's no fun being in pain.

Visiting this site and others, I am always struck by how many people need protection at least sometimes. I just did a web search and found a statistic that at least 7% of women 39 and under fall in this category. Depending on the size of your company (which seems fairly large, from what you describe), I expect you're not the only employee in this situation.

I am a DL and don't need to wear, except at night after a few to many lol. I get the guilty feeling a lot when I read about people like you who use diapers to help manage their lives. I feel you have no reason to feel guilty about using diapers to help you sleep better and to help alleviate pain during the day. And in my opinion a clothed back diaper in the day is better than a pull up since changing would be easier, you wouldn't need to take your shoes off. Plus you can loosen it up and use the restroom normally and then refasten. If you don't need that much protection a pad would be the way to go.

There is a surgical procedure that installs a valve in the urethra and a switch for the valve in the scrotum.
squeeze the switch and you pee, let go and you stop.
there are youtube videos of this. It is an option if you want control back. not sure what complications could come from it though, but you could talk to a urologist about it. I suspect the trouble with things like this is that they may not fail safe. if it fails to open, you might need immediate surgery and I doubt you can cath through it, but maybe you can.

ArchtopK said:

There is a surgical procedure that installs a valve in the urethra and a switch for the valve in the scrotum.
squeeze the switch and you pee, let go and you stop.
there are youtube videos of this. It is an option if you want control back. not sure what complications could come from it though, but you could talk to a urologist about it. I suspect the trouble with things like this is that they may not fail safe. if it fails to open, you might need immediate surgery and I doubt you can cath through it, but maybe you can.

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That seems like too much work, I don't want any surgeries nor any medications. I just feel so guilty wearing diapers to manage having to wakeup multiple times a night. During the day, most of the time I am fine. However there are times where I wish I was wearing a Diaper to alleviate the pain of holding it.

I suffer from anxiety and I torture myself trying to hold it instead of brining attention to myself. Like at the movies, I am afraid of getting up during the movie to go to the bathroom. I don't want to block people or get in the way. This is the same problem when I am on an Airplane, I am scared of using the Restrooms.

When I drive from state to state, the rest stop bathrooms are horrible.

My doctor told me that the main problem is one of my medications. Unfortunately there are no alternatives and I can't just stop taking it as it is vital to my health.

I really just have a hard time accepting that Diapers would be beneficial in my day to day life. When I look at the problem Logically, yes Diapers are the best solution. but, I just feel guilty when I use them.

I don't want to have incontinence, but I can't cease my medications.

in that case, maybe find a specialist in the area related to that medicine. maybe reach out to the manufacturer of the medicine. Can you tell us what the medicine is that is responsible for this side effect?

ArchtopK said:

in that case, maybe find a specialist in the area related to that medicine. maybe reach out to the manufacturer of the medicine. Can you tell us what the medicine is that is responsible for this side effect?

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It is a diuretic, my doctor said "You are on a very high dose, that is the reason why you have to get up so much" I asked if I could change meds and he told me that it is the only medication for my condition.

Well you have to do what is best for you and your health and well being. I would suggest wearing the Abena Abri Form that you wear for nighttime during the day also. you will be fine wearing them all day long and have plenty of protection for a good chunk of the day. Its a hard choice to do but as one long time ADISC member said would you rather have a wet diaper than wet pants. It will take a bit to get used to them during the daytime just go throughout your day as normal and you will be fine. I know it is going to be a adjustment you do have a life to live so do not let diapers get in the way of it. You will be fine just give it a try for a few days if you are comfortable with it continue if not then try a alternative. I would say better to have more protection then not enough . Relax and enjoy life.

when you stop fighting it, life gets easier, when you fight it, sometimes you get hurt in one way or another, the hard part though making it work in your mind, still working that out myself sometimes... its harder when they are some elements that aren't purely practical at play (the fetish element). As others of said, you can try pads and underwears if it helps the guilt part. Find what works... and if it works keep using it. Were born incontinent, some of us end up that way again sooner or later.