Would you stop being an adult baby if you could?

I asked myself this question today and I found it rather hard to answer. I don't think I could ever want to witness the death of that side of myself. Some how, it wouldn't feel right; it just wouldn't be fair.

For the first time since becoming an adult baby, I looked in the mirror today and I saw a grown ass man in a diaper, vs the cute little baby I've always seen and it scared the hell out of me.

What I can't understand is, if that's how I've really always felt about it deep down, then why am I still sitting in my gear while I'm typing this and not gathering it all to throw it in the nearest trash bin, trying to forget it ever happened?

:frown:

No, but it's mostly my friends that are driving this answer. When I had that three month period before joining our precursor site when I had no desire whatsoever for anything in the ABDL world, I was still myself and it was fine. It freed up my time and attention for other things. They weren't necessarily better, but I didn't feel any hole in my life as a result. The difference now is that I have friends who are ABDLs and while it's never the only thing we have in common, it's a powerful connection. While I have friends who don't know that I'll always cherish, it's something different to know and be known in this way and I'd hate to lose that for myself and to be that loss for them.

I probably wouldn't. I'm sure something else would have filled in for comfort and security if I hadn't been a little. But of course then you have all the flow on effects. Would my personality have been different? Would I have been good at the same things? Would I have succeeded in school as well? Would I have been less caring? Because I was popular, would I have been a bully because I didn't understand other people?

If I could without losing the rest of my life I think I would get rid of it. Not through guilt or shame but out of simplicity. This can make life pretty complicated at times even when it's meant to make life simpler.

No and here we are getting into complicated areas, one thing you mentioned is seeing a grown ass man in diapers, which o found interesting if anything it speaks more to exposure to preset notions set by society of what is right for an adult to wear and do and what is not, leaving disability aside, one of the mani reasons adults wear diapers, there is a stigma against it which seems silly even when the cause of it is well established and known.

I don't think this was a moment of true realization of true feelings as much as it could have easily been you seeing yourself as you physically are combined with the judgements we know people tend to make about us. It could have been fear, and it isn't uncommon to step back and question ones own lifestyle, prefrance a or even identity from time to time.

Honestly often I wonder if adult baby isn't somehow related to/similar to things like gener identity disorder. Now that might be an interesting comparisons, but I link it because at least for me it's not a choice it never ever has been, it's been a part of me well since I was an infant, it just never went away as I got older, even when I tried to ignore it it stayed there running things in the background. But I also have to wonder am I then in someways like that due to my autism anyways? I might actually make this a seperate post

Ebonybaby said:

I asked myself this question today and I found it rather hard to answer. I don't think I could ever want to witness the death of that side of myself. Some how, it wouldn't feel right; it just wouldn't be fair.

For the first time since becoming an adult baby, I looked in the mirror today and I saw a grown ass man in a diaper, vs the cute little baby I've always seen and it scared the hell out of me.

What I can't understand is, if that's how I've really always felt about it deep down, then why am I still sitting in my gear while I'm typing this and not gathering it all to throw it in the nearest trash bin, trying to forget it ever happened?

:frown:

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I do not look at my self .
I quit for 3 years felt dead in side .
So enjoy who you are .
Your not alone.

I felt like I would have quit if I could from my teen years until I was 22. Then I realized that this was who I am, and I decided I would defend myself from then on, now I answer no to that question, because I just love who I am, and if that means I end up single for the rest of my life, at least I am at peace with myself.

My answer is No, but there was a period where I would've gladly discarded my AB tendencies if I had the chance. It's a part of my identity - my internal identity, though not really my public identity - and it actually serves a very useful purpose in helping me to channel my stress in a much healthier way than drinking heavily. It took me an annoyingly long amount of time to realise that something which society often saw as weird or counterproductive like ABDL, could be healthy for me personally. I can't say I like the feeling of having an integral part of my life which I need to be discreet about, but that's a minor annoyance in comparison to the happiness and comfort I often get from being an AB.

It isn't always an easy part of one's personality to deal with, but once you accept that you're ABDL, and embrace that fact, you realise that there's plenty of ways in which engaging with your little side is both fun and therapeutic.

Tyger said:

I felt like I would have quit if I could from my teen years until I was 22. Then I realized that this was who I am, and I decided I would defend myself from then on, now I answer no to that question, because I just love who I am, and if that means I end up single for the rest of my life, at least I am at peace with myself.

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This is exactly how I feel as well. I hated being drawn to diapers and wetting when I was a high school student and in college. But now it gives me so much pleasure, as well as a sense of peace, that I'd never give it up. It's a part of who I am and I'm comfortable with that.

In short, no. There have been two times when my ABDL desires “disappeared”, although I now know they never really went away.

The first time was when I was a senior in high school going into my freshman year in college. I was very busy with classes and getting used to life in college, so I didn’t have time for diapers and my desires were placed on the back burner. While I was happy, at some points I felt a certain emptiness that I was unable to explain. By the end of freshman year going into sophomore year, I was settled in and my desires came back, rather quickly in fact. I even mustered up the courage to buy my first pack of Goodnites when I went home for the summer, my parents went on vacation for a few days and my brothers were at camp. When I went back for my sophomore year, I decided step up and buy some actual adult diapers. The desires were there for over a year.

The second time they went away is when I actually tried making them go away. This was partly driven by the mirror thing and partly by a really bad leak incident. At first it was somewhat tough, but after some time I felt like I had sufficiently kicked my desires (although, unlike a certain member, I didn’t come on here gloating about how I successfully got rid of my desires and encouraging everyone else to do the same). But, I had the same feeling of emptiness return, the same one I mentioned earlier. This time it was a lot stronger. I truly felt like a part of me was missing. Eventually, this began leading to feelings of depression. After a while, I realized it wasn’t right to ignore something that it part of who I am. I decided to embrace my little side. I got a pair of footie pajamas, I started wearing diapers more regularly, and I began getting more ABDL stuff such as pacifiers. I felt like I was happier, complete, and it makes dealing with stress a lot easier.

What all this taught me is it was better to embrace myself and everything about me than try to ignore one facet or another. The path to self-acceptance becomes much easier this way. I love every aspect of being ABDL, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. As for the mirror thing, I found that by using my imagination instead of seeing my adult self I can see a younger version of myself, someone who never really left childhood. This has also made self-acceptance a lot easier, as it makes looking at myself a lot less scary.

In my case, definitely not.

A big part of my rational is that the whole diaper thing, while something I enjoy, is probably not my main fetish. It's something I can (and in the past have) abstain from for long periods of time without it being a huge deal. I guess I've never felt trapped by it. It's something I can enjoy when life circumstances permit, and something I can put on the shelf when they don't.

And give up bondage (which is most definitely my main fetish)? Hell no! It's just too much damn fun and I've met way too many awesome people.

It depends on the degree to which I would give it up.

I sincerely doubt I would (or even could) give it up 100% but I could give up some parts of this given the right circumstances. For example, if I married and my SO was not comfortable with this, I could confine my AB to times when my SO would not be present.

Like most on here, there was a time where I would of gladly taken a magic pill to make this side of me all go away. But after I joined this site, and finally accepted this part of myself. I would be sad to lose it, and this community.

only if I could forget my baby? , its caused me more hurt and heartbreak then i can even tell you . I've always said id give anything to be "Normal" and I would ........ I feel bad for you younger people here and the older ones know where i come from , brace yourself for a life alone unless you get lucky..............

No.

Like the tides, desires, likes, dislikes, habits good or bad come in and retreat through our life. If its desired and appreciated its always somewhere in our lives, maybe closer maybe farther away. Right now I like abdl so I am indulging my desire, I think about smoking a good xigar but don't want to and won't. Tide is to far out @ on that one.

rj

HELL YES!! Like babyboyd wrote, it's caused me so much pain, guilt and sorrow over the years. Not to mention the cost of the diapers and other goodies that go along with it. I really wonder what it would be like to be Vanilla. Vanillas seem to get along quite nicely but I wonder what undercurrents are tormenting them.
I also wonder if some other desire/kink would raise it's ugly head to torment me....

I honestly don't know.

On the one hand I love it and there is nothing about it that doesn't fill me with a sense of comfort and security that I can't get anywhere else and it's fun, let's face it.

On the other hand I do wonder what it would be like to start dating again.

Would they accept me? Would they hate me? Would they leave because of it even if I don't do it around them?

But I also realize that the kind of person I would want to spend my life with would be open minded and while they maybe wouldn't be super crazy about it any parter of mine would have to at least understand.

So I guess no. I enjoy it and I see no reason to stop.

Metoo said:

HELL YES!! Like babyboyd wrote, it's caused me so much pain, guilt and sorrow over the years. Not to mention the cost of the diapers and other goodies that go along with it. I really wonder what it would be like to be Vanilla. Vanillas seem to get along quite nicely but I wonder what undercurrents are tormenting them.
I also wonder if some other desire/kink would raise it's ugly head to torment me....

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I find this interesting. Goodness knows diapers put me through hell, or more accurately, I put myself through hell due to diapers. It's behind me now and I feel like I have earned the happiness that I have with them. I'd rather not have felt the need to earn that but I have and that it was hard won gives it extra value to me.

I feel like it is a bit obvious, but for me the answer is no. Many times I have asked myself this question personally, like.. if I would stop "feeling" like I was a little girl, or even just stop knowing I was a girl. If I could choose would I be a cis heteromale? Absolutely no.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I'm not.. that. It would be effectively wishing to be someone else.

I try many times in the past. throwing every baby thing I own away saying I'll never put on another diaper as long as I live but you can pretty much gas how that song and dance go's. I finely give up and stop running. why run from something that mack you happy.

Trevor said:

I find this interesting. Goodness knows diapers put me through hell, or more accurately, I put myself through hell due to diapers. It's behind me now and I feel like I have earned the happiness that I have with them. I'd rather not have felt the need to earn that but I have and that it was hard won gives it extra value to me.

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I understand where you're coming from. The funny thing about the whole thing is that my wife seems to accept it even more than I do. Like you, I've lived to enough of a ripe old age to accept the whole thing and really enjoy it. It's such a central part of me that I could never give it up. I REALLY enjoy being abdl don't get me wrong, It's one of the central parts of who I am. For me the biggest problem is how it can get in the way of a relationship. The desire can be so powerful sometimes that I can't leave the abdl thing alone. My wife then felt inadequate in the past and ended up hurt by something she could never compete with. Then there was the "I can change him" thing. Like if she tried hard enough she could divert the desire to be abdl into more conventional avenues. That didn't happen. The other thing that bugs a lot me is the thought that if someone knew about me and my diapers they would be disgusted. I understand all the reasons to let this go, but I'm so socially tied to people that I can't disregard it. So... I'd take the pill and go PURE VANILLA..... (the baby side is screaming noooooooooooo)!!!