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Thread: Struggling

  1. #1

    Default Struggling

    Just need to seek some advice from fellow ABDL.

    Ill start this with a little background on myself. I have been an ABDL since about the age of 14 or 15. Over the years my desires have come and gone. Around age 17 I began to accept that being an adult baby is apart of who I am, and no matter how hard I try I will never be able to ignore my desires. After coming to accept this part of me my binge and purge cycles became less intense.

    I am now 25, I struggle with addiction. My drug addiction has had a massive effect on my ABDL desires. Most recently during the last 9 months, 8 of which I spent in active addiction after being recovery and staying clean for 3 months. That 8 months using sent me into an extremely intense ABDL binge. I can honestly say I overindulged in my ABDL desires. Shortly before I got clean again is where an intense mental battle about my ABDL desires started. Even when being diapered I would began to question it to the point that I have found myself battling the most intense purge I have ever had. I do know this purge is because of the drug use.

    I feel stuck. Im in recovery again and cleaning my life back up. I know that being an adult baby is apart of who I am, but still find myself feeling...well to be honest I dont know. When I try to wear now I find myself feeling ashamed about doing it and end up taking my diaper off with the thought of burning all my abdl stuff.

    How do I get past this purge? I feel like my drug addiction has destroyed a part of me.


    I POSTED THIS HERE BECAUSE THE REFERENCE TO DRUG ADDICTION. IF THIS POST IS AGAINST THE RULES PLEASE DELETE IT.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by baby_mike View Post
    Just need to seek some advice from fellow ABDL.

    Ill start this with a little background on myself. I have been an ABDL since about the age of 14 or 15. Over the years my desires have come and gone. Around age 17 I began to accept that being an adult baby is apart of who I am, and no matter how hard I try I will never be able to ignore my desires. After coming to accept this part of me my binge and purge cycles became less intense.

    I am now 25, I struggle with addiction. My drug addiction has had a massive effect on my ABDL desires. Most recently during the last 9 months, 8 of which I spent in active addiction after being recovery and staying clean for 3 months. That 8 months using sent me into an extremely intense ABDL binge. I can honestly say I overindulged in my ABDL desires. Shortly before I got clean again is where an intense mental battle about my ABDL desires started. Even when being diapered I would began to question it to the point that I have found myself battling the most intense purge I have ever had. I do know this purge is because of the drug use.

    I feel stuck. Im in recovery again and cleaning my life back up. I know that being an adult baby is apart of who I am, but still find myself feeling...well to be honest I dont know. When I try to wear now I find myself feeling ashamed about doing it and end up taking my diaper off with the thought of burning all my abdl stuff.

    How do I get past this purge? I feel like my drug addiction has destroyed a part of me.


    I POSTED THIS HERE BECAUSE THE REFERENCE TO DRUG ADDICTION. IF THIS POST IS AGAINST THE RULES PLEASE DELETE IT.
    I'm sorry to hear you've had such a tough time. I think I've been where you are, back when I was in college. I mostly smoked a lot of pot and drank way too much. I also felt very guilty about wanting to wear and use diapers, etc. Liking diapers and regression is harder to accept when one is young, I think. I know it was for me. Over time, I've learned to accept who I am and more importantly, like who I am.

    After graduation, I stopped smoking but I did a lot of drinking at night. Eventually I developed a very dangerous bleeding ulcer. At it's worst, when I was waiting to go to the hospital, I passed out and went through the tunnel of light. I saw my deceased parents waiting for me, along with other relatives who had passed. Then there was this rushing sound and I was back in the wheel chair they had put me in.

    After I recovered, I stopped drinking because I knew it would kill me. I hope you will do the same with drugs, because they will eventually kill you if you keep doing them. There's a lot of good things to do and enjoy. Just have faith in the future, one without drugs.

    Now, I drink a combination of cranberry juice and ginger ale, something they started me on in the hospital. For me, life was so tough that I had trouble facing it on my own. Now, I appreciate having a clear head. I hope you can get there. I'm always here if you want to talk.

  3. #3

    Default

    This something I don't talk about very much, I've been there. The release of endorphins and feel good chemicals you get when you do a drug is very similar to that which you get when you regress, although it isn't exactly the same. A drug isn't something that has the emotional turmoil attached to it, that's why it was so appealing to me. Working through the guilt and shame that comes with infantalism is a task that requires time ad a lot of effort, but once you're able to get through, you'll find it's well worth it.

  4. #4

    Default

    Welcome to the club. When younger, I was trying to reject my ABDL part (btw. through the way of drugs,) but without any effect. Finally I gave up rejecting my dark side and started enjoyed. There's no another way - beating myself for what I'm isn't life, is half-life. And very bad.

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