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Thread: Worried about Death & Growing UP.

  1. #1

    Default Worried about Death & Growing UP.

    Well, since I'm a baby girl / little girl, I sometimes fear death, and growing up, a part of me, wants to stay young, in fact I'm still a kid at heart.

    I'm scared of becoming older, and growing up, really same with death, I Know its something that I cannot help, but why does this scare me so much?

    Is this just my anxiety playing up, or am I just afraid to let go my little side?

  2. #2

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    Hm..I used to be totally obsessed with the thought of the end of the world. It was either Nostradamus dates or other mysterious dates/constellations of stars or sun or moon. When the shift 1999/2000 was coming I was really prepared to die. New Years Eve came and went and nothing happened. I started to look into myself and went back to my inner child and what had happened in my earliest years, my complicated relationship with my mother and things like that. That really helped and as the years went by my anxiety slowly became easier to handle.
    Growing older actually has made my life a lot better in many ways, I dont worry so much as I used to, and when anxiety does hit me it is not so paralyzing as it was before.
    Sorry for sounding like a silly old bat :/

    /Hugs and more hugs to you from me <3

  3. #3

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    Well Drunkbunny, I have seen my share of death now. My parents are gone, 2 brothers, a nephew, Uncles, Aunts, friends, and the hardest of all my wife. We fought for over an hour to begin her back with CPR but it was her time to go. I am still not over that.

    You have to learn to live, now! Do not wait until later in life. Yes, you have to balance life's needs with your wants. Yes, that means going to work and doing adult things. But when you do have time do not let the opportunity to enjoy life slip through your fingers.

    I was once very afraid of death to the point I was afraid to drive past a cemetery. I now walk through them, to read the headstones. The headstones often told you how someone lived. That is the secret, you must first live.

    As for losing your little side, I still am hanging onto some of that. Maybe if I had someone who accepted me the way I am even more would come out. That side of you does not go away.
    Last edited by Moonshot; 27-Mar-2016 at 19:08. Reason: Adding

  4. #4

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    I'm fairly intimidated and upset by the idea of growing up as well, since being a baby is my favorite thing, and the older i get, the further from that I get. The truth is though, is I'll never physically be a baby again, and I enjoy my life plenty as it is, so it seems I've been able to get over that problem today, so why not tomorrow? I think the thing that surprises people is that 10 years will pass, and you look back and wonder where it all went. I think the answer is, is that we just got used to each day as it came along. I think when it comes to aging, that it is really unrealistic to be afraid of it, because unless you had a panic attack about getting 1 day older, then why are you worried about becoming 70-80 whatever years old? Its not like tomorrow you are suddenly going to age 50 years. Aging happens gradually and as long as you were capable of adjusting to your age difference the following day, then you will continue to experience that same phenomena for every continuing day for the next 70 years or so. Its a gradual thing and if you were capable of handling it from the time period between yesterday to today, then you will do fine. Each day that you look in the mirror and can say that you are happy with who you are, then you have adjusted to the day's change just fine, so the real trick is finding happiness with yourself today. This of course is what I think, not what I do, i'm still terrible at worrying about my future.

  5. #5

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    I think Moonshot has said some things I hope you'll take to heart. I'm 50 years older than you are, DrunkBunny, and like Moonshot, I've seen a lot of death, including what would have been our second son. Life is hard, so don't look at what you think you're going to lose, but embrace that which you will gain.

    When I was in college, I felt exactly as you do now. The worst birthday I ever experienced was my 20th because I was no longer a teenager, and I was really depressed. But sometimes the most incredible things happen along the journey of getting older. I've heard so many people tell me their stories of losing a loved one, but seeing signs of their presence. I don't believe life ends with this one, but continues on with the next. You just have to keep your eyes open as well as your heart.

    Now at age 68, I know my end is coming, and that at some point, I will take that last breath. Yes, it's a bit scary but in some ways, exciting. Who's to say what we will become. I look forward to being that young kid again, hopefully forever. Last night I had a dream where my wife and I were shopping at some outdoor event. Afterward, she started running back toward the car, and I was trying to convince her to slow down. I was trying to take her hand, as I always do, because she now barely walks on her artificial leg as she is a diabetic amputee.

    Sometimes, I think, our dreams tell us how our next life will be. We were both young and full of energy. So don't despair, but as Moonshot said, make the most of this one. After college, I raced two cars on the 1/4 mile track, cars that I built. I've played countless organ concerts, and I've been played on Public Radio. I played in a great rock band, once with Dave Matthews in our audience. The sky's the limit as to what you can do if you set your mind to it. Live every day, and embrace all the possibilities that life can go on and on.

    I once said on this site that when I die, I imagine myself as three years old again, dragging a teddy bear through the door of light into the next, much better world. It waits for us oh so patiently.

  6. #6

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    Despite only being 19 7/8 (Birthday is on April 9), I worry about being disowned. I am a great guy, no doubt about it. I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't smoke, respect my elders, I try to be kind, and I can be quite well behaved. Thing is, my parents practically reject anything that isn't normal. I got threatened with being kicked out over my facial hair before. If facial hair is enough to be kicked out, what does that say about being a bisexual abdl? Even now my mind races with the feeling of possible betrayal. It just sometimes feels like it is becoming too much for me. Another thing is, I worry about being unable to make it in this world. I am smart but only to a degree. I just so easily get overwhelmed. Half of the time I see myself ending up on the streets during one of Chicago's infamous winters. I just wish I could be padded up right now, snuggling my blankie, and sleeping by the fireplace.

  7. #7

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    When I was in my early twenties, I saw death claim the people closest to me: a friend committed suicide while she was pregnant, my partner also committed suicide several months later, and my best friend relapsed on drugs and staggered out into a highway to be killed by an oncoming car. By the age of twenty two, I suffered massively from depression, anxiety, and depression. I didn't want to get close to anyone ever again because I believed all my relationships would only end in pain and tragedy.

    What I have come to realize throughout the years is that we can't spend our lives worried about how we will die, but rather we should just be the best that we can be while we are here and appreciate how precious a gift we have been given with our time on this planet. Our only way to 'live forever' is through the people who will remember us after we have gone, the impact we have made in their lives, and the change we have made in the world. For all of those who I have lost in my life, a part of each of them lives on today by how I treat others with empathy and a greater understanding of how fragile we can be.

    As a humanist, I do not believe in an afterlife, and that death is greater than how it affects each of us individually. If we did not die, we could not truly appreciate the gift of life. It is part of the natural order. Rather than fear what we cannot change, we should instead celebrate what we have been given, and use our talents and gifts to create a better world to leave behind for the future generations.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 28-Mar-2016 at 23:20.

  8. #8

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    My own fear of death is actually the root of my interest in being an AB/DL. From the time I was about six I began to worry about growing old and dieing. The terror was especially bad when I was trying to fall asleep. I didn't need a monster under the bed, I had the future looming before me in the dark, threatening to slowly drain me of my vitality before whiping me from existence. So in my immagination I did the only reasonable thing, I ran in the other direction. I immagined myself becoming younger instead of older.

    That dream stayed with me through the years, sometimes ebbing and other times whelling up. Now, in my thirties, I find myself dissatisfied with the way my life has gone. I feel as though I have not lived up to my potential, that I am wasting my life. This past year I had a major breakdown and am still recovering. Maybe that's why I find myself here again; dreaming of being little again.

    But while age play provides some comfort it also underscores the reality every time I look in the mirror - I am getting older. Sure, I'm still young, but I don't look like a kid anymore, and I never will again. At the same time, I feel myself lagging behind my peers in carreer development, relationships, and general independence. It's like I'm not really a grownup, just an obsolete teenager.

    I am getting help though. Hopefully I can turn things around and make the best of my life going forward. I agree with what our elders have shared here, that we should live for today rather than worrying so much about the future and things that can never be. It's just ... well ... a lot harder than it sounds sometimes.

  9. #9

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    I will admit, that I have accepted my own mortality.
    When young the possibility of death was not much on my mind.
    As one gets older, one accepts that one can not live forever.
    Every day I am here on Earth is a gift.
    I make use of every day I have left in a wonderful life as a person with Autism and Cerebral Palsy.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by silentdreamer1996 View Post
    Despite only being 19 7/8 (Birthday is on April 9), I worry about being disowned. I am a great guy, no doubt about it. I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't smoke, respect my elders, I try to be kind, and I can be quite well behaved. Thing is, my parents practically reject anything that isn't normal. I got threatened with being kicked out over my facial hair before. If facial hair is enough to be kicked out, what does that say about being a bisexual abdl? Even now my mind races with the feeling of possible betrayal. It just sometimes feels like it is becoming too much for me. Another thing is, I worry about being unable to make it in this world. I am smart but only to a degree. I just so easily get overwhelmed. Half of the time I see myself ending up on the streets during one of Chicago's infamous winters. I just wish I could be padded up right now, snuggling my blankie, and sleeping by the fireplace.
    It sounds like you come from a family that isn't really tolerant to everything that is a bit different. If you tell them who you completely are they might kick you out and turn their backs on you or they think you're insane and need to be taken care if in some kind of institution. Or maybe they'll accept it but not very likely. Anyhow both outcomes are undesireable right? So maybe you shouldn't let it go that far and leave them in their ingnoranca, maybe start looking for a place for yourself if that's possible.

    So you have fear to not have what it takes in life? Well if you're concious about your cunnings that's already very good. Most likely there's something you can contribute to society so you don't have to be homeless. Maybe even something really great! Just start off simple and don't worry of the far future too much!

    I hope this helps a bit!

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