Four years ago, my wife stumbled upon some of my cloth diapers and I was forced to come clean. We'd been married for twelve years at that point. It was terrifically embarrassing for me, but it went well enough. She doesn't really get it, though, and hasn't shown any interest in participating--which, quite honestly, suits me just fine, as I've been doing it by myself since I was a little kid. We've had a very close relationship otherwise, and I've detected no change in that. We may approach the diaper thing again when I'm older and can't control my farts anymore. Or, for that matter, when I lose continence and need diapers for something other than sexual gratification.
It's complicated. I haven't really kept count of these things since joining, but there are quite a few others here who, like myself, came out well into their marriages. Most of these coming-outs seems to have gone well. And that makes some sense. When somebody knows a ton about you, as a long-time spouse surely would, new things are a drop in the bucket. They're less likely to redefine you in the eyes of that person than they would be in the eyes of somebody you'd just met. Now, of course there's the matter of "How could you keep a secret from me?!" But that's an easy one. Being a DL is not exactly something most of us long to reveal to muggles. It's pretty embarrassing. As I see it, if you can't sell your rationale for hiding a diaper fetish to a spouse, your relationship with your spouse is already in the toilet. In bad situations, this kind of stuff is a magnet for blame, especially heaps of blame that have been biding their time, waiting for a proper scapegoat.
And really, that goes for relationships at all stages of maturity: If things are already strained, coming out about AB/DL isn't going to help. But not all breakups are bad, either. I mean, if you're the type who needs your partner to double as a caretaker, change your diapers, etc., then you may be looking for somebody with above-average open-mindedness, and figuring out whether you've found such a person is probably best done sooner rather than later. Later, in that case, is just more pain for both parties.
