Outsiders View On Us

Hey all! So i have been experimenting with dating sites as of late. Plenty of fish to be exact.
so i messaged this girls and we got talking. I asked if she wanted to play a question game where we ask each other questions to get to know one another.

It was all going good when i asked how open minded are you? She replied it depends what were talking about. It says on her profile that shes open minded and willing to try anything! we will see about that! So i said things that are kink related. She said she's into the sub and dom roles of a relationship.we kinda got into it abit and i shared what my interests were. I asked her if she's ever heard of age play. She says no. I told her its a weird thing where people act like babies and wear diapers etc. And her response was yes that's very weird

I told her its just a preferred choice of undergarment etc. The response i get was her blocking me! But whatever, some people will react differently i guess. However this was my first time ever coming out to someone and it was on the internet. I hope future experiences will be more open minded people. Any one else with similar experiences?

ryan2127 said:

Hey all! So i have been experimenting with dating sites as of late. Plenty of fish to be exact.
so i messaged this girls and we got talking. I asked if she wanted to play a question game where we ask each other questions to get to know one another.

It was all going good when i asked how open minded are you? She replied it depends what were talking about. It says on her profile that shes open minded and willing to try anything! we will see about that! So i said things that are kink related. She said she's into the sub and dom roles of a relationship.we kinda got into it abit and i shared what my interests were. I asked her if she's ever heard of age play. She says no. I told her its a weird thing where people act like babies and wear diapers etc. And her response was yes that's very weird

I told her its just a preferred choice of undergarment etc. The response i get was her blocking me! But whatever, some people will react differently i guess. However this was my first time ever coming out to someone and it was on the internet. I hope future experiences will be more open minded people. Any one else with similar experiences?

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First, you called it this weird thing. I'd be more positive with your introduction to people. If you call it weird then yes ppl will think that

I would agree with Aston it's not weird for most of us its a lifestyle. It's just a shame that others see this as taboo.

The dating scene is really tough for abdl people in general, especially if you are going to non-abdl places and sites. I think most people still haven't really heard of ABDL, or if they have, it was through something like Jerry Springer or a bad news story. I would love nothing more than to have a relationship with an understanding person, abdl or not, but the diapers are a non negotiable part of me. So as a result, I am straightforward with it now on any ads I place online. I figure that this is better than taking a chance with someone who is vanilla not accepting me.

Aston said:

First, you called it this weird thing. I'd be more positive with your introduction to people. If you call it weird then yes ppl will think that

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Firehawk said:

I would agree with Aston it's not weird for most of us its a lifestyle. It's just a shame that others see this as taboo.

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I don't think us describing it as "weird" is going to be the thing that sets someone off. They'll surely reach that conclusion on their own, since it is weird. The important part is understanding that something can be weird but not necessarily bad. Given time, some people can grow to see how it's a lot of fun. I suppose telling right off results in less wasted time but it also misses the opportunity to let someone get to know you enough to be willing to stretch a bit as a person and perhaps go outside the basic comfort zone. I'm not sure which would work best over time but I'm pretty sure I'd prefer waiting a little while first.

I was thinking the same as Trevor. Better to date and get to know someone first. Coming right out and talking about wearing diapers is going to sound creepy to almost anyone who hasn't heard about being AB/DL especially when it's not in person. But if someone gets to know you and finds that they really like you, they are likely to be far more accepting of something that would have first turned them off.

dogboy said:

I was thinking the same as Trevor. Better to date and get to know someone first. Coming right out and talking about wearing diapers is going to sound creepy to almost anyone who hasn't heard about being AB/DL especially when it's not in person. But if someone gets to know you and finds that they really like you, they are likely to be far more accepting of something that would have first turned them off.

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The feeling is mutual, really. There are things I don't want to know about a person right away. Something that is TMI on the first meeting may be no big deal after a few weeks or months. I also think that putting it front and center puts quite an emphasis on it in terms of your overall personality. If that's accurate, by all means but don't oversell it.

dogboy said:

I was thinking the same as Trevor. Better to date and get to know someone first. Coming right out and talking about wearing diapers is going to sound creepy to almost anyone who hasn't heard about being AB/DL especially when it's not in person. But if someone gets to know you and finds that they really like you, they are likely to be far more accepting of something that would have first turned them off.

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Couldn't agree more about getting to know them first.
Luckily for me, i wasn't actually planning on ever meeting her in person
i was just exploring as to what someone might say/react to it
unfortunately i dont have the courage to do that in real life yet, but im getting there

dogboy said:

I was thinking the same as Trevor. Better to date and get to know someone first. Coming right out and talking about wearing diapers is going to sound creepy to almost anyone who hasn't heard about being AB/DL especially when it's not in person. But if someone gets to know you and finds that they really like you, they are likely to be far more accepting of something that would have first turned them off.

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Actually I agree with this. But on one hand, when I think about this from the new partners perspective it could be judged quite unfair on the ABDLs part. This is something big that is deliberately held back, effectively wasting the partners time if he can't live with someone who's got such a lifestyle. Its like we have to 'act normal' for the first few days/weeks/months and then suddenly drop a mask and show something ugly (from the partners view). I can't decide for myself if I'd find that unfair or not.

ryan2127 said:

I asked her if she's ever heard of age play. She says no. I told her its a weird thing where people act like babies and wear diapers etc.

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I think that would sound weird to anyone not already AB-aware. Psychologically-speaking, there's no information there that explains how it feels, rather than what it is. And anything that's extremely "out of the ordinary" tends to be jarring and puts people out of their semi-autonomous comfort-zone.

It's like saying: "here's this thing that's different to anything you've ever heard of", rather than trying to link the concept with things that she's already familiar with.

I have no experience in this, so this is just a random suggestion of how I would do things, buuut...

In future, maybe you could drip-feed the information, giving your correspondent the chance to acclimatise to the new information. Maybe say that it's something that makes you feel safe and secure... or that you feel like a little kid at heart. And chat about that for a bit so she can understand the mindset, as it were.

And then, perhaps, you could say that you had a funny, kinky idea one day and wanted to try something (wearing diapers), and draw it out a bit, rather than telling her straight away. Maybe try to tie in the psychological explanations with her kinks... If she's a dom/sub, mention the control and power-exchange of a caregiver-AB relationship, and so on.

People need to know that you're a normal human being and be interested in talking to you again. Look at how people use that mobile phone dating app thingy (is it Tindr?). Swipe left, swipe right. It's so superficial. Any little imperfection or oddity, and people just swipe to the next person. But they don't do that (so much!) with people they know (even just a little bit).

Dunno if that helps, but good luck with your next encounter! :2thumbsup:

That's why I prefer them stay out siders! For the most part I have friends and family that know I need them for OAB and IBS and anxiety urge incontinence. I tell people if they ask or I've built a good friendship with them. It's takes time to build a friendship and they usually find out because I always have a little adidas back pack with me when I'm out and about for the day.

BenTennyson said:

Actually I agree with this. But on one hand, when I think about this from the new partners perspective it could be judged quite unfair on the ABDLs part. This is something big that is deliberately held back, effectively wasting the partners time if he can't live with someone who's got such a lifestyle. Its like we have to 'act normal' for the first few days/weeks/months and then suddenly drop a mask and show something ugly (from the partners view). I can't decide for myself if I'd find that unfair or not.

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I thought about that as well and I agree with you. I hate to waste other people's time. As an example, when I'm doing choir rehearsal, I do nothing but the music. Talking and socializing can happen before and after choir. Dating is different however. I suspect that the very act of dating and getting to know someone is a waste of time if it doesn't work out, for many different reasons. This is why I decided that waiting to tell about being AB/DL and not freaking the new date outweighed wasting their time. My thought was that we all come with some sort of baggage, though I would admit that being AB/DL could be a lot of baggage for most people. My feeling is that on a balance scale, waiting carries more weight then sounding creepy. Mind you, this is just my opinion and I do get what you're saying.

dogboy said:

I thought about that as well and I agree with you. I hate to waste other people's time. As an example, when I'm doing choir rehearsal, I do nothing but the music. Talking and socializing can happen before and after choir. Dating is different however. I suspect that the very act of dating and getting to know someone is a waste of time if it doesn't work out, for many different reasons. This is why I decided that waiting to tell about being AB/DL and not freaking the new date outweighed wasting their time. My thought was that we all come with some sort of baggage, though I would admit that being AB/DL could be a lot of baggage for most people. My feeling is that on a balance scale, waiting carries more weight then sounding creepy. Mind you, this is just my opinion and I do get what you're saying.

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Yes. I agree with both your posts in this thread, dogboy. Literally, TMI too soon.

BenTennyson said:

Actually I agree with this. But on one hand, when I think about this from the new partners perspective it could be judged quite unfair on the ABDLs part. This is something big that is deliberately held back, effectively wasting the partners time if he can't live with someone who's got such a lifestyle. Its like we have to 'act normal' for the first few days/weeks/months and then suddenly drop a mask and show something ugly (from the partners view). I can't decide for myself if I'd find that unfair or not.

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My thought on the matter, do you sit down with your partner in the first month and say, I have credit card debt, I was bankrupt, been divorced, I have s huge student loan debt, or I've slept around? Not usually, well maybe some of those but you do t want to make it a point. You want the person to get to know you first. Waiting years might be a long time, but most people need to see that abdl are normal people. Coming out with this right away may come off as this person has issues as this has yet to become socially accepted.

Putting myself in the other persons shoes and hearing that someone is an abdl after knowing someone briefly is that this is important in ones life and I should expect this to take over our relationship. I'd bow out if I was that person. Show that you are normal and that diapers are a side thing.

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I waited until I got married to tell my wife. I always thought she would be upset with me for not opening before we got married. I'm very lucky for how my situation turned out. She supports it and even plays a role in my wearing.

Years back I wanted to tell her before we got engaged. I was testing the waters and she basically came out and said she didn't want to know. If I had told her then, maybe the outcome would have been the same and that's a weak maybe? Waiting a few more years she got to see more of me and understand more to accept what I told her. Telling at you love to wear diapers is a lot to digest especially to a woman. I was afraid she was going to say that she wasn't the focus of my sexual desires and that I needed additional things for my satisfaction. Telling my wife back in the first month, I doubt I'd be married to her today.

Also, I'm not saying all woman are like this. I know guys can be emotional to this as well. I just know how my wife thinks and how emotional she can be.

BenTennyson said:

Actually I agree with this. But on one hand, when I think about this from the new partners perspective it could be judged quite unfair on the ABDLs part. This is something big that is deliberately held back, effectively wasting the partners time if he can't live with someone who's got such a lifestyle. Its like we have to 'act normal' for the first few days/weeks/months and then suddenly drop a mask and show something ugly (from the partners view). I can't decide for myself if I'd find that unfair or not.

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The thing is nobody, abdl or not, 'acts normal' in the beginning of a relationship, in time you get to know the other person, you start to get more comfortable around that person and start to show other aspects of yourself, and so does the other person.

That's not a bad thing, that's normal. You can't expect to meet someone and know everything about that person, down to the most intimate things, right away.

It's not just abdls that have intimate secrets that need time to be revealed, most people do. I heard this quote in a video/doc that is something like this "if someone says that they have no secrets, nothing to hide, that person is either lying or very boring and uninteresting".

I think ABDL ism is not accepted because in the Diagnostic Manual psychiatrists use it is listed as a mental illness. My ABDL is top secret. I like that you did that though. Keep doing it and report back. It could be like a weekly update. No pressure though. The only people that know about my habit are my sisters and my mother and my late father knew before he went on. My mom and dad hated that I loved diapers. I started at age 6. No rhyme or reason I just began stealing diapers wherever I saw them. I hid them in my lunchbox and in my room. When they were inevitably discovered I would get a tongue lashing. My dad was so angry he gave me diaper with dog excrement in it. I was 6. I told him I didn't want it. He threw it away and I continued to search for clean new diapers. Mostly I stole them out of visitors diaper bags. lol I'd be terrified to tell a romantic partner although I really don't think it's a big deal. It's not like BDSM where people actually get hurt. It's just comfy cuddly.