Always feeling like I am a "Bad Little Boy"

I admit to experiencing constant feelings that I am a "Bad Little Boy" all the time, even when I have not done anything wrong.

Growing up, I was always yelled at, even when I performed tasks/chores correctly.

I have no memories of ever being praised for anything I did correctly.

Yes, I feel like a "Bad Little Boy".

caitianx said:

I admit to experiencing constant feelings that I am a "Bad Little Boy" all the time, even when I have not done anything wrong.

Growing up, I was always yelled at, even when I performed tasks/chores correctly.

I have no memories of ever being praised for anything I did correctly.

Yes, I feel like a "Bad Little Boy".

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Well one thing I have found is that be naughty is sometime much more fun than be good.

But it is nice being told that you are a "good boy" every now and then. And having your hair ruffles.

Just a suggestion for you, why don't you do the gold stars thing. When you get so many get a treat for being good.

That and tell your self how good you are.

Hope this helps you.

Sisi

I can relate.
Only recently, I realized how I was never told that I was "loved just the way I was". It was always like "you can do better", not to mention emotional abuse and mind games such as accusing me of lying when I really wasn't on multiple occasions, etc etc etc.
Okay, I'm done now.

caitianx said:

I admit to experiencing constant feelings that I am a "Bad Little Boy" all the time, even when I have not done anything wrong.

Growing up, I was always yelled at, even when I performed tasks/chores correctly.

I have no memories of ever being praised for anything I did correctly.

Yes, I feel like a "Bad Little Boy".

Click to expand...

Caitianx,

I understand how damaging a cycle like that can be, but the fact you were never praised doesn't mean you never did anything right. Nor does being yelled at signal that you were disobedient, or that you failed at anything.

From the background you've given previously about your childhood, it's clear that you suffered some incredibly dysfunctional and traumatic experiences as a child. None of those experiences are necessarily connected to being 'bad'.

In fact, I believe that your feeling of being a 'Bad Little Boy' is related only to dark memories, not to any actual acts of wrongdoing on your part.

You're a kind, thoughtful and honest soul and that comes through loud and clear in your posts and blog entries. Just remember that whilst feelings of guilt or shame might (to some extent) always come and go, they're not the result of any wrongdoing whatsoever on your part.

Hugs :hug:,
Sanch

I am feeling a little better today.
I did go out and play with one of my NERF toy guns late in the afternoon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L42zY79dhM