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Thread: Defining Terms: Self-Acceptance

  1. #1

    Default Defining Terms: Self-Acceptance

    It occurred to me today that for all the talk here about self-acceptance as an ABDL (myself included), it's not exactly a clear term. I gave it a bit of thought and I wanted to see what others had to say on the matter. I've described it before in posts as a process more than a thing in itself, which says to me that it, like many things, is a continuum. If that is the case, what is the minimum point at which one could be considered to be self-accepting?

    What I have described as my period of grudging self-acceptance feels like that minimum to me. It was a point at which I had accepted that I was unlikely to rid myself of these desires and while I would have stopped if I could, it was because of the social inconvenience rather than because I thought it was wrong or made me a bad person. I held that position of relative stability for over a decade from before learning of the existence of the ABDL community to the point where I started to become active in that community.

    In current contrast, although I still find it to be a social inconvenience, I feel as though it has made a positive difference in my life through the relationships I've had and I would go to effort to retain it if I felt I was somehow losing it (as fruitless as that would likely be). I think I could be more self-accepting in a positive way but I also think it could be taken to the point of narcissism and self-absorption.

    Although this is general and not related to us specifically as ABDLs, this might be helpful to consider: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-acceptance

  2. #2

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    I see self-acceptance as the first rung on the ladder, with contentment, self-confidence and pride (of a reasonable level) being the following steps we can hope to reach in our personal journeys.

    As you say Trevor, it is a process and a continuum. Some days I feel a lot more self-confident and content than at other times, both about being ABDL or about any other facet of myself - from my driving skills to my performances in the bedroom.

    For me, self-acceptance is being (at the very least) okay with who, how, what and where you are, and not hating yourself for any of those things. It's enough of a base for a reasonably mentally healthy life, but there are levels of happiness far above mere acceptance of oneself.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanch View Post
    I see self-acceptance as the first rung on the ladder, with contentment, self-confidence and pride (of a reasonable level) being the following steps we can hope to reach in our personal journeys.

    As you say Trevor, it is a process and a continuum. Some days I feel a lot more self-confident and content than at other times, both about being ABDL or about any other facet of myself - from my driving skills to my performances in the bedroom.

    For me, self-acceptance is being (at the very least) okay with who, how, what and where you are, and not hating yourself for any of those things. It's enough of a base for a reasonably mentally healthy life, but there are levels of happiness far above mere acceptance of oneself.
    I 100% aggree, I truly think that is right, for me it truly depends on the day weather I like myself or not. Still I do go on.

  4. #4

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    Self acceptance has always been and continues to be a painful battle for me

    I've had some health and development issues growing up as well as major bullying issues. The health issues (epilepsy) continued into my adult life along with other horrible experiences such as my fiancee's suicide and now unsurprisingly I have major issues around depression, self confidence and acceptance.

    Weirdly enough having tried to suppress it for years the ABDL side of me is the one of the aspects of my life that I am now totally at peace with and accept completely. I do worry what others may think about it but I personally am at peace with it and enjoy it.

    For me whether I can accept myself as a whole person varies on a day to day basis as I still struggle with depression and have had suicidal thoughts and actually made an attempt in 2014.

    I am however really glad that I am now personally totally at peace with my ABDL side and have completely accepted it. I do fell that finding this site has helped with that as the support and advice you can get from here is amazing.

    Sorry if I've taken things a bit off topic with this post just felt like getting some of it off my chest.

  5. #5

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    It's an interesting question, and I've thought about it some as well. Despite often claiming to have "accepted" this stuff, I suppose what's really happened is that I've put it into perspective--come to understand where it fits in the totality of who I am, and how big a part of me it really is. Without much effort, I can still look on diaper fetishes as weird or even "bad" (to the extent that they're a complication in certain social situations, for instance), but it's even easier for me to count my blessings, so to speak: I've been fortunate to have good friends, a good family, a good career, and many other good things, so I'm naturally somewhat disinclined to zoom in on my own complexities and start blaming them for things. That would be a waste of time and energy, and with age has also come an awareness that these are finite resources not to be casually spent on self-pity where none is required. Indulging my wacky desire for diapers so that it can make way for my other interests and responsibilities is only logical, and is the easier path at this point, too.

    I've done this for a while, so I'm quite practiced when it comes to getting my diaper fix and moving on. That doesn't mean that wearing diapers is something I take pride in, per se. (I think the word "pride" is slightly dangerous as a synonym for self-esteem, as it tends to imply a sense of accomplishment as well--which in the case of sexuality, makes no sense.) Rather, it is simply not an impediment to a happy life.

  6. #6

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    Hi.

    I also have found it to be a continuous self learning thing. And I have really tryed to be a grown-up and fit in socially.
    For me it ain't going to happen. When it I started to accept who I was and the way I was. The happer I got.

    OK I am nowhere near what Society would class as normal. But I am more content now than I have been for a long time.


  7. #7

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    All good responses from above so I'll add just this. Self acceptance can be like a balance scale, tilting from one position to the other, at least for me. Depending on what I do to express my "little" self, that scale may tilt somewhat from one side to the next.

    As I've gotten older, the continued repetition of diaper wearing and experiencing regression has softened all the sharp edges of shame or embarrassment and taken me to a place where not only do I experience acceptance, for the most part, but one of the higher rungs of the ladder, enjoyment and a sense of peace. Because of the journey, the scale doesn't tip nearly as much or as often.

  8. #8

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    I see as a self accpetance in ABDL terms the moment, when you stop selfbeating for be that. Social incovenience/acceptance is another debate and +/- suicidal mision.

  9. #9

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    In short, self-acceptance could be relegated to: A general sense of 'self' in correlation with how comfortable we feel fitting into the social definition of it.

    Perhaps it could be best understood through the eyes of sociology. In the scenario of sociology, which is basically the science of social norms and their integration into how we interact with others, there is an almost predetermined schematic of what is considered normal and what is considered outside of it. So, say perhaps, one wanted to walk around with their index fingers pointed in the air wherever they traveled, such a small action could be considered socially as a gesture. It would be considered odd and even weird. It is simply a misconception rather than a misunderstanding.

    The self-acceptance part of such musings are derived from how much we feel we fit that puzzle; the one of social norms. While self-acceptance may be outwardly defined by what is considered normal it is the inner-self or our own psyche that determine our level of comfort and happiness with who we are as an individual. This, only in the case of self-evaluation.

    As a species we are continually self-evaluating. Much of what we fear in our actions is actually our own perception of how another would react to it. Inhibitions are a built-in lock that we have subconsciously nurtured to prevent embarrassment in our everyday lives. In return it becomes a code. That code is prevalent in our everyday dealings and social interaction. It is subconsciously adhered to.

    Maybe self-acceptance comes from categorizing our own desires/needs/wants as slightly more important than the perceived stigma attached to them. Like you said before, it could be counter-defined as narcissism or self-absorption but without this element we risk becoming withdrawn or even placid in our quest for acceptance.

    In the end it is really a pseudo-mix of which is more important: conscious tempering or adaptation.

    This is where the human species sets itself apart from anything else; rationalization is a key element to providing balance and stability in our lives against the backdrop of an ever-morphing society. It is almost, seemingly, self-willed.

    I would like to add that through my studies of Alzheimer's and dementia that one key element that seems to fade is the ability to self-evaluate, almost as if the memory of who we are is directly attached to self-awareness. This would/could conclude that our conscious mind is reliant on our subconscious mind. When that link is gone we lose our instincts.

    Self-acceptance is surely an ingredient of our own efforts to make it so even if it morphs and changes daily. Adaptation in it's most complete form.

  10. #10

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    I sort of leave off the "self" part when I think about it first. Acceptance, just in general, is when someone comes to the realization that reality is a certain way and will continue to be that way for the foreseeable future (though not forever, necessarily). I could accept that I can't buy an expensive sports car for the next few years, I could accept that it's going to rain tomorrow, or I could accept that my desire to wear diapers isn't going away.

    I think adding back in the "self" is making a statement about one's emotional state. One might accept that they have the desire to wear diapers and even accept that it's not going away, but if they feel hatred of who they are as a person along with frustration at their inability to change it, I don't think they've reached self-acceptance even if they have accepted that their desires exist and they can't be rid of them.

    For me, self-acceptance is a statement about being okay with oneself as an overall person. I'd phrase it as saying "I am who I am, with everything that comes with me, and I'm going to make the best of that in my life." That means not being caught in self-loathing, frustration, or depression, but rather being able to look calmly at one's life and figure out what good options there are to go forward in the world.

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