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Thread: I want to be a PreK teacher aide, but...

  1. #1

    Default I want to be a PreK teacher aide, but...

    Before I get to my question I have to include a backstory, which is usually is the case anytime I post something. Ok, so I was recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder about 4 months ago, I don't have my sub-test, or Total IQ score because the Texas Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services refuses to disclose them to me, they feel it isn't necessary. After receiving this diagnosis, my whole life made sense, it explains all my difficulties: Inability to form friendships with same-age peers (all my friends are 20+ years younger than me, or 15+years older than me), inability to hold down a job( the only job that I have ever done well in is when a teacher small children), it also explains my cognitive difficulties, my sensory issues, and my toilet difficulties.

    Now to my question, how do I explain to my prospective employer that I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and that I am not fully potty trained, and need to wear diapers, because I don't always make it to the potty in time? My problem is that I can feel when I need to go, I just can't always wait until I am able to get to a potty. This isn't something I can keep a secret for too long; I would imagine that people would want to know why there are baby diapers being thrown away in the staff restroom.

    Edited: I was diagnosed 4 months ago, on my first post I fat-fingered it, and had typed 14 months.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by FootiePJ View Post
    Now to my question, how do I explain to my prospective employer that I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and that I am not fully potty trained, and need to wear diapers, because I don't always make it to the potty in time? My problem is that I can feel when I need to go, I just can't always wait until I am able to get to a potty. This isn't something I can keep a secret for too long; I would imagine that people would want to know why there are baby diapers being thrown away in the staff restroom.
    Hmm. My first thought is that you don't seem to be approaching this particularly seriously. I apologize if that seems a bit jarring, but look at it this way: An adult managing his or her incontinence with baby diapers is goofy at best, and uncomfortably close to the subject matter at worst--i.e., in this case. Nobody is going to buy that you manage your incontinence with Pampers or Huggies. They'll just think, "Phew! That's pretty weird and creepy!" And because they're a prospective employer, you do need to avoid seeming creepy to them, even if it feels a bit unfair to you. We're not some protected class.

    Secondly, the obvious answer to the problem of having other adults stumble upon your used diapers is to not let them stumble upon your used diapers. Bag them, push them down in the trash can, and/or use a different trash can. Really, it's easy to avoid making it your employer's problem, so just commit to that, and if somebody ever figures it out then it's on them. Bringing it up--especially telling them that the used baby diapers are yours--is just really odd. Get real: Make it clear to them that you understand the job, that you have what it takes to do the job, and save the personal oddities for the Right Moment--which, in all honesty, may never come. Work is for working, not for sharing a fetish. Worry about the work first.
    Last edited by Cottontail; 09-Mar-2016 at 03:08.

  3. #3

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    I do not see it as a problem.

    If anything it could be a benefit. Under the ADA you do not have to disclose to much, and they have to make reasonable accommodations if you are qualified for the job.

  4. #4

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    I must agree with Cottontail. If you truly have an incontinence problem, adult sized diapers would be a far logical solution. In the work place, most people have some sort of medical issue, so one more isn't going to matter as long as it's a legitimate medical condition.

    I worked as a teacher assistant for 12 years at a junior high school. When I was first hired, it was as the assistant to the IT director and I enjoyed the work. After a number of years the school system decided to remove IT from the individual schools and I was moved to being a teacher assistant to the special ed. department and I mostly assisted in teaching math. I was good at it.

    There are a lot of demands made on teacher assistants and they require a lot of skills, and one of the more important ones is having social skills, because you are working with students and adults. You have to be able to think on your feet, socialize and interact with students and teachers and teach. I was often left alone with students. It's not unusual to work with a student, one on one, but I often was given groups of students to teach in a more individualized setting. I also read tests and assignments to students with reading disabilities.

    Your duties with pre-K students will certainly be different. You may be changing diapers or taking children to the bathroom, but you also will be involved with instruction. Only you know what you're comfortable with and whether this is workable. My feeling is, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you think you will be comfortable in a setting with a lot of adults and children, try it.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by FootiePJ View Post
    I would imagine that people would want to know why there are baby diapers being thrown away in the staff restroom.
    Actually, that is a lot less of a problem than you would expect. I work at elementary doing tech support, and I wear diapers. I toss them occasionally into the trash of the teacher's men's bathroom, and I haven't heard of peep of gossip, an email of complaint, or anything about it. The only person that really notices, is going to be the after hours custodian, and he/she hardly cares. Might be intrigued, but the custodian isn't going to inspect into it because they likely don't know everybody on staff at the school, nor are they going to ask who wears a diaper because that is just awkward and rude. I am one of a few men on staff, so the odds of just guessing it is me isn't too difficult, but nobody has any reason to even care, because most people don't go digging in the trash.

    The best thing you should do, is wear diapers that are plain, if they are AB/DL diapers, then you are going to have a much higher chance at attracting attention. Just wear your cuter diapers at home.

    Also, if you get any flack about it, you are going to have the law behind you when it comes to harassment for your disability and your actual need to wear diapers, if your boss is a good person, they are going to be very understanding and reasonable, so long as you show you have an ability to still effectively do your job.

    - - - Updated - - -

    As a funny note, if you feel inclined to disclose your need for diapers while at work, advertise it as a beneficial thing to them. "I can go long hours without the need of bathroom breaks." Who wouldn't like that for an employee?

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Also, if you get any flack about it, you are going to have the law behind you when it comes to harassment for your disability and your actual need to wear diapers, if your boss is a good person, they are going to be very understanding and reasonable, so long as you show you have an ability to still effectively do your job.
    It feels a bit early to be talking about playing the disability card, though. And it's probably worth clarifying that, if anything, incontinence would be the only protected disability. ASD and other cognitive stuff is definitely not protected in any way. Further, any disability protection for incontinence would imply a certain standard of reasonableness for how that disability is managed. For (extreme) example: If I'm incontinent, and my approach to managing it is to bring five extra pairs of pants to work with me so that I can change every time I have an accident, then I'm pretty sure I'm a goner, because my methods are intuitively unreasonable, indiscreet, and are likely making my coworkers (justifiably) uncomfortable. I'm not sure that openly wearing Pampers to a daycare, as an adult, is all that much more reasonable.



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    The best thing you should do, is wear diapers that are plain, if they are AB/DL diapers, then you are going to have a much higher chance at attracting attention. Just wear your cuter diapers at home.
    Agreed. But if your boss fires you because he/she dug through the trash and found ABU Cushies instead of Abenas or something, I think you'd have a really good chance of reinstatement or otherwise of victory in court. On the other hand, approaching a new job with the mentality of "How am I going to get away with being an AB at work?" is a bit of a backwards, entitled approach to things. No?
    Last edited by Cottontail; 09-Mar-2016 at 17:17.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    It feels a bit early to be talking about playing the disability card, though. And it's probably worth clarifying that, if anything, incontinence would be the only protected disability. ASD and other cognitive stuff is definitely not protected in any way. Further, any disability protection for incontinence would imply a certain standard of reasonableness for how that disability is managed. For (extreme) example: If I'm incontinent, and my approach to managing it is to bring five extra pairs of pants to work with me so that I can change every time I have an accident, then I'm pretty sure I'm a goner, because my methods are intuitively unreasonable, indiscreet, and are likely making my coworkers (justifiably) uncomfortable. I'm not sure that openly wearing Pampers to a daycare, as an adult, is all that much more reasonable.
    Maybe it is a bit early, but on the topic of incontinence I don't think it is too early to say that it is a common enough disability that organizations have had to work with it before, and that getting fired for incontinence is probably unreasonable in the eyes of the law. Maybe bowel incontinence on the other hand could be a different question, as well as your example of using pants for incontinence instead of diapers. The pants situation I think is at fault of the incontinent person because they have failed to use a socially accepted method for controlling the situation. The bowel incontinence situation I think is something that would have to be worked through with the boss, and might hinder an individual from working some jobs because the invasive smell, but I'm not really sure what would happen with that.



    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    Agreed. But if your boss fires you because he/she dug through the trash and found ABU Cushies instead of Abenas or something, I think you'd have a really good chance of reinstatement or otherwise of victory in court. On the other hand, approaching a new job with the mentality of "How am I going to get away with being an AB at work?" is a bit of a backwards, entitled approach to things. No?
    Yeah, I think there is a certain extent to which being an AB at work is not a good thing. I don't think wearing diapers to work is that big of a deal because it is underwear and nobodies business what you wear for underwear. Is wearing a cute diaper included in that statement? I'd say yes, but under the condition that you don't toss your cute diaper in the normal trash for somebody to see. Plain diapers are more understood, and less surprising to come across, while adult print diapers on the other hand could easily make somebody uncomfortable and investigative. As for other AB things, like sucking on a paci, I don't think that is appropriate for work, and yes, expecting to get away with those types of things beyond a diaper is entitled, but I really feel like a diaper can be excluded from that statement as I have already explained.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    Hmm. My first thought is that you don't seem to be approaching this particularly seriously. I apologize if that seems a bit jarring, but look at it this way: An adult managing his or her incontinence with baby diapers is goofy at best, and uncomfortably close to the subject matter at worst--i.e., in this case. Nobody is going to buy that you manage your incontinence with Pampers or Huggies. They'll just think, "Phew! That's pretty weird and creepy!" And because they're a prospective employer, you do need to avoid seeming creepy to them, even if it feels a bit unfair to you. We're not some protected class.

    Secondly, the obvious answer to the problem of having other adults stumble upon your used diapers is to not let them stumble upon your used diapers. Bag them, push them down in the trash can, and/or use a different trash can. Really, it's easy to avoid making it your employer's problem, so just commit to that, and if somebody ever figures it out then it's on them. Bringing it up--especially telling them that the used baby diapers are yours--is just really odd. Get real: Make it clear to them that you understand the job, that you have what it takes to do the job, and save the personal oddities for the Right Moment--which, in all honesty, may never come. Work is for working, not for sharing a fetish. Worry about the work first.
    I don't use baby diapers by themselves, I use them stuffed inside a Snap-EZ pocket diaper, it makes it easier to change that way. Not only that, but baby diapers are easier to put inside a pocket of my slacks, an adult diaper would be too big. Second I always wrap the used diapers in several paper towels, and bury it in the trash, but when the trash is being changed, it can move and possible be seen through the clear trash bags.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Maybe it is a bit early, but on the topic of incontinence I don't think it is too early to say that it is a common enough disability that organizations have had to work with it before, and that getting fired for incontinence is probably unreasonable in the eyes of the law. Maybe bowel incontinence on the other hand could be a different question, as well as your example of using pants for incontinence instead of diapers. The pants situation I think is at fault of the incontinent person because they have failed to use a socially accepted method for controlling the situation. The bowel incontinence situation I think is something that would have to be worked through with the boss, and might hinder an individual from working some jobs because the invasive smell, but I'm not really sure what would happen with that.


    Yeah, I think there is a certain extent to which being an AB at work is not a good thing. I don't think wearing diapers to work is that big of a deal because it is underwear and nobodies business what you wear for underwear. Is wearing a cute diaper included in that statement? I'd say yes, but under the condition that you don't toss your cute diaper in the normal trash for somebody to see. Plain diapers are more understood, and less surprising to come across, while adult print diapers on the other hand could easily make somebody uncomfortable and investigative. As for other AB things, like sucking on a paci, I don't think that is appropriate for work, and yes, expecting to get away with those types of things beyond a diaper is entitled, but I really feel like a diaper can be excluded from that statement as I have already explained.
    I don't have problems with my bowels, so that isn't a concern. And I would never use a pacifier at work, I save that for when I am in my room at home, or for nap/bed time.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by FootiePJ View Post
    I don't use baby diapers by themselves, I use them stuffed inside a Snap-EZ pocket diaper, it makes it easier to change that way. Not only that, but baby diapers are easier to put inside a pocket of my slacks, an adult diaper would be too big. Second I always wrap the used diapers in several paper towels, and bury it in the trash, but when the trash is being changed, it can move and possible be seen through the clear trash bags.
    Sounds like a pretty discrete method, I'm still a little concerned about the risk of using a baby diaper and causing curiosity. In the end though you can give a pretty reasonable explanation for why you use baby diapers rather than regular adult diapers. I'd suggest one of two things:

    1. Also carry a roll of 4 gallon plastic trash bags with you, put one bag in your pocket to go to the bathroom, wrap up your baby diaper in paper towels like normal, but then put that inside the 4 gallon trash back and then twist it tight and tie it off. That way you don't have any risk of visibility.

    2. Wear regular plain adult diapers to work and just have a small bag that you can bring with you to the bathroom for your extra diapers, if people ask about it, say it is for medical purposes.


    Question, do your pocket diapers pick up any of the urine, because I know cloth tends to store potent smells that return each time you use them, but maybe that isn't a problem with pocket diapers.

  10. #10

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    Wearing diapers to work is logical for your incontinence. I would wear adult diapers and not baby diapers though. I would wear diapers during my work day at my past job, it was never a problem. Also in an interview a question of incontinence is never asked. At that environment you should have a great bathroom where you can do your changes quickly and privately. If you can control your incontinence then it should be just fine

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