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Thread: How to help my friend?

  1. #1

    Default How to help my friend?

    I have a friend who self harms, she's not into ABDL stuff or I would suggest it to her as a therapeutic release. Does anyone have any ideas for what she can do to help her get the release that she needs in a healthy way?

    Has anyone self harmed or know anyone that has had this issue? What did you do instead? What helped?

  2. #2

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    I do not do self harm, so what I say is strictly based on other therapy goals that I know about.

    First: Your friend should look into psychiatric help with this. A professional should be involved to help them deal with multiple aspects.

    Second: Talk to them about finding something to fill in the need.

    Third: Talk to them about what the need is and where it comes from.

    Lastly then get her to talk to you when she feels the need and look at a different action when the needs arise.

    I hope this helps.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I do not do self harm, so what I say is strictly based on other therapy goals that I know about.

    First: Your friend should look into psychiatric help with this. A professional should be involved to help them deal with multiple aspects.

    Second: Talk to them about finding something to fill in the need.

    Third: Talk to them about what the need is and where it comes from.

    Lastly then get her to talk to you when she feels the need and look at a different action when the needs arise.

    I hope this helps.

  3. #3

    Default

    Yeah, I agree with Egor. I did self harm when I was a kid, age 10 through college. There are deep seated reasons for self harming. Sometimes like in my case, it's experimenting with suicide. The thought that I had was, if I just cut a little deeper, I'll bleed to death. So yes, she needs professional help. This isn't the sort of thing that you can talk her out of because it's not just something to do because you're bored.

    I was trying to hurt myself. It usually happened when I hated myself for some reason. Maybe I failed a test, or maybe some guy beat me up. There are always reasons, but it takes a professional to help the individual deal with these problems.

    It also can be a symptom of deeper problems, like Borderline Personality Disorder, as was in my case. Be gentle and kind with her when you talk with her. Be supportive and there for her, because she already may feel inadequate. You don't want to tip her apple cart, so to speak. Sometimes when things are really going badly, you have to talk to a parent, in this case, her's, something I'm sure you don't want to do. But if she starts talking about suicide, then it's time to tell someone else.

  4. #4

    Default

    I agree with Egor as well. I would also suggest that you do not make yourself her substitute for self harming. Trying to always be there for a person who is suffering from a severe need can be very difficult and draining. Even worse, if it does become a major drain for you or you miss the person's moment of need by accident, they could go right back to self-harm and even do something severe. So, while you can help support your friend and give guidance, you need to encourage her to seek professional help. The whole burden should not fall to you alone.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    I agree with Egor as well. I would also suggest that you do not make yourself her substitute for self harming. Trying to always be there for a person who is suffering from a severe need can be very difficult and draining. Even worse, if it does become a major drain for you or you miss the person's moment of need by accident, they could go right back to self-harm and even do something severe. So, while you can help support your friend and give guidance, you need to encourage her to seek professional help. The whole burden should not fall to you alone.
    Most definitely, I agree that I should not be her substitute to self harming. I told her to call someone before she does it, get that support that she needs and have someone talk her out of it. We are both pretty stubborn people so sometimes it's hard to talk one of us out of doing something such as drinking, etc.. I will be there when I can but I can't be there all the time, I think she knows that.

    I feel like she is not motivated at times to do something about the problem, sometimes that can be draining in itself.

  6. #6

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    I think you're doing everything you possibly can. Self harm, such as cutting, can provide an adrenalin rush which can be addictive, and like any addiction, she has to recognize she needs help, and then, she has to actually want the help. All you can do is be there for her, let her know that you're concerned about her behaviour, and support your friend until she either learns to find other coping mechanisms, or gets help to stop harming herself.

    Your profile says you're in Lubbock, Texas. There are a number of professional services in that area that specialize in self harm, in addition to good support services.

    There are a number of therapists in your area who specialize in self harm. They can be found here: https://therapists.psychologytoday.c...bbock&spec=283

    In addition, there are some support groups to meet and support others with the same illness: https://groups.psychologytoday.com/r...bbock&spec=283

    Treatment centers can be found here: https://treatment.psychologytoday.co...te=TX&spec=283

    As we all know, having all the treatment centers and resources in the world doesn't mean a thing if your friend doesn't want to help herself. It's good that she has someone like you to support her. Keep in mind that this is not all on you to solve her problem: she has to reach the point of wanting to make positive changes in her life and taking the steps to do it.. It's important to take self harm seriously. People who engage in the activity may not intend serious or permanent injury, but accidents can happen and may lead to untended consequences, up to and including death. The important thing is to be non judgemental. Support your friend, and just ask her how she's feeling. She doesn't expect you to have all the answers, so just let her talk and, if possible, try and explore what the issues might be. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then let her know that's okay too, and don't take it personally. Like other illnesses there can be a great deal of shame associated with self harm. Just let her know you are there to listen, and ensure she knows of places she can go to get support.

    Like other addictions such as alcohol or drugs, it can be very difficult for a person to stop self harming, and it may take your friend a long time to stop. Patience, understanding, being non judgemental, and heartfelt concern: all of this is what she requires until she is ready to accept help.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 02-Mar-2016 at 18:49.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    I think you're doing everything you possibly can. Self harm, such as cutting, can provide an adrenalin rush which can be addictive, and like any addiction, she has to recognize she needs help, and then, she has to actually want the help. All you can do is be there for her, let her know that you're concerned about her behaviour, and support your friend until she either learns to find other coping mechanisms, or gets help to stop harming herself.

    Your profile says you're in Lubbock, Texas. There are a number of professional services in that area that specialize in self harm, in addition to good support services.

    There are a number of therapists in your area who specialize in self harm. They can be found here: https://therapists.psychologytoday.c...bbock&spec=283

    In addition, there are some support groups to meet and support others with the same illness: https://groups.psychologytoday.com/r...bbock&spec=283

    Treatment centers can be found here: https://treatment.psychologytoday.co...te=TX&spec=283

    As we all know, having all the treatment centers and resources in the world doesn't mean a thing if your friend doesn't want to help herself. It's good that she has someone like you to support her. Keep in mind that this is not all on you to solve her problem: she has to reach the point of wanting to make positive changes in her life and taking the steps to do it.. It's important to take self harm seriously. People who engage in the activity may not intend serious or permanent injury, but accidents can happen and may lead to untended consequences, up to and including death. The important thing is to be non judgemental. Support your friend, and just ask her how she's feeling. She doesn't expect you to have all the answers, so just let her talk and, if possible, try and explore what the issues might be. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then let her know that's okay too, and don't take it personally. Like other illnesses there can be a great deal of shame associated with self harm. Just let her know you are there to listen, and ensure she knows of places she can go to get support.

    Like other addictions such as alcohol or drugs, it can be very difficult for a person to stop self harming, and it may take your friend a long time to stop. Patience, understanding, being non judgemental, and heartfelt concern: all of this is what she requires until she is ready to accept help.
    She went to the ER so that she could get into a certain hospital that she's been to before but they sent her home because they said they didn't have any beds. They always say that. We're both pretty frustrated.

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