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Thread: How to come out to my potential girlfriend

  1. #1

    Default How to come out to my potential girlfriend

    Hello I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to come out to my potentional girl friend that i like to wear diapers.

  2. #2

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    Well first I would explain how important and intagrated what you're about to tell her is in your life then I would explain how its just a way for you to relax and feel safe. Also go slow and soft when telling you don't want to be going fast and well crazy trust me. If shes still there and pretty cool with it then go ahead and delve deeper in to it but don't over welm her with it all at once.

    I hope this helps you out and if you do decied to tell her tell us how it went.

  3. #3

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    I agree with gong slow, giving just a little bit of information at first. She'll have questions so it will become natural to expand the conversation. The most important thing will be to do your homework. Go to several sites like "Understanding Infantalism" and Wikipedia's information on Infantalism and Love Mapping. This will actually help you understand yourself. When I had to explain to my wife, I also included my history, wanting diapers at a very age. I discussed how it was psychological and in my case, a definite need. She was very understanding and accepting, but everyone is different. Some people just can't wrap their mind around an adult wanting to not only wear a diaper but also use it, so expect almost anything regarding her reaction.

  4. #4

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    I would hold off until you are seeing each other naked regularly before thinking about telling. I assume you are at most casual friends. A casual friend telling them about their kinks would put off a lot of people where a serious partner doing the same is natural.

  5. #5

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    If it's a potential girlfriend, I would say wait. Develop a good, healthy, loving relationship first. I'm not an ABDL. Like my username says, I'm just the girlfriend of one, so feel free to ignore this. But from my side of things, I would have ran if my boyfriend had told me right away. I'm not always a very open person, but I decided to be open because I love him, and I want him to be happy. Of course, this girl could be the complete opposite and be super understanding and much nicer than me.

    I found out through one of our mutual friends. My boyfriend didn't tell me. I just told him that I knew, and he cried and said he wanted to stop for me. But through tons of support and acceptance, he continues being himself, which in turn makes me happy. BUT if he were to tell me on his own, he would have had to sit me down and tell me that he needed me to be open and understanding because this is important to him. Then, he would have to explain what infantilism is and his take on it because everyone is different. Dogboy mentioned telling her about your history with it would also be helpful. And provide her with lots of information! I had to do my own research, and I ended up watching that god awful dr. Phil episode about ABDL and just about cried because I didn't want to participate in that kind of relationship. It wasn't until I found this place that I really calmed down and realized that I can handle this.

    I hope it works out for you! Keep us posted!

  6. #6

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    Don't come out too early, don't come out too late.

    It's not the first thing they should know about you. Actually, they should get to know you first. The moment to tell them is when you know that this is about to become a serious relationship. It should be as soon as you feel that both of you are beginning to commit to the relationship and to each other. First of all, they have the right to get the full picture of who you are; second, you're still something of a cleanish slate to each other with no preconceptions or expectations; and third, the love you feel for each other early in the relationship makes both telling it and accepting it much easier.

    Be cautious, don't overwhelm them. Don't drop a bomb on your partner, but approach it gently. Take your time. Make sure you pick a moment where both of you are fairly relaxed. Do not expect them to understand right away what this is about, try to approach it from their perspective and give them something that helps them better understand your feelings. Be prepared to answer questions, and answer them honestly, in a way that you think they can understand even if they do not share your fantasies.

    Don't be overly blunt, but be honest, do not lie. Don't say "I occasionally like to wear diapers" if you do it about once a month or more often. Every lie, every beautification is a burden on your relationship that will either need to be taken back at some point or that will cause problems later on.

    Are diapers more than a purely sexual thing for you? Then don't talk about what you do, but rather explain what wearing diapers means to you. It is much more important that your partner understands your motivation and what you gain from the experience than any details of what you do to accomplish this. They will very likely be much less interested in how often you wet your diapers than in what this means to your relationship with them.

    And lastly, make sure you have the right priorities. A relationship is always an interaction between two people. Determine whether the relationship is about you and your partner (with diapers as a part of it) or between you and your diapers (and another person somehow involved in it). It should be the former, otherwise the relationship will not work. If it is the former, make sure your partner knows and has no reason to doubt it.

    After you have come out to them, be prepared to negotiate just what place diapers and age play will have in your relationship. But that's a different topic.

  7. #7
    D1aperBOY

    Default

    what about to your mum????
    really freaking out cos i no i won't be able to carry on secretively for much longer as she doesn't no that i like wearing nappies yet!!!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by eedoo View Post
    Don't come out too early, don't come out too late.

    It's not the first thing they should know about you. Actually, they should get to know you first. The moment to tell them is when you know that this is about to become a serious relationship. It should be as soon as you feel that both of you are beginning to commit to the relationship and to each other. First of all, they have the right to get the full picture of who you are; second, you're still something of a cleanish slate to each other with no preconceptions or expectations; and third, the love you feel for each other early in the relationship makes both telling it and accepting it much easier.

    Be cautious, don't overwhelm them. Don't drop a bomb on your partner, but approach it gently. Take your time. Make sure you pick a moment where both of you are fairly relaxed. Do not expect them to understand right away what this is about, try to approach it from their perspective and give them something that helps them better understand your feelings. Be prepared to answer questions, and answer them honestly, in a way that you think they can understand even if they do not share your fantasies.

    Don't be overly blunt, but be honest, do not lie. Don't say "I occasionally like to wear diapers" if you do it about once a month or more often. Every lie, every beautification is a burden on your relationship that will either need to be taken back at some point or that will cause problems later on.

    Are diapers more than a purely sexual thing for you? Then don't talk about what you do, but rather explain what wearing diapers means to you. It is much more important that your partner understands your motivation and what you gain from the experience than any details of what you do to accomplish this. They will very likely be much less interested in how often you wet your diapers than in what this means to your relationship with them.

    And lastly, make sure you have the right priorities. A relationship is always an interaction between two people. Determine whether the relationship is about you and your partner (with diapers as a part of it) or between you and your diapers (and another person somehow involved in it). It should be the former, otherwise the relationship will not work. If it is the former, make sure your partner knows and has no reason to doubt it.

    After you have come out to them, be prepared to negotiate just what place diapers and age play will have in your relationship. But that's a different topic.
    This is very sound and very good advice. I've learned that while diapers aren't a huge part of my life -- I wear occasionally, maybe once or twice a month, sometimes more sometimes less -- they ARE a part of me and my life. I've also learned that I don't want to date someone based on diapers, like eedoo said, the relationship should be between you and your partner with diapers involved, not with you and diapers and your partner somehow involved.

    I would add one more thing, something that I'v struggled with in the past. Be confident and assertive -- not aggressive -- but assertive. If diapers are a part of you, then be confident when you tell her him or her. Be prepared to answer questions calmly, even if your partner is freaking out about it. It's much easier said than done, but if you are confident and she sees that, it will help immensely. This isn't something to be ashamed of, or feel guilty over (as I have for years! ugh). So be respectful, kind, patient, and CONFIDENT in your abdl side! Now, I need to take my own advice when I open up to my future girlfriend lol

  9. #9

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    All i have to say is that we need to try to stop worring bout what others think. We cant help who we are or how we feel. I have into the diaper scene off and on my entire life and my ab side just became in the last year real hard and unstoppable. When i have kiddos i dont go into baby mode but its a way to relieve my stress for i am 247 without choice now

  10. #10

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    Like previously stated. Don't come out too soon. I waited 6 months to tell my wife. She said if i had told her early on in the relationship she would have left for sure. And be prepared for LOTS of questions.

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