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Thread: Terrible Depression

  1. #1

    Default Terrible Depression

    I've been suffering from lots of lots of depression this whole school year so far. Late last school year when I first found out about my gender issues and decided to make the transition 1 day I thought I would deal with the wait just fine. I honestly never expected it to be this hard. This school year I discovered just how wrong I was. Ever since my junior year started I've been constantly depressed, had frequent mood swings, fights with gf are easier to get into and more frequent, 2 faced parents causing drama, being limited in what I can do. My heart an spirit want me to go ahead and be the pretty girl I really am and be happy, but my brain is aware of the hate, ridicule, and possibly violence that will follow as risks if I come out right now. To be honest, the longer I hold in my true self, the more it tears me apart. My parents know but they can never be as supportive as my gf is and every1 always advises me to hide it for a lil longer and wait til I'm 18 and have a greater degree of power in what I can do. Though their intentions are good, I feel as if they're unknowingly persuading me to hold myself back. I understand about having patience but enough is enough, My true self wants out and it wants out now. I'm tired of letting myself be miserable hiding and instead of blindly follow the advice I just question it and ask if its really worth bringing myself that much more pain. In just a year and a half I've gone from feeling really confident about getting through the wait for my gender issues to be fixed to a total emotional wreck who is almost out of hope. I feel lucky just to be alive and to have made it this far, but why should I allow myself endure anymore pain? I just feel like I should stop letting the advice to hide make me hold myself back and be miserable and actually be happy being myself while being aware and careful of the risks that come with it. From feeling left out seeing all girl gatherings to getting jealous of the cute outfits, I do not feel it is worth remaining wait to suffer like this.

  2. #2

    Default

    Eventually you're going to be seeing a doctor about this issue, is that correct? What are the chances you could see one now. Sort of start that process? The doctor may be able to help with your current issue too. I suspect a support system would be recommeded among other things.
    Best of luck to you.
    Last edited by cation; 28-Feb-2009 at 19:38.

  3. #3

    Default

    I'm going for my 3rd visit to a counsellor sometime this coming week or the week after.

  4. #4

    Default

    Go all out. Do something that you've always wanted to do, but were to afraid to. As long as it gets you out of your slump, it's fine.

  5. #5

    Default

    It's good that you are seeing someone, that is always the best way to get help since they are trained and all, just keep it up, and remember that it will eventually get better and the therapy will help.

    Also remember that if during the course of your sessions you don't really feel that it is helping you can always ask to see someone else. Also, if you feel like things aren't getting any better with therapy alone you can always ask about medications in addition to therapy... there are some good ones out there.

  6. #6
    EmeraldsAndLime

    Default

    Preoccupy yourself with others things. There's no point in eating yourself up over something that's currently out of your control.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Lily View Post
    I've been suffering from lots of lots of depression this whole school year so far. Late last school year when I first found out about my gender issues and decided to make the transition 1 day I thought I would deal with the wait just fine. I honestly never expected it to be this hard. This school year I discovered just how wrong I was. Ever since my junior year started I've been constantly depressed, had frequent mood swings, fights with gf are easier to get into and more frequent, 2 faced parents causing drama, being limited in what I can do. My heart an spirit want me to go ahead and be the pretty girl I really am and be happy, but my brain is aware of the hate, ridicule, and possibly violence that will follow as risks if I come out right now. To be honest, the longer I hold in my true self, the more it tears me apart. My parents know but they can never be as supportive as my gf is and every1 always advises me to hide it for a lil longer and wait til I'm 18 and have a greater degree of power in what I can do. Though their intentions are good, I feel as if they're unknowingly persuading me to hold myself back. I understand about having patience but enough is enough, My true self wants out and it wants out now. I'm tired of letting myself be miserable hiding and instead of blindly follow the advice I just question it and ask if its really worth bringing myself that much more pain. In just a year and a half I've gone from feeling really confident about getting through the wait for my gender issues to be fixed to a total emotional wreck who is almost out of hope. I feel lucky just to be alive and to have made it this far, but why should I allow myself endure anymore pain? I just feel like I should stop letting the advice to hide make me hold myself back and be miserable and actually be happy being myself while being aware and careful of the risks that come with it. From feeling left out seeing all girl gatherings to getting jealous of the cute outfits, I do not feel it is worth remaining wait to suffer like this.
    Dude, I know about your true self, I struggled with that everyday of my life, but I know who I am, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Everything will work I swear

  8. #8

    Default

    Cation hit the nail on the head. Use your counselor to help work this out. You must have a very understanding girl friend. Lean on her, and don't do anything to weaken that relationship. I don't think you should just do "anything you want" in terms of wearing girls clothes where you would be ridiculed. Unfortunately we all have to live in this world, and make things work for us. We have to interact with others, and somehow, strike a happy balance in terms of what society calls acceptable behavior. That doesn't mean you can't do what you want behind closed doors. That's what all of us do with our diapers.

    When we are young, we tend to want immediate results. One week seems like a life time. But your feelings could very well change as you mature. The frontal lobe of the brain continues to develop, which changes our impulsivity. Try to use the next few years to further discover who you are. Maybe you can read books written by people who have gone through this. Most important, deal with the depression positively. There is a tomorrow, and often it's a good tomorrow. Please give it a chance.

  9. #9

    Default

    i can't help you with your gender issues but with the depression one thing that helps me is focus on the little joys in life the ones you normally take for granted.

  10. #10

    Default

    The thing is my heart doesn't care about the ridicule I would receive and I honestly don't want to care but my brain is too afraid of the risks. I want to take action and be happy and not eat myself up over something I actually have a fair amount of control over but yields severe risks and consequences. Once I get my brain to agree with my heart, I'm going all out and I'm not letting anyone stop me.

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