I've been suffering from lots of lots of depression this whole school year so far. Late last school year when I first found out about my gender issues and decided to make the transition 1 day I thought I would deal with the wait just fine. I honestly never expected it to be this hard. This school year I discovered just how wrong I was. Ever since my junior year started I've been constantly depressed, had frequent mood swings, fights with gf are easier to get into and more frequent, 2 faced parents causing drama, being limited in what I can do. My heart an spirit want me to go ahead and be the pretty girl I really am and be happy, but my brain is aware of the hate, ridicule, and possibly violence that will follow as risks if I come out right now. To be honest, the longer I hold in my true self, the more it tears me apart. My parents know but they can never be as supportive as my gf is and every1 always advises me to hide it for a lil longer and wait til I'm 18 and have a greater degree of power in what I can do. Though their intentions are good, I feel as if they're unknowingly persuading me to hold myself back. I understand about having patience but enough is enough, My true self wants out and it wants out now. I'm tired of letting myself be miserable hiding and instead of blindly follow the advice I just question it and ask if its really worth bringing myself that much more pain. In just a year and a half I've gone from feeling really confident about getting through the wait for my gender issues to be fixed to a total emotional wreck who is almost out of hope. I feel lucky just to be alive and to have made it this far, but why should I allow myself endure anymore pain? I just feel like I should stop letting the advice to hide make me hold myself back and be miserable and actually be happy being myself while being aware and careful of the risks that come with it. From feeling left out seeing all girl gatherings to getting jealous of the cute outfits, I do not feel it is worth remaining wait to suffer like this.