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Thread: Telling a new partner about my ABDL side.

  1. #1

    Default Telling a new partner about my ABDL side.

    Hi everybody, I know I've posted a few bits and pieces asking about relationships etc before so I apologise for another similar thread. Still I've got a situation I'm a bit anxious about and could do with some advice.

    I'm going on a second date with someone tonight after a really great first date a few days ago. I'm trying not to read to much into it to soon but I'm excited because we seemed to just connect really well, and to be honest I've not felt that I clicked with a date as well as I did the other day since I was dating my late fiancée years ago.

    Of course I know things might not go past the second date tonight but it's got me wondering about how and when I would tell her about my abdl side if it turned into a relationship.

    For me personally I have realised that regression diapers and ageplay are really more of a sexual thing for me, there is a non sexual element but more of a sexual one for me personally. I wouldn't be telling her that I want to be treated like a baby 24/7 or anything like that but ideally I would want a partner to be accepting of and potentially indulging towards it all.

    I wouldn't expect any future partner to suddenly dive straight into it all straight away but I would hope that they would be willing to try things gradually with me.

    My abdl interests are not the most important thing to me in the world but I would not want to have to give them up.

    Any advice in case things work out with the girl I'm seeing or any future partners?

    Thanks everyone. X

  2. #2

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    Take your time and really get to know her.

    When you feel that the time is right, carefully talk to her.

    When things are going ok then remember communication is the best thing, and always remember to listen to her side of the story.

    In my case my wife accepts that I am a DL, but her level of participation is very limited. So we have discussed the boundaries and that has to be respected.

    Good luck.

  3. #3

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    I've tried several different approaches. I tried telling too soon and it never went very well. I'd say wait until you have more time and definitely not on the first few dates. I have always found that it helps to date a quirky and open-minded girl.

  4. #4

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    First of all, I'm really glad your date went well! She sounds like a great girl.

    I'm not ABDL, so I may not give the greatest advice. I'm here supporting my boyfriend who is ABDL.

    My boyfriends friend actually told me after only three months of dating. And I was scared to confront him about it. So I ended up watching Dr. Phil and trying to understand it all as best I could. It was a kind of fight or flight response. I chose fight because even after three months, I knew he was the kind of guy that I would never find again. But eventually I ended up here. You were all so supportive for me, so this is me trying to give back.

    I strongly recommend that you get to the point in your relationship where you feel you can tell her ANYTHING. And see if she feels the same way. This could be a few months or a few years or more. That's when you sit her down with all the facts printed out and show her that this isn't scary, weird, or crazy and that this is just another part of you that you want to show her. Really emphasize that it's important to you and remind her to keep an open mind. If it's going okay, ask her what her limitations are and what she would be willing to try. For me, it's very limited. But others can be very involved. It's important that you make it known that she has a say in this, but you're not going to change who you are for her. I know it can be hard, but stand your ground. And never apologize for who you are.

    I hope this helps!

  5. #5

    Default

    DL's Girlfriend,

    Your input is appreciated! Hearing it from a, if I may, non-participant that knows and understands does help alive alot of fear and concerns. Being single is easy, being in a relationship gets spooky. Your insight does help.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by bbMe View Post
    DL's Girlfriend,

    Your input is appreciated! Hearing it from a, if I may, non-participant that knows and understands does help alive alot of fear and concerns. Being single is easy, being in a relationship gets spooky. Your insight does help.
    I totally agree. It makes me feel good when I hear of a supportive partner.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by DLsGirlfriend View Post
    First of all, I'm really glad your date went well! She sounds like a great girl.

    I'm not ABDL, so I may not give the greatest advice. I'm here supporting my boyfriend who is ABDL.

    My boyfriends friend actually told me after only three months of dating. And I was scared to confront him about it. So I ended up watching Dr. Phil and trying to understand it all as best I could. It was a kind of fight or flight response. I chose fight because even after three months, I knew he was the kind of guy that I would never find again. But eventually I ended up here. You were all so supportive for me, so this is me trying to give back.

    I strongly recommend that you get to the point in your relationship where you feel you can tell her ANYTHING. And see if she feels the same way. This could be a few months or a few years or more. That's when you sit her down with all the facts printed out and show her that this isn't scary, weird, or crazy and that this is just another part of you that you want to show her. Really emphasize that it's important to you and remind her to keep an open mind. If it's going okay, ask her what her limitations are and what she would be willing to try. For me, it's very limited. But others can be very involved. It's important that you make it known that she has a say in this, but you're not going to change who you are for her. I know it can be hard, but stand your ground. And never apologize for who you are.

    I hope this helps!
    Thank you as others have said this is some great advice and it's good to hear from someone who has a non ABDL view, I just hope any partners in my future as a supportive about it as you are.

    The second date went well and we're seeing each other again this Tuesday, think my mind was racing ahead a bit as I'm only just getting back to dating after a long period of being unwell with depression. Plus it's only fairly recently that I've become fully comfortable with my ABDL side myself.

    She seems fairly relaxed and open minded so far and is great fun to be around. I just wish dating wasn't so hard, if there wasn't so much misunderstanding about ABDLs then maybe I wouldn't be so anxious about it.

  8. #8

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    Hi again BabyBobby93! I'm glad your second date went well! I'm happy for you!

    And you don't need to be anxious. I can see how it might be scary, but if she's really worth it, she will understand and love you anyway. So just be yourself!

    If you need anything, you can message me.
    Good luck!

  9. #9

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    The answer to this question is always the same... Let the relationship develop into love and intimacy. At that point, you need to lay the cards on the table, for good or for bad. If there is real love, there will be real communication, understanding, and acceptance. If not, then it would be time to move apart, before there are children, and before your finances get hopelessly intermingled. A good partner will accept the good, with the less than preferable, knowing that each should do their part to be the best friend to the other, which oftentimes means taking care of each other's needs, no matter how strange (or not!) they may seem. This goes for whips & chains, foot worship, huggles & snuggles, or even making him wear the panties (if that's your thing...) once in awhile, or just plain old missionary sex, if that's what makes your wiggle waggle. It's all about taking care of each other for life, and that requires a lot of effort. The conversation about diapers is going to let that special person know that this is the real you, and as secretive as it is, it will become a shared intimacy that you'll both hopefully enjoy, and benefit from, perhaps lasting a lifetime.

  10. #10

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    I've actually just posted my thoughts on this issue in a different thread here on ADISC. This is a slightly adapted version:

    Don't tell her too early, don't tell her too late.

    It's not the first thing she should know about you. Actually, she should get to know you first. The moment to tell her is when you know that this is about to become a serious relationship. It should be as soon as you feel that both of you are beginning to commit to the relationship and to each other. First of all, she has the right to get the full picture of who you are; second, you're still something of a cleanish slate to each other with no preconceptions or expectations; and third, the love you feel for each other early in the relationship makes both telling it and accepting it much easier.

    Be cautious, don't overwhelm her. Don't drop a bomb on your partner, but approach it gently. Take your time. Make sure you pick a moment where both of you are fairly relaxed. Do not expect her to understand right away what this is about, try to approach it from her perspective and give her something she can relate to that helps her better understand your feelings. Be prepared to answer her questions, and answer them honestly, in a way that you think she can understand even if she does not share your fantasies.

    Don't be overly blunt, but be honest, do not lie. Don't say "I occasionally like to wear diapers" if you do it about once a month or more often. Every lie, every beautification is a burden on your relationship that will either need to be taken back at some point or that will cause problems later on.

    Don't talk about what you do, but rather explain what being an AB means to you. It is much more important that your partner understands your motivation and what you gain from the experience than any details of what you do to accomplish this. She will very likely be much less interested in how often you wet your diapers than in what the fact that you are an AB means to you and to your relationship with her.

    Expect acceptance, not participation. It is extremely unlikely that your partner will immediately be enthusiastic about engaging in age play with you. It is, however, very likely, that they will accept your age play as part of your personality. At the beginning, do not expect more than this. Everything can (and, if you love each other, most likely will) develop from this point. Don't rush anything, but always communicate openly and honestly about what both of you need emotionally from the relationship.

    And lastly, make sure you have the right priorities. A relationship is always an interaction between two people. Determine whether the relationship is about you and your partner (with diapers as a part of it) or between you and your diapers (and another person somehow involved in it). It should always be the former, otherwise the relationship will not work. If it is the former, make sure your partner knows and has no reason to doubt it.

    After you have come out to them, be prepared to negotiate just what place diapers and age play will have in your relationship. But that's a different topic.

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