Hello, Me again. Let's cut to the chase, basically I have been worried on weather or not my fantasies have been effecting my life for a while, and i have been praying to god, and thinking about it, Recently I even attempted to get answers, by not doing my habit for 2 weeks starting yesterday, Which i failed but i got what i wanted anyway and i got the awener, the thing is it isn't my fantasies that is causing the problems, It is me mostly.
The Thing is, I may have Generalized anxiety in addition to Asperger's syndome/HFA and terretts, and it always fells like i have to meet other peoples expations, ahead of my own even if I don't like them and if I don't, my inner voice says stuff like, "Your Not Strong Enough," "Your Not Brave Enough," "Your not Intelligent enough," "You will never pass your classes," "You are not as brave/strong as your brother," "You Cannot Do Math," "Your the R-word." Which are all things i have been told before over the years, and also insulting my Sissy/Abdl tendencies in a part little, part mocking voice Like, "You Like to wear Diapies, Sleep in a crib, Wear Panties, Wear Girly Clothing..." Also the voice says that my Abdl and Adult sides cannot co-exist, even though i know that is not true, after all I am talking to a bunch of Diaper wearers, who have life's as well as there abdl sides.
Also Due to above, I always have held A LOT of Stuff Back, and always pretended to be happy when trying to fit other peoples standards, which is what lead to what happened with my negativity going sky high, because i was tried of pretending to fit other peoples standards of society and decided to do what i want, Which as one can tell, Did not work well. and I didn't think of others opinions or cues because well i was just exhausted, and as soon as i got in my room, I didn't have to fit my grandmothers or my brothers standards, and i could just relax in peace, while wetting my diaper, at any rate well my grandmother helped me realize a couple days ago, that i can't do that, and well I Realized what have I done Which is the opposite of what i wanted, Which In case you were wondering it is to accept my little side, and not let it effect my life.
Which brings us back to yesterday, Basically i had to study, so i tried studing in my diapers, which was awesome. Basically Long Story short, Due to the events of yesterday I know Why I like my fantasies, and that they never were the problem to begin with, and that the problem is my Inner Voices, but i don't really know what to do in that regard, and i need advice.