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Thread: Help finding a therapist in the UK

  1. #1

    Default Help finding a therapist in the UK

    Hello, I wonder if there is anyone out there who might be able to give me a few pointers?

    Between the ages of 10 and 13 whilst a pre pubescent, I suffered repeated sexual abuse. Apart from my wife to whom I confided a year back (and to whom I also came out after 19 years of marriage as a DL and, more recently as an AB) I have never discussed this with anyone but I think the time has now come to seek professional support and hopefully to get a few answers and to lay to rest memories that have haunted me for most of my adult life. I would also like to try understand the ABDL in me so that I can come to terms with who I am.

    Don't get me wrong - I count my blessings that I am a pretty balanced sort of person and have a good life, am happily married and have a lovely family.

    Being a typical 'stiff upper lip' Brit I have no experience of engaging a therapist and, naturally am very keen that the therapist I speak to not only has experience of dealing with the survivors of sexual abuse but, importantly to me, an understanding of ABDLs and a track record of dealing with this added layer of 'complexity'.

    Does anyone have any thoughts or recommendations they might be able to share with me?

    Kind regards MWHE

  2. #2


    I'm also a bit of a stiff-upper-lipped-Brit, but recently had a few years of psychotherapy. I certainly think it would be important to find a therapist experienced in supporting abuse survivors. I'm so sorry to hear you've experienced such things.

    But, personally, I see the whole ABDL thing as being, in psychological terms, relatively simple. You'll never find out with absolute certainty why you became interested in such things, but just talking about the emotions related to the experience of being ABDL helped me accept myself and trust my own feelings. In the end, wearing a diaper feels nice and makes me feel a certain way.

    The most important thing (I found) was to look at the underlying "reasons" that I wanted to wear a diaper. This led to (for me) discussions about issues of personal control, social anxiety, fear of responsibility. I see the ABDL thing as the result or manifestation of underlying emotional "issues" (or... let's say, "experiences" rather than "issues"). Being ABDL may be quirky, and may be the result of a psychological issue, and may not disappear once any issues are resolved, but in itself it's fairly benign.

    Psychotherapists are used to hearing people's strangest inner-most secrets, so I don't think that mentioning ABDL interests to a therapist who isn't familiar with such things would faze them. In fact, it might help as they won't be aware of the wide variety of "extreme" public ABDLs that turn up in tabloid media. Instead, they can learn about your own personal experience of it, without being prejudiced by what they've heard about other ABDLs.

    From personal experience, and a number of studies that I've read, the most fundamental thing that affects the effectiveness of psychotherapy is the quality of the relationship that you have with your therapist. If you feel like your therapist trusts and understands you (or is willing to try to understand you), and vice versa, then it becomes easier to work with them to analyse your emotions and thinking patterns, and hopefully get towards where you want to be.

    Sorry for rambling on. Hope this helps a little... Good luck.

  3. #3


    Not a ramble at all. Thanks tiny, your response is genuinely appreciated. I guess I want to ask so many questions to which there will probably be no definitive answers. MWHE

  4. #4


    You might try the National Association of People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC). This group serves the UK.

    It has a free support line to call (0808 801 0331) and it can help you find local resources and referrals. It appears to be a good starting point.

    Seeing a therapist is never an easy decision. Many of us who have suffered because of our past don't even realise how much we’re suffering until we reach a critical point in our lives. We spend so much time trying to get our lives on track and we don't realize that working with a therapist can make it so much easier. Congratulations on making this important decision. There was a time when seeing a counsellor was something we didn't talk about. But with an increase in public education and a culture more open to talking about mental health, the stigma of seeking emotional help is fading, thereby making it easier to reach out and accept the help which is available and waiting for you.

    Like any major investment, remember that it pays to do your research before you decide. You want to find a counsellor who is a good fit, taking into consideration the proximity of the therapist's location, costs, frequency and schedule of the sessions sessions, and, most importantly, the therapist's approach to counselling. One thing therapists and patients do agree on is that you shouldn’t give up if the first session you try doesn’t work out for you. It takes time to build trust with a counsellor and it will likely take more than a single visit before you feel comfortable enough to open up and talk about your past. No doubt you have some sensitive, painful memories and you will want to establish a bond and a rapport with this person before divulging so any personal details of your life..

    Also, keep in mind that some therapists look similar on paper, however they may have completely different approaches. You need to remember that although they are professionals, you are in charge of the process since you are paying for their services. You might want to interview a few different counsellors before settling on the one with whom you feel the most comfortable. Trust and rapport is essential to successful counselling.

    I hope this helps. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 22-Feb-2016 at 16:23.

  5. #5


    Thanks Starrunner, much appreciated.

    It's probably a journey I should have embarked upon a long time ago but attempted memory suppression has always seemed the easiest option. It's strange that in gradually coming to terms with the ABDL in me I have inadvertently opened the door to a side of me that I had hoped had been long buried.

    Kind regards MWHE

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