Over the last few short weeks, I've found myself striving to reach out to other ABDLs to try and figure out my own tangled mess of a self.
There was a time in my late teens and early 20s that I had several friends that I could have little time or diapered hang-out time with and it was really great. Over the years, those friends have drifted away a bit and my life has gradually filled with all types of responsibilities. As my responsibilities have grown, my "little" (and thereby my DL interests as well) has really taken a far back seat to the busy life in front of me. I've recently had those old ABDL feelings, especially the "little" me, edging to come out. I suppose it's related to the piling of responsibilities and job stresses that I've been dealing with lately. But when I try to enduldge in those desires, it feels much different than it did when I was active in the community years and years ago.
This time around, I find myself dealing with a lot of self-hate and guilt. I find it difficult to discuss or even say the word 'diaper'. I've been working with a therapist for over a year now. Infantalism has come up from time to time in my therapy sessions, but when I try to talk about it in any form of depth, I clam up and those defensive walls derail the conversation lightning-fast. I find that I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with my desires and my coping technique (diapers). So, I thought I would try to reintroduce myself to the ABDL community. I also starting looking around for other support groups and I found this site. Reading some of the posts has already started to help some, so I thank the contributors for their work and for sharing parts of themselves to help themselves and others.
I guess I'm rambling a bit by now, but I have a whole mess of emotional knots to work out and things get rather jumbled up for me, at least emotionally. Bottom line, I'm optimistic about having others to share and talk to about figuring myself out.
Thanks for your time,