Yeah so tonight I made progress. I'm somewhat incontinent but I still had those mental blocks that prevented me from going in bed or in front if a lot of people. Well today that finally ended.
I was in class and I had a very full bladder so I went a little at a time. And just now I finally relaxed and went wee wees in my diaper quite a bit after waking up from needing too...while laying down under the blanket.
Very happy now cause I didn't have to go through the pain of sitting up. Also in full baby mode now, about to drink a bottle of tea and cuddle with my stuffed animals. :3 its like its less painful, less depressing and easier now since I accepted who I really am