is there a right way to sell the idea?

by now, a goodly portion of us have either been caught or told someone, or at least wanted to tell someone this hidden identity of ours. and most of the time, the recipient of this information is either left confused, is neutral because it doesnt affect them or has nothing to do with them, or angry, oftentimes because it directly does.

so my question is this: has anyone told someone about it, in a way that resulted in positive feedback? i know that for the most part this act is case sensitive, but surely there must be some general way that this can be imparted to an outsider (romantic or not) that will result in their seeing it in a positive light?

perhaps i'm just being idealistic, thinking there is some one-size-fits-all way to present our ABDL side in a way that either piques their interest or acceptance, but i just thought i'd throw it out there.

I don't think there is one best way. What I have observed from people posting is that the ones who don't treat it like a dark, heavy, horrible thing tend to do better. I think it undermines our case that it's harmless when we have all this angst over it, even if the angst makes a lot of sense in context.

I think it depends on the person and how you talk about this side. I never told anyone in person that I like to wear and be a baby but I have wanted too. I think the main thing to say is how this makes you happy and for me it helps me relax and I sleep better when I am diapered and have my paci. But like I said it depends on the person, I have a friend who is really playful and I think would be a little if she knew this was a thing.

Honestly, you have to really be certain who you want knowing about this. As awesome as it seems to be fully out there and just be yourself, something like this could seriously typecast you and possibly interfere with some great opportunities. So yeah the first thing to ask yourself is who and why. When you can answer those questions, the how and when makes a whole lot more sense. I agree with Trevor, if the occasion arises, then share this as something that enriches you as a person, not something shameful or diminishing.

You could try something like...."I'd like to share something really special with you, something which is really important to me....I want you to know the real me...etc. The thing is, you can probably expect the other person (assuming you've chosen someone who cares deeply about you) to accept that you have these desires...this is not to be confused with their wholesale acceptance of 'it' that may take some time and education.

The most important thing is to reasure them that after this revelation, you are still and have always been the same person they know and love.

Dr oz, signing off :giggles:

Rather than talking about ABDL, I think it might be helpful to talk about persuasive speaking in general. Because really what you're trying to do in presenting ABDL is to persuade someone to be a part of your life and add this little hobby to their own mental understanding of what people do.

So, persuasive speaking. In general, there are three ways to appeal to people: Logic, ethics, and emotions. Of those, logic is the weakest and emotions the strongest. Logic is most often communicated in what words you choose to say, ethics in how you say them, and emotion in how you present in terms of body, face, and tone.

The thing to think about is what type of audience you have and what will be effective for them. For example, a friend that you want to confide in who is generally a casual and tolerant person might respond well to a message about how you feel comfortable around them and want to be able to relax more, and in which you confidently explain you like to wear diapers sometimes, it's no big deal, and you wanted to let them know so you don't have to worry every time they walk near your closet. Something like that.

In comparison, a different friend who is a sensitive and empathetic person might actually respond well to hesitance on your end. Telling that friend that you want to confide because you want their support and that it's difficult for you might well put them in a frame of mind where they feel like they're being a good person for being open and tolerant as they hear you out about your interest in feeling little and wearing diapers.

So, the idea in persuasive speaking is to understand what appeals to your audience and to decide not just what to say but also how to say it.

Trevor said:

I don't think there is one best way. What I have observed from people posting is that the ones who don't treat it like a dark, heavy, horrible thing tend to do better. I think it undermines our case that it's harmless when we have all this angst over it, even if the angst makes a lot of sense in context.

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I'd echo this, and add that if there is a sexual element to your ABDL, then bring that factor into the discussion very gradually, or leave it out of your explanations until a later date. I just think the lifestyle choices and the sexual factors would be too much for the average individual to be able or willing to take on board straight away.

Sanch said:

I'd echo this, and add that if there is a sexual element to your ABDL, then bring that factor into the discussion very gradually, or leave it out of your explanations until a later date. I just think the lifestyle choices and the sexual factors would be too much for the average individual to be able or willing to take on board straight away.

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I don't think that would work too well for me. It's so integral to my ABDL experience that I don't think the explanation would make sense without it. I'm 24/7 right now, so obviously it's not 24/7 sexy time but it is an important element and it's ultimately the reason why I'm doing it. I liken it to attraction to the sex you're attracted to (if any). You can be attracted to them but your interactions won't be about sex all or even most of the time. Of course a diaper can't love me back but I can do all the work there.

Trevor said:

I don't think that would work too well for me. It's so integral to my ABDL experience that I don't think the explanation would make sense without it. I'm 24/7 right now, so obviously it's not 24/7 sexy time but it is an important element and it's ultimately the reason why I'm doing it. I liken it to attraction to the sex you're attracted to (if any). You can be attracted to them but your interactions won't be about sex all or even most of the time. Of course a diaper can't love me back but I can do all the work there.

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I was referring purely to being an AB in this instance (just due to the board it's been posted on). AB identity is almost always one with a number of non-sexual elements; even for those who get arousal from some elements of being an AB/Little.

As for DLs, it's often a primarily (or purely) sexual urge, and if so, I'd think you'd have to be up front about that being the driving force for wearing.

I find most people just dont understand ab/dl sissy little or whatever. most assume it with something wrong with us metal or perverted i dont know!! my mom knows because she found me diapers when i was in my preteens and accepted me my sister knew when i was 30 because she found them as i hired her to clean my house nothing ever said from them BUT my wife of 8 years had to leave me because she slowly found out and saw me as a monster or sicko !! I see people posting i told my girlfriend and she loves it. im here because its private and we understand to many people dont understand and are ignorant!! I stay private in fear my business would go bankrupt if people knew!! so i would limit myself who i tell about my abdl

Sanch said:

I was referring purely to being an AB in this instance (just due to the board it's been posted on). AB identity is almost always one with a number of non-sexual elements; even for those who get arousal from some elements of being an AB/Little.

As for DLs, it's often a primarily (or purely) sexual urge, and if so, I'd think you'd have to be up front about that being the driving force for wearing.

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I see it as all one thing and my AB side is also sexually driven.

Butterscotch said:

has anyone told someone about it, in a way that resulted in positive feedback? eptance, but i just thought i'd throw it out there.

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I told and no any positive feedback. Only emotional disasters (and worse things too.)

People will always believe what they want to believe, they can fully accept it, they can say that they accept it but still feel negative and deal with it, or they can outright reject it and go as far as ending a relationship.

It really doesn't matter if you change some lines in the introduction, it is what it is. We wear diapers, we like babyish things, and they are what they are. Making it sound different won't change the definition, and won't change the perception, especially when they first find out.

They can change, or they may never grow to accept it. You never know their reaction until you spill the beans, you can give it some time and they might accept eventually, or they'll hide true feelings, or they won't change. It all depends on the person.

Plain common sense works wonders, too.

Oddly it wasn't too terribly difficult for me, probably because I'm a high-functioning sociopath. I never really know exactly what/how I'm feeling emotionally unles it ambushes me all of a sudden, and I hardly ever know what "normal" conversation is and as a result I'm fairly socially awkward and am ALREADY seen as weird without my AB side, so opening up about my AB side actually helped in a way because before that everyone just thought I was this cold, hard, heartless monster, but I think on the inside I'm just a big ol sensitive softie and the longer I'm on the outside/away from Utah the more I'm starting to learn that/re-learn that. For me it's just all about getting back in touch with my inner child to keep the demons at bay.

Honestly, I have no idea what would be the right way. I would think it would depend on the person you're trying to tell it to. I haven’t told anyone. I have chosen to keep it a secret and I am 40 + years old. Even my best friend /wife I haven’t told. Many probably would criticize me for not telling. I think you need to answer the question why you want to tell someone. For me, I see no good outcome of telling my wife. Even if she accepts it. It might be a lift of burden and fear or rejection but at the same time she will see me different and I like being who I am in her eyes.

One thing I have done is written a letter that is with my stash of diapers and other AB related items in case she finds it. I have many times thought about handing it to her.

I still think a letter is a good way to go if you're going to tell someone. It allows you to really think about it out and I would give it in person so that individual could respond with questions. I think we try to explain things in the heat of the situation things will not always come out the way we intended. A letter helps to avoid that.

I told my gf when I was about 16. We were together at this point for about 1 year. She accepted it totally and we had great sex and stuff. Lasted for another good 2 years. After that I was, and still am, very anxious that she'd tell sbdy. But as far as I know she never did and hopefully never will. Right now I am actually thinking about telling my gf. we are together for 3 years now and it kinda feels like the right time. She has been my best friend for maaaaany years so she knows me pretty well. But like littleboyof40 I like the "man" she sees in me and don't want it to change, though I know she would accept it too... so I don't think what I should do, bummer. But in general I think u should decide carefully whom to tell, it can destroy your career or reputation after all.

For me I am open about it but only enough to those who are willing to do the research. I do not hide anything and my name on here is on my Face book under my legal name. A lot of people that know me already know that I am a big fan of MLP and know that I have a little side. Very few know of my DL side. If people are willing to research my name on Google search and learn who I really am than that is where I explain it. Otherwise I do not openly discuss it. I had another AB/DL on Face Book tell me that they did not even know I was an AB/DL due to how I present myself on the net.
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So in short I recommend not being in total fear of people finding out. Don't broad cast it to the world either because that just makes things look really bad. This is where your true friends show up. Friends are supposed to inspire you and make you feel special. If they don't understand who you are with your inner child then you should let them go. Especially if they are not even going to try and understand.