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Thread: Troble with control/trusting issues.

  1. #1

    Default Troble with control/trusting issues.

    Hello everyone, My grandmother and I honestly have a good to okay relationship but the one thing that bugs us is that i always clam up when i get stressed, and that i have a hard time trusting people, which applies to other people then my grandmother. The thing is, she tends to say something or give me advice and i think of a million and one ways that it won't work, then I think of what to say as a comeback and then I think of a million and one things that could be the truth but are probably not it.

    You see this isn't the first time I did this, I did this mostly because it was a way to get away from my abusive stepmother, and the defense mechanism helped me get past it and away from her but it is less helpful in other areas, for instance my grandmother who just tries to help but I tend to clam up and go into my shell if that makes sense, and i don't really want to do that anymore. (this also may explain why I have trouble accepting my ABDL/LG/Sissyfur side, because it involves a lack of control and the fact that talking about this sort of thing makes me uncomfortable.)

    The thing is i honestly do respect all of you, regardless of what it seems at times and do appreciate the advice you give. I just fell I clam up, and i truly apologize for it. It is mostly due to this and the fact that i blame myself for the way my brother is due to me being the older brother over him, also I blame myself for the fact that he isn't gone yet, because if i haven't of said what i did, he probably would be gone by now, and it gets frustrating at times and it effects my whole life, not just my little side, and honestly if you got this far I thank you for listening, It just is a lot to deal with at times and I really have a lot of issues with this and I just need help and i tried to make it less wall of text-ish and comprehensible as possible, also it just gets complicated.

  2. #2


    I can very much relate to issues with trusting others -- my own issues to that end are probably even more extreme. In my experience and opinion, most people in general are abusive, and the defense mechanism of keeping a distance and sharing very little is well-justified. However, like you, I want to be less self-isolating.

    I think the key may be in finding methods to establish trust with individuals, ways to feel comfortable letting even a small handful of people get closer so that you'd feel less inclined to "clam" around them. I'm a bit short on specific suggestions though, as I'm still working that out myself...

  3. #3


    I've been hurt many times by people, mostly from my past. It doesn't make me unable to trust others, but it does make me cautious. I'm very careful as to what I tell others about myself. It makes my life a lot easier and safer.

  4. #4


    I think when you've been hurt, it's justifiable to be less trusting and more defensive. The suggestion I would have is to be honest about that. Whether it's with your grandmother, or with friends that you become close with, or in romance, it's okay to tell people that sometimes you get defensive or have trouble listening and responding well because you get worried about how things won't work or have trouble trusting what they're saying. They'll understand that it's an issue and hopefully help figure out ways that you can solve it together. If they don't accept that you're having difficulties, that's actually a sign that you wouldn't do well trusting them and are right to be defensive.

    Also, this doesn't mean you need to confess your life story to everyone you meet, you can decide how much or little you want to tell. But if you have people you're regularly dealing with and you feel the way you're describing, just letting them know that you have trouble having a serious conversation without clamming up and you need some extra time to work through things could really help.

  5. #5


    No one can blame a person for having trust issues. From having you as a friend, I certainly can't blame you. Heck, I'm surprised I'm even able to trust anyone. Three years ago I was still having trust issues after being sexually assaulted by a girl who once went to my old high school, and a boy who sexually assaulted me back in grade school. Trust is like the strings of a finely tuned guitar, you can strum on them all day, but when that odd cord comes along, you're at risk of those guitar strings snapping.

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