Hello everyone, My grandmother and I honestly have a good to okay relationship but the one thing that bugs us is that i always clam up when i get stressed, and that i have a hard time trusting people, which applies to other people then my grandmother. The thing is, she tends to say something or give me advice and i think of a million and one ways that it won't work, then I think of what to say as a comeback and then I think of a million and one things that could be the truth but are probably not it.
You see this isn't the first time I did this, I did this mostly because it was a way to get away from my abusive stepmother, and the defense mechanism helped me get past it and away from her but it is less helpful in other areas, for instance my grandmother who just tries to help but I tend to clam up and go into my shell if that makes sense, and i don't really want to do that anymore. (this also may explain why I have trouble accepting my ABDL/LG/Sissyfur side, because it involves a lack of control and the fact that talking about this sort of thing makes me uncomfortable.)
The thing is i honestly do respect all of you, regardless of what it seems at times and do appreciate the advice you give. I just fell I clam up, and i truly apologize for it. It is mostly due to this and the fact that i blame myself for the way my brother is due to me being the older brother over him, also I blame myself for the fact that he isn't gone yet, because if i haven't of said what i did, he probably would be gone by now, and it gets frustrating at times and it effects my whole life, not just my little side, and honestly if you got this far I thank you for listening, It just is a lot to deal with at times and I really have a lot of issues with this and I just need help and i tried to make it less wall of text-ish and comprehensible as possible, also it just gets complicated.