i haven't been on here in a long time so bear with me.
For those familiar with my challenges throughout my season in New York, it was a new school, and I met a girl. I liked her on the spot, idk what she thought of me but I'm pretty certain that things were going to go my way. I spent weekends and sometimes weeks at her farm, her whole family loved having me over and totally shipped it, and she was supposed to end up coming to LA this past summer to be here for like a month and it would've helped seal the deal.
The problem started about a year ago from around now. She was no longer attending that particular college anymore but I still kept in contact with her and her whole family on a daily basis, and I would try to pull strings to get her to be able to spend weekends visiting without paying for it (small college, nobody would snitch on me). The problem arose before that though, it just grew into a bigger problem that it finally caused me inconvenience. The cancer I'm referring to is the drummer from the school's worship team, a 27 year old dumbass who wanted her, and she was either too stupid or too deep in denial to see that he was pursuing her. He's pathetic, whenever they hung out he'd take selfies with her and tag her and make these gay little collages on Instagram and pretty much tried to pretend that there was something there.
So anyways whenever she would come stay the weekends, he'd want to hang out with her, and I'd get almost no time with her if any at all. He had a car, he had his own apartment on campus, and he had glasses and a beard, which for some reason every church ditz is attracted to. My point is that he was always getting in my way. Even at my f--king birthday he was there just because she came. And this whole time I'm thinking wtf, because I'm getting one vibe, she's showing another, yet though counterproductive her actions didn't necessarily contradict any with me. An example always comes to mind, once told her on Sunday morning that I was coming to visit her and her family at their church (a good 75 miles away) and she woke up the entire family (who had actually planned to sleep in that sunday) and forced them to get dressed and go to church so we could all enjoy each other's company.
Towards the end of last springs semester she calls me to lie to me that she had been praying about it and decided that she didn't want to come to California anymore, when I knew it was because her older sister really wanted her to come move in with her (her older sister has never liked me because I come from privilege and wanted to give her younger sister what she (older) always wanted but could never have) and she and this drummer guy talked her out of it. After visiting the next day and us arguing because yet again he was getting in my way and we wouldn't even spend the last days of the semester together, I had had enough and she barely talked to me the whole summer.
Meanwhile, throughout all this, the drummer guy was trying to be my friend because he wanted gigs at my church and network of churches. He's not even good, he's a shitty drummer, but I gave him contacts and stuff, and then a week into the summer she snapchats me a picture of her in the car with him captioned "with your favorite person" and so, with the calmness of a serial killer, I called my contacts back in LA and told them to beer host him, to not reply to him and to turn him away if he tried. He was to never play at our church or partnering churches. They trusted me so they agreed.
A few weeks ago I sent him a long text telling him what I had done, telling hm that I had to "teach him about how ones selfish behavior can hurt others", and that I forgave him for all the harm he had done not only to me but to her. He was furious and tried to accuse me of sounding obsessed and used typical Christian double talk to take any accountability off himself. I have not responded to anything he said. She still talks to me through snapchat and text, since I've left New York and came home (no further reason to stay out there) and she knows I did that to him and didn't seem to think much of it. It's actually very sad to see what she's turned into. She's so heavily influenced by her narcissistic femenazi sister, and she works at the mall selling jeans, and I say it in the most neutral way that she's not special anymore. The flannel/ripped jeans/wrestle in the snow/country girl is gone, and in her place is the anygirl. She could be the girl taking my dinner order, she could be the lady running up my total at the cash register, she could be a passing basic white girl at Starbucks, she's the same as them now. Common and the person I knew and fell in love with is pretty much dead.
What would you have done? I know my methods were not always ethical, but I had nothing less than the purest of conduct. I never laid a finger on her, or pretended to be something I'm not because of the closeness with her. Her family loves me because I still care about her even though all her friends have abandoned her. I don't wish to defend myself, but what would you have done, and what should I do now? I cannot/will not simply move on, I'm im too deep for that. The family still wants me involved in their lives, and her younger sister (one of nine, large family) wants to come visit me, and I'm still friends with her older brother, he's awesome. Any similar experiences? I'd be surprised