Questioned About a Package

KimbaStarshine said:

The other issue is that if I do happen to get a job, I have to be careful I don't make too much money. Because then my mom will likely get kicked off Medicaid, and they pay for all her medications, as she has multiple health issues but doesn't qualify for disability. So I'm looking out for her as much as I am myself.

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This mentality is not OK for you or anyone else.

Don't take it the wrong way, but you need to look at the whole picture. Also, your taxes and your mom's taxes are 2 different things. Medicaid focuses either on a married couple's taxes or individuals taxes for qualification. NOT the whole household's. Making enough money to afford better healthcare means MAKING ENOUGH MONEY for other things too. If she does not qualify for SS disability income, she can appeal it. Ultimately there are people trained to make the right call.

Going to collage is not impossible for someone who was not born with a silver spoon. NOT going to collage is not a symptom of poverty, but a decisive choice in the US, Canada and at least Europe. Student Loans, Grants, Scholarships, etc.

KimbaStarshine said:

So I'm stuck at home living with controlling, overbearing parents. For an example of how controlling, two years ago when I decided to learn how to swim at the local YMCA, they tried to talk me out of it. I heard excuses like ''You have a heart condition'' (I have a fast pulse) and ''What if you get water up your nose?'' Well, I almost let them get to me, but didn't; I stood up for myself, took the lessons, and love being in the pool. Yesterday I had to apply for a job I don't want because they bugged me about it - and have an interview tomorrow which I don't really want either.

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If I may be a bit blunt, that's not controlling, that's suppressive. Good for you for fighting their attitude and winning.

For the interview, even if you don't want the job much, still take it seriously. You can always get another job you like more later. (Depending on the job, your employer will probably be expecting this. Just don't say that to them.) Keep showing your parents you're "an adult"... they may start respecting you more, you never know.

So my parents left and went grocery shopping, but when they came back, I got interrogated.

Mother: ''What did you get in the mail today?''
I: ''Comic books.'' (These are really the only thing I can say that I really won't be questioned too much about.)
Father: ''Comic books? In that big of a box?''
I: ''Well I ordered a lot and Amazon uses a big box anyway.''
Mother: ''What kind of comic books?''
I: ''My Little Pony ones mostly.''

They might be a bit suspicious, but I'm not going to worry too much. Sucks enough putting up with them.

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I'm pretty used to the interrogation step. My family does it with everything. So obnoxious. I tend to just leave it at "stuff", but that's how I respond to just about everything, so it isn't abnormal. The only problem I've found with that is that I generally dislike talking with family now, so I don't tell them things that I probably should. Your way seems less likely to cause long-term problems.

Repeat purchases, for me, will be a bit hard, because you can't really "stuff" away large boxes over and over again, but I'm confident in my position in the house to not have too hard a time over it.

KimbaStarshine said:

The other issue is that if I do happen to get a job, I have to be careful I don't make too much money. Because then my mom will likely get kicked off Medicaid, and they pay for all her medications, as she has multiple health issues but doesn't qualify for disability. So I'm looking out for her as much as I am myself.

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That's a tough one. Not Medicaid, but I know all about that. It stinks, having to work to be poor. We were preparing to leave so that wouldn't be a problem, but there was a major setback and now we're back to square one.

Hmm, I think everyone needs to really settle down on this and consider each individuals situation. It's sometimes not as easy as just getting up and trying to do something about it since it's going to highly depend on the person's situation and whom they are reliant on. Although I think it's very important to at least try the best you can to move forward, you could be in a situation that doesn't allow you to, or constantly forces you to stop part way through.

I, personally, have tried to get my life in order, and still continue to try. However, it just has never turned out well for me under any circumstance all due to past mistakes I have made or my family has made. When you are reliant on a family that just doesn't care or can't help ... it can be pretty difficult to do anything about the situation. In my case, my family really made it hard on me to move forward because I typically had no place to go more often than not and only have had small time periods before I was looking for another place to go.

The other thing I need to point out is that finishing college doesn't mean success. There are plenty of people who come out of college who still are unable to get a job. With the amount it costs, it can put you in a worse position than where you started because now you are in debt. Also, you can count out Grants and Scholarships as those are going to be something you can't count on, you might be eligible or you might not. To be safe, you should just assume you are not eligible and you would have to face the full cost.

Now there are other options though, Job Corps is a place you can go to get a trade degree absolutely free but it's a pretty strict school. I went and graduated in Telecommunications. They are also capable of getting you a drivers license (if you are diligent enough to sign up for it), they teach you and even pay for everything. They also feed you, cloth you, and even pay you. If you are in the top students, after graduating they may even send you to college, though it's only for a select few. Out of 1,000s of students who had come and gone, the group of college students myself included, was only about 8 - 10 students. I did well, but I failed to get my drivers license while I was there because I was too focused on all other work. Stupid of me, because telecommunications jobs essentially requires a license.

Edit: Now of course, I do think getting a job is important, and I don't see any good reason someone shouldn't be working if they are capable.

I don't want to burst the bubble here but eventually at some point or another you're going to have to get a job. You can't get a free ride forever. Now I'm not one to talk because I'm enjoying a free ride as I type this however that free ride comes with its downsides. I only have a free ride because there actually aren't any jobs I can physically do or get to around me without a license, and I'm in a deadlock because if I get a license I need to come up with $1500 every 3 months for insurance since I'm only 19 and considered an 'irresponsible drive' due to my age and gender, despite the fact that I'm driving something from 1992.

Point being: Eventually you're going to need to get a job weather you want one or not, that's just how the world works. Maybe in the not so near but not so distant future we'll have enough automation and an economy not based on money so we can all just not need jobs and chill forever, that'd be great, but right now with the way the world is, that's not possible.

And lets entertain the idea that someone goes on disability or some other payment plan: My mom is on disability because she is physically unable to work, its horrible, the process to get you on it requires that they demean you to such a low level that you feel like crap just so they can prove to the state that you can't hold down a job. If that's not bad enough you have to go to doctors every month (Varying based on what the disability is for.) And unemployment? Only lasts so long.

Also another thing to think about is, what happens if something happens to your parents? Where are you going to go? If you don't have a job and can't provide for yourself, what happens when something inevitably happens to them? Do you think you'll just live off of inheritance? Got news for you, the inheritance tax in America wipes you out.

So to summarize, the TL DR blunt version of this is: Get a job, grow up, be an adult, you have no choice, the world isn't fair, at least be productive and then if you work hard enough early in life, later in life you might be able to retire early and live on a nice retirement plan and never have to work ever again.

Advice for jobs: Work hard at shitty jobs, get promoted to highest possible position (Higher positions generally are nicer than the shitty starting positions, gotta start somewhere), advance your career to high level positions and then early retirement, that's the only way short of winning the lottery (or being struck by lightning 3 times) That you can just not have to work.

CYBERWOLF said:

This mentality is not OK for you or anyone else.

Don't take it the wrong way, but you need to look at the whole picture. Also, your taxes and your mom's taxes are 2 different things. Medicaid focuses either on a married couple's taxes or individuals taxes for qualification. NOT the whole household's. Making enough money to afford better healthcare means MAKING ENOUGH MONEY for other things too. If she does not qualify for SS disability income, she can appeal it. Ultimately there are people trained to make the right call.

Going to collage is not impossible for someone who was not born with a silver spoon. NOT going to collage is not a symptom of poverty, but a decisive choice in the US, Canada and at least Europe. Student Loans, Grants, Scholarships, etc.

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I don't know if changes have been made since the last time I got a paying job, but the welfare department, in my state anyway, does take into account the income of all the people living in a household, at least in some cases. The welfare department here is a big runaround where things are constantly changing and you can ask a question to three different caseworkers and get three different answers.

KimbaStarshine said:

I don't know if changes have been made since the last time I got a paying job, but the welfare department, in my state anyway, does take into account the income of all the people living in a household, at least in some cases. The welfare department here is a big runaround where things are constantly changing and you can ask a question to three different caseworkers and get three different answers.

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In my state if you're on welfare and you or one of your dependents makes over 20k a year you get kicked off. Its needlessly complicated. My mom almost got kicked off because my sister got a job even though she wasn't even living here or contributing to our household income anymore. Its such bull.

Well, I got questioned again today by my mom about how many comic books I ordered and if they were ''collector's editions.'' I dunno if she's suspicious or just curious.

I start the new job next week. 12 hours a week was all I asked for and apparently they're OK with that.

I want to add to what I said earlier, that I'm not trying to say gaining independence is easy. Figuring out student loans/schooling/researching job markets is a lot of work, getting a job is a lot of work, moving out on your own is a lot of work, etc.. especially if you've led a relatively sheltered life and haven't been exposed to a lot of realities of life as an adult. It's a difficult thing, probably one of the more difficult things people go through making the transition from kid to adult. Sometimes it's made a lot easier with well off parents who can just pay for you to go to school and eliminate a lot of the stress or at least providing a stable base, but sometimes it isn't and you have to work harder than others to get to the same place (though you do get to be smug about it for the rest of your life when you succeed..)

It is a lot of effort, but it is possible. I don't know much about medicaid specifically (I'm Canadian) but at the very least you can probably earn enough to move in with some roomates (to get you out of the household and away from your mothers medicaid) and build from there, and there are probably less drastic options if you spend some time researching (which again, I'm not trying to trivialise, this represents actual effort on your part).

It's up to you to decide if it's worth it. What you described in your initial post, are you comfortable living that way forever, because if you don't make steps towards changing it that's likely what will happen. Whining about it not being fair is pointless because it won't change anything, and in all honesty I think it is kinda fair (see usual "their house, their rules" rhetoric).

The onus is on you to gain more independence if you decide you want it. If you decide it's not worth the effort then that's your decision, but imo you have little right to complain about the freedoms your parents give or don't give you while they're supporting you.

KimbaStarshine said:

Well, I got questioned again today by my mom about how many comic books I ordered and if they were ''collector's editions.'' I dunno if she's suspicious or just curious.

I start the new job next week. 12 hours a week was all I asked for and apparently they're OK with that.

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I am beginning to think you are going to need a new excuse soon.

Personally speaking, if it where my mom, I probably would make sarcastic remarks if they asked.

Mom: What's in the box?
Me: Nothing but all your hopes and dreams that you will never get because the box appears as empty as you are.
Mom: You're an ass.
Me: I know. XD

I probably would say something less mean, cause she might beat the crap out of me if I said that lol.
But I would figure if I made enough sarcastic remarks each and every time, she would stop asking at some point.

When they ask what's in the box tell them "pieces of curious parents"

AddyShadows said:

In my state if you're on welfare and you or one of your dependents makes over 20k a year you get kicked off. Its needlessly complicated. My mom almost got kicked off because my sister got a job even though she wasn't even living here or contributing to our household income anymore. Its such bull.

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You both live in the same state.

1) Work 80 hours a week while you are young.
2) To all the rest of it. WOW. Your parents should really turn up the heat. Mine started mid high school and made sure I ran for it as soon as I was 18. It wasn't great starting out with nothing, but you can do it.

Ok so some tips here.
1. Take the job that is offered to you. You do to have to like it, just like the money. Another thing that is odd and I can't explain it is that you can never find a job unless you already have one.
2. Get a mailbox at someplace like the ups store, going postal, or PakMail. Then you don't have to be interrogated about what is in the box.
3. Bank up your money, don't just blow it. Put money in a savings account and don't touch it. This way when you decide to move out on your own or loose a job you will have some cushion

I am currently awaiting for my Nappies to be delivered, my heart goes out to you all who live with parents and have to worry about having your Diapers delivered, my Nappies should be here tomorrow morning, I am shaking and so nervous It's all so worth it tho once I have a Nappy on and feel so comforted

Whatever circumstances are holding you back right now, you must get to work on overcoming them, and soon. I don't know the exact statistics, but most people who go through college do not just get a free ride, not in the US anyway. They are hit with debt, have to hold down a job at the same time, or both to get things done. That or you might prefer a more casual career like cosmetology or a job that requires a cheaper/quicker certification or trade school rather than a bachelor/master's degree. You cannot keep coming up with reasons of why-not, or "I can't do this because of that". You need to reach that point where the spark finally ignites inside you and you realize you not only want your own place and your own life, but you WILL get it. Otherwise you will begin to feel deprived and frustrated. It's going to take work, but you have to start somewhere. You're 23 and now it's time to adult (feels odd saying that here)... :biggrin:

I'm in same situation. My parents question me on everything. I try and ship to somewhere else if its super death if they find out, like diapers. UPS store is my favorite, I may also hold at ups itself. Other things, I can get away with if I just stick though the harassment. I have tons of Mickey mouse stuff, bed sheets too. They hate it, I hate them for hating it, because its hating me. I got a poster with Mickey and friends on it, may of been too far =/ Stuffed it away until I move out so I can display it. They provide me with a small 10 x 10 foot room to live in, rent is about as much as I'd pay for a room of that size... so It's not like Ive got a totally free ride. Real places to live are bigger, cost more though(thank god). I'm in college, paying with savings, no aid from parents, no aid otherwise yet, if I was a minorty I could get aid but w/e screw this state too.