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Thread: Need help with DL husband

  1. #1

    Default Need help with DL husband

    Okay, so, I'm really new to this community, and I've immersed myself WAY over my head in DL exploration. Here's the back story:

    I went to Las Vegas in September of 2015, which is when I met my now husband. We ended up adding each other on facebook, and we talked all day every day. he told me about 2 weeks in to talk with each other about being a DL. I'm an open person, and I respect others' lifestyles, so I really had no problem with this, and I was willing to experiment. Anyway, I ended up moving from Fresno, CA to Las Vegas, NV in October 2015 to be with this man. We got intimate for the first time with the diaper in late October; he wore it while we had sex. He was TOTALLY into it, he said I was the first woman he'd ever been with that knew about his fetish, and because of that I was the first woman he'd ever worn with while having sex, let alone even worn around. We didn't incorporate diapers in for a while. We spontaneously got married in mid November, and I found out the morning after we wed that he had been cheating on me with his female roommate at the time. Just to add on to that, she a DL as well, and he would wear for her.
    Clearly, there are now DEEPLY rooted trust issues..
    Well, we went through a really rough patch after this; I was in a constant state of despair, trying to decide whether I should leave my new husband or stay with him, constantly trying to figure out what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough, finally coming to the conclusion that I need to actively incorporate and initiate sex involving diapers. I figured that would prevent him from leaving me or cheating again. Well, I was on my way to pick him up from work, and I stopped at the store and picked up 2 packs of diapers: one for him, and one for me. I told him to look in the backseat when he got in the car... He was totally beside himself when he saw what I had bought. We had sex that night with the diapers, and it's been escalating since then. He likes to be "told" to wear them. It's the transfer of control that he's into.
    Well, things were great, we were incorporating the diapers regularly, I healed and forgave him for what he did, and things were great. And then it started to feel like he was married to the diapers, and I was just an object to facilitate the fetish. He started to say things like "tell me what you're going to do to me" (meaning tell him I'm going to diaper him after he finishes), or he wanted to hear that I was going to make him wear for days on end. It's like I'm not enough for him; like he constantly has to be wearing, or thinking about wearing, to get off.
    THEN, about 2 weeks ago, his ex-roommate sent me screen shots of conversations they've had recently, where he's saying he misses her and wants an annulment with me.. I confronted him about it and there was lots of "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again.." Well, now the trust has been broken again, and I've taken fault for his actions again. I, myself, have DEEPLY rooted abandonment issues from my parent's actions as a small child, and this typically makes me willing to do whatever a man wants from me out of fear they'll leave if I don't.
    So, this has lead to my husband convincing me to wear to work, which is what I'm doing now, as I write this post.

    Sorry for the horribly long post, the main concerns of this post are:
    1. How do I bring it up to him that I feel inadequate for him because of his needs to think about/wear diapers during sex to get off?
    2. How do I tell him I feel almost jealous of the relationship he has with diapers?
    3. How do I incorporate diapers enough to keep him interested in me, but little enough that I'm not smothered by a fetish that isn't mine?
    4. How do I accomplish all of this without making him defensive, or withdrawing from me?

  2. #2

    Default

    Hello Devoted and welcome to the group.

    I only have a few minutes, but I would say that these are good questions for mature topic forum.

    I am sure you will be able to get answers to your questions.

    Again welcome to the group

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by devoted View Post
    Okay, so, I'm really new to this community, and I've immersed myself WAY over my head in DL exploration. Here's the back story:

    I went to Las Vegas in September of 2015, which is when I met my now husband. We ended up adding each other on facebook, and we talked all day every day. he told me about 2 weeks in to talk with each other about being a DL. I'm an open person, and I respect others' lifestyles, so I really had no problem with this, and I was willing to experiment. Anyway, I ended up moving from Fresno, CA to Las Vegas, NV in October 2015 to be with this man. We got intimate for the first time with the diaper in late October; he wore it while we had sex. He was TOTALLY into it, he said I was the first woman he'd ever been with that knew about his fetish, and because of that I was the first woman he'd ever worn with while having sex, let alone even worn around. We didn't incorporate diapers in for a while. We spontaneously got married in mid November, and I found out the morning after we wed that he had been cheating on me with his female roommate at the time. Just to add on to that, she a DL as well, and he would wear for her.
    Clearly, there are now DEEPLY rooted trust issues..
    Well, we went through a really rough patch after this; I was in a constant state of despair, trying to decide whether I should leave my new husband or stay with him, constantly trying to figure out what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough, finally coming to the conclusion that I need to actively incorporate and initiate sex involving diapers. I figured that would prevent him from leaving me or cheating again. Well, I was on my way to pick him up from work, and I stopped at the store and picked up 2 packs of diapers: one for him, and one for me. I told him to look in the backseat when he got in the car... He was totally beside himself when he saw what I had bought. We had sex that night with the diapers, and it's been escalating since then. He likes to be "told" to wear them. It's the transfer of control that he's into.
    Well, things were great, we were incorporating the diapers regularly, I healed and forgave him for what he did, and things were great. And then it started to feel like he was married to the diapers, and I was just an object to facilitate the fetish. He started to say things like "tell me what you're going to do to me" (meaning tell him I'm going to diaper him after he finishes), or he wanted to hear that I was going to make him wear for days on end. It's like I'm not enough for him; like he constantly has to be wearing, or thinking about wearing, to get off.
    THEN, about 2 weeks ago, his ex-roommate sent me screen shots of conversations they've had recently, where he's saying he misses her and wants an annulment with me.. I confronted him about it and there was lots of "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again.." Well, now the trust has been broken again, and I've taken fault for his actions again. I, myself, have DEEPLY rooted abandonment issues from my parent's actions as a small child, and this typically makes me willing to do whatever a man wants from me out of fear they'll leave if I don't.
    So, this has lead to my husband convincing me to wear to work, which is what I'm doing now, as I write this post.

    Sorry for the horribly long post, the main concerns of this post are:
    1. How do I bring it up to him that I feel inadequate for him because of his needs to think about/wear diapers during sex to get off?
    2. How do I tell him I feel almost jealous of the relationship he has with diapers?
    3. How do I incorporate diapers enough to keep him interested in me, but little enough that I'm not smothered by a fetish that isn't mine?
    4. How do I accomplish all of this without making him defensive, or withdrawing from me?

    Hi devoted...

    I am not / never been married, so maybe I can't give you the best advice but I'm going to respond the best I can...

    You should be married to someone who appreciates you for you, and not just because you are willing to indulge their fetish. It sounds like your husband likes some of the same things I like, but honestly, if I had done what he'd done with his ex-room-mate, I would be expecting you to divorce me right now. I appreciate you haven't told us everything about your situation, so there may be more facts that could be taken into account, but on the basis of what's here I wonder what is it that he would take with him when he goes that is worth hanging on to? There are not "deeply rooted trust issues," your husband is behaving in a way that makes him seem untrustworthy and his commitment to you seem very shallow.

    I don't want to upset you, but my gut instinct is (if you can afford it) to recommend you get some therapy for your abandonment issues and then a divorce lawyer...

    Could you move back to California if you had to?

    On your bullet point questions:

    It's an amazing feeling for a AB/DL to share this part of themselves with someone else. It's typically something you've had to hide for a long time, and having a partner who will indulge you with it is something many of us long for. It's naturally tempting for an ABDL to binge on diapers and experimenting with diaper play once they finally get the chance. That's a reason, not an excuse or justification, and you shouldn't be afraid to tell him it's too much for you and you're feeling smothered.

    This is what I would do:
    1. Think about what you want from the sexual side of this relationship
    2. Think about what you are willing to do and would enjoy doing involving diapers
    3. Make some notes.
    4. Tell him what you honestly feel.
    5. Take it from there.

    He may very well be defensive, because in all likelihood he feels (at least a little bit) inadequate for needing to think about / wear diapers to get off. His relationship with diapers is not really anything to be jealous of in itself, it's just an inanimate object that we enjoy spending time with - some people have cars or train sets, we have this. What you should think about is whether the time and attention he gives you is enough in quantity and quality. When was the last time you were together and neither of you was wearing diapers? Did you have a good time?

    I'll tell you something... my parents got divorced after more than 20 years together, and my sister and I always wanted to know... why did our parents get married? It wasn't that they hated each other, there just never seemed to be much between them... in the end I think it came down to: 1. they were there, 2. they were willing, 3. better than being alone. I hope you had more reasons than that when you got married, because it takes more than that.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi there, while I genuinely feel for your situation, I can't help but wonder what is troubling you so much. This man clearly has no respect for you as a person let alone a spouse. All his issues aside, he has simply used you.

    There was obviously a whirlwind of excitement which led to such a quick marriage, but given the number of serious indiscretions on his part, there is no genuine commitment there.

    It is not your responsibility to 'fix' him or even to save him from himself. It seems to me that there is only sadness and disappointment ahead of you.

    I'm really sorry, I can't believe that you could possibly deserve any of that. I wish you luck with your decisions.

  6. #6

    Default

    In my opinion - and this is only my opinion - I would seriously consider whether this is truly the person you want to spend you life with. Cheating once is bad enough, but obviously he didn't learn his lesson the first time. If he's willing to do it twice, I'd say there's a good chance he might do it again, especially if he's told his ex-roommate that he wants an annulment from you.

  7. #7

    Default

    Thank you so much for your reply.
    I think that for me it's that I've never felt this loved or appreciated. I have a very long, sad history of mental, physical, and sexual abuse; feeling "genuinely" appreciated is not something I'm used to. Maybe this is genuine appreciation though? I don't even know. Our situation is pretty complicated right now though.. I'm still in the period where I can get an annulment, but I probably wouldn't be able to move back to California.. I'd really have no where to go. Plus, we JUST signed a year-long lease where we're living. I wouldn't even begin to know how to break that.
    Regardless, I don't want to leave him; I just want to have security in our relationship.. I don't know how to achieve that, though.
    Thank you for giving me some insight into the relationship between a DL and their diaper. I really don't understand it, but I don't need to, either.
    Sometimes I don't know why I said yes when he asked me to marry him... and then there are times where I know with overwhelming certainty.

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    Oh Geez wow .... this is a pretty tough one here.
    I, personally, think you are asking the wrong questions. The question you should be asking is whether or not you should get a divorce and move on from him. From what you have written here, it sounds to me you two are not compatible, and to be perfectly honest, he doesn't sound like a good person. Also, he is the one at fault, not you. In fact, many AB/DL here would be joyful with someone who tries their best such as you to get involved even if it's a little.

    Do you love him?

  9. #9

    Default

    Well, at this point I really don't know what to do. I'm in a pretty hard place with this one.. between our year lease at our apartment, and my family over 500 miles away from me in California, I'm pretty stuck in the position I'm in. I don't want to leave him because I love him SO G-D MUCH. But at the same time, I'm wondering if maybe I deserve somebody who I feel certain isn't going to cheat on me. I wish there was a right or wrong answer here, and that I knew what they were. I hate making well-planned decisions in fear of making the wrong one..

  10. #10
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by devoted View Post
    Thank you so much for your reply.
    I think that for me it's that I've never felt this loved or appreciated. I have a very long, sad history of mental, physical, and sexual abuse; feeling "genuinely" appreciated is not something I'm used to. Maybe this is genuine appreciation though? I don't even know. Our situation is pretty complicated right now though.. I'm still in the period where I can get an annulment, but I probably wouldn't be able to move back to California.. I'd really have no where to go. Plus, we JUST signed a year-long lease where we're living. I wouldn't even begin to know how to break that.
    Regardless, I don't want to leave him; I just want to have security in our relationship.. I don't know how to achieve that, though.
    Thank you for giving me some insight into the relationship between a DL and their diaper. I really don't understand it, but I don't need to, either.
    Sometimes I don't know why I said yes when he asked me to marry him... and then there are times where I know with overwhelming certainty.
    Ya, I have never gone through marriage (Though I was close) or a divorce. So I wouldn't know how to do any of that. But if you don't want to leave him, I think the best thing to do is to assume he will cheat again and again and again. To assume nothing will change and things will continue as they have been going. So then you have to ask yourself ... can you do it? Can you put up with that if it continues to go down that path? The reason i say this is because I don't think there is a "fix" for this situation, other than either accepting it as it is, or working on a way to get a divorce and leave him.

    Edit: My sis and her Husband have a similar relationship. She has cheated on him many many times. He just ... sort of accepted it. To him it's just sex, and nothing more. So there are people out there like this .. .the question is whether or not you can deal with that kind of relationship.

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