Okay, so, I'm really new to this community, and I've immersed myself WAY over my head in DL exploration. Here's the back story:
I went to Las Vegas in September of 2015, which is when I met my now husband. We ended up adding each other on facebook, and we talked all day every day. he told me about 2 weeks in to talk with each other about being a DL. I'm an open person, and I respect others' lifestyles, so I really had no problem with this, and I was willing to experiment. Anyway, I ended up moving from Fresno, CA to Las Vegas, NV in October 2015 to be with this man. We got intimate for the first time with the diaper in late October; he wore it while we had sex. He was TOTALLY into it, he said I was the first woman he'd ever been with that knew about his fetish, and because of that I was the first woman he'd ever worn with while having sex, let alone even worn around. We didn't incorporate diapers in for a while. We spontaneously got married in mid November, and I found out the morning after we wed that he had been cheating on me with his female roommate at the time. Just to add on to that, she a DL as well, and he would wear for her.
Clearly, there are now DEEPLY rooted trust issues..
Well, we went through a really rough patch after this; I was in a constant state of despair, trying to decide whether I should leave my new husband or stay with him, constantly trying to figure out what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough, finally coming to the conclusion that I need to actively incorporate and initiate sex involving diapers. I figured that would prevent him from leaving me or cheating again. Well, I was on my way to pick him up from work, and I stopped at the store and picked up 2 packs of diapers: one for him, and one for me. I told him to look in the backseat when he got in the car... He was totally beside himself when he saw what I had bought. We had sex that night with the diapers, and it's been escalating since then. He likes to be "told" to wear them. It's the transfer of control that he's into.
Well, things were great, we were incorporating the diapers regularly, I healed and forgave him for what he did, and things were great. And then it started to feel like he was married to the diapers, and I was just an object to facilitate the fetish. He started to say things like "tell me what you're going to do to me" (meaning tell him I'm going to diaper him after he finishes), or he wanted to hear that I was going to make him wear for days on end. It's like I'm not enough for him; like he constantly has to be wearing, or thinking about wearing, to get off.
THEN, about 2 weeks ago, his ex-roommate sent me screen shots of conversations they've had recently, where he's saying he misses her and wants an annulment with me.. I confronted him about it and there was lots of "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again.." Well, now the trust has been broken again, and I've taken fault for his actions again. I, myself, have DEEPLY rooted abandonment issues from my parent's actions as a small child, and this typically makes me willing to do whatever a man wants from me out of fear they'll leave if I don't.
So, this has lead to my husband convincing me to wear to work, which is what I'm doing now, as I write this post.
Sorry for the horribly long post, the main concerns of this post are:
1. How do I bring it up to him that I feel inadequate for him because of his needs to think about/wear diapers during sex to get off?
2. How do I tell him I feel almost jealous of the relationship he has with diapers?
3. How do I incorporate diapers enough to keep him interested in me, but little enough that I'm not smothered by a fetish that isn't mine?
4. How do I accomplish all of this without making him defensive, or withdrawing from me?