Don't really know if this is the right thread to be posting this but I just really needed a safe space to be able to vent.
I've been trying to get back into dating over the last 3 months or so, I'm fed up of being lonely and now all my oldest friends have paired up as well which makes things harder. I have a lot of issues with depression and anxiety to deal with as well and just want things to go well in my life for a change. What makes it worse if I had someone who I loved and was engaged to but I lost her what would be 5 years ago on the 7th of Feb.
Because I was tired of hiding my abdl side for years and I never managed to open up about it to my fiancée. I have opened up accounts on various abdl sites looking for a partner who would share my interests. I was specifically looking for a partner who would enjoy playing the mommy role.
I know it's hard to find people but I was getting really hopeful with someone I met on abdl match. She wanted to play the mommy role and we had sent quite a few messages back and forth, in her last one she was asking me questions about what we would do together when I was little.
Then just now I go on and her account has been cancelled, I don't know why her profiles gone but it's just really got me angry and upset! I was about to ask if we could contact eachother off of the site via phone or email. I'd previously asked but she told me she needed to keep it on there for a bit longer for her own comfort level. But now she's disappeared without a trace. I'm just feeling angry because my hopes got built up thinking she might potentially become my mommy.
It's just so hard to find people and it drives me mad, I know I could find someone somewhere else but and potentially introduce them to it all but I'm scared of reactions.
I can't even find people near me on fetlife, the only person I found through there was posting on a personals thread but it turned out she was after money or playing mommy.
Don't know what I wanted to achieve with this thread apart from a space to vent my frustrations. I just wish it wasn't so hard to find people especially where I am in England. I know I could go to events or things but partially due to my anxiety issues I'm very nervous about that and don't feel able to.
Just feeling really angry, sad and lonely right now.