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Thread: My Story... Trying to find balance

  1. #1

    Default My Story... Trying to find balance

    So I've always been a DL, since I as early as I can remember, but just recently I've had problems with incontinence. I was always able to keep my DL side as just that, a thing that I indulged in on the side while I kept my personal and professional life separate. I would occasionally sleep in a diaper when I had the chance, but never had the desire to go full 24/7 or any want to require diapers... but that's what I've got now.

    It started this summer when I would have a sudden urge to pee, and sometimes a bit would come out, I dismissed it as just something hanging on from when I had been diapered recently and just wasn't holding it hard enough. That idea changed one day when I was browsing the beer selection at a store one day and had an accident in light colored shorts. I grabbed a six pack to cover the front of my pants and walked up to the counter, checked out, and left. I was a little spooked that it was totally out of my control, but not enough to seek a doctor, it was only happening once a week or so. Then one night, I woke up to a wet bed with my girlfriend in it... then the same thing the next night! Time to talk to a urologist

    I went to the urologist, half expecting him to tell me that it was all in my head, but sure enough he did some tests and told me I had bladder retention pretty bad. My bladder had stretched to hold almost 1400mL and was only draining to about 400mL, or as he explained it, it was like a bathtub that was 80% full all of the time, and easily spills over. He's done a lot more tests and hasn't found a reason yet, but I do know that my blood sugar is awesome and my prostate is very small (at least I'm healthy in other ways! Haha). I'm scheduled for an MRI to check my spine & a urodynamic test next month.

    I've been in diapers 24/7 now for almost 2 months, and will be for at least another one. I wake up wet most mornings, and a couple days a week I have accidents during the day. It's really strange, because I'm torn between being embarrassed and tired of having to be diapered all the time with no breaks - I was used to be able to take a break whenever I wanted to, but still also enjoy it a bit.

    I haven't told anyone except my girlfriend, who has been super supportive of me, and even once drunkenly asked if she could watch me change. As much as I want to let her in on my DL side, I was still self conscious about it and didn't let her. I still have that idea hanging on that it should be kept separate... but I guess I have to try to find some balance now?

  2. #2


    I hope all goes well with the test results.

  3. #3


    Thanks! I think a big thing I have to get over is that it's not something that's a big deal. That's what I'm here at this forum for, support. It's such a unique place, and exactly what I need...

  4. #4


    Another perk of this site is knowing you aren't alone. I'm in a somewhat similar case. For me, I've been waking up wet for about two or so weeks now wet. Initially I thought it was just me sweating a bit too much, but boy did I learn the truth. With my mom returning this wednesday, I'll be soon visiting a doctor to see what the issue is.

  5. #5


    Similar story here. The Doctor wants to schedule urodynamics testing.

  6. #6


    I really need to buy more diapers. When I got up from my gaming marathon before, I had an all too familiar feeling. Luckily the couch had no marks and my jeans are black.

  7. #7


    I too ran out once, because I was used to recreationally using them, not the constant need... Ended up with generic drugstore brand ones. NEVER AGAIN!

    And LittleICMe, I am NOT looking forward to all the tubes they have to stick in every oriface to do a urodynamic test, but I would like to know what's causing my incontinence, so it's what's gotta happen.

  8. #8


    I definitely need to get some more diapers. Just had an small accident during my last class of the evening. Luckily I was the last one to leave the room and I had dark clothing on. Still though, losing control so quickly...

  9. #9


    Hope all goes well with your tests, wearing 24/7 is a pain some times but after a while you get use to it, make sure you buy premium diapers like dry 24/7's or northshores plastic backed diapers, I have tried rearz inspire + and found them to be very good but the cut is a bit to small for me in the mediums and the large size is to big.

    I order my dry 24/7's by the case usually 3 cases at a time, when I get down to my last case I Reorder this way I always have several weeks worth of diapers on hand incase the dry 24/7's are on back order.

  10. #10


    Sorry to hear of your current difficulties. Hopefully you will get answers and resolution soon.

    My incontinence started with a bang. I had been seeing the doctor for difficulty walking and overall weakness for 3 weeks, when I woke one morning with full retention. By early afternoon I was in severe pain and in a panic (16 hours without voiding). Before heading to the ER I jumped in the shower, Knowing if I got checked into the hospital it might be days before I got to shower again. And voila, the flood gates opened. Only problem was they wouldn't close. So after drying off, I sat on the toilet continuously dripping/dribbling while my wife ran to the pharmacy.

    I have a rare neuromuscular genetic disorder, which causes all sorts of interesting muscle issues, and as the bladder is a muscle, it is also affected. So I deal with ALL aspects of incontinence (total, urge, stress, functional, as well as retention) depending on the state of my disorder. I can also have times where the bladder acts rather normally, but as that can change in an instant, I can't trust it.

    I have done urodynamic testing several times. It was embarrassing the first time, but it’s easy. You are asked to void, then washed with an antiseptic solution. Several small sensors are attached to measure bladder contractions (one in the rectum). A squirt of lidocaine jelly int the urethrea to desensitize it and then two catheters... a medium diameter one for introducing fluid and a very small diameter one to measure pressure inside the bladder. You won't feel much of anything until your bladder is filled full. They will ask you to tell them whenever you feel a bladder contraction, which is then correlated with what they see from the sensors. The medium sized catheter is withdrawn and you will be asked to stand and void into a large measuring vessel. Not easy with a shy bladder! And you will make a bit of a mess with jelly and a catheter inserted into your urethra. The smaller catheter is withdrawn and that's it. On a scale of 10, discomfort = 1, embarrassment = 7.

    I always dribble (total incontinence) for several hours after being cathed, so you may want to stick a pad in your underwear, and have a diaper in the car if you find you need something more.

    Let us know how things go.

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