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Thread: So my mental health tonight.

  1. #1

    Default So my mental health tonight.

    Had a very strange thing happen tonight.

    Was at work, happy as happy can be... halfway through my shift everything is going great and bam everything is shit, I'm wrestling with myself in my mind should I kill myself should I not, I felt as I did about 4 years ago when I ended up committing myself for 3 days.

    Still not even 50% right, not entirely sure what to do. I feel safe enough til morning, and maybe sleep will get me back... but so much to think about. Don't want to tell my family my brother is going through a bad break up which is just getting worse, and worse and worse and he is going through big bouts of depression. Don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow but with a holiday weekend coming up, and the store critically understaffed as it is, I need to be there. Talked myself out of going to the hospital as I went up with my brother recently and felt they took a whole lot of time, and did nothing, also thought of recommitting myself (earlier in the night) but knew how completely and utterly boring a pysch ward is.

    Not sure what do, as I have no clue what even triggered one minute I'm great, next I'm in a dark dark dark place.

  2. #2

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    Hello, LittleManAlex,
    I'm glad you opened up to share your feelings here. As a suicide survivor myself, I know this is the toughest thing you'll ever have to live through. I see you're a new member here, so welcome to Adisc. Here you will find the kindest, most supportive group of people you can ever imagine. Many of us have had to struggle with feelings of depression and loneliness. The good news is that we have survived and found joy and meaning in life. Suicide is never the answer. Unfortunately when we are depressed, we lose the ability to analyze how we got to feeling this way, and communication can become difficult, leading us to think our family and friends have more important problems or that they don't care. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don't underestimate how much you mean to them or how devastated they would be by losing you. Also, don't think that they have enough problems so that they don't have time for you, believe me, they would feel ten times worse if they never had the chance to try to help. You've shown tremendous courage by posting your feelings here, so I encourage you to take the next step and go out the door and talk to someone in real life.

    If you really don't feel that you're ready to talk to someone, then I would encourage you to go back to the hospital and get immediate help. Yes, it may take time to get in to see someone there, but a few hours of your time now means you will be given the opportunity to get help and referrals. A few hours now means you can begin the process to discover what has been going wrong and why you feel this way. Often suicidal thoughts and depression result from chemical imbalances or physiological reasons. The good news is that this can be treated and you can alleviate these feelings and have a full life ahead of you..

    If you don't feel able to do any of this, then PLEASE, contact one of the helplines in your area. A list of resources can be found here https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthre...ion-Help-Lines You can speak to a trained, non-judgemental individual who can talk you through it and assist you in finding specialized counsellors, doctors and other professionals who want to help. Please reach out as soon as possible. You are worth it. I've encountered many people in my life who have survived suicide and all of them, myself included, are so glad to be here today. The feelings you're experiencing don't last forever. It really does get better. Just take the hand of someone who wants to help.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 25-Jan-2016 at 17:29.

  3. #3

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    Hi LittleManAlex,

    I know all too well the ups and downs that mental illness brings with it. I have dealt with it both myself and through family members suffering for many years and even had very negative thoughts about just ending it all at one point. At this point in time I am currently seeing a professional to help me through things outside of our little niche interest here and believe me; it helps wonders. I didn't want to be stuck on meds for who knows how long and I was very hesitant at being judged by someone based on my ramblings, but the individual I see is incredibly helpful and makes me feel at home and relaxed. They are there to help. But I couldnt put it more elegantly then Starrunner has. It takes great courage these days to even admit you suffer from mental illness. I myself was ashamed to admit it because of the stigma that surrounds it in the eyes of most and honestly having a fetish such as ours can make you feel even more alone.

    There are many people here you can talk to; no one will judge you, but I agree with Starrunner 100%, reach out and even speak to a family member or a friend. Just getting things out there does wonders.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Had a very strange thing happen tonight.

    Was at work, happy as happy can be... halfway through my shift everything is going great and bam everything is shit, I'm wrestling with myself in my mind should I kill myself should I not, I felt as I did about 4 years ago when I ended up committing myself for 3 days.

    Still not even 50% right, not entirely sure what to do. I feel safe enough til morning, and maybe sleep will get me back... but so much to think about. Don't want to tell my family my brother is going through a bad break up which is just getting worse, and worse and worse and he is going through big bouts of depression. Don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow but with a holiday weekend coming up, and the store critically understaffed as it is, I need to be there. Talked myself out of going to the hospital as I went up with my brother recently and felt they took a whole lot of time, and did nothing, also thought of recommitting myself (earlier in the night) but knew how completely and utterly boring a pysch ward is.

    Not sure what do, as I have no clue what even triggered one minute I'm great, next I'm in a dark dark dark place.
    I'm very sorry you have not been feeling well. Please try to keep in mind that your outlook on things like life and your mental health is very much affected by your current condition. It is difficult to feel positive when you are not feeling well and not very easy to feel down when in an excellent mood for an extended period (more than hair an hour or so).

    Please remember that mental health problems are still stigmatized in today's world by some ignorant people. Do not hesitate to seek professional help from your doctor and/or a qualified and highly rated mental health professional because THIS WILL LIKELY HELP YOU TREMENDOUSLY. Medication (the right medication which sometimes takes a while to find for an individual so be patient) in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy is extremely successful for most people.

    Just remember that you are not alone and many many people are willing and able to help you improve significantly.

  5. #5

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    I myself am a survivor of 3 suicide attempts. The most recent one was very scary, I was in ICU overnight, and I couldn't walk for 3 days. People had to help me eat... Help me to the bathroom... but after I recovered from this, things did improve.
    It's tough, but if you see yourself unable to sorta pull away from the suicidal ideation, please do like the others said, and get it out there to somebody who cares.
    I care about you, feel free to message me.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Had a very strange thing happen tonight.

    Was at work, happy as happy can be... halfway through my shift everything is going great and bam everything is shit, I'm wrestling with myself in my mind should I kill myself should I not, I felt as I did about 4 years ago when I ended up committing myself for 3 days.

    Still not even 50% right, not entirely sure what to do. I feel safe enough til morning, and maybe sleep will get me back... but so much to think about. Don't want to tell my family my brother is going through a bad break up which is just getting worse, and worse and worse and he is going through big bouts of depression. Don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow but with a holiday weekend coming up, and the store critically understaffed as it is, I need to be there. Talked myself out of going to the hospital as I went up with my brother recently and felt they took a whole lot of time, and did nothing, also thought of recommitting myself (earlier in the night) but knew how completely and utterly boring a pysch ward is.

    Not sure what do, as I have no clue what even triggered one minute I'm great, next I'm in a dark dark dark place.
    Some Causes Of Mood Swings <<EXTERNAL LINK<<


    LittleManAlex,

    I see that you've been given some pretty good ideas and suggestions here already...

    As "utterly boring a pysch ward is", it's still a much better option if, you're not sure that you will be safe.

    However, if you can and will use the helplines and in-person support while you continue otherwise productive living arrangements... You might then find it useful to contact your regular doctor too.

    Along with some sort of psychotherapy, to help with your thought processes and feelings; a general physician can help to determine or rule-out some of the more physiological related possible causes to your degree of mood-swings (or perhaps, refer you to a specialist such as a Dr of Neurology).

    One of the things that the helplines can help you with, is to make a sort of contingency plan, while you're feeling mostly okay and more rational or, relaxed.

    With this sort of plan, you will have people and places set-up to contact in the event of feeling particularly lost, confused or suicidal; to help you remain safe from harm and, to get you to emergency treatment options as required or, simply people to talk with that help keep you from spiraling down to such harsh depths.

    Let the people around you know, that you may be calling them as a part of this plan... you can assure them, that you're not putting the burden of safety on them personally - However, you might just need to hear their voice or, chat about lighter matters for awhile... you might even need them to call for help on your behalf.

    Just like Fire/Evacuation drills - know what to do before, you encounter the intensity of these dangers again. Once you know and practice all of the emergency exits; you'll not feel like your only option is to jump out of the window to escape the fire. And then, the other part of that is knowing earlier warning signs of fire and, reducing the risks too...

    Some of the risks could be things like emotional or physiological triggers...
    Foods you eat or, that you didn't eat. (Is your blood-glucose going too high or too low?)
    Not sleeping well, no refreshing sleep. (Did you tear up your bed in your sleep or, not move a muscle?)
    Perhaps too good of a mood for the circumstances. (Some of the manic episodes that I've seen - the person's mood would be almost euphoric prior to plummeting to subterranean depths)...

    These sorts of events rarely mean that one is crazy however, they most likely are not rational, and that's why a contingency-plan made while you're in a rational state - and the help of others in a rational state who you trust... can make all the difference, not only during a crisis yet, it should ease your mind not having to worry about "what if this happens again?" Anything that you can delegate elsewhere to prevent further compounding of your state of mind; will help prevent the degree of confusion and, will help to allocate mental and physical resources to where they are put to better use in self care and preservation...

    You have my best,
    -Marka

  7. #7

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    Thanks to everyone who posted or message can't message back until I turn green.

    Went to the hospital last night and saw the mental health nurse who said she was 110% sure it was all my diet. Following up with my GP as it sounded like a bit of cop out.

    Staying with family so I am good for now, thank you all.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Thanks to everyone who posted or message can't message back until I turn green.

    Went to the hospital last night and saw the mental health nurse who said she was 110% sure it was all my diet. Following up with my GP as it sounded like a bit of cop out.

    Staying with family so I am good for now, thank you all.
    Congratulations on taking such a huge positive step forward. It took a lot of courage to go to the hospital for help and I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm glad you're following up with your GP to go over this. This is the beginning of the process: reaching out for help, getting opinions and diagnoses, and working with your doctor to evaluate those results and establishing a plan of action. You are no longer being passive to the depression, you are an active participant in the treatment.

    It can take some time to see results. For all our technological advancements, medicine can still be trial and error, and you will hear opinions you agree with and ones that you will want to challenge. A lot of the process is determined by the information and feedback provided by you.

    It's interesting to me the mental health nurse mentioned diet being a significant factor in your mental health. Depression is a very complex problem, and it would seem there should be a number of tests, questions, and familiarity with the patient before giving a definitive answer. My feeling is that she was assessing your immediate needs on the presenting emergency, determining the state of your mental health, and referring you back to your doctor for a more thorough assessment.

    Also, don't underestimate her assessment about your diet. It can play a significant part in how we are feeling on a day-to-day basis. There's an old saying that says 'If you eat like crap, you feel like crap.' For myself, I was diagnosed with a number of food intolerances, and my diet contributed significantly to my mental health problems. It took some time, and a lot of changes in my eating patterns to help get things under control. Although it wasn't the only thing in my life causing depression, I know it still plays a big part in how I cope with each new day. If the nurse identified your diet based on the information you provided, then you should most definitely discuss it with your doctor. It may be one factor for your doctor to look into, along with other plans for treatment, identified by you and your doctor. Getting help should involve you and your doctor working together, establishing a plan of action and evaluating the results to see how effective treatment is going, in addition to referrals to outside professionals or counsellors as required. It can take some time and re-evaluation to identify all the causes of depression, but I have learned to think of it as an ongoing journey of self discovery, and it's important to surround yourself with people and strategies that can help get you through it.

    I've learned that I am far from alone in coping with depression and that my own story is hardly unique. In Canada, where I live, one in five Canadians will suffer from depression at some point in their lives. In addition, we all know someone who struggles with it. In this way, everyone is affected, either directly or indirectly. We are all in this together.


    THIRTY SEVEN YEARS AGO:

    I was sitting in my doctor's office thinking of bolting for the door rather than talk about my depression. Like many people reaching bottom, I had this feeling that I didn't want to die: I just couldn't live with the way I was feeling. I made the appointment at the time I was really down and scared. By the time I got to the doctor's office, my mood had improved considerably. It seemed silly to stay and talk about depression when I was having a good day. Perhaps I could just 'choose' to be happier and make it happen. So here I was, waiting for the doctor to come out, filled with shame, worry and a sense I was wasting everybody's time. Maybe I should leave and just try harder. But, no, I'd said that a hundred times before, and in spit of some brief respites, it hadn't gotten any better. So I decided to stay. I needed to stay.

    My doctor comes out. "What can I help you with?" I break down. The tears come flowing as I tell him... sorrow, pain and relief. After a heartfelt conversation, we begin planning how to deal with it, to find the pieces to finally guide me out of the grey fog. No more shame. No more tears. I would learn how to see this world in living colour again.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 31-Jan-2016 at 01:57.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    Congratulations on taking such a huge positive step forward. It took a lot of courage to go to the hospital for help and I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm glad you're following up with your GP to go over this. This is the beginning of the process: reaching out for help, getting opinions and diagnoses, and working with your doctor to evaluate those results and establishing a plan of action. You are no longer being passive to the depression, you are an active participant in the treatment.
    This isn't the first time I've done this, but it is always scary reaching out. The first time was a very situational problem and felt like smashing my head through a plate glass window or heading into the mall buying a good knife to do the trick, I managed to drag myself out to a walkway behind a sports field to remove immediate temptation and I was there for about an hour getting pissed off at anyone walking by because I wanted to have my breakdown in peace. I had been seeing a counselor at that point and she had given me numbers for the Crisis team, which eventually lead me waiting for the police to turn up and take me to hospital before being admitted to the pysch hospital over in the city. I've had to reach out a few times, whether it be for suicidal thoughts, extreme anger that very easily could have turn homicidal. But each time it is scary as hell.



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    It can take some time to see results. For all our technological advancements, medicine can still be trial and error, and you will hear opinions you agree with and ones that you will want to challenge. A lot of the process is determined by the information and feedback provided by you.

    It's interesting to me the mental health nurse mentioned diet being a significant factor in your mental health. Depression is a very complex problem, and it would seem there should be a number of tests, questions, and familiarity with the patient before giving a definitive answer. My feeling is that she was assessing your immediate needs on the presenting emergency, determining the state of your mental health, and referring you back to your doctor for a more thorough treatment.

    Also, don't underestimate her assessment about your diet. It can play a significant part in how we are feeling on a day-to-day basis. There's an old saying that says 'If you eat like crap, you feel like crap.' For myself, I was diagnosed with a number of food intolerances, and my diet contributed significantly to my mental health problems. It took some time, and a lot of changes in my eating patterns to help get things under control. Although it wasn't the only thing in my life causing depression, I know it still plays a big part in how I cope with each new day. If the nurse identified your diet based on the information you provided, then you should most definitely discuss it with your doctor. It may be one factor for your doctor to look into, along with other plans for treatment, identified by you and your doctor. Getting help should involve you and your doctor working together, establishing a plan of action and evaluating the results to see how effective treatment is going, in addition to referrals to outside professionals or counsellors as required. It can take some time and re-evaluation to identify all the causes of depression, but I have learned to think of it as an ongoing journey of self discovery, and it's important to surround yourself with people and strategies that cent help get you through it.
    I think the biggest issue I have with the diet diagnosis is as you and her said it can have a big effect on your mood day to day, I admit my diet isn't great, and it is something I'll look at improving, but my biggest thing is this wasn't so much day to day, By large I have felt excellent every day for the past year, this was a very sudden very extreme depressive episode... which thinking about it, the biggest change that happened was joining here. I do agree that alot comes back to feedback from me, and alot also relies on the questions asked, After previous experience with a pyschologist, which they made me feel purely criminal for having AB feelings, I find it next to impossible to volunteer information to mental health professionals, last time I did, they laughed it off and went right back to diet.

    My experience with DHB Mental health is if we can say it's diet we will. Feel like killing yourself? Is your diet great? No it's your diet... but but but.... IT"S YOUR DIET. Feel like harming others? Is your diet great? No it's your diet, It just seems to me that if your diet is anything other than perfect it's your diets fault and nothing else gets taken seriously... which is a dangerous precedent to make, because if that's all you here you'll stop trying to reach out and then people are going to get hurt.

    I also think I have the misfortune of being borderline a few things, border line Bi-Polar, border line Autistic in the sense that I have a lot of traits on the DSM but usually fall a trait short of diagnosis.



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    I've learned that I am far from alone in coping with depression and that my own story is hardly unique. In Canada, where I live, one in five Canadians will suffer from depression at some point in their lives. In addition, we all know someone who struggles with it. In this way, everyone is affected, either directly or indirectly. We are all in this together.


    THIRTY SEVEN YEARS AGO:

    I was sitting in my doctor's office thinking of bolting for the door rather than talk about my depression. Like many people reaching bottom, I had this feeling that I didn't want to die: I just couldn't live with the way I was feeling. I made the appointment at the time I was really down and scared. By the time I got to the doctor's office, my mood had improved considerably. It seemed silly to stay and talk about depression when I was having a good day. Perhaps I could just 'choose' to be happier and make it happen. So here I was, waiting for the doctor to come out, filled with shame, worry and a sense I was wasting everybody's time. Maybe I should leave and just try harder. But, no, I'd said that a hundred times before, and in spit of some brief respites, it hadn't gotten any better. So I decided to stay. I needed to stay.

    My doctor comes out. "What can I help you with?" I break down. The tears come flowing as I tell him... sorrow, pain and relief. After a heartfelt conversation, we begin planning how to deal with it, to find the pieces to finally guide me out of the grey fog. No more shame. No more tears. I would learn how to see this world in living colour again.
    Thank you for sharing your story, was going to say it's a nice feeling not being alone in something. One day maybe I will share my story, I feel safe now telling most of it, but there is one part I don't think many will understand, that many will not be able to judge me for it and especially in RL could cause others to harm me. If you were willing and as you have been thus far, kind supporting, listening and non judgmental I could share with you via PM... if you want to here it.

  10. #10

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    There's a reason they call this a "community" forum, man.
    Ever feeling troubled, just come and talk to us.
    Or me. I'm a better listener than a speaker.

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