Had a very strange thing happen tonight.
Was at work, happy as happy can be... halfway through my shift everything is going great and bam everything is shit, I'm wrestling with myself in my mind should I kill myself should I not, I felt as I did about 4 years ago when I ended up committing myself for 3 days.
Still not even 50% right, not entirely sure what to do. I feel safe enough til morning, and maybe sleep will get me back... but so much to think about. Don't want to tell my family my brother is going through a bad break up which is just getting worse, and worse and worse and he is going through big bouts of depression. Don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow but with a holiday weekend coming up, and the store critically understaffed as it is, I need to be there. Talked myself out of going to the hospital as I went up with my brother recently and felt they took a whole lot of time, and did nothing, also thought of recommitting myself (earlier in the night) but knew how completely and utterly boring a pysch ward is.
Not sure what do, as I have no clue what even triggered one minute I'm great, next I'm in a dark dark dark place.