Acceptance

Sorry for the long post, but just wanted to share...

I have been a DL since childhood. I have been dating a hot blond girl for 2 years and we are 'in love'. I have had some major medical issues that culminated last year (pancreas removal/liver transplant, kidney stone surgeries x2, and diabetes). I have OAB and urge incontinence which has progressively gotten worse in the last 8 months due to my diabetes and to manage it I have been wearing diapers nearly 24/7. Abena M4 at night and Total Dry Plus during the day, about 4-5 diapers total per day) The times that I have not been diapered have mostly been at night when getting into be with my lady (mattress dancing time) and not wanting to diaper up. I guess I have been playing a cat and mouse game, hoping I didn't have an accident and getting up 4-5 times per night to pee, which sucks and does not allow for good sleep. Of course I have a waterproof mattress cover just in case.

My girlfriend knows I have been having issues, and knows I have been to the doctor and been prescribed Oxybutinin. I took Oxy for 2 weeks and I hate that stuff...dry mouth, headache, and constipation as side effects. I told my girlfriend that I have been wearing protection, but she didn't ask further about it. She didn't really understand the impact of my incontinence until it happened... I wet the bed (not wearing a diaper). The bed was soaked, as was I and it spread to the middle or near her side of the bed. About 5:30 in the morning she woke up and said "eww" and I woke up and immediately apologized and started cleaning up. We changed the sheets and all was fine but it was pretty traumatic.

Last night I told her that I was really conflicted about wearing diapers to bed with her there, because I need them but feel embarrassed about my incontinence issue (hey, I'm a 40 year old good looking guy with a hot girlfriend and wearing diapers is not the manliest thing to do). She has been through her own physical hurdles and was very accepting of needing help or having to a medical device to get through difficult times. She felt very sorry for what I was going through. She said she loved me and likes being with me. We talked about it for some time, but it was awkward at times and I don't think she actually said the word diaper. She encouraged me to follow up and offered to go to the doctors with me. She asked if there was anything she could do, but I could not muster up the courage to ask her to diaper me even though I do want that, I am not ready to make that jump yet. She asked if there was anything I could wear so that I didn't wet the bed like the other night and I said yes I have some protection, but was embarrassed to put it on with her there. She said she didn't care and she would be asleep in 10 minutes anyway.

She did not offer to help. I did put on a diaper in the adjacent no-door bathroom area and wore a diaper to bed last night. After I got into bed, she actually felt the diaper material as she was seeking my hand to hold.
She had a very hard time getting to sleep after we talked. I am sure she was worrying/thinking about her boyfriend in diapers. I think she only got about 4 hours of sleep and she has to work today, bummer.

I was wet in the morning and took it off, put it in the bathroom trashcan under the sink, and showered. She was not in the bedroom when I got dressed and put on a fresh diaper for work this morning. She did not ask if I was wet this morning or anything about our discussion. She looked tired this morning when I kissed her goodbye.

I am going to take this very slow. She has shown initial acceptance of me wearing diapers which is great and reassured me that she loves me and wants me to take care of myself. I am sure there will be more discussion about this and questions to answer, but I think this is heading in the right direction.

I'm sorry this has to be such an awkward thing between you. From what you described, she's being very understanding, as any decent person might. However, since you also identify as DL, her acceptance for that is a complete unknown. She has behaved in a way that seems normal to me, deferential to your sensitivity and attempted to avoid making any issue of your need for diapers. Until you let her know that in addition to needing them, you also like them, you should expect this as the status quo. You'll have to decide the proper time to let her in on the next piece of news.

Yes, you are correct.
I will likely phase the preference for diapers when she becomes more comfortable with me needing diapers.
My expectation is that she will want a successful medical outcome and want me to stop using diapers to get back to a high quality of life. 24/7 diapers are a high quality of life for me; I don't ever have to worry about my bladder.
I don't think that a cure for my OAB-UI/IC or DL is likely, and will need diapers forever (maybe not 24/7, but certainly on a regular basis for OAB and prevent ANY chance for accidents at work or events).
In time, I will get around to telling her that I actually just prefer to wear a diaper versus all the medical tests, taking medicines, or stress of IC.

I am very lucky my wife doesn't worry about my need for nappies and happily sleeps with my without any complaint.

Take her with you when you see the urologist next time, and do some research together about the currently available OAB drugs. My wife came with me talked to the doctor and did research on the drugs and we came to the desision diapers is the best option for me to deal with my bladder issue.

It may take some time but your girlfriend should understand your need for diapers Vers takeing meds

If you think your diabetes is causing your incontinence, would you be a candidate for a pancreas transplant? My wife will be going for her first evaluation in late February to see if she can have a pancreas/kidney transplant. It's just a thought.

I still have half a pancreas and a liver transplant no doubt extended my life.
I certainly need to be better about my glucose regulation/insulin.
Seems I traded cancer for incontinence, which is a deal I would take every day of the week.

dogboy said:

If you think your diabetes is causing your incontinence, would you be a candidate for a pancreas transplant? My wife will be going for her first evaluation in late February to see if she can have a pancreas/kidney transplant. It's just a thought.

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I wouldn't risk surgery to cure my incontinence but thats just me.

ST50 said:

I wouldn't risk surgery to cure my incontinence but thats just me.

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I've been offered surgery to try and help determine what is behind my incontinence, with the doctor not even giving me an idea if he knew what to look for or if he could fix it. I politely refused. Incontinence does not rule or ruin my life. OK, I wear diapers. They're not obvious, they don't keep me from doing everything I enjoy, I just have to deal with them.

Now, my cluster headaches, I'm more than willing to try surgery or medications or a thousand other things to get them controlled. The equivalent of four migraines a day for over sixteen years has done what it can to try and destroy my life. It takes a huge toll on me just to move from one day to the next.

AnalogRTO said:

Incontinence does not rule or ruin my life. OK, I wear diapers. They're not obvious, they don't keep me from doing everything I enjoy, I just have to deal with them.

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Nice way of putting it.

I have had a talk with my wife lately, I have OAB and urge incontinence also. My wife is sorry for my condition and that I wear diapers - but she accepts the diapers as they are great in dealing with wettings and accidents. I have tried OAB medication which resulted in mediocre results and significant sideeffects - I'm soom going to try a new medication however I don't have my hopes too high and I have announced that if that new medication doesn't help either, I'll stick with diapers and that's it.
My wife fully acknowledged and accepted that....
Surgery is completely out of the question for me, it imposes too many risks and secondly I don't want surgery