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Thread: What's the deal with my brain?!

  1. #1
    JohnnyHamilton

    Default What's the deal with my brain?!

    That then there's the question; one I've asked myself since......ever, really lol. XD

    Only in the last four years have I had the ability to actually confront it and answer all the questions that have been building up in my brain for as long as I can remember. And not just about my age-regression, which still freaks me out occasionally/messes with my head. But about a lot of other messed up stuff and overwhelming things that I've been through.....I'm not even really sure where I should begin....I guess the beginning is a good place to start.....haha, actually, maybe a little bit before the beginning.

    It all started years before "I" even became a possibility....and where according to some I was supposed to be an "impossibility".

    Years before I was born, my mother was informed by the doctor that she was too old to have anymore kids. At the time she only had one son; my half-brother seeing as we come from different fathers.

    A while after that day; not sure exactly how long, my mother had a reading done on her by a fortune teller. The prophet said that she was to have more kids in the future; mom laughed at this though, for obvious reasons. But the fortune teller insisted; it was in the stars or something like that.

    Years later, the prophecy was fulfilled. My big sister came first; my brother was in his early twenties. It wasn't until three years later or so that the second part of the prophecy was fulfilled; My sister and I both come from the same father though. Mom and dad met at a bar in Kalispell, Montana. Mom took me on a vacation there once; it was kinda cool to see the place where my sis and I first became "possibilities" lol.

    All of us siblings are kinda different. The earliest thing that we all had in common was that we all had psychic abilities. My brother was really uncomfortable about his premonitions, and my sister seemed to slowly grow into denial about her abilities. I on the other hand was way too open with mine; occasionally flaunting them lol.

    I was always fascinated by it and wanted to learn all about it and why I can do the things I can do, how do they work, and what makes these things possible? It sort of became an obsession, trying to figure out who I am and why I'm here. Dad always urged me though that I had to keep my abilities a secret because people might not understand and become afraid of me, and that fear could turn to hatred. I never really understood why though; I thought I was perfectly normal and that everyone could do these things; kinda like a blind kid growing up seeing the world as blurry and assuming it just looks like that for everyone else before learning he needs glasses.

    Buuuut, dad was right. When I was a little kid I was kidnapped in the night by mad scientists and taken to an underground prison/lab in the middle of Utah....they were trying to turn me into a weapon/figure out what makes me tick/how to control me....haha, and fortunately they had a lot of trouble getting me to turn into one of the many other mindless drones they've created out of over a 150 other little boys; there weren't any girls at the facility.

    ....In some ways I feel I should be thanking them; they made me stronger, showed me how powerful I can become. It was in the Seclusion Room where I had my first (and, sadly, my ONLY) One-Percent-Moment. I had a large deck of bicycle playing cards; 100 of them. There weren't any face cards; the complex patterns and colors of face cards confused me too much (that sentence will make sense here in a sec lol). And they were all red. A-10 of Hearts and A-10 of Diamonds. There was only one black card; the Ace of Spades. My goal was to locate the one black card out of the 99 red cards after thoroughly shuffling it in; without looking at any of the faces/by touch alone. Helped to close my eyes; the cards that I felt might be the one seemed to feel a little warmer than the others. I formed two face down piles; the No Pile and the Maybe Pile. After each cycle I'd check the No Pile to make sure that all the cards were red and that the Ace of Spades had to be in the Maybe Pile. It got harder as I went along, and finally one day after an hour or so of intense focus and process of elimination, I was at last staring at just the last two face down cards; one of them was the Ace of Spade. My heart felt like it wanted to race, but after years of my brain being hooked up to computers and playing video games with my thoughts and being cruelly and unusually punished for failing to beat the game with my psychic powers within a set time limit, I got REALLY good at being able to control my involuntary bodily functions.....heart-rate, temperature, sensory perception, blood flow, adrenaline, etc.

    It was the mst crucial moment; if my adrenaline rose too high it would shut down my psychic x-ray vision or whatever the heck it is; if I got too anxious or second guessed myself even once it would mean failure. After a long time of staring at the two bicycle cards, I finally whispered hoarsely, "No..." and slid the right hand card away into the no-pile. I hesitated to turn over the last card; I didn't bother checking if the other card was red or not; I was pretty sure it was. I flipped over the last card, the one I felt certain was the Ace of Spades. My face lit up like Christmas morning when all I could see was the black, stark image of the Ace of Spades staring me back in the face; I was ecstatic, bouncing off the walls of my padded cell which was basically a room with colorful gym mat puzzle pieces for the walls and floor; the ceiling was way too high to reach.

    I escaped the facility years later when I was fifteen by entering one of my mothers dreams. (an ability I learned in the last few years is called "Dreamwalking" still not sure how to control that one yet though; it just kinda happens by accident sometimes).

    My mother was getting the messages though. I'd tried writing countless SOS letters snail mail style for years but never got any letters back; they were probably being intercepted; I knew if my parents knew what was happening here they'd be totally freaked.

    Mom always kinda seemed to be the more supportive/encouraging one; she liked that I was comfortable with being me and liked that I wanted to learn more about how/why I can do what I can do. Dad was more of the drill sergeant preparing me for the end of the world. I'm not really sure what he thinks about my age regression (lol, sorry; you'd think I maybe should have started with that and all those complexities; I'll get to that later/some other time. Still kinda shy about it but I've grown way more comfortable and secure with that part of my brain; both my parents know about it too; I told them fairly recently and they both accept it; mom as per usual is the more understanding/accepting part; dad accepts it but I'm not really all that sure what he thinks about it, and I fear coming off as like a disappointment or something and I don't want either of them to blame themselves or anything like that. Very recently though (like, YESTERDAY, lol), I had a few epiphany's as to when and where it officially started with me; happened when I was three years old at the Babysitter's; Aunt Lenora. She was an old, strict/harsh lady; I was kinda scared of her sometimes, but I love her at the same time; she's almost like part of the family; started watching my sister and I from the very beginning of our lives. She's way older now though and is in a rest-home hundreds of miles away; not sure how much longer she has, kinda sad to see her go....she might already be dead for all I know.

    Anyhoo....that's enough typing for now; I gotta go get firewood and stoke the furnace. Peace.
    Last edited by JohnnyHamilton; 14-Jan-2016 at 00:43. Reason: Typos

  2. #2

    Default

    Hello JonnyHamilton and welcome to the group.

    Very interesting into story.

    Again welcome to the group.

    Egor.

  3. #3
    JohnnyHamilton

    Default

    Thanks for the welcome.
    Yep; life's weird lol. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm getting so de-sensitized to pretty much all things weird and unexplained. Hate mysteries; they must be solved.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Haha; forgot to mention that it was "love at first sight" with my parents. They were both drunk and dad proposed marriage right then and there; he was married once before too. Mom's ex-husband was an abusive alcoholic; he's dead now. He was missing for years, but a few days before my half-brother was informed of his death, his dad had called him on the phone some how, and just said "Love ya kid." It was kinda intense....I feel bad though that a part of me doesn't even care after hearing about all the horrible things he did to my mother. He'd also encourage my brother to fight him; he wanted him to try fighting him. ....Glad my dad stopped drinking; he was never...well, he did get violent with me, but he never hit me or anything like that. Just threw me around and stuff. He feels bad about it; they both feel even worse that they couldn't save me when I was twelve; I wished they didn't. There was nothing they could have done; it's nobody's fault but the WWASPS's. (The World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools; they're an evil, ruthless organization that's been hellbent on world domination through the very future of humanity itself: the kids. But with certain profiles they conducted different experiments on.....I've only ever been treated like three things in my life; a baby, a science project and a soldier; as a result, I have pretty much no self-discipline; some authority figure has always disciplined me themselves and ever since I escaped I've slowly been....slipping back or whatever/regressing/scared and clueless without someone holding my hand and telling me what to do. I've hated myself a lot for that, but hate the circumstances more/try not to blame myself....kinda hard not to; if I'd have just listened to my dad and stopped using my powers I probably never would have gotten on the WWASPS's radar in the first place. But I shouldn't blame myself for childhood ignorance; I pretty much just blame the WWASPS for everything. They've spawned a whole subculture; we're called the WWASPS Survivors; some call us ["liberated"] Prisoners For Profit (PFPs). Im putting "liberated" in sarcastic air quotes right now lol.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyHamilton View Post
    Thanks for the welcome.
    Yep; life's weird lol. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm getting so de-sensitized to pretty much all things weird and unexplained. Hate mysteries; they must be solved.

    [...]I pretty much just blame the WWASPS for everything. They've spawned a whole subculture; we're called the WWASPS Survivors; some call us ["liberated"] Prisoners For Profit (PFPs). Im putting "liberated" in sarcastic air quotes right now lol.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_...ms_and_Schools

    This link touches on some of the things you've mentioned...

    Welcome to ADISC, JohnnyHamilton...

    I'm sorry for the troubles that you've experienced in your young life!

    Hopefully you'll find some of what you're looking for at least in some of the AB/DL related things here...

    I wonder too, if you'll peruse our "ADISC Intro, Rules & Tips" (drop-down menu at the top of each page) to get to know about us a little bit better too...

    You have my sympathies,

    For now,
    -Marka
    Last edited by Marka; 17-Jan-2016 at 09:42.

  5. #5
    JohnnyHamilton

    Default

    Appreciate the understanding. Helps to just have a place where you don't have to be scared of being yourself and opening up because you can't actually get your feelings hurt by people who don't even know you; well, at least I can't; some people might take things personally but I'm pretty laid back and just don't care what people think.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'd like to become more open in my day to day life too; hopefully my time here will help me become more comfortable with doing so in the long run.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyHamilton View Post
    Appreciate the understanding. Helps to just have a place where you don't have to be scared of being yourself and opening up because you can't actually get your feelings hurt by people who don't even know you; well, at least I can't; some people might take things personally but I'm pretty laid back and just don't care what people think.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'd like to become more open in my day to day life too; hopefully my time here will help me become more comfortable with doing so in the long run.
    We'll look forward to hearing about your day to day life too - when you're ready of course...

    It's only been the last few years that I developed a you don't know enough about me, to be insulting take, for myself too... and actually, even the people that do know me better... you pretty much have to go way out of the way to offend me... it doesn't mean that I won't be appalled for a bit...

    So, good for you for having those kinds of filters!

    Take care,
    -Marka

  7. #7
    JohnnyHamilton

    Default

    Thanks. I feel pretty fortunate for having a pretty thick skin; mom and dad are the ones who are more worried about people bullying me or whatever. I think the fears are pretty unfounded though; nobody's ever made fun of me for who I am; mostly just my friends and family know though so that's probably why I don't experience much bullying; I have good, understanding and supportive friends and familyaround me, so any bullies probably wouldn't phase me anyway; I only really care about what those close to me think about me.

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