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Thread: ab/dl paranoia? Need advice/thoughts

  1. #1

    Unhappy ab/dl paranoia? Need advice/thoughts

    I have somehow managed to meet an amazing, caring and totally open woman. We've been dating for several years and are now engaged. I've been incontinent for quite some time and she has known that but only last year did I reveal to her about my adult diaper fetish and she not only was ok with it but has completely embraced it and has been openly...participating in my enjoyment of diapers, we have even dabbled in some AB stuff. It has truly been wonderful. Unfortunately though I still find myself constantly holding back and afraid to be open and speak my mind about any diaper related topics or discussions because I still keep thinking that what I am about to say will cross the line and creep her out. Any advice on what I can do to fight the paranoia and finally be more open to discussion on the topic?

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    I'm not sure what "openly...participating" means, but I imagine you will not be able to "creep her out."

    Most women have a very pragmatic view of diapers, and a few women with really strong maternal streaks or maternal instincts genuinely enjoy AB play because it gives them the opportunity to "baby" someone without having the 24-7 responsibility involved with caring for a real baby or toddler. Since this lady has "embraced" your DL and even some part of your AB side, I don't think you'll be able to have a discussion about anything AB- or DL-related that will upset her. If you do manage to broach a topic with which she is uncomfortable, she will likely let you know in good time. Then you can move away from that conversation and back to "safe ground."

    From a purely personal perspective, it sounds as if you're engaged to a wonderful woman.

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    I kinda get this in some way I think. I have some issues discussing AB stuff with my partner. Mostly she's cool with it, but her participation is not as much as I'd like. The thing is, she wants to know more about what I'd like, but discussing it can be really awkward. See when I'm regressing, this sort of discussion just doesn't make sense to me, and when I'm not it can seem rediculous and somewhat embarrassing. It's something I'm trying to work through at the moment. As egor says, just keeping the communication going is the key I think.

  5. #5


    It's a difficult topic for a lot of us because even when you find an accepting partner, opening up about what had once been a secret is not an easy process. Talking about sexual desires and bathroom habits are also both fairly taboo topics in society generally, which makes it harder too. On top of all that, it's not something that can be explained easily: there's no shortcut or easy term for letting someone know what you would or would not like without going through it in detail.

    Imo, the best way to approach that kind of conversation is to let your partner know that you still find it difficult to discuss because of your worries. It's okay to tell someone else that you're thinking of them and don't want to be too demanding or go too far, or that you have difficulty because of the way that your own mind thinks about these things. Then you can ask for their help in working through it. There are a lot of good techniques for approaching difficult topics: for example you could have them ask you questions, write something down for the other person instead of speaking, or arrange some sort of formal back and forth where each person gets a few minutes of uninterrupted time so that they're not rushed if they have trouble getting things out.

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    I really appreciate the advice everyone. I really like the writing something down idea and may give that a try. Like ArchieRoni said it has just been very difficult to try to stop keeping something a secret that I have kept a secret for so long.

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    All great advise from above. Since I've first told my wife, I have discovered that this gets easier over time. Repetition makes the new and embarrassing commonplace, opening the door for something new and different. For me, it's taken years, but now I'm much more comfortable acting more like a baby when the time and situation is right.

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