Ok so, I haven't told anybody much about this, but almost a year ago, I had feelings for my best friend at the time. I had liked her for quite a while (I honestly forget why) but was too scared to tell her how I felt, and the emotions in me festered and ached. I eventually did ask her to be my girlfriend though, and she agreed to go out with me. In that moment, I felt soooooo happy about finally having my first girlfriend. What I didn't realize until after she broke up with me, a month and a half later, was that...
...almost the entire time I was with her...I was going through a mini-psychological Hell.
I just wasn't happy when I was with her, and tried to convince myself that I was. After the breakup though, I saw her significantly less. I became livelier in the months following, and just felt much more alive. I realized I had been going through some sort of mild depression, and just didn't notice until after I felt happy again. I just wanted to be happy with that relationship so bad, but I never really felt like she loved me (cause she didn't) and as a result, I didn't feel much of anything. I wasn't happy, I didn't laugh very much, I felt tired of all my friends, I never felt like doing anything, and I occasionally would cry while having no idea why.
Recently, I remembered something else about that time in my life. You see...this friend of mine, she and I had very little in common. We were night and day, and I was afraid of her finding out about my being ABDL. I tried indulging in my AB life, but when I was dating her, I just felt wrong about it, like, I was being secretive or doing something that would disgust and offend her. I couldn't enjoy it anymore...and I didn't get any love or relaxation from being with her either, so...is it possible that my innability to be myself was the root, or at least part of my depression? I wondered, has anyone else has had this happen before?
I am ok now, by the way. Since breaking up with her, I met another girl who is a lot like me, and she not only loves me for who I am, but I feel the same way about her and trusted her enough to tell her that I'm ABDL, and she now makes me happier than anything or anyone else in the world. She even has an account on here now, going by "BabyNeko".
PS, in case she sees this, I LOVE YOU, BABY! \^-^/ <3 <3 <3