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Thread: Diapered with Children ... need advice/thoughts

  1. #1

    Default Diapered with Children ... need advice/thoughts

    Hello. First time posting on this subject. Looking for kind words of advice, thoughts and any. deas! I have already read posts on the forum but would like to give my story for fresh replies.

    My kids are now getting older, and so far they do not have any idea about their daddy having to wear diapers (that I know of).

    They know I had nighttime wetting problems as a child as they went through the same years ago, and I told them briefly that I too had the same problem- not going into details ever).

    Now they are older (oldest is 10yr old) I'm wondering, do I tell them that I am wearing and why (medical need)? Do I keep hiding from them, taking the chance they may have found an accidental diaper or similar left in my bathroom/closet?

    My wife has always said, 'don't let the kids know about having to wear diapers', but they crawl in bed with us sometimes at night and so I've been forced to wear regular shorts over diaper while sleeping so they do not see it. Otherwise, would LOVE to sleep with just a diaper and tighty whities underneath! However, I am still afraid to let them know. We have had occasional potty training events with 2 of my 3 children in which once I did briefly mention I too had the issue when young so they wouldn't feel bad about themselves but has been it. Hiding ever since! At least, as far as I know, they r older and no doubt are able to wander around the house, incl the master closet and clothes drawers where I may have had 1 for emergencies, etc. So,

    What age should they be when I tell them? 10?

    Any particular reason to NOT tell them at all and just keep going as is?

    Would rather them know and think nothing of it than see me 1 day accidentally and be shocked.

    WhAT about showing them what I wear for that reason?

    After telling it to them, I would still wear discretely at home, etc. Just trying to figure out if I tell them or let them find out themselves... just afraid as to how that may be and what consequences it has... sort of the same reason why I want to be THE FIRST one to explain everything else to them, rather than have someone else do it, and in the wrong way and/or in the wrong context.

    Will definitely explain with my medical condition being key factor, continue to be discreet and hopefully they will eventually just forget it... ? Still, the "diaper teasing and being a baby is alive and well between all 3, so at first it has a bit of a negative connotation.

  2. #2

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    The easiest way out of this dilemma would be to wait until one of them discovers some sort of evidence. Then you would have to explain. My own feeling is that this is a medical condition as I'm assuming you are incontinent. I don't understand why your wife would want to hide something that is medical, from your children, once they are old enough to understand it.

    Growing up as a child, my dad always had serious heart problems. My mom explained that to me when I was at a young age. In part, it was necessary because I was 4 years old when he had his first heart attack. Though I always worried about whether I would have a dad as the years followed each other, it was something I had to know.

    Since your medical condition concerns incontinence, I don't see it as a big deal. It may be to you in that you have to learn how to live with it, but your kids must eventually learn about accepting differences in people, and that life is not perfect. I had back surgery when my kids were in grade school and junior high. The surgery left me unable to urinate, so I had to catheterize myself. My wife boiled the catheters so I could use them over and over again, saving on money. My kids had to learn about that and it didn't bother them. It bothered me because it was a miserable way to live. Fortunately everything started working again in about six weeks.

    Kids are resilient and they have the capacity to understand that not all bodies work perfectly. They may think it odd at first, but they will accept it and it will become life as normal. You'd be surprised. My wife had her leg amputated a year ago, and we've adjusted to that as have our grandchildren, age five and seven. Kids can be a lot more accepting than adults. It's all in how things are explained to them. Trust them and this will work out fine.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    The easiest way out of this dilemma would be to wait until one of them discovers some sort of evidence. Then you would have to explain.
    Yeah, I'm for this approach. It naturally establishes a context for the discussion, and also probably puts it off for a while.

    I don't know how old your youngest children are, but if we're talking preschool/kindergarten, then the time is probably not right for discussing diapers with them. At those ages, children are starting to understand what might embarrass them, but have really no sense of what might embarrass another person, and telling them that something is secret only adds interest and makes it more likely to be shared. Opening them up to "your dad wears diapers!" on the playground seems avoidable. At ages 8, 9, 10+... I'd be a lot less worried.

  4. #4

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    They will eventually find out my kids knew they had all ways seen the bags of diapers but they never questioned it never asked. They just knew dad wore.

  5. #5

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    I would not say anything unless they asked. Don't flaunt them around but just wear them as you would underwear..... you know... under clothing and sleep with shorts of PJs on.

    If they did ask, just say you have a medical condition but it is nothing they have to worry about.

  6. #6

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    ... I think each of the responses to your post so far is all excellent advice.

    As a parent myself and having raised 3 children (two still at home, with one technically now an adult and another in mid-teens), I can say I understand your concern. However, as I am not incontinent, my situation is indeed different. In my case, I have hidden my diaper wearing completely and will continue to do so. For in my situation, I have a choice as to whether I wear or not, and the reasons for wearing are quite different indeed.

    However, if I may share my thoughts on the situation if I were incontinent, the way I feel I would handle this would be somewhat different. While I wouldn't come out and openly share with them out of the blue, I would not go to great lengths to hide it. For I am just considering this situation and thinking that it would almost be impossible to hide this from them as they grow older. I think of situations that I share with my children and are important to me, such as going camping, vacations, hiking, swimming, or other similar activities, it is eventually going to be discovered. Regardless of how hard it may be to hide it, things happen. Let's face it,you can wear the best diapers money can buy and even have secondary protection such as plastic pants, but leaks can and do happen (depending upon your level of incontinence --no pun intended). That alone is going to be a give away.

    And just another thought that comes to mind... Having raised three children, I know of the curious nature of children, if they can find hidden Christmas presents, they are going to find your supply of diapers or evidence of used diapers at some point if you are using them 24/7.

    So, this being the case, I am thinking that the whole subject of being incontinent may be a subject more easily explained when they are younger rather than in mid-teens. When kids become teenagers, a lot of things tend to be more awkward or embarrassing than when they are younger.

    The younger a child is, the more likely that they will just see something like this as no big deal. It is just something that Daddy or Mommy has to take care of. I can't imagine that it would be much different than when children, girls or boys, learn about women having to wear pads or tampons for their menstrual periods. I can remember when I first learned about it (which was actually when I was twelve), and while it was unexpected, I didn't think much of it. I just accepted that it was part of what women have to do. I honestly don't think that at ten or twelve I would have thought much different if my Dad had been incontinent and wore diapers and I found out about it. But even if I was 15 or 16, it wouldn't have been a big deal, as I loved my Dad and I would have accepted that he needed them for a medical reason and never thought less of him for this need.

    My advice for the OP is to not stress over this. Let things happen in their natural course. Don't be ashamed or go to great lengths to try to hide your wearing of diapers. But when the time comes and the question is asked (or if there is a situation where you either know this has been discovered or that you will not be able to hide it because of something such as going on a backpacking trip or the like), be open and share this with them. It may actually be easier to explain up front than going through the whole mind process of wondering if they know and being self conscious in a situation like that.

    Bottom line, there is no reason to be embarrassed about this. I am certain your children will understand. Go with what your heart tells you to do.

    Best wishes,

    Teddy Bear Cowboy

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBearCowboy View Post
    ... I think each of the responses to your post so far is all excellent advice.

    As a parent myself and having raised 3 children (two still at home, with one technically now an adult and another in mid-teens), I can say I understand your concern. However, as I am not incontinent, my situation is indeed different. In my case, I have hidden my diaper wearing completely and will continue to do so. For in my situation, I have a choice as to whether I wear or not, and the reasons for wearing are quite different indeed.

    And just another thought that comes to mind... Having raised three children, I know of the curious nature of children, if they can find hidden Christmas presents, they are going to find your supply of diapers or evidence of used diapers at some point if you are using them 24/7.

    Teddy Bear Cowboy
    Hi Teddy Bear Cowboy

    I'm curious. I have two boys coming up to being teenagers. I have my diapers in a cupboard, but I know my eldest is already starting to rummage for Christmas presents as you say. How did you hide your diapers well enough or did you just stop during their teenage years?

    Thanks

  8. #8

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    i did they was in plain sight never and any problems

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by babymt View Post
    Hi Teddy Bear Cowboy

    I'm curious. I have two boys coming up to being teenagers. I have my diapers in a cupboard, but I know my eldest is already starting to rummage for Christmas presents as you say. How did you hide your diapers well enough or did you just stop during their teenage years?

    Thanks

    It is called creativity and locks... definitely locks...

    But seriously, I have gone to great lengths to hide my diapers and baby paraphernalia --including the attic, which is not accessible except through the garage and a tall ladder. It is not an attic that would be expected to have storage either, it is just the attic with insulation and the rafters. So there is no reason to try to access it.

    Then for practical purposes, as every time I wear a diaper I am not going to go to the attic, I do keep a stash locked in a small safe in my room. This is where I typically keep them as well as other AB items. It is large enough to keep enough on hand so I don't normally have to trudge to the attic frequently.

    In addition, (and you might all find this next comment strange or extreme...) but I got frustrated with having my kids constantly use the private master bathroom and leaving things a mess. In addition, when they got big enough, they were constantly stealing my socks, shirts, and other clothes for their own use. While I preached and implored them that they had their own clothes and taught them the complicated and rocket science technique of using the washing machine, the mystery of my missing clothes and other items still continued. Finally, I purchased electronic keypad locks for my bedroom. Hence, the bedrooms are locked as well.

    If that seems extreme, well, then I guess you must not be living with teenagers in the 21st century.

    This seems to have solved the solution as they got older and more stealthy. And trust me, they can sure as heck be stealthy!!! -- For instance, I have had pretty strict rules as to when and how the internet is accessed. This is controlled by an administrator password where I can set the times when they can access the internet by all of their devices. Well, even though I feel I have really good kids, I still caught them using a hidden video camera trying to capture me typing in the password.

    Who needs spies when you have teenagers?

    I share this simply to note that if you really want to keep your wearing diapers and/or AB pastime a secret, then you have to be pretty clever or I guarantee you will be discovered.

    This leads back to the OP question about whether to disclose or not disclose the wearing of diapers when they are truly incontinent.

    -- In this case, if I was incontinent and had to wear 24/7, I strongly feel that it isn't something you should try to hide, but be prepared to discuss it when it is discovered. My feelings are that this is probably when children are younger rather than older. When kids become teenagers, there is this twilight zone where often such topics become more awkward. They are in-between looking up to parents as magicians and "all-knowing" and that period when they as children then "know everything".

    Not all children experience this, but from my own experience, if I was having to wear 24/7 because of being incontinent, I believe that I would want to share this with them before they became teenagers. I truly believe that it would be less of an issue than having this discovered or trying to explain during the 13 to 17 year old stage. That is the time that perhaps would be the most awkward to explain.

    I again emphasize that as I do not HAVE to wear, I have found (and firmly believe) that keeping it hidden is the better option than explaining I wear because I simply enjoy it. Regardless of age, I think that would be very difficult indeed to explain and to be honest... it is none of their business.

    There is your five minute explanation to your one minute question. Hope that might be of some help.



    Teddy Bear Cowboy

  10. #10

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    I think you're right. You should tell them. Before you tell them though. you are going to have to convince your wife that it is the right thing to do. A married couple should be in agreement about what to do especially with the children. I also think now is the time to tell. You say the oldest is ten. This would be a good age to tell them. Old enough to understand but not in the awkward teenage years. They should know and I think if you wait they'll be resentful not being told. My parents and family kept health stuff from me and I found it hurtful

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