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Thread: Life and it's Issues

  1. #1
    MarchinBunny

    Default Life and it's Issues

    Ok, so this is going to be a very ... very mature topic. NO .. not sexual >.>. I mean it may have some thoughts that others will not like and it's going to require a lot of maturity to talk about. So please, if you don't think you can respond with a mature response, don't respond at all.

    Ok, there are many people here who have had a hard time with their lives. In fact some people have gone through some really crazy things, which has caused issues for that person. Like depression, split personality, PTSD, or what have you.

    The main goal of this topic is for me to understand it a bit better. I try not to go into to much detail about myself here, and even try to not mention the things I have been through. It's always been my thought process that it is best to keep those things to myself, and not burden others with it. However, the things I have been through has left me a bit cold, and I lost most of my sympathy .. assuming I even have any left. I have extreme difficulty understanding why people feel the way they do, and why they go through such issues when bad things happen.

    When bad things happen to me, I may get upset for a few minutes. But then I typically just shrug it off and it's whatever for me. Many people have said I am a happy go lucky kind of person, but I feel they are wrong as I do care about the future, I just don't let the past haunt me, and I leave it as the past. There is nothing I can do about something that already happened.

    Anyway, people go through some stuff .. that from my perspective at times is nothing, it's just ok ... big deal. Yet they have a difficult time with it. I try not to get involved in any of these threads that mention peoples lives as if they are going through something difficult because ... I just don't understand it. I don't want to piss anyone off by mistake by questioning them. It's not my place to do so.

    However, that doesn't stop me from wondering, why people seem so fragile. Why do they hurt so easily? Now, I have been on the side of being depressed and suicidal, but I got over it. Not because I got help from anyone, but because I just felt like it doesn't matter. Just ignore it, and move on. Can't dwell on things you can't fix. One of my therapists was actually pretty freaked out about it and was concerned. He told me he was trying to get emotional reactions out of me but he could not, and he believes I have locked certain emotions away.

    Now ... I don't know if I believe that or not ... but I suppose it would make sense. Maybe it explains why I don't understand people, or why they let the little things bother them so much.


    Anyway, it's a weird topic and would like to hear others thoughts on this. How do you guys typically feel when you hear someones sob story? Their life's story? Does it make you feel sad? Angry? Emotional at all? For me ... I look at these stories ... and I don't get it. Who cares is what I usually think, usually with a roll of the eyes. It's not that I don't care about people either, I do care about people ... i just really don't care much about their minuscule problems. I feel like everyone has problems, some people just decide not to go around telling everyone.

    So is it ... that I am actually without sympathy. Am I a jerk? Am I mean? I have actually lost friends due to being like this. Even though from my perspective, I was only being honest with them.

  2. #2

    Default

    Have you always been this way, or were you more sensitive in the past?

    It could be that you are happy with where your life is at right now (or fairly content), and since you have been through some things yourself, you look at other experiences and just automatically think, "i've been through something like that, and I got through it, they will be fine."

    For me when I see somebody talking about their problems, I do sometimes lack emotion, I guess I also lack emotion for a lot of things just because I got tired of being sad from family drama and personal livelihood fears. I still will see a post sometimes and feel really bad for a person and what they are going through, especially if they sound like they are contemplating suicide. A lot of the time though, it is a feeling of concern, wanting to say something and hope that the problem goes away. I don't get teary eyed over very much very often. I guess a lot of my concern comes from a hope that one day AB/DL's will have a more understanding world to grow up in, and when I see an AB/DL going through directly related problems, it bothers me, because the world isn't any better.

    A lot of the time too, it is hard to know what a person even needs to hear, because there is just so much that I haven't experienced in my life. Sometimes I just look briefly at a post and say, "Somebody else here will probably have a good answer for that," and then move on, because I don't have anything helpful to say.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hmm, I don't know if I should comment on this but here goes....

    Two years ago I lost my wife suddenly. It was very traumatic for me. Since then I have been more emotional not less. I don't care if others see an old man cry or not.

    My wife on the other hand had gone through a similar traumatic event with her first husband before I knew her. She did not cry and would not cry. I could never get her to let go of the pent up emotions she held in. I some ways I feel that contribute to her early death.

  4. #4
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Have you always been this way, or were you more sensitive in the past?
    Good question. I used to be overly sensitive as a kid. Would cry about everything. I also used to be very concerned about other people and their feelings. Would try to help however I could. I still like helping people, but I have a harder time connecting with people now and understanding them.



    It could be that you are happy with where your life is at right now (or fairly content), and since you have been through some things yourself, you look at other experiences and just automatically think, "i've been through something like that, and I got through it, they will be fine."
    Not likely the case, as most of my life even up to now has always been going down hill. It would be like moving forward 1 step and then moving back 2 steps. XD I just got used to things not working out ... I expect it now. So ... I would say I am far from happy and far from where I would like to be.



    For me when I see somebody talking about their problems, I do sometimes lack emotion, I guess I also lack emotion for a lot of things just because I got tired of being sad from family drama and personal livelihood fears. I still will see a post sometimes and feel really bad for a person and what they are going through, especially if they sound like they are contemplating suicide. A lot of the time though, it is a feeling of concern, wanting to say something and hope that the problem goes away. I don't get teary eyed over very much very often. I guess a lot of my concern comes from a hope that one day AB/DL's will have a more understanding world to grow up in, and when I see an AB/DL going through directly related problems, it bothers me, because the world isn't any better.
    See, I don't think like that. I generally just end up thinking I don't like the post and move on while ignoring it letting everyone else deal with it. I don't feel bad, I just think something like "This post is ridiculous." I actually find myself getting irritated with them. I really don't know how normal that is, to get irritated by it.



    A lot of the time too, it is hard to know what a person even needs to hear, because there is just so much that I haven't experienced in my life. Sometimes I just look briefly at a post and say, "Somebody else here will probably have a good answer for that," and then move on, because I don't have anything helpful to say.
    I have seen threads about very similar situations that I am in or have been in. So it's not like I don't understand ... I just find their reactions to these things are just way over the top, or the negative effects it caused them just seems so odd. Almost to the point where it's so hard to believe them. I begin thinking they are just looking for attention and actually didn't go through being suicidal. Now obviously ... I wouldn't say that, because I can't know for sure and it's wrong to just accuse someone like that. But that is how much I don't get it.

    I have come across many transgender individuals such as myself. Many of them are almost absurdly depressed, and I just can't connect with that even though I am transgender too.



    Quote Originally Posted by Moonshot View Post
    Hmm, I don't know if I should comment on this but here goes....

    Two years ago I lost my wife suddenly. It was very traumatic for me. Since then I have been more emotional not less. I don't care if others see an old man cry or not.

    My wife on the other hand had gone through a similar traumatic event with her first husband before I knew her. She did not cry and would not cry. I could never get her to let go of the pent up emotions she held in. I some ways I feel that contribute to her early death.
    Sorry to hear. I am not sure how I would react to a situation like that. The only experience I have is family members dying, like my dad, think it was like 4 years ago .. or 5. Don't remember. o.o Could have been 6 years ago. Don't really keep track of these things.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    Good question. I used to be overly sensitive as a kid. Would cry about everything. I also used to be very concerned about other people and their feelings. Would try to help however I could. I still like helping people, but I have a harder time connecting with people now and understanding them.



    Not likely the case, as most of my life even up to now has always been going down hill. It would be like moving forward 1 step and then moving back 2 steps. XD I just got used to things not working out ... I expect it now. So ... I would say I am far from happy and far from where I would like to be.



    See, I don't think like that. I generally just end up thinking I don't like the post and move on while ignoring it letting everyone else deal with it. I don't feel bad, I just think something like "This post is ridiculous." I actually find myself getting irritated with them. I really don't know how normal that is, to get irritated by it.



    I have seen threads about very similar situations that I am in or have been in. So it's not like I don't understand ... I just find their reactions to these things are just way over the top, or the negative effects it caused them just seems so odd. Almost to the point where it's so hard to believe them. I begin thinking they are just looking for attention and actually didn't go through being suicidal. Now obviously ... I wouldn't say that, because I can't know for sure and it's wrong to just accuse someone like that. But that is how much I don't get it.

    I have come across many transgender individuals such as myself. Many of them are almost absurdly depressed, and I just can't connect with that even though I am transgender too.

    Hmm, well maybe it is just kind of a "i'm done crying" type of a thing. Maybe you learned that it was easier for you to go through life not hurting, than it was to contemplate the pain, and by that, maybe you don't relate because you have shut off that part of your mind. I don't know though, I mean, I can kind of relate, but not entirely, I went through some pretty dramatic stuff, and it made me way less able to be mournful about things, and way less trusting of people.

  6. #6
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Hmm, well maybe it is just kind of a "i'm done crying" type of a thing. Maybe you learned that it was easier for you to go through life not hurting, than it was to contemplate the pain, and by that, maybe you don't relate because you have shut off that part of your mind. I don't know though, I mean, I can kind of relate, but not entirely, I went through some pretty dramatic stuff, and it made me way less able to be mournful about things, and way less trusting of people.
    Well ya, that is essentially what the therapist told me. But that was 10 years ago.

  7. #7

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    You don't have to feel the same as everyone else. Other people don't have to feel the same as you. No one has the "right" or "wrong" emotional response, and feeling one way or another about something doesn't make you a better or a worse person.

    It sounds like you don't have strong emotional reactions to negative things that happen to you - that's fine, in some ways that's probably been useful for you. Obviously, as you've noticed, not everyone is like that. It doesn't make anyone better or worse, just different.

    Why do you think it's wrong for people to tell others about their problems? If people don't talk about problems they have with themselves, they can't get help. If people don't talk about problems they see around them, they wont get fixed.

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle View Post
    You don't have to feel the same as everyone else. Other people don't have to feel the same as you. No one has the "right" or "wrong" emotional response, and feeling one way or another about something doesn't make you a better or a worse person.
    Right, I agree. However, I just feel like in my case I happen to be rather on the extreme end of it.



    It sounds like you don't have strong emotional reactions to negative things that happen to you - that's fine, in some ways that's probably been useful for you. Obviously, as you've noticed, not everyone is like that. It doesn't make anyone better or worse, just different.
    I used too, not exactly sure when it changed. Also, just want to point out that I never made any claims whether people where better or worse.



    Why do you think it's wrong for people to tell others about their problems? If people don't talk about problems they have with themselves, they can't get help. If people don't talk about problems they see around them, they wont get fixed.
    I don't think it's particularly wrong. I just don't like to bother people with my issues. I also think in many cases a problem isn't a concern enough to make it other peoples issue. Obviously if you are going through a tough time, talking is a great thing to do. I just don't typically quiet understand why some peoples reactions are just so ... over dramatic.

    Keeping in mind, as far as I can tell ... being over dramatic seems to be the usual. I am the odd one out lol. XD

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    So is it ... that I am actually without sympathy. Am I a jerk? Am I mean? I have actually lost friends due to being like this. Even though from my perspective, I was only being honest with them.
    I'm wondering... ok so you often don't feel sympathy for people if you think their problems aren't "serious" enough, but can you remember examples of when you have felt moved by hearing about someone suffering from what you of as a serious problem? What about when people are happy? Do you feel happy for other people when they get good news? Do you see people and think they are enjoying things "too much" if it's only a small thing?

  10. #10
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle View Post
    I'm wondering... ok so you often don't feel sympathy for people if you think their problems aren't "serious" enough, but can you remember examples of when you have felt moved by hearing about someone suffering from what you of as a serious problem? What about when people are happy? Do you feel happy for other people when they get good news? Do you see people and think they are enjoying things "too much" if it's only a small thing?
    In tv shows and anime maybe ... but no one in real life. I don't think I have ever met anyone who had a serious enough problem. Typically it all just seems so small to me. It's like ... I feel they have a great life and they are taking just a very small portion of it, and make it into something bigger than it should be.

    As for people being happy. I love it. Another persons smile makes me smile. Heck ... seeing people happy can even make me tear up. I like it. Wish there was more of it =^.^=!
    Now if they are overjoyed too much about something small ... no .. it doesn't typically bother me unless I am jealous XD. Like if they get something hello kitty ... and I want it. Then their joy brings me pain XD. Just a joke ... it doesn't actually bring me pain lol.

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