I haven't posted on an abdl forum in probably 8-10 years. I used to be a regular at the abdl story forum. Some of you may recognize my handle. If so, hi.
The reason for the hiatus is that I've found that excessive thinking about diapers is a problem in my life. Too much dwelling on it leads me either to look for abdl porn or create abdl porn in my head. I don't believe either is healthy (I have pretty conservative views on sexuality--I think sex was created for marriage, and fantasies or porn just create unrealistic expectations for marriage--but this thread is not really about that, so I don't mean to start a fight).
At any rate, a few months ago, I got married to a non-abdl. She understands that I have a diaper fetish (DL all the way), but she definitely is not interested. She hasn't drawn any lines in the sand ("I will never do. . . " or "you can never do. . . "), but she also thinks is weird (no shock there), and she has no real attraction to it.
I love my wife a lot, and I want to share my entire sexuality with her. As diapers are a purely sexual thing for me, I'm not going to engage in any diaper play (and try to avoid diaper fantasies) without her. But she's also not into it.
I've done some internet searching on how to live with a diaper fetish and a non-abdl spouse, but I find that the posts tend to be focused on how to get the non-abdl spouse to not freak out about the diaper play that the abdl spouse is going to engage in anyways, whether the non-abdl spouse likes it or not. Bonus points for somewhat getting her (it's usually a her) to participate.
But I don't like that way of thinking. It seems to be extremely selfish. I don't want my sexuality to be all about fulfilling my needs. I want it to be about connecting to my wife and fulfilling her needs. So for me, diaper play is either something we do together or I don't do at all. Anything solo is going to be self-focused. And if we do it together, it has to be in a way that is somewhat fulfilling to her, not just something I've guilted her into. Again, the latter is just going to be selfish. If we can't do diaper play in a way that's fulfilling for her, I don't want to do it at all (which will require a lot of self-control and self-denial--I think keeping our marriage bed other-focused is worth the self-denial if it has to be that way, but it's obviously not my preference).
tl;dr: I married a non-abdl woman, she's great but has no interest in diapers.
With that in mind, I want to know if anybody has advice about how to get a non-abdl interested in diaper play. Like I said, the abdl equivalent of "close your eyes and think of England" isn't an option here. It's either something we enjoy together or we don't do. Now I don't expect her to become a full-blown DL like I am, but that doesn't necessarily preclude finding something diaper-related that is mutually enjoyable as a change of pace.
So I guess the main questions are these:
(1) Has anyone managed to engage in diaper play with a non-abdl partner that both parties actually enjoyed? If so, are there any ideas you'd be willing to share?
(2) I know most DLs are guys. To any of the ladies out there, would you be willing to share anything diaper-related that is a particular turn-on (especially physical pleasures)? Obviously, my wife is a unique woman, and what works for you won't necessarily work for her. But I have no first-person knowledge of female sexuality at all, so I'm going to get a more educated opinion from somewhat who (to put it bluntly) has a vagina than I am from my own imagination.
(a little background information: I can really go either way as far as being the diaperer or diaperee, but my wife dated one too many immature guys to be anything but turned off by the idea of me wearing. So any exploration we even think of doing would likely involve her wearing. I'd also love to do a kind of fetish trade, where I engage her weird fantasy one day and she engages my weird fantasy another. But she doesn't have any weird fantasies, so no luck there.)
And I hope this goes without saying, but there will be discussion before anything gets tried (if anything gets tried). I'm not going to spring something on her out of the blue. Just wanted to get any insight from people who have personal experience.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading.