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Thread: Flashbacks? of past.

  1. #1

    Default Flashbacks? of past.

    Next year I'm going to start seeing my psychologist again.

    I've had a increase of flashbacks, just random events of bullying, just like I'm reliving the moment, I remember seeing my hand get finger sliced open and seeing blood pouring out, and running for help, It comes back to me like it was just yesterday and causes me some distress and makes me slightly uncomfortable, worst part is, its that all my bullying comes back in one way or another its like a part of me unintentionally tries to repress itself.

    Right now I feel like crying, but this is unusual because I don't often feel emotion this intense, I do feel emotion, but I'm too deep in thought to care about it.

    It's like reliving the moment of it happening, its so clear like It just occurred to me, why does this keep coming back to me.

    I often don't feel emotion, but at times I'm full of emotion, is my body trying to repress my emotions unintentionally?

    It's never been a issue for me until the last year or so, maybe my brain has just processed the trauma, at the time no one cared, no one bothered to make sure I was fine, I felt like passing out, at the time I felt nothing, I remember having to have my finger bandaged, it was a awful experience, but felt nothing none the less, but when I have the flashback, I feel intense emotion, that I didn't have at the time, It's weird I don't know why I feel like crying about this.

    A lot of my bullying involved blood, lots of pain from people kicking, tripping me over, people who were my friends running away from me, threatening to hurt me, telling me to stick up for myself, yet when I do, I get threatened just because it was one of there friends.

    Is my brain trying to make sense of my past, its weird and makes me sad.

    I often get panic attacks when I get into arguments and feel like the person is going to hurt me, abuse me or get back at me in some way, and there sole purpose is to betray and to hurt me, no clue why, its often irrational, but knowing my past I don't blame my brain.

    Sorry about opening up about myself more often though I appericate the advice, I'm just opening up so it helps get it off my chest.

    Also these flashbacks occur quote often, mostly daily in some way shape or form, sometimes every couple days, depends how distracted I am.
    Last edited by Shybug; 27-Dec-2015 at 16:28. Reason: additional information

  2. #2


    I conserve some early memories, mostly not related with violence. Real hell for me was basic schol. Most of them is related with paci. The oldest ? +/- whne I'd 20 months, I guess. Maybe there's hidden my trigger, but finally I needn't to investigate it. Lot of abused people tends to mentally regress in some grade. What I can't explain is how it'd turn into sexual kink (me.)

  3. #3


    I'm sorry that you had to go through that, it is a really good idea to go to a therapist to talk about it. It may also be good to see if you can find a local support group of at some time that deals with things like PTSD or abuse or something of that nature.

    The truth is, what you went through doesn't really make sense, because there is no reason why you would deserve it. Teenagers can be vicious, sometimes they are just transferring their anger onto others because of their own personal pain either in the home, or from themselves (not being good enough, etc). Normal people in society outside of high school aren't vicious like high-schoolers. Sometimes colleges can be, but for the most part, bullying isn't a consistent, persistent thing outside of high school. For the most part, when somebody is rude, it is because you caught them on a bad day.

    Violent actions like what you went through, in normal society is considered illegal, now that you are coming into the adult world, people have to be more responsible for their actions, and tend to be more responsible. Yes, there are always terrible people out there, but there are way more people that you can feel safe around.

    I never suffered like you did, but I did get some bullying during middle school for being really tall, my pants never made it down to my shoes. The guy who bullied me also happened to be in the same youth group I was in, and the group as a whole went on a canoe trip. I ended up being in the same boat as him, and the trip was kind of excruciating for all of us. In the end we had something that united us because we all joked about how terrible a lot of the trip was. It was a weird dynamic, but after that point we stopped being enemies, and we kind of grew up, now we are kind of friends.

    My point is, my bully was actually a nice guy when I got to know him, and it just took us getting past growing pains of childhood and having something to relate over. I wouldn't suggest that you get buddy buddy with your abusers, but I'd suggest understanding that young people are a mess of hormones and group mentality drones. In reality, those people will probably grow up and change drastically, and humanity as a whole certainly has grown up and become more respectful of others.

    I hope that one day you will be able to feel safer and find some really great people you can trust. You don't deserve anything that you went through, and I know you can make it.

  4. #4


    I actually think Tyger has some really good advice here. I used to get bullied on a lot, in fact just as bad probably. I also do want to add, that sticking up for yourself does actually work. Now I don't mean like trying to confront them and bully them back, but brushing it off and laughing. Showing them you don't care, and trying to befriend them. I think at some point if you have something to talk about with them, they will feel less inclined to bully you.

    There was never a point that didn't work for me. So I ended up becoming friends with most bullies eventually. Course I learned that much later down the road. Wish I knew it back in elementary school.

    Now as for the flashbacks ... I never had that happen to me, so I can't help in that specific area. I would suggest though going to see a psychologist. It's always best to get professional help.

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