Are my feelings about messy diapers normal?

Okay, so, lately I've been finding myself more and more attracted to messy diapers. It's a comfort thing, but I think a little bit more than that, it turns me on. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know that I enjoy it....I really enjoy it....but at the same time, I just don't know how to feel. And I don't understand why I get turned on by it. Could it be something psychological? From childhood experiences, perhaps?

My girlfriend and I will do these online roleplays when we both want to..erm...you know...masturbate. (She lives in Scotland, while I'm in the US.) The roleplays almost always have to do with me messing my diaper, hiding and in a squat...y'know, like a real toddler, and getting caught. The otherwise, cringe-worthy (to me) word "poopy" starts to become an incredible turn-on. Literally, when I'm turned on like that, all I want to do, all I want to think about, is making my diaper good and full. I don't understand why I find the word(s), the act, and the roleplay's scenario, to be so erotic for me.

As soon as the "deed" has been done, and I am sitting there, feeling sweaty and exhausted, I start to feel pretty disgusted with myself. Sometimes, I tell myself, "Okay, I'm not going to do that again." But sometimes, even the next day, I'll be wanting to go back to it. We've probably done a hundred of these RPs, by now. I've gotten my girlfriend quite into it, as well.

I sometimes feel so babyish, that I will find a messy diaper to feel comforting, it'll help me feel more like a real baby. And I think that's okay, but babies certainly don't masturbate, and I'm a little concerned. I don't want to become aroused by every future messy diaper I make. I feel like a really weird person (not the good weird.)

So I guess my question would be: Why do you think I have these feelings? Do you think they're just like normal (on the contrary!) healthy fantasies, that most humans get?

Ok I know we're your comeing from I have that same feeling tho I don't do it all the time. If you feel but that's just me. Usually instead of poop I'll take a diaper fill it with water then rip it apart and the contents are just as good as poop without that disgusted feeling.honestly if you feels it's too much cut back you know your self better than any one. Any ways hope this helps

For the longest time, I had this issue with pretty much the entire thing. Wetting my pants, the bed, diapers. I would beat myself up over it after I did it and try my best to not do it again. I would really get disgusted with myself. Also, at the time I really didn't understand it all that much or why I liked it.

I still don't understand why I like it, but I am a lot more accepting of it now. At some point I realized it's not really all that big of a deal. It's not harming anyone, and I enjoy it ... so what's the problem?

I know I love it!!! There really is something erotic to some of us about the warmth, the feeling of soft and squishy... I don't really know why... but you are FAR FAR FAR from alone with it... If the fact that it's poop is what disgusts you... then perhaps try something else like oatmeal/ noodles/ whipped icing/ bananas...etc

MustardFairy said:

Okay, so, lately I've been finding myself more and more attracted to messy diapers. It's a comfort thing, but I think a little bit more than that, it turns me on. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know that I enjoy it....I really enjoy it....but at the same time, I just don't know how to feel. And I don't understand why I get turned on by it. Could it be something psychological? From childhood experiences, perhaps?

My girlfriend and I will do these online roleplays when we both want to..erm...you know...masturbate. (She lives in Scotland, while I'm in the US.) The roleplays almost always have to do with me messing my diaper, hiding and in a squat...y'know, like a real toddler, and getting caught. The otherwise, cringe-worthy (to me) word "poopy" starts to become an incredible turn-on. Literally, when I'm turned on like that, all I want to do, all I want to think about, is making my diaper good and full. I don't understand why I find the word(s), the act, and the roleplay's scenario, to be so erotic for me.

As soon as the "deed" has been done, and I am sitting there, feeling sweaty and exhausted, I start to feel pretty disgusted with myself. Sometimes, I tell myself, "Okay, I'm not going to do that again." But sometimes, even the next day, I'll be wanting to go back to it. We've probably done a hundred of these RPs, by now. I've gotten my girlfriend quite into it, as well.

I sometimes feel so babyish, that I will find a messy diaper to feel comforting, it'll help me feel more like a real baby. And I think that's okay, but babies certainly don't masturbate, and I'm a little concerned. I don't want to become aroused by every future messy diaper I make. I feel like a really weird person (not the good weird.)

So I guess my question would be: Why do you think I have these feelings? Do you think they're just like normal (on the contrary!) healthy fantasies, that most humans get?

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Ok so some bullet point responses:

1. Yes it is psychological, almost certainly from a childhood experience. If you don't remember which one, it doesn't matter, if you do think you remember a candidate, well that doesn't really make a difference, you're probably stuck with it.
2. You've probably heard of the binge-purge cycle, well, this is another form of it... post-climax, without the arousal to mask the disgust you will feel badly about what you've done and what you enjoy.
3. Actually babies (or rather toddlers) do masturbate until they're taught not to, or at least taught not to do it in front of others.

It's difficult to say how far kink sexuality is the same as "normal" sexuality... my guess is it's probably the same kind of experience a lot of people have with "normal" sexuality, except that you feel shame because your fetish involves an activity that both naturally triggers a disgust response and involves doing something you've been taught to consider shameful.

Regarding the why question... It is, as far as anyone knows, impossible to say why exactly you find messing your diapers a turn on. Even if it were possible to say why that is the case, that would not in itself make it possible for you to stop being turned on by this. If there was some way to stop being an ABDL by an effort of will, none of us would be here.

Why do you feel badly about the fact you enjoy messing your diapers? I would say, most likely because it conflicts with what you have been taught (your mom probably put a lot of effort into teaching you not to do that) and it conflicts with your self image (nice, normal person who is kind, helpful, competent adult, and not a freak who gets turned on by weird things)

I used to feel guilty or disgusted with myself about messing my diapers or anything else to do with being an ABDL when I was younger - and maybe I still do somewhat, but I'm growing in self acceptance through the years.

Instead of telling yourself you're not going to do that again, try consider the following...

If you were medically incontinent, would there be something wrong in using a diaper? Ans: No, there would be nothing wrong with it.
Is there anything wrong with feeling sexual desire? Ans: no, there is not.
If you find an emotional comfort in doing something that harms no one else, is it wrong? Ans: no it is not.
So... you have (for whatever reason) an emotional and sexual desire to do something that harms no-one else, is no harm to you, and if another person for another reason it would not be regarded as wrong... so why is there a problem?

The problem comes because of the ingrained notion that sexual desire is not really a legitimate thing to feel, and if you do feel it, this should only be in relation to someone you can procreate with. This is a false idea that belongs to a pre-industrial and pre-contraceptives era - it no longer has any functional purpose, but it still lurks in the shadows of a lot of what we think about sexuality.

In truth there is nothing wrong with enjoying something sexually, even if it has nothing to do with the man + woman = baby equation. The only thing you need to worry about is causing other people pain. If you are not doing that, enjoy what you enjoy.

Messing isn't really my thing - although I've yet to really fill a diaper - but what you describe doesn't really sound unusual to me. It's a fetish, and fetishes can seem weird, and hard to explain. We really don't know what causes them.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ''babies don't masturbate'' part, because it's not entirely true. Little kids do explore their bodies, and I was masturbating regularly by about four or five years old, believe it or not. I seemed to develop my fetish for pee/training pants/potty training right around the same time, so my best guess is that when I was discovering pleasuring myself, I was exposed to something... an episode of Rugrats, a commercial for Pull-Ups... and thus a fetish was born.

So you really shouldn't trouble yourself too much trying to figure out why you feel the way you do towards messing. Fetishes are just quirky little parts of human sexuality.

KimbaStarshine said:

Messing isn't really my thing - although I've yet to really fill a diaper - but what you describe doesn't really sound unusual to me. It's a fetish, and fetishes can seem weird, and hard to explain. We really don't know what causes them.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ''babies don't masturbate'' part, because it's not entirely true. Little kids do explore their bodies, and I was masturbating regularly by about four or five years old, believe it or not. I seemed to develop my fetish for pee/training pants/potty training right around the same time, so my best guess is that when I was discovering pleasuring myself, I was exposed to something... an episode of Rugrats, a commercial for Pull-Ups... and thus a fetish was born.

So you really shouldn't trouble yourself too much trying to figure out why you feel the way you do towards messing. Fetishes are just quirky little parts of human sexuality.

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I honestly had absolutely no idea that toddlers and children masturbated! I find it sort of relieving, because I started to when I was 4 or 5....but I always thought it was just me, and that it was just because I was emotionally damaged from a traumatic incident earlier on.


Holy crap, I feel better, knowing I'm not the only one like this!

When you change a babies' diaper, they will often touch themselves. It's a natural reaction and they know it feels good from a very early age.

I think messing a diaper plays big into regression for adult babies and you'll find there are plenty of members on this site who do it. Masturbation usually creates an interruption to regression and it can take a day or two to have desires peak. Believe me, you're in good company here.

I remember I used to feel the same way about imagining wearing diapers, but I got over those feelings after pleasuring myself a good number of times. Then I felt the same way about wearing diapers. And then wetting diapers. And so on. Each new venture brings about a new round of guilt, but it's completely normal to feel this way, and it's just as normal to act upon your arousal. With time, the feelings of guilt will pass.

zipperless said:

When you change a babies' diaper, they will often touch themselves. It's a natural reaction and they know it feels good from a very early age.

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ODDLY ENOUGH I have never changed a babies' diaper, lol. I was offered to when I was about nine...and I proceeded to run away screaming. :sweatdrop:

MustardFairy said:

ODDLY ENOUGH I have never changed a babies' diaper, lol. I was offered to when I was about nine...and I proceeded to run away screaming. :sweatdrop:

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I never did until I was over 30. lol I saw it done many times.

Uh, that sounds weird. They were/are relatives.

As others have mentioned, you are far from the only person into messing as many other ABDLs enjoy it (myself included). I wouldn't worry too much about masturbating afterwards. I know I felt guilt about all of this when I first started doing this, but eventually, I just kept doing it more, and this sort of guilt and shame just dissolves. Don't worry about it.

Thanks so much to everyone who's responded!
I feel better about this.


(night night!)

Dude I'm with you 100% I find the messy diaper so comforting. Especially the act of messing itself. There's so much pleasure in that. It's quite difficult for me, though. I've only successfully messed a diaper a few times. Usually I'm just unable to do it!

Note said:

Definitely not my thing. I find the whole act uncomfortable and not pleasurable at all. I mean, I'm a little and an AB and I don't see comfort and/or pleasure on the faces of infants/toddlers, and that really speaks to my AB/Little side...

I guess I'm just not that kinky. :/

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I don't think it's a matter of being kinky. I think it has to do with the fact that as we grow we start to see poop and pee as dirty and unclean, so it's natural that we don't want to have our bodies close to it. I was like that but i'm starting to feel more comfortable with messing and staying that way longer than just a couple of minutes.

About feeling pleasure from it, i remember one day in a psychology class in high school the teacher talking about how we feel pleasure from a varied number of things, like eating, sex, cuddling, etc, but also pooping and peeing for example, things people don't usually associate with pleasure. I had never thought about it before but it made sense, from that moment i started remembering and noticing when i would go to the toilet i would feel pleasure/relief, and we all experience that.

It doesn't particurarly give me any sort of sexual arousal to poop in my diapers, but i enjoy doing because it feels more natural as a baby, and i'm starting to have the same attitude as I have with peeing, if i'm wearing diapers and don't plan on taking them off soon i will do it on my diapers.

babysittee said:

Dude I'm with you 100% I find the messy diaper so comforting. Especially the act of messing itself. There's so much pleasure in that. It's quite difficult for me, though. I've only successfully messed a diaper a few times. Usually I'm just unable to do it!

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I only have for real twice, but I know what you mean. Usually I just create a makeshift and make it "feel" messy.

MustardFairy said:

And I don't understand why I get turned on by it. Could it be something psychological? From childhood experiences, perhaps?

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The best scientific evidence we have is that specific sexual desires aren't psychological in origin but come from the biological imprinting process that occurs in our early years. They differ from psychologically acquired traits in that they tend to be stronger and "incurable", meaning they usually last a lifetime and don't go away with psychological treatment. They also differ in that they don't require the reward, punishment, repetition, or trauma generally required for psychologically learned traits, which is why it doesn't seem to make much difference if your childhood was traumatic or pleasant when it comes to unusual sexual desires. Gender identity, sexual orientation, and a wide range of sexual desires, normal and abnormal, are all believed to be imprinted this way.

Drifter said:

The best scientific evidence we have is that specific sexual desires aren't psychological in origin but come from the biological imprinting process that occurs in our early years. They differ from psychologically acquired traits in that they tend to be stronger and "incurable", meaning they usually last a lifetime and don't go away with psychological treatment. They also differ in that they don't require the reward, punishment, repetition, or trauma generally required for psychologically learned traits, which is why it doesn't seem to make much difference if your childhood was traumatic or pleasant when it comes to unusual sexual desires. Gender identity, sexual orientation, and a wide range of sexual desires, normal and abnormal, are all believed to be imprinted.

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As far as I am aware .. gender identity isn't something that is imprinted. Most studies that have been done are closer to linking it to being biological if anything.

Edit: Same with sexual orientation now that I think about it.