Are my feelings about messy diapers normal?

I have a tough time having a bowel movement anywhere - chronic constipation - and although I'm usually babysat once or twice weekly, it's hard to 'time' having a dirty diaper to coincide with the time my nanny spends with me. That said, the messy diaper isn't nearly the turn-on for me that having my dirty diaper changed is!

I remember having a number of messy-pants accidents as a pre-kindergartener and not enjoying them in the least, especially since my parents were very upset and punished me for them. When I first found diapers again as a young adult, the struggle to overcome toilet training and wet occupied me for some months. I'd been an 'active' AB for about a year when I first started talking with my babysitter about whether she'd change a dirty diaper. She agreed to try, and the effort caused her to gag and nearly throw up. I found, however, that I loved the sensation of being wiped clean.

A psychotherapist I talked with told me that enjoying a dirty diaper change was merely a manifestation of my 'rage' against women in general and my mother in particular. I've never thought myself particularly angry with my mom or with women generally, but I agreed that her explanation sounded ... well, rational.

Since it's very difficult for me to have a messy diaper on purpose, I can take it or leave it. If I'm alone, I don't find myself aroused by a wet or dirty diaper. If someone is changing me, on the other hand, I typically enjoy the experience immensely and often relive it in my mind.

In the broad context of what people like, it's not normal at all. In the ABDL community, it's much more so but probably still not quite the norm. I think it's really asking the wrong question. It's not harmful, since you're not pushing your poopy diaper on the unwilling. It is fulfilling a normal human need/desire but in an unconventional way. I'd say as long as you are keeping it in the right situations, you're fine. Weird, like a lot of other folks, but fine.

I can relate to this although I don't really experience it much any more, after the experience of a couple of longer sessions of 24/7 wear helped me untangle the pleasure of using my nappy from other sources of enjoyment. The great thing about 24/7 is that it removes the urgency to 'make the most' of padded time, which always seemed to be in mind when it was a special 'naughty' indulgence reserved for specific times and places. Knowing that I'd be in a nappy tonight, tomorrow and for ever more if I wanted, made it less important to 'synchronise' the various physical pleasures, so if nothing else the post-orgasm lassitude is less likely to put a damper on having a messy nappy because the chances are I've already done any messes that need doing long before bedtime. After a while, I began to notice that even if I did make a mess while engaged in some kind of erotic play, the negative feelings were much milder and soon dispelled by the fun and interest of changing.

Disgust is likely a form of shame, it is for me anyway. As children we are judged/shamed as a way to control our behavior. The culture does it, adults do it, and teachers and parents. We internalize all that (believe it on some level) so in effect we are shaming ourselves. The more we can step out of these beliefs, look at the big picture, the more free we are. Self judgement will be chipped away at, piece by piece.

sbmccue said:

A psychotherapist I talked with told me that enjoying a dirty diaper change was merely a manifestation of my 'rage' against women in general and my mother in particular. I've never thought myself particularly angry with my mom or with women generally, but I agreed that her explanation sounded ... well, rational.

Click to expand...

How long ago was this? The reason I'm asking is just that I'm kind of curious if Freudian analysis is still in vogue.

Also, if you don't mind, was she talking generically about the enjoyment of diaper changes being a manifestation of rage against women, or was this meant to be specific to your case? I apologize if this is too personal - no need for you to respond if it is.

Hi Drifter;

This was in the late 1980s, as I recall ... I think she thought my infantilism was an expression of "rage" against my mother in particular and women in general. She struck me (at the time) as pretty conservative, and I tried very hard to avoid taking her pronouncements on board. I think the point she was trying to make was that making a mess in my diaper and expecting a woman to change and clean me was a manifestation of deep-seated anger at my mom.

I haven't been to a therapist since then, since I have one or two better uses for money.

Since I've been an active AB (with babysitters) for 30 years now, I've had the opportunity to experience dirty diaper changes with a number of women. Some have just cleaned me up without much fuss, while others have clearly been revolted. I remember one lady feeding me a bottle of juice when it became evident that I was sitting on more than my pants. This was her first time to change me, although she had diapered me about an hour earlier. Anyway, she just asked me if I could hold the bottle on my own while she cleaned me up. I much prefer that sort of response.

Thanks. That reaffirms my belief that psychology is moving away from what I consider to be Freudian fairy tales.

Drifter said:

Thanks. That reaffirms my belief that psychology is moving away from what I consider to be Freudian fairy tales.

Click to expand...

The thing I did not understand at the time - and still don't get, to be honest - was what this "diagnosis" was supposed to do for me. Maybe it was all designed around the hope that I would book future sessions to discuss my anger, resentment or rage. When I walked out, I felt like I'd been to a chiropractor (with no offense to chiros, who seem to be wonderful people for the most part) and that I was expected back again ... and again ... and again.

Back then, I was just a young professional under a lot of stress who relaxed by being babied and having his pants changed. I did not necessarily need (nor did I expect) an in-depth analysis of the inner turmoil I'd obviously done such a good job of hiding from myself.

sbmccue said:

The thing I did not understand at the time - and still don't get, to be honest - was what this "diagnosis" was supposed to do for me. Maybe it was all designed around the hope that I would book future sessions to discuss my anger, resentment or rage. When I walked out, I felt like I'd been to a chiropractor (with no offense to chiros, who seem to be wonderful people for the most part) and that I was expected back again ... and again ... and again.

Back then, I was just a young professional under a lot of stress who relaxed by being babied and having his pants changed. I did not necessarily need (nor did I expect) an in-depth analysis of the inner turmoil I'd obviously done such a good job of hiding from myself.

Click to expand...

The common belief back then was that if you could find a psychological cause for a problem you could begin to cure it. Modern psychology appears, to me, to be moving in the direction of behavior modification geared towards accepting and moving on.